TITLE: The Demon Lord
PERPETRATOR: Dark Dragen
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter, the Demon Lord. LMAO! I'm picturing skinny little Harry as a demon!
SPECIES: demon
HAIR: red
EYES: He doesn't need glasses anymore. "his eye although still green, had a hint of red in them"
MARKINGS: black wings, muscles, "his facial features were now more defined and better looking", his scar is gone.
POSSESSIONS: a "Power Ritual book" that he uses to unlock his demon powers.

ORIGIN: Typical "Woe" backstory complete with abusive uncle!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hates everyone. The pairing at ff.net says he'll be with Daphene Greengrass.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Super-hot. Can change how he looks and his gender at will.

NOTES: A penis that is "now thicker and about nine inches long". I'm imaging Genoa Salami size. He'll clearly need some sort of supportive device. A male must have written this story, hands and giant penis down.

( Funniest thing I have ever read. EVER. )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent this in! You are fab!


TITLE: Silent Vows
PERPETRATOR: star_lite84
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: "His hair shimmered with chestnut browns in the midday sun"
EYES: "His eyes were glowing angrily with smoky golden tendrils". Sexy.
MARKINGS: a "bronze and muscular chest",
POSSESSIONS: glasses, which he turns into sunglasses to hide his smokin' eyes. A blanket that Hermione wraps her self in: "The blanket was originally Native American. Harry had bought it on vacation because it gave him a strange sense of comfort as he wrapped it around himself. The soft textiles were of reds and blacks, with white images that would be found carved into the totems of the Cherokee."

ORIGIN: Attending school after the war, Harry is left a rage head.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape sets him off. Hermione is submissive and "supportive" of Harry. She stays with him, while he stays at Hogwarts for "Spring Break" to write a paper. The paper can be about anything, and he chooses to write some purple prose about Hermione. She reads without his knowledge, and they admit their love to each other. They live happily ever after.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A short temper with a violent explosion when he is angry. Can blow up things with his anger. His reactions are apparently heroic and something that should be appealing and sympathetic to the reader, instead of childish. He also has strong wandless magic abilities.

NOTES: Harry and Hermione are so out-of-character it's amazing. Even though it is not filled with stupid descriptions of clothes, wands made of unicorn farts, and illegible prose, it is so purple it is toxic.

I was debating whether to use the parts about his explosive tantrums, or the cheesy confession of love. I picked the confession.

( Hermione has red eyes? Is she Voldemort's daughter? )

TITLE: TruBlooded Family
PERPETRATOR: Kiera27
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: as per canon
EYES: like Lily Potter
MARKINGS: none described, a scar I assume.
POSSESSIONS: Wangst.

ORIGIN: Same ol' Harry, just with Bon Temps connections.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Which one? He is a cousin of Sookie and Jason Stackhouse. Gran is actually Petunia and Lily's mother, as well as Sookie and Jason's grandmother. Sookie is going to take him to Merlotte's. Harry is going to be paired with a male.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: He can read minds like Sookie can.

NOTES: Part of me is horrified that there is a Harry Potter/True Blood crossover. Twilight I can understand, True Blood less so. But as the saying goes, "If you think it up, it's on the internet."

( Pity I couldn't have had Sookie be the Sue to report. )

Sue #2!

TITLE: Midnight
PERPETRATOR: Arianna_Victoire_Snape
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: messy, black
EYES: green, just like his mum
MARKINGS: lightning shaped scar on his forehead
POSSESSIONS: a loving vampire family, a loving Uncle Severus, a fateful meeting with Hermione Granger in New Jersey when they were thirteen. If the story continues, they will be paired together.

ORIGIN: On the night that his parents were killed by Voldemort, Snape comes to the Potter's house and whisks Harry away to be raised by the Cullens, the vampire family from Twilight since it's better for everyone in the Wizarding World to believe that Harry is dead. The Cullen's lovingly raise him, moving around America to avoid everyone realizing that only Harry is aging.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is the Boy Who Lived. He's just now raised by Vampires
SPECIAL ABILITIES: He will begin attending Hogwarts as a 17 yr old, but will be in year 7 since Snape has already taught him all the magic he would ever need to know. He will also bring Edward with him because he needs protecting and Edward's telepathic powers will allow him entrance into the school as a seer. Harry wants to learn to hone his powers to defeat Voldie once and for all.

