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The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
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pottersues

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

Tags:

4489: Into the Fire - Asteria Dames
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Into the Fire
Perpetrator:
booj2018writer
Sue-O-Meter: Bad
Cover/Banner Art: The cover is part of the castle with the title spalashed on.
Summary:Asteria Dames is the daughter of a well-known auror and a muggle. She was thought to be a Slytherin through and through, but when she is sorted into Gryffindor, everything seems to go along perfectly. Except that she found a strange note in an abandoned corridor. People all around the school began to disappear mysteriously. Asteria's the only one who can figure out what's going on
Full Name: Asteria Dames
Species: I’m not sure what to call this one.
Hair: She’s “a little girl with copper colored hair.”
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: Nothing so far.
Connection to Canon: The only chapter up is her sorting. More specifically, her sorting only involves her sorting. It’s all about her name being called, us getting a brief description of what she looks like and her talking to the sorting hat and getting sorted.
Origin: According to the writer of this fanfic, “I write books that are easier to read and yet for teenagers from ages 13-24.” I think the writer thinks this means super short chapters and super simple plots. This chapter for example is about 250 words, but is so simple it is boring.
Special Abilities: We’re supposed to believe this character is special. After all, she has an entire chapter dedicated to her sorting and her sorting alone. There is also supposed to be a mystery which only she can solve.

Notes: This writer underestimates the intelligence level of thirteen-year-old readers.

Sample:

In her head, she heard a slightly snide male voice, Ah, I see. One who would normally be put into Slytherin, but. . .you don't want that, do you? She bit her lip, shaking her head as she thought. I want to be in Gryffindor like my mom was. The hat paused, going through her head. Crap. She shook her head, not liking that it was hesitating so much.

4488: The Eviternity Chronicle - The newspaper, Edith Nott and James Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: The Eviternity Chronicle
Perpetrator:
God rest ye merry hippogriff
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic (I debated between the awful and toxic rating, but finally decided on the Toxic rating due to the fact the story keeps getting more and more unbelievable, but they also have this
Cover/Banner Art:
Summary:Edith Nott is the co-editor or the well known newspaper The Eviternity Chronicle, which is always being sued. James Potter is a quidditch player trying to prove that he his not just a copy of his parents and has interests of his own, so he ends up working for the paper.
Full Name: The Eviternity Chronicle, Edith Nott, James Sirius Potter
Species: She’s a bitchy newspaper personal and he’s an angst ridden child of a celebrity.
Hair:She ran her hands through her knotty short hair- making it stand even more on end…
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: Edith has a cat named Lavender.
James says, "I'm an angst ridden teen for no good reason who became an angst ridden adult for no reason."Collapse )

4487: The Rairity Chronicles: Year 1 - Lavender Rarity
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: The Rarity Chronicles: Year 1
Perpetrator:
LavenderRare
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: The avatar is a poorly drawn picture of a blond haired girl with blue eyes wearing red cat ears and a cat tail but who has also over done it on the makeup.
Summary:Lavender Rarity isn't as well-known as Harry Potter, but she's been through a great amount of adventure as well. She starts her first year of Hogwarts, where two celebrities are in the same building she is. But weird things start happening, and she doesn't know whether or not she feels safe. Takes place during the events of the Chamber of Secrets.
Full Name: Lavender Rarity, Gabriel Aeron
Species: She is the daughter of a Wizard working a Muggle tech job and a Witch who’s a famous author. He’s a dark and mysterious Stu, or so the writer tries to make the reader believe.
Hair: The boy’s hair is brown.
Eyes: The boy’s eyes are maroon.
Markings: None
Sugar sweet gets only so far.Collapse )

4486: Mentall - Dayla
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Mentall
Perpetrator:
Hamiiii
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: Covers aren’t showing, but their avatar is a pair of black tennis shoes on a pair of feet.
Summary:A story about a girl and a boy who falls in love, when love should be forbidden. They fight alone and they fight together, when will they truly be strongest? SBxOC
Full Name: Dayla
Species: She’s supposed to be mentally ill.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: During the one and only chapter “she got whipped repeatedly, on her back, her sides, her face. All she did was close her eyes, a single tear was her reaction to it all.
Possessions:It was a cell with a small hard bed, a toilet, and a sink. She also had a blanket, but that was only because she had been there in the ten years, that was her present for all those years in the mental institution. It was beginning to get a lot of holes in it, she got it a bit over two years ago.
Connection to Canon: They find a baby girl about a year old. Who do I mean by they? I mean McGonagall and Dumbledore. There is a line which reads, “The Grey zone, too young to really remember but still made an impact.” Later on we learn that, “It was always the new who got beaten the most, she knew that all too well. The new in the Mental Institute always needed to get beaten extra so that they knew the rules, of course, if they did something wrong they got beaten too, it made their job easier when nobody did anything other than breathing and occasionally eating.” We then see her beaten and the guy threatening that she’ll have to see the psychologist daily if she doesn’t comply. (Last time I checked, all mental patients talk to their psychologist daily, if not more often.)
Origin: The writer is drawing upon some of the things which happen in the first chapter to Harry, but they’ve treated mental illness as something they can create what they consider the perfect sob story for their Mary Sue from without any real consideration for those who suffer from mental illness.
Special Abilities: I’m sorry to say her special ability is being an insult to those with mental illness. I'm also a little worried she's supposed to be Harry's age.

