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TITLE: Harry Potter and Voldormorts curse
PERPETRATOR: soon2bestephanie
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: selena black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "a scare, shaped like a lightning bolt, on my lower neck. with this scare he gave me most of his powers but also gave me stronger ones that he never has had or ever will have"
POSSESSIONS: "strawberry scented shower gel", "white leggings with blue flowers down the sides of them, i like the idea of having flowers on my clothes, and put on a light blue long top", this dress for the Ball, a magical invisible cottage.

ORIGIN: Voldemort killed her family and gave her some amazing powers.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is "Serious Black's" sister. Is best friends with Lily and James, and is Harry's godmother. She is at Gordic's Hallow when Voldemort kills them and trying to kill "three-year-old" Harry. Selena stops him because he starts talking to her about joining his side. She refuses and he runs away. Dumbledore, Hagrid and the Minister of Magic arrive and drag Selena and "Serious" off to "askaban". After 13 years they let she and "Serious" go, and the fly to Hogwarts together to find Harry. Then Peter and Voldemort show up at Hogwarts to kill Harry, but then vanish when they become outnumbered. Cedric "diggery" winks at her and she thinks he's hot. He puts his arms around her waist and such. Her "home" is a dance studio, all she is dancing ballet to Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now", and she transports to dinner where she learns that Harry is going to the ball with Rosalie Hale from Twilight shows up. Then they go to
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Has been 16 for over 50 years. Special powers: "1)never eat and never starve. 2)never sleep 3)warmth is my energy 4)click my fingers and i can be somewere else within a second. 5)not having to use a wand to do majic. 6)to be able to fly 7)basicly do whatever i want to do with the click of my fingers 8)see visions of the future." *[Bad username: pottersues"] drags her hands down her face in pain*

NOTES: This isn't a troll as much as it is movie-canon only + writing whatever I want.

( Please stick with one plot, thank you. )

Thanks to paukenwirbel13 for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Guardian of the Unicorn
PERPETRATOR: Meh-can't-think
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Endil
SPECIES: part-unicorn
HAIR: "white hair flowed down to the middle of her back"
EYES: "rare blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "a stone on her head were her horn would be": "“It is like a power source, much like your wands! When I transform it becomes my horn and while I’m human it shows as a mere stone.” Endil reached up to run a finger over the smooth, cold rock. “Because I‘m both species I can choose to become, permanently, one form. I can do this by removing the stone when in human form. But there are catches, only I can remove it and it cannot be done in anger or pain but only of a clear mind. There is also a downside, I may choose to become human and once I take the stone off I may change into a unicorn and remain so forever"
POSSESSIONS: "white pants that flared at the bottoms, a shirt, again white, that to flared at the ends", "faded blue jeans and white singlet shirt she wore, finding clothing that goes around the neck to constricting". A ball gown: "The silky white cloth felt amazing against her skin, so soft and cool with the faint hint of magic. The neckline plunged down, comming to a sharp V just revealing the sides of her breasts. The back was opened, being held together by a silver chain that ran down her spine, joining with the bottom of the opening that rested just above her hips. The dress flared slightly at the hips and came to a stop a few inches off the ground, exposing the white, strap heels she wore"

ORIGIN: "In time of need a creature was created, one that could take on the form of both unicorn and human, a Guardian of the Unicorn." "Guardians cannot be bred, they are created in the womb of a unsuspecting unicorn mare. Upon birth the mare will know if the foal is destined to be a guardian, it is the mare who can instantly tell, mothers intuition it can be called. Until the guardian reaches the age of 8 it will be unable to transform into a human, it stays with the herd learning all that is needed in order to protect it. Once it is able to transform it will be sent away, spending a year out in the wild to fend for itself, if it returns it will be given the title of Guardian and take up its place in the herd." They are normally male, but this guardian is female. The unicorns send her to protect Harry Potter.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry does not like being protected and pitches a fit. Endil bitches back at him. Hermione annoys her with a million questions and Harry and Ron repulse her with their manners. Draco is rude as well, but then changes his mind when he sees her transform. He befriends her and they go to a ball together. He supports her when she learns that her mother is dead.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can change forms and create her own clothes with her mind.