NOTES: If I wanted to read a story about a live boy being raised by the dead, I'd reread Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book. It at least won the Newberry, and is amazing.

( I wonder if in the next few chapters anyone will mention how Edward resembles Cedric? )

Get your votes in!


TITLE: Harry Potter and The Heir
PERPETRATOR: SilverJadlyn
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter aka Hadrian Malfoy
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: "unruly black hair"
EYES: they can turn from a "dull green to a glowing jade that seemed to radiate power"
MARKINGS: his scar
POSSESSIONS: Slytherin!love.

ORIGIN: After Voldemort killed Cedric, Harry decided to join him to get away from the Dursleys. He doesn't like Voldemort, but he does not feel he is learning enough from him.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Gets adopted by the Malfoys. Narcissa adores him, Draco is sensible and is skeptical at first. Harry adoption is a secret, and they put him in disguise over the summer. They don't like Voldemort, really.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wangst.

NOTES: Harry calls Voldemort "Tom" at dinner, and Voldemort lets him win! How crazy!

( Slytherin makes me 'jizz in my pants'. )

Thanks to an anonymous minion for today's Stu!

TITLE: Mastermind Hunting
PERPETRATOR: Louis IX
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry James Potter aka Harry James Dursley
SPECIES: Wizard.
HAIR: "pitch black colour"
EYES: green
MARKINGS: his scar.
POSSESSIONS: A book called "Anatomy, Disabilities, and Healing of the Knee", which he reads at the age of 11 to heal his injured knee.

ORIGIN: The Dursley's had raised Harry like a son, because Dudley died at birth. There is some sort of Ancient Aztec prophecy about Harry and "the Destruction".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: The Dursleys and Harry are missing on the eve of Harry receiving his Hogwarts letter. It turns out they are in Chicago, and then they move to China because someone sketchy is interested in Harry's abilities. Harry senses this and does not use magic in or outside his house. He learns martial arts from a Shaolin monastery. In some sort of end of tournament, he fights Draco Malfoy. Then the Dursley's are moved to the French Riviera. i skipped most of the 40 chapters to learn that Harry's wife, children, and Ron were killed in the London terrorist attacks, and by freeing Merlin Harry saves the world and turns everyone into magical folk.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Though still a child, he has excellent control over his abilities, and can perform wandless magic. Learns Chinese easily. He can change his appearance at will, so I assume he is a Metamorphagus. He earns the name "Steely Fist" when he breaks a pile of clay tiles and the stone floor with his fist. He might possibly be related to a god or gods. Frees Merlin and saves the population of the Earth and restores the environment.

NOTES: The Stuthor, who is a male over the age of thirty, reaffirms my belief that male Stuthors write the worst Stus. Absolutely horrid ones!

( What you are about to read has over 2000 reviews. )

TITLE: Fish and Chips
PERPETRATOR: Rhy-wen
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: wizard
HAIR: jet-black, waist length
EYES: emerald
MARKINGS: "curves", looks "very girly", breasts,
POSSESSIONS: his aunt's bra.

ORIGIN: Harry has been raised as a boy but is actually a girl. At the age of ten he starts noticing that he's not the same as other boys.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Lives with the Dursleys. They raised him as a boy because Dumbledore called Harry a boy in his letter to them. As a baby, he was raised as a boy. James call him feminine, and Lily tells him that he's a boy. Er...
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Likes trying on his aunt's clothes and his mother's old clothes. It unlocks memories for him.

NOTES: Uncle Vernon randomly dies at the end. I really wasn't expecting that. I can't call it a "taco-show" if there was no gender switching.

( I don't understand why they didn't raise him as a girl regardless. )

Link of the Day: "Hey, i know that man [Jesus]. He was around the Dursley's in a photo frame, I think I am related to him" Harry claimed.. What?!

Two Christmas/Jesus related Stus today!