Notes: The writer is from Denmark so their first language is likely Danish and not English. However, the grammar issues aren’t the only issue with this story. The writer really needs to go back and fix the horrid coding they accidently posted with their story. However, what I did read made me rather pissed off. This is not how you create a character with mental illness, period.

Sample:

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: 555555;" data-p-id="5837cc89743cf216dcc9b3665958041b"They had been summoned to Godric's Hollow in the middle of the night, but there wasn't anybody out there, on the street at least they thought. But right in the middle of the road were a basket, with a little girl in it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: 555555;" data-p-id="ab9bf6f4b20d5048d56be0de6658c9e9""So she was just left here?" Minerva asked Albus in a concerned voice. "I'm afraid so Minerva" answered he while looking down his half-moon glasses down into the little basket where the little baby girl lay wrapped in a white blanket. She was almost as pale as the white blanket. The little girl was in a peaceful sleep at least for now./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: 555555;" data-p-id="b110c65843dfab5c85d83ff34004c6c9""Do we know by who? Does she even have a name?" questioned Minerva./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: 555555;" data-p-id="f08ebcf99369da43b9a8924b4dd34b9c""She does, her name is Dalya, that's at least what there is written on the letter here-" he lifted a letter and skimmed it before continuing "-She's a little over a year old. The mother had an abusive husband and didn't want her daughter growing up and living with that. It isn't written whom the mother is." "...but what are we going to do with her? an orphanage?" "Yes, for now."/p

4485: Anastasia Potter/Alice Whitlock
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Anastasia Potter
Perpetrator:
majorwhitlocksgoddess4ever
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary:After James and Lilly died Sirius takes his goddaughter the one family he knew could take care of her and hide her from her enemies but also defend her should they find her before she returns. (FemHarry)
Full Name: Anastasia Potter/Alice Whitlock
Species: We’re supposed to believe this character is a female Harry.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: The story opens up with Sirius going and rescuing his goddaughter, takes her to Cullen who from what I can tell is a Muggle doctor and leaves her with the man because he knows he is going to end up in Azkaban. For some reason “he also made sure that Dumbledore couldn’t touch his vault should something happen to him, or should he go to Azkaban.” He also makes sure Dumbledore can’t tell where Aastasia is.
Origin: For their first story the writer decided to write a female Harry AU, a story where a Harry Potter character is Alice from Twilight and also a crossover in one go. At least, I hope the character is Alice because having two running around wouldn't be a good idea.
Special Abilities: None so far. Alice is still an infant. Wait. Sirius transfigures his clothes to the latest style.

Notes: Is the writer new? The account is at least a year old. I think this person simply isn't active.

Sample:

I suspect Sirirus would already be wearing the latest trends.Collapse )

4484: When Life Ends, A New Hope Begins - Harry Potter/Ares Crucrem, Lord Cruorem
Pancake!
pottersues
One of the minions informed me the writer of one of the entries deleted their story and wrote something new. Why feature it?
Title: When Life Ends, A New Hope Begins (Yup. That’s the same title as before.)
Perpetrator:
Forsaken Wolf C.A
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary:Twenty-Eight-Year-Old Harry Potter is given the chance to change the past. When he sends himself back in time in a desperate bid to rewrite his past. How will Snape cope with double the trouble?
Full Name: Harry Potter/Ares Cruorem, Lord Cruorem
Species: This time instead of being Harry’s twin he’s now Harry Potter. Except Harry becomes his own twin thanks to forging a birth certificate. They both vampires.
Hair: n/a
Eyes:His sclera turned pure black and his irises began glowing like emerald flames that when angered they would ignite with cold fury that reflected hard earned survival and his stance exuded the barely contained violence of an angry lion.
Markings:As a double set of sharp, retractable, fangs emerged in the place human canine and premolar, teeth were once situated.” Later we get “Harry unbuttoned his shirt and grabbed the knife. He looked down at his body that was littered with old battle scars and covered in blood sigils. So, far Harry had drawn a permanent enhanced bone mass and physical fitness sigil on his chest, a temporary magical tracer blocker sigil on his wand arm to prevent the ministry detecting under-age magic, a shape-shifting sigil on his torso that gave him limited Metamorphmagus abilities such as retractable fangs and a semi-controllable shift in eye colour, a permanent mourning sigil on the side of his neck that is worn in honour of his parents and those that had died during the first and second wizarding world, a permanent warrior sigil on the opposite side of his neck that is worn as a symbol of honour of victory in battle or war. And lastly, was a temporary empowerment sigil on his back that gives him a slight magical boost.” There is also a black tattoo.
Possessions: We’ve yet another story which involves blood pentagrams despite the fact this isn’t canon. We’re also expected this pentagram allows time travel and Harry doesn’t need a time turner simply because the writer decided to make up their own rules because the ones Rowling created for her world weren’t good enough. He has a “black cord necklace with a silver signet ring that has a square black onyx stone with the Cruorem family coat of arms engraved as proof of his claim.” He of course gets money from Cruorem to buy clothes so he doesn’t look “like some common street urchin.” Instead of just two wants there are now three. His wand is African Blackwood, but Ollivander says “I was lead to believe that the phoenix only give its feathers to two wands.
Connection to Canon: A twenty-eight year old Harry Potter whines about how “a longer life isn’t always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you.” Harry doesn’t care if fixing the past to his liking means Voldemort is alive. He’s in pain as he travels. Harry wakes up in a tomb and meets up with this Lord Cruorem again. He’s apparently some kind of undead thing. He asks the past Lord Cruorem to hear him out and allowe him to “rewrite my past and set things right having learned from my past mistakes.” Cruorem then makes this Harry now the twin brother of Harry Potter. How Harry proves himself to be telling the truth makes no sense at all.  He produces a fake birth certificate and then decides to submit to a truth sigil. (Why is a sigil needed when there is already Veritaserum. Turns out the “sigil” is Veritaserum. (Stuthor, the word sigil does not mean what you think it does.) The second chapter is basically showing how amazing this Harry is. (This character isn’t Harry though, but an OC pretending to be him.) Chapter three is him getting into the vaults of Cruerem. He goes and gets a wand from Olivander. How could he not know about this wand? He runs into someone who is pleased to find out Cruorem has an heir and that Harry is a Sanrier. The last of the chapters up starts with a sentence saying, “over the next 11 weeks had used his time wisely to practice occluding his mind, using Legillmency on unsuspecting muggles as well as learning to wield a different branch of Blood magic.” Why would Harry want to go evil? He hangs out at a pub which isn’t the normal pub, but Harry is also guilty of underaged drinking. Why?
Origin: I’m not sure if you can call this a rewrite as the plot is completely different. “I came from seventeen years in the future; the year was 2008. We met in 2005 during my time as an Auror hence the battle scar,” He said gesturing to the long, jagged scar running down the side of his face and across his left eye with a reminiscing look about his face “Long story short you became my mentor and friend. And I became your protégé and heir.” He has a “shape-shifting sigil and enhanced condition sigil”.
Special Abilities: We’ve yet another story where we’re expected to pity Harry because his life is so horrible, and he can’t go on in life. We’re also supposed to believe that Harry’s over pessimistic mantra of woe be me is far worse than Voldemort living to make the lives of a whole lot of other people super miserable. Talk about self-centered. Apparently “blood sigils required a weakness payment in order to activate the sigils. He would have to weaken himself temporarily to become strong.” (Yeah, no. I think the writer is trying to counter the strengths with weaknesses thinking that adding any kind of weakness will make the character not a Gary Stu. That is far from true.)

Notes: I wish writers would stop making canon characters suicidal just, so they can have over dramatic angst. I also wish this writer would stop making random stuff up.

Sample:

Harry stood before an enormous pentagram that had been drawn in his own blood on the middle of the cold stone floor.

"This is very Dark Magic, Harry. Time-related magic is unstable. There's no guarantee this ritual of yours will work and even if you do succeed in your suicide mission. The repercussions of traveling back in time to alter your own timeline would create an alternative reality. You have no idea how this will affect the future".

"No kidding, Tyranus!" came the sarcastic reply.

"I know that many would jump at the chance to change their past", he commented. "Especially one that has as much…horror in it as yours does. But your past will remain the same, no matter what you do. It wouldn't change everything you've already seen or everything you've already lived through my young protégé".

Harry sighed heavily and ran a hand over his weary face "I know old friend, I'm old enough to know now that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired…tired of the struggle, tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everyone die around you. This is my chance to fix the past.

"Even if it means Voldemort would still be alive?" Questioned Lord Cruorem

Harry nodded solemnly and said, "Yes, even if it means I have to re-do it all over again. I will in the sake of saving my younger self from a fate worse than death…"

4483: Turning Page - Hannah Marshall
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Turning Page
Perpetrator:
jadeannkneeky
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: Their avatar is Starry Night meets Hogwarts.
Summary: “I had kissed James Potter and all I felt was guilt. I had promised Rose and Albus that there was nothing going on, lying to my best friends. I could barely even bring myself to look at Albus, knowing it would kill him if he ever found out.”
Full Name: Hannah Marshall
Species: She’s James’ side, though the writer argues she’s his real girlfriend.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
This is a mess.Collapse )

4482: Beauty and The Beast - Harry, Hermione, Daphne, Draco
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Beauty and The Beast
Perpetrator:
harryjackson9
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art:
Summary:Harry was bitten by Lupin protecting Hermione. He is a different breed called the king wolf. Hermione is a veela blessed by Aphrodite and Hephestaus. Daphne is an Ice Queen blessed by Kione and Poseidon. Harry must control his life and the new species he has become. Story much better than summary. Dumbledore/Ron/Molly/Ginny/Arthur bashing
Full Name: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Daphne, Drago
Species: Harry is a werewolf, but more specifically a “spezul” one. We’re told it is “the newest most powerful and deadliest species of werewolf known as the King Wolf.” Lily says “you are a werewolf, but you are also not a werewolf.” (In other words the writer pulled a Twilight here.) Hermione is a veela so she can get blessings. I guess Daphne is now a Veela, but Draco is also a King Wolf.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: When he transforms his eyes are a platinum color. Draco’s becomes scarlet.Warning: Prepare for an entry which turns women into objects.Collapse )

4481: Harry Riddley Snape - Harry Riddley Snape, Voldemort, Snape
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Harry Riddley Snape (Note – This one is written in Spanish.)
Perpetrator:
anle moto
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: The writer’s avatar is from an Anime, but I don’t know which one.
Summary:Para que Voldemort regrese se necesitan tres cosas: hueso de su padre...tomado de su tumba; carne de su vasallo...dada por colagusano y sangre de su hijo bien amado...dado por Harry Potter”. The summary pretty much says there are three things needed to bring Voldemort back. They’re the exact same things as the book, yet I think the blood is that of his son indicating Harry is his son. I’m thinking this was definitely changed because there isn’t a word which indicates an enemy in there. The word “colagusano” means Wormtail. Full Name: Harry Riddley Snape (I believe Riddley is supposed to be Ryddle or something similar. On top of this we’ve got Voldemort and Snape in there.
Species: Harry is now the son of Voldemort He’s also the son of Snape due to mpreg.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: The first chapter has some man watching over a baby. I am assuming the man is either Voldemort, but the baby is Harry. We then head into the next part of the chapter and the champions are announced. We then jump into a rehash of the ceremony to revive Voldemort and we find confirmation that Voldemort is Harry’s father. Voldemort shows feelings towards his son, but also Snape. Second chapter also reveals the Dursley family are super abusive and lock him in the closet without food for an entire month. For the most part the first five chapters involve no real plot beyond Voldemort (the writer tries to make us think it is a person who looks like Tom) making mushy faces with Snape and Harry having major levels of angst. (This shouldn’t be surprising given the angst category.) At the end of the fifth chapter Tom and Snape are having to deal with a tantrum because Harry is so emotionally disturbed because of what the Dursley’s did that he’s pretty much pulling a Ariana Dumbledore on people.
Origin: The writer wrote this because of a challenge someone put forth. Like most challenges we didn’t get anybody thinking about the actual plot holes which the prompt for the challenge brings up.
Special Abilities: Voldemort can apparently shift from being Tom Riddle and Voldemort. Voldemort and Snape rescue him from the Dursley family. The canon characters are horribly out of character. Snape is far more interested in Voldemort than Lily.

Notes: I’ve wanted to feature an entry in a different language for some time, but this is the first which jumped out at me. The reason this one jumped out at me was because of the child. Reading one of the reviews for chapter eight, I feel like one of the main focuses for this story was the fact Harry now has parents who love him. Is having parents who love him worth it when said parents are using the unforgivable curses? I never got the impression they weren’t evil in this.

Other reviews from various chapters indicate the focus is on having as many slash couples as possible, but all of them are “yaoi” as one reviewer put it. We’re supposed to believe Dumbledore is the evil one, but we’ve got a dash of “his real friends aren’t his real friends”. In other words this is your typical “let’s pretend the good guys are the bad guys” and “lets make everyone gay story” combined into one.

The sample is of course in Spanish.Collapse )