NOTES: Hee! I love Sparklypoos! Avril Lavigne lyrics and unicorns and everything!

( Harry's so selfish and your snotty. )

Thanks to kushielsavatr for today's Stu! It's going to blow your mind.

TITLE: Mermidian Silke
PERPETRATOR: Lady Shadow
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Severus Snape
SPECIES: "Mermidian Silke"
HAIR: not described, as far as I read.
EYES: not described, as far as I read.
MARKINGS: a "shimmering bluish-green" tail, "sparkling blue and green jewels that created a hook from the end of his dark eyebrows and along his cheekbone nearly to his nose", webbed fingers in merman form, gills, his "face was soft like some kind of pelt, but smooth like silk".
POSSESSIONS: a hard-on for Harry Potter, literally.

ORIGIN: A "Mermidian Silke". This is a fancy way for saying a "Merman who can choose when he wants legs or a tail". But really, there's a history: "Mermidian Silke are a type of Silke-obviously-that originates in Scotland. The other most common form of Silke is Sealian, though we are pretty different when it comes down to it. Sealian Silke originate in Ireland and when in the water take on the form of a seal. However, unlike Mermidian Silke, they take on their 'almost human' form by actually shedding their coats. If anyone manages to capture a Sealian coat when the Silke has taken it off of their own will they become slaves basically and must remain humanoid and at that person's side until they can get their coats back. Mermidian Silke have something similar but I'm not telling you what it is. Likewise, we don't shed anything to become humanoid, rather it happens when we dry."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry spies him as a beautiful merman, and now wants to have sex with him. Snape acts OOC upon finding out that Harry knows his secret. Obviously they will be paired together. I can't stomach reading the whole thing, I fear I may die from revulsion. Also, he plays "chase" with the Giant Squid.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Snape is a Merman! He is "almost" immortal.

NOTES: OMGWTFBBQX1000000000!!!!! *is dead from OMG-ness*

( Watch out for the Surprise-Masturbation! )

TITLE: A Fairy At Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: beautifulpunk123
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Sarah Grace Terry
SPECIES: Fairy/Witch
HAIR: blonde
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: retractable wings
POSSESSIONS: a "feary cat" named Fox, "She can transform into a more powerful cat.She is a fire cat", an owl, a mp3 player, mirrors so she can chat with her friends, a guitar: "light baby blue w/ silver sparkling stars", "laptop,bracelts that she never takes off her wrist wich are pink and black hairbows and pink sex bracelts.She even got ther special pillow that she needed to got to sleep with.If she didn't have it then she would never go to sleep.There was a spell that was put on it somehow"

ORIGIN: Her family is king and queen of the fairies in Fairytopia.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbeldore shows up to tell her that she is a witch, as well, and that she is going to be staying at the Burrow with Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys. She befriends everyone, almost faints from the beauty of Hogwarts. She is sorted into Slytherin because someone (Malfoy) bewitched the hat to sort her there. She is going to be paired with Harry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sarcastic, "She can be kind yet mean.She can since if someone is good or evil.She can see auras." She "has healing power, has the power of language, can hide her emotions, she can't feel temperature but she can feel just fine so she cant feel if its hot or cold. She has a barrier from her ring and stuff that where she gets her powers except the healing powers. She also has a lot of other powers. She can also sense when people are coming from their auras and because its in her blood thats what the fairies do."

NOTES: I love Sues like this. They are my favourite, they make me smile. :)

( Why do you have a MP3 player? )

TITLE: Kaytlynn Aaliyah Black
PERPETRATOR: DementedAzkaban1992
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Kaytlynn Aaliyah Black
SPECIES: Witch/Werewolf
HAIR: "waist length slender honey curls"
EYES: "sparkling grey eyes"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a Stu-twin "Kyle Jefferson Lupin".

ORIGIN: Sirius and Remus' biological daughter.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is in Gryffindor. Is Harry's best friend, and is friends with Charlie, Cedric, Fred and George and Oliver, and one girl OC.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Loves to "prank". "Excels" at Defense, Charms, and Potions. Is a "black panther with glittery eyes" animagus. Is half-werewolf. Is a metamorphagus.