TITLE: Harry Potter and the Greatest Power Ever Known
PERPETRATOR: downey boy
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Super Wizard
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a "Magical Core" that the Founders complete. Completed it creates the "Phoenixes Maximus Spell planted within Harry's very Magical Core, waiting to be unleashed and Call upon those who will Re-Awaken Jesus' Spirit." A box from Dumbledore that is labeled for Aunt Petunia: "The Day He Moves Out and Tells You What To Do". In the box is "PURE MAGIC" that Harry knows will help him raise "the Good Dead Ones", James, Lily, Sirius, as long as they have a piece of their soul imprinted on his soul. It sounds like Harry's soul is a sticker book, and he collects souls as stickers.

ORIGIN: Harry Potter receives his "full inheritance" from the Founders at the end of sixth year. He gets to bring back Jesus. There is some sort of prophecy made: "You must know that Harry will become more powerful then the Ancient Ones of Time. He will inherit the Powers of all Powers! He is Desendant of the first real Magician who walked this Earth! He is going to be a very special young man when he grows up! He is going to have the Special Powers of 3 of the Good Founders of Hogwarts thrust upon him! He will be called THE True Guardian of Light! He will bring upon his friends the Other Great Powers of The True Guardians Of The Light! The Time will come when Powers be unleashed and all Hell will break loose, but it will not be today! The Time will come when all bonds of fellowship will break, but it is not this day! A Time when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! On this day, the Good will make a stand and destroy the Evil that threatens to take over this world for his own! And sometimes, there is no Good or Evil, but there is Power and those too weak to seek it!" So he's related to Jesus as well, or Merlin. Probably Jesus.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Three of the founders, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff have to "watch over" Harry now that Dumbledore is gone. He needs their help "to Re-Awaken the Great Spirits of Jesus and His Disciples to help him protect those who he cannot protect himself, and destroy the Dark Lord." He is the heir to the three "good" founders. Snaps at Hermione and Ron, but then apologizes to them. Goes back to the "Durselies" and tells them to flee. His aunt and uncle agree and sort of worship him. Then he writes a letter to the "Weaselies" giving them a crap-load of instructions, it's hilarious. Harry was named Head of the OotP, but steps aside due to his "mission" and tells Remus to take over. Then he opens this magical box, and "pure magic" flows out, "filling his reserve" and filling Aunt Petunia's reserve, giving her magical powers.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: His "full inheritance" includes "the Ancient Power to ReAwaken Jesus and His Deciples". Can feel the presence of people in other rooms. When focusing on the "presence" he can see their faces. He can feel emotions in the air, and stop people's physical actions with his own mind/wandless magic. Can "delve deep" into Voldemort's mind to see what he is planning. Only "PURE MAGIC" flows through him, which is undetectable by the Ministry. Dumbledore had it, as well, but not as "strong" as Harry's.

NOTES: I often find that Stuthors who are male write the worst Stus.

( This is absolutely absurd )

Thanks to sinkinto_heart who sent in today's Sue!


TITLE: a Magical change ver2 If this is version two, you should see version one.
PERPETRATOR: Ruler of the dead
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry James Potter
SPECIES: Vampire
HAIR: "down to the middle of his back", "long locks". You can't dye it or cut it.
EYES: "a pale, silver green", they turn red when he's mad.
MARKINGS: eyeliner. "His skin had lightened and his ears were pointed". He has two black wings.
POSSESSIONS: "He had cut and sown Dudley’s old clothes so they could fit. He had used magic to do it and had painted them black. His shirt was white and splotched with red paint." A coffin that he sleeps in. Special custom vampire clothes: "simple black shirt (with slits for his wings) and jeans".

ORIGIN: After Sirius died Harry became depressed. He ran away from the Durselys, only to bump into a vampire named Logan Raven Potter. I'm sure he's Harry's brother. Anyways, Logan turns Harry into a vampire.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Gets changed into a vampire, and meets "Lune Storm" a girl vampire. They grab a slew of drinks in Knockturn Alley, blood beer, of course. Lupin finds him in the bar, and Harry passes out. Lupin brings him back to his "little log cabin" for sex. Logan shows up, and tells Harry that he can't hang out with werewolves. Harry tells him to go away. Then Logan abