Today's entry in Hogworts Week was going to be a little gem called Lillian, Katherine Riddle's Daughter, which I was saving for last. Unfortunately, it seems that 'last' was too long, because it's gone. So we have this instead.

TITLE: Slowly Fade
PERPETRATOR: angelash (at first I read that as 'Angel Slash'. Gabriel/Michael OTP! OMG, their love is so divine!)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Arielle Riddle. Dude, it rhymes.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'she pulled her thick, black hair back in a pony tail'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: apparently she looks 'just like Tom'.
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Voldemort's 483496th daughter. She was 'given to a magical family in the U.S. in hopes of protecting her' and has never met her father. Now she's at 'Hogworts'. Voldemort's daughter and American Transfer Sue... the cliché count here is sky-high.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: The Gryffindors all hate her and the Slytherins are all afraid of her. Stupid pussy Slytherins. Oh, and her mother is McGonagall. I'll just let that sink in for a moment...
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Confusing the Sorting Hat (another cliché!), making Harry collapse for no reason that is really explained.

NOTES: Writing at six AM is not an excuse for poor grammar. Does anybody out there know why these people seem to think you have to upload exactly what you first wrote exactly the way you wrote it? Why is it such a foreign concept that you can show it to somebody and say, "could you check my grammar?" Or hell, even leave it alone a couple of days, come back, and re-read it yourself... then you could probably spot things on your own.

Seriously. Why do they think this? I just do not understand.

SAMPLE: ( I Think The Poor Hat Is Just Sick Of All These Damn Sues. )

Crappy weather today.

Note to Self: do not meddle in fandoms you know nothing about. And the existence of paragraph breaks, no matter how refreshing, is no excuse for... er... excusing... OOC Snapeage.

And by the way. Seeing as antibuffysues is billing herself as 'the new, improved Not-Bob', my guess is that she's pulling our chains. Although her whining about copycat evil is rather funny.

TITLE: A Child's Game
PERPETRATOR: Cloak*and*Dagger/Aisha Outlaw

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Jamie Lea Kyrie
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'ebony hair with brown highlights'. It's a switch from 'raven' anyway.
EYES: hazel
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: Magical jack-in-the-box which defies simple description. And a bonus-Sue best friend named Kattie. I wonder if there will be ones named Snarkie and Bitchie.

ORIGIN: Okay, this is weird. She gets her acceptance letter to 'Hogworts' (or 'Hogwarts'... maybe both!), and then her jack-in-the-box comes alive and turns into her childhood imaginary friend, Salazar Slytherin. Yeah, WTF.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Uh... canon?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Why is this a Harry Potter fic? Seriously, why? There is absolutely nothing in this fic that really necessitates setting it in the potterverse.

SAMPLE: ( See What I Mean? )

Just for fun, I googled myself today. Came up with some interesting results... such as a review in which somebody congratulates Sweet Baby Ninetails for not getting medieval on my ass. Also got this pit profile, but an ex-Sue-Author who has seen the light, and this, which I think is a Spanish Sue Journal, but it's been a long time since I took any Spanish.

TITLE: Healing
PERPETRATOR: Rivulet027

SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Willow Rosenberg
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: red
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: It sounds like she was too angsty for the American magic school she was supposed to go to, so they sent her to 'Hogworts' after expelling the dark powers from her. Not being a Buffy aficianado, I'm not very familiar with the back story here.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is posing as a Weasley cousin. Fred and George are told to show her around 'Hogworts'.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Except for the chronic misspelling of Hogwarts, this isn't half-bad, as crossovers go. Or maybe it is... I'm not sufficiently into the other fandom to really appreciate if Willow's character is being butchered. But after the last few features here, this really is a pleasant surprise.

SAMPLE: ( My God... It Actually Has PARAGRAPH BREAKS! PRAISE THE LORD! )

If this week is anything to go by, any fic that spells it 'Hogworts' is almost certain to be a toxic.

TITLE: Another Year
PERPETRATOR: buffy black

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: scirese lese weasley. It is never capitalized that I can see.
SPECIES: Mary-Sue
HAIR: not described - could be red, I suppose.
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: About all I could tease out of the mess is that she's from California. Or maybe that was all a dream - who knows?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: A Weasley (or should that be weasley) cousin of some sort. Possibly adopted. I can't tell.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: she's one of four kids who seem to have some kind of element powers. Hers is fire, and there's a water, a wind, and a lightning. I suppose Harry's will be heart and then Captain Planet will show up to destroy the evil Sue Authors who pollute our bandwidth.

NOTES: Incredibly, I don't think this is a parody.

SAMPLE: ( What The Hell Is Going ON Here? )

Another fic that gets blamed on too much sugar. Sugar does not deserve the bad rep it's getting from all these Sues.

TITLE: Slash Worlds Harry Potter Lord of the Rings (too easy)
PERPETRATOR: Adelaidewen

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Alaidewen Fairfax (or 'Fairchild', both are used), called 'Ally'. Feel free to die laughing.
SPECIES: Elf
HAIR: not described
EYES: 'green eyes twinkling in the light of the lanterns'
MARKINGS: the requisite pointy ears
POSESSIONS: a necklace, which she likes to fondle.

ORIGIN: Is 'princess of the realm of Middle-Earth', sent to 'Hogworts' for her own protection. Unsortable (*stabbitydeath*), but Dumbledore puts her in Gryffindor because he thinks she'll make friends there. Of course she will. She's a Mary-Sue.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Making instafriends with the trio. Draco hits on her. Nothing new here.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: crying a single tear. 'Vexing' the Sorting Hat (I know how it feels).

NOTES: Ladies and gentlemen, Slash Worlds Harry Potter Lord of the Rings.

OMG their love is so canonraped!
OMG their love is so choked with Mary-Sues!
OMG their love is so movie trilogied!

I'm sure if I tried I could think of lots more.

Chivalrous!Draco is really climbing my list of pet peeves. And the author tries inconsistently to write like Tolkien, producing highfalutin and very snerkworthy prose. At least there are no 'flaxen tresses' that I saw.

SAMPLE: ( And So Did Mary-Sue Enter The Hallowed Halls of 'Hogworts'. )

This is... different.

TITLE: Sarah who? (Sarah-SUE!)
PERPETRATOR: Bekki

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Sarah Malfoy
SPECIES: disembodied spirit
HAIR: none
EYES: none
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Narcissa had twins, a boy and a girl who were given the rather poorly-matched names of Draco and Sarah. Lucius thought twins were bad luck, so he tried to kill the girl, but the doctor intervened, getting himself killed instead, and the girl lived on as a disembodied spirit. What? You don't believe me?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Draco's disembodied sister.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: being a disembodied Mary-Sue.

NOTES: The summary reads as follows:

When a girl starts at Hogworts in 5th yr, you'd think Harry would be suspicious

Yeah, you'd think he would, wouldn't he?

The only real reaction to the main plot of this fic that I can work up is the old standby of "OMG. WTF?" Far more interesting is a barely touched-upon subplot about Aunt Petunia having known Mrs. Granger at school. That could have been turned into something worth reading, but the author is far more interested in her disembodied Sue going to visit Voldemort, who lives in a place called 'Grunoorla'. Is it just me, or does that sound like some extinct thing from Australia?

At least this is somewhat more... creative... than 'oh, I've been going to Durmstrang all these years and Draco just never mentioned me.'

SAMPLE: ( With This Body, You Can Be A REAL Mary-Sue! )

So some rather vaguely-defined forms of 'cyberstalking' are now illegal in the USA. I'd say Not-Bob must be just wetting herself, if I thought she knew how to read.

Attention Sue Authors: first of all, calling this journal 'stalking' would be stretching it to the point of falsehood, even when we're dealing with a definition in congress-ese. Second, I'm a Canadian citizen, currently residing in said country and not subject to US law in the first place. And thirdly, you don't know who I am or who any of my minions are anyway. So let's not make fools of ourselves.

With that out of the way, this week is Hogworts Week. Yup! A whole week of Sues whose authors can't even spell 'Hogwarts'.

TITLE: A year at Hogworts
PERPETRATOR: A Bat Zombie (Bat Boy is back from the dead! Run for your liiiiives!)

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Niko Bellos and Milly Draken. Both those names sound like bit-part characters from Slayers.
SPECIES: Human/Witches
HAIR: Niko has 'Brown hair with purple highlights', which I cannot imagine looking anything but ugly. Milly has 'Blonde hair with black ends'.
EYES: Niko's are 'bright purple eyes', and Milly's are 'Evil-looking green eyes'.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: New Students, and that's all we're given. Both are sorted into Slytherin.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco likes Niko. Harry likes Milly. And the similar-sounding names are cracking me up: Draco and Niko! Harry and Milly! Whee!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: getting the entire Slytherin table into a fight.

NOTES: Prose is all but impenetrable. Author's notes are a cause for despair and mention the author's friend Niko, so I'm guessing the author herself is Milly... there's a sequel which, from the summary, appears to be about Milly alone.

SAMPLE: ( It's Gonna Be A Long Week )