NOTES: Who knew so much specialness could be packed into just a tiny chapter!

( Tell me, what are other amazing things about you? )

Sue #2!

TITLE: Rocking Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: The Vampiric Angel
SUE-O-METER: (troll)

FULL NAME: Raven
SPECIES: half vampire, half fallen angel.
HAIR: "silky midnight black hair" with "blood red tips"
EYES: "swirling silver"
MARKINGS: pale skin, black wings with red tips and silver runes, fangs.
POSSESSIONS: black combat boots, a "runic dagger" that she transforms into a telescope, "black, silver studded belt", a "strapless blood red top", "A black panther and a small black strange creature called a flitter, which was reminiscent of a sleek rabbit with a long tail". They are named Ebony and Onyxia. She has a "bobbing orb of black and silver flame with red eyes" named "Phyen" acts as her butler. A "Quill Creation" named Nix.

ORIGIN: A cloud. She "warps" dimensions to Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts to help out.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Shows up at Hogwarts, knows Snape on a first name basis, the boys at Hogwarts drool over her. Is sorted into every one of the Hogwarts houses. Attacks a mary Sue that wanted to be sorted again. She gets to stay in her own tower, adjacent to Dumbledore's. He waves at her from his tower and then walks over a magical black cloth to hang out with her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is the "last Fallen Angel to walk the earth" and half-vampire. She can travel through dimensions. Is a "raven coloured" phoenix animagus. Can apparate like a phoenix on Hogwarts grounds. Has mind shields that she lowers for the Sorting Hat. Is sorted into all of the houses.

NOTES: I am amused that the Mary-Sue attacks the deliberate Mary-Sue that the Suethor created. It's like the pot calling the kettle black.

I think this is RPG/crack fic, and not actually a troll. I think. I loved the part where it said Dumbledore was waving at her. I was picturing Walter Bishop from the Fringe at that moment.

Edit: Sadly, it is a troll/parody.

( The horror! )

Sue #4!

TITLE: Draco Malfoy. I cant live with out you. (ladies) duh!(gothic version haha)
PERPETRATOR: ProJeKtMayHem
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Sage
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "shot hair with Very long bangs. (hair style is really cool Morgan Landerman from the Band Kittie I think she has it but anyways its really short on top and sides and back spikable and the bangs are uber long i love it)". She puts in streaks of blue and purple.
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a bass guitar, an amp, "a black knee length jean skirt. A fishnet shirt over a black bra and a black jean jacket to comeplete with black knee hight platform boots that were traced up with straps", a spiffy emo room, "black and white striped stockings ran up my legs and were hidden by a black skirt that looked a little grungy. my shirt was a black tank top that said "Yes I'm a musician" and my under shirt matched my stockings", "A leather skirt just above the knee fishnet thigh high stockings that were green *dracos fav color of cooourse) and a blakc bra under a green fishnet shirt and a leather zip up/button up jacket. studds all over it", a black bra and blue undies, "a long skirt that had a slit all the way up my thought allowing people to take a peak at my legs.I found a pair of stillouette in my closet and grabbed a pair of knee high stockings.The skirt i had pulled on hugged almost every curve then went down loosley".

ORIGIN: Is in an arranged marriage to Draco. Her family moves her there before the marriage.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Walks in on Draco engaging in oral sex with some girl. Narcissa lets her have band practice at the Manor. Draco comes and listens to her practice with appreciation. Then she goes for a walk, where Draco meets up with her and confesses his feelings for her. Then they make out. Later, during band practice, Pansy shows up and acts possessive of Draco. Sage punches her in the face. That makes Draco hot, so they make out some more, but don't go all the way. Then she pissed off Pansy some more and Pansy gets her back by putting a bug "that finds someone and goes inthem and if they dont do somthign about it in a short while it eats there insides". Sadly it did not work, and I stopped reading.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Rockin' out.

NOTES: I made it to chapter 6! Yay!

( Read more... )

Sue #3!

TITLE: You + Draco = The Perfect Love Story pt.1 the beginnin
PERPETRATOR: abercrombiebabe15
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Annelise Anais Catherine Riddle Fendion aka You
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Brown and a bit past the shoulders"
EYES: "Brown wit some green mixed"
MARKINGS: This is too hilarious: "Body: PERFECT Height: not too short buh not to tall....Weight: you are not at all heavy you are a bit below average for girls yer age"
POSSESSIONS: a "hott french accent", new friends named Haley and Erica, promise rings between you and Draco. Clothes: "a short denim mini from Abercrombie a pink hoodie from Abercrombie and a pair of flannel pants from yer old old old middle school The Grover Middle School Jaguars! and a pair of flip flops made by Sugar"

ORIGIN: France, but you have a British background which means you talk with a British accent, and later a French one. "you are a pureblood and sooo effin rich!" Oh God. You are 15 and you "are a Deisgner.Model.Actress.And Singer in the Muggle world".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Voldmort's granddaughter, and hates harry, Ron and Hermione. You meet Draco, and then you remember that you two used to be best friends when you were little. Is sorted into Slytherin and chucks the Sorting Hat to the ground in glee. Then you and Draco exchange promise rings.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Loves "abercrombie", "you are veriii flexible and a cheerleadin", "The girls envy you and boys juss stare and their jaws drop wenever they see you!". Basic French.

NOTES: I could only read two chapters of this, and once you read the sample you will not fault me for it at all.

( Why are you talking like that? )

Sue #2!

TITLE: A Different Kind of Fame
PERPETRATOR: Luckygurl102
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Nina Jones
SPECIES: Pureblood Witch
HAIR: "long auburn hair which cascaded down to her hips was down in waves"
EYES: "dark violet eyes which had a mixture of emerald green"
MARKINGS: "she had a natural complexion which needed no make up to make her look beautiful"
POSSESSIONS: a concert outfit: "a curve hugging halter top that was a violet color that had a buckle and a slit right under her bra line and opened a little making the shirt slow down a little past her hips", "a pair of low riding hip huggers that were black", "sparkling satin slippers, and for accessories she was wearing a silver heart charm necklace with delicate hoop earrings". A limo, a band.

ORIGIN: At the age of 16, she is a famous American singer and actress. She moves to the UK to "be alone", but she hates leaving? She moves from Beverly Hills to 5 Privet Drive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is going to be Harry's next-door-neighbor. They will bond over the plights of fame.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Singing Pink!, Kaci Brown, Kelly Clarkson, Roxette, and Mariah Carey songs. loves "to stick out".

NOTES: Here's a clue. If you don't want to be famous, find another job/hobby.

( But you are famous for something: singing. You're not famous for being famous you dolt. )

Thanks to an anonymous minion for sending in today's second Sue!

TITLE: Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone: my version
PERPETRATOR: Forevercountry
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Faith Lily Potter aka Faith Lily Windrift
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: like Lily's
EYES: "a hazel mixed with blue"
MARKINGS: a mark/tatoo that Death gave her that says "Semper Fidelis" with a cross.
POSSESSIONS: a baby phoenix that has a connection to her. It's named Snowfire.

ORIGIN: She was a premature stillborn birth; Harry had to "stay in the womb" for a bit longer. While Lily is holding her body, a heartbeat starts and then Faith glows. Then Death shows up and not!dead newborn Faith has a chat with him. No one is to know she is alive to protect Harry and herself. Is raised by the "Windrift" family.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry's twin sister. Becomes friends with Hermione as a child.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Comes back to life. Talk and walks at birth. Is a Seer. She is more powerful than any witch or wizard that has ever lived and will become more powerful as she grows.

NOTES: This story made me think of creating a "What the shit is this?" rating. But really, aren't all "toxics" like that?

( It looks like someone left the ether on! )

TITLE: Originally Plain
PERPETRATOR: Animelover210
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Anastsia Hudson aka Holly McFurrlen
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long blonde hair trailed down to her mid-back"
EYES: "blue eyes the color of ice"
MARKINGS: "her lips as pink as a new rose" and a "feminine form"
POSSESSIONS: a bestseller that she wrote at age 11. No, it wasn't Twilight. Gryffindor robes.

ORIGIN: Just your typical discarded Malfoy twin.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco's twin sister. Snape feels bad about her parents giving her to an orphanage so he pops down and adopts her himself. But since he's a Professor he can't raise her, so then she is passes on to "Petunia Dudley", and then "the Longbottoms", the Weasleys, Moody. Has gone to both Beauxbatons and Durmstrang and then attends Hogwarts in third year.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "She could cast spells faster than a person could blink. In a single sitting, she could list over a hundred spells, what they can do, and the situations ideal for using them. Despite her age, she took down several criminals alongside Moody after the Department of Magical Law Enforcement asked for his help." Everyone loves her.

NOTES: A true Sue! I love it!


( Is there anything you can't do? )

TITLE: I Hate This Part
PERPETRATOR: ritaskeeterwannab
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: LaLa Major
SPECIES: witch
HAIR: dark
EYES: blue
MARKINGS: Caucasian, chesty and an American size eight
POSSESSIONS: a "LG shine" that plays "I Kissed A Girl", a driver and an AmEx card. A school robe and a Ravenclaw button. Sue-self inserts: "Mimi, Aly, Rae". Mimi is obsessed with Twilight and owns an iPod.

ORIGIN: Kenner, Louisiana. A self-professed "Harry Potter nerd", but in actual fact Harry Potter is a true story we are lead to believe is fake. We get to read about her and her vapid friends' wish-fulfillment.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore turns up in her living room discussing with her parent returning to England. Let's her know that she is the "key" to helping Harry defeat Voldemort, and lets her know that she is related to Neville. If she doesn't go to England to help, then the Harry Potter books will come true. Actually four of them have already, Dumbledore decided to wait until Order of the Phoenix until he picked her up.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Says "Bam" instead of "Damn".

NOTES: “I’ve come for the reason I told you. The world Mrs. Rowling newly predicted, where many die, friends, foes, bystanders, and where the wizarding race plummets into a time of fear and darkness, that world will happen unless Ms. Major here comes back to England and helps Mr. Potter.”

“But,” I start, “If I’m thinking correctly, Harry’s about to start his fifth year.” I look back at Rae.

“That means that Voldemort is already back. And he’s already killed…” She doesn’t finish her sentence. Cedric has always been Rae’s favorite character. And she thinks Robert Pattinson was unbelievably cute.

WHAT DOES THE BOOKS HAVE TO DO WITH RPATTZ! It's not like he DIED! Ceddy-Bear did! ARGH! *fails arms*


( I see your LG Shine and raise you my iPhone. )

TITLE: Kana, the new girl
PERPETRATOR: MikiNobies
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Airiana Kimieny Saturna-Kana Hoshiana. Her nicknames are: "Miki Nobies, Kana, and Kimi". Hmm, that looks familiar.
SPECIES: "more than a witch"
HAIR: Silver, it's "knee long".
EYES: "left; black right; silver"
MARKINGS: 5'8", and "104.8" as her weight. For my amusement I'm going to assume it's kg. There is mentions of her cleavage and her "matured" body. She has "bright white teeth". Snape points out that "she had the hourglass figure most women only wished for". I don't know what's more wrong, that Snape elaborated that or that she's wearing skinny leg jeans with an hourglass figure.
POSSESSIONS: "a black spaghetti strapped knee-length dress. With silver ballet flats with ribbons crossing all the was to mid calf. A black ribbon was her headband [...] a silver ribbon chocker and bracelet", "low skinny gray jeans, a long spaghetti strapped blue shirt that went above her knees. Gray flats and he black ribbon headband completed look". An iPod.

ORIGIN: "a magic school in Virginia, USA". We are told she is "half Japanese, half Hispanic". Dumbledore wants her to go to Hogwarts because he loves a good joke.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape thinks she is one of the most "beautifulest" things he has ever seen. She sits with Gryffindor, despite not being sorted yet. She "wouldn't leave" Snape's thoughts. They might be paired together, or she might be paired with someone else. The Suethor hasn't decided yet.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Everyone at her old school loves her. Her laugh sounds like wind chimes, which is apparently a good thing. Some sort of special abilities that we don't know about yet.

NOTES: I love it when these stories appear on the pit. They are my favourite. I feel like I am reading vintage Sue.

( 1. Why would a reader be offended with the mention of a religion? 2. Shouldn't you be more concerned about offending the followers of the religion you are half-ass including? )

TITLE: Innocent Bride
PERPETRATOR: Calypphire
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Honey Maverick aka Honey Snape
SPECIES: Youth Angel
HAIR: "long, flowing honey coloured hair" What kind of honey, exactly?
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: a "Youth Mark" on her body that alerts people to her abilities. It's a "of a prominent crescent moon and five pointed star". OMG Sailor Moon!
POSSESSIONS: "simple white dress with exposing shoulders", "a simple pair of white gold studs and a white gold necklace with a heart on it", "a pearl necklace, a pearl bracelet and a pair of pearl earrings". She has a "white gold wedding band", "a CD player – one that could play MP3s". A house-elf named "Pinga". Muggle clothes: "a pair of faded blue jeans with red roses and stems entwined around the left leg, black leather belt and black top with a red rose in the middle of the chest".

ORIGIN: She is a descendant of Wizarding royalty and the goddess Aphrodite: "All Youth Angels share the bloodline that came from the very first Youth Angel, Aphrodite – known as the Greek Goddess of Love according to Muggle literature. Aphrodite probably was a Goddess, but one thing is for sure, she was a very rare kind of witch and she was crowned to be ruler of the Wizarding World". Ever since she was a baby she was put under a betrothal spell with Snape by her father. This is to keep her hidden from Voldemort. She is now married to him, and he wuvs her. Why? 'Cause she's fourteen? "Honey is twenty years my junior, only she is still yet to have her fifteenth birthday in August."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore and McGonagall witness their wedding. Snape is soft and sweet with her, not making them sleep together. Aww. They have united sex dreams instead, thus not scaring her and making her lose her virginity, and allowing the Suethor to write sex scenes. She goes to Hogwarts, is sorted into Gryffindor and is almost raped by Vincent Crabbe, Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini. Ron saves her just in time. Snape gives them detention, wipes their memories, and deducts 100 points from Slytherin. That night they finally sleep together.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is a Youth Angel, meaning she is the fountain of youth. She will always appear young, and will live for a very long time. She is "able to heal people and is able to do magic without the use of a wand" and can give wizards "extreme powers" which they can take from her unwillingly. If they have children this will be passed on to them. Her marriage to Snape gives him stronger magical powers so he can protect her. She can enter people's dreams and have realistic sexual dreams with them without losing her virginity. She loves listening to "muggle singers and bands, such as John Farnham, Phil Collins, The Choir Boys and Icehouse." She can speak English, "French, Italian, Japanese and Indonesian".

NOTES: Wow. We haven't had a Sparkleypoo like this one in a LONG time. I really don't think it could get worse. Well, it could, she could get pregnant with twins.

( Is there any more wish-fulfillment you would like to insert into your story? )

Thanks to schroduck for sending in today's Sue!

TITLE: Giselle Black... The character you never heard about in Harry Potter.
PERPETRATOR: fools00RUSH00in22
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Giselle Aurielle Black aka you
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "brunette curls"
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a private jet, a "magically enhanced red Ferrari",

ORIGIN: New York City. The Dark Lord returns from the dead and she hops on her private jet to fly to England. She is 14.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Her crazy grandmother killed her family and her uncle's family, save for her cousin Jeremy. She was adopted by Fudge and mentored by Dumbledore until the age of 11. Then she went to school in America. She is sorted into Slytherin. She used to play with Draco when she was little. Is going to be paired with him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "every magical tabloid usually had your face on the cover".

NOTES: We haven't had a materialistic-Sue in a while. It was refreshing.


( It's sad that a car is your most prized possession. )

Thanks to Jesabelle for sending in today's second Sue!

TITLE: War of the Quidditch Players (Oliver Wood love story)
PERPETRATOR: ZipDoodah
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Cho Chang aka You
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: "daisy duke shorts, a red spaghetti strap tank top, and black sandals", a Firebolt, a nightgown

ORIGIN: You are going to become Mrs. Cedric Diggory, but Oliver Wood still has feelings for you. This story is a look back at this ~*amazing*~ love triangle.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: You want to be with Oliver, but you don't want to be a "runaway bride". When you started Hogwarts it was during Harry's second year. Hermione didn't let you sit with the trio on the Hogwarts Express, you sit with Oliver and an OOC-cocky Cedric. Angelina doesn't like you, and Cedric thinks you'll be in Hufflepuff because "She's too nice and skinny to be anything else." Did you read that? Hufflepuff is a no-fatties House. You are sorted into Ravenclaw, as is Oliver Wood.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Eavesdropping was one of your best skills", is a tiger animagus, can perform a patronus, does not have to partake in lessons because you are so amazing. You can turn into a rare blue dragon, which "originates from night". Oliver is an orange dragon, originating from "lava".

NOTES: I love the complete disregard for canon. It's almost shocking, but I've been doing this for too long to be shocked.


( I am suffering from second-hand embarrassment upon reading 'McGonnagol's' characterization. )

TITLE: Butterfly's Truth
PERPETRATOR: Mistagicalness
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Marielle Sauveterre and Ethelinda "Elle" Riddle
SPECIES: Marielle: Fae Elle: Voldy's daughter
HAIR: Marielle: "long, dark brown hair". Ethelinda: black with "a cascade of loose curls".
EYES: Marielle: "Fae eyes". Ethelinda: "pretty, aqua eyes sparkled with mischief"
MARKINGS: Marielle: pink lips, wings.
POSSESSIONS: Marielle:"a light blue singlet, paired with black yoga pants". Ethelinda sticks her in "a simple green singlet, which, in Marielle’s opinion, was a little too low cut, and tight, black jeans tucked into green leather boots. There was a long gold chain hanging around Marielle’s neck, which held a pretty ring, set in silver, with a large amethyst, surrounded in a circle of small diamonds." She has a necklace that does not allow her to use her Fae magic. Ethelinda: "a knee-length, pale purple dress, a yellow shrug and matching yellow heels"

ORIGIN: New Zealand. Her family had been freed from some dungeons, and she was stuck being Voldemort's consort. Lucius had murdered her parents and her older sister had gone insane.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Marielle is a "Fae" that happens to be Voldemort's consort. She has a thing for Draco. Draco and "Tom" don't like each other. Ethelinda is Voldie's daughter with Narcissa. This is some complicated family shit. Voldemort sends her to Hogwarts to get to Harry Potter. He sends his daughter as well "so Dumbledore know I have more things going on for me".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Marielle: Fae magic. Ethelinda: make-over skillz.

NOTES: The Fae is from New Zealand and so is the the Suethor! Hmmmmm. *makes a pondering face*

( Honestly did you have to make them a special creature AND Voldemort's daughter? )

TITLE: The Legend of the Lost Cloccanos
PERPETRATOR: rearviewxmirrors
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Anastasia Stevens
SPECIES: Cloccanos
HAIR: "long red hair flowing in soft curls to just above her bottom"
EYES: violet
MARKINGS: "barely tanned chest"
POSSESSIONS: a "racy" black thong and a lace bra.

ORIGIN: She is a Cloccanos, which is a made-up creature that we never learn anything about because she and Lupin are too busy fucking.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione hates her because she has the "hotts" for Lupin and Anastasia can captivate his attention. Anastasia has the "hotts" for Lupin as well. She is the only one who can make Lupin aggravated and smile. She used to go to school with Lupin, and even dated Dumbledore way back in the day. Lupin gives her a "detention", but they just have sex after class, all afternoon, despite the fact that Lupin is supposed to be teaching.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is immortal and can "choose" her age and appearance. She can perform wandless magic. She has the power to heal people magically. She and Lupin have a "mind channel" that the communicate through.

NOTES: "Also, Remus is in his mid 20s and is really hott. I am fully aware that it is completely impossible because Harry and the whole gang are 17. But again, I love my own world!"

No, it's fan fiction, please abide to some of the canon.

( Why tell us about these powers if you aren't ever going to use them? )

TITLE: sugar were going down swinging (hp)
PERPETRATOR: XXEMILYSXX
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Emily Brandonson
SPECIES: half-veela
HAIR: brunette
EYES: hazel/brown
MARKINGS: She is beautiful thanks to her veela blood.
POSSESSIONS: a black cat named Salem, a perfect bedroom. Clothes: "a pair of ripped jeans with a low-cut black halter and a silver charm necklace and black heels with a symbol of love on the and they laced up my legs so I looked sexy and I could dance", "a ripped skirt with patches, beads, and sparkles (think Hollister skirt) and the another black halter and but my hair back into a low ponytail and then I conjured a pair of black flip-flops", "a pink silk tank top with beautiful beadwork and I added a necklace and put on a pair of jeans not as ripped as usual a bit more dressy, and grabbed a pair of pink two inch heels that had two straps over my toes", "a green spaghetti-strap with a patch of black around the chest with sequins on top of a black tank-top with silver hearts. I slipped on a pair of my favorite pair of jeans that had rips at the knees and were acid washed", "a pair of black sandals like ancient Romans used to wear".

ORIGIN: "Emily is an American girl who gets transferred to Hogwarts in her 7th year From Salem's academy of witchcraft and wizardry where she was the most popular girl ."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Both Harry and Draco want Emily has their girlfriend. Harry replaces Ginny to pursue her. Ginny decides to go out with Emily's brother instead. She "sheds light" onto Draco's sorry life, but this happens after he assaults her. She and Hermione become "insuperable sisters" and Emily becomes Ron's "second sister in his heart". Ron acts like a "big brother" when he finds out that Harry likes Emily.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She looks like Rachel Bilson, apparently. She was one of the best beaters AND seekers in the history of her old school. "Once you meet her you instantly become her friends and that friendship can never be broken." She uses wandless magic and she can "orb": "orbing is kinda like evaporating but instead you become blue little spots and the spots disappear and the reappear where you want to be, made famous by the Charmed sisters ( I got the idea from Charmed)." She is "clumsy" and eats a lot but never gains weight.

NOTES: The Suethor's reason for writing this story made me laugh: "Hey well i decided that i was going to start a story about harry potter and a new girl from america". Really? Have you never read Harry Potter/OC fan fiction before? They are all from America.

( And after all of this he still has a chance with you? )

TITLE: Only Time Can Tell
PERPETRATOR: Lady Eriathwen
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Ginevra "Phoenix" "Ginbug" Weasley aka Aredhel Anwarünya
SPECIES: Elf
HAIR: "luscious fiery mahogany seemingly having a life of its own crowning atop her head cascading down to her waist". Someone please make a picture of this.
EYES: "emerald green to fiery purple tinged with what look like red and purple and hazelnut shade blended beautifully". Sounds like Skittle-vomit.
MARKINGS: 5'7", her freckles sparkle and she's tanned. She has an "ethereal glow".
POSSESSIONS: "black muggle clothes" which include a "sultry top", and "knee high leather boots". She has a "silver cloak" and "silky black bed sheets and a warm, thick comforter designed with lines of every shade of red possible".

ORIGIN: Was "lost" for a year, and presumed dead with the rest of her family. She is the daughter of Galadriel and Celeborn. Actually she was living in the Golden Woods of Lothlorien with mom and dad and Draco.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Shows up at Hogwarts and ignores everyone. She shares a dorm with Draco at Hogwarts. She has a brotherly connection to "Ice" aka Draco Malfoy. This character bears little to no resemblance to the real Draco Malfoy. Legolas is destined to be with Ginny. They are soul mates.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A gaze that can make Harry turn into the purplest of thinkers: "He gasped at how intense and different her gaze was, full of wisdom and maturity that was not present before". Wow. Wandless magic that Galadriel and Gandalf taught her. She can communicate with Draco telepathically.

NOTES: So on top of everything that I posted above, this came out of no where at the end of chapter 5: "Galadriel closed her eyes a smile grazed her lips.

“Yallume (At last),” she said. “Their fates are sealed. Their worlds are slowly intertwining. They will meet soon.”

“Who’s are, melamin?” Celeborn asked, watching his wife curiously. She opened her eyes and her smile grew bigger upon seeing her husband walk towards her from where she stood near her mirror.

“That of the young Prince Legolas Greenleaf… and of our daughter, Aredhel Anwarünya.”"

What?! Oh, if you could have seen my face...

( Stop frickin' shouting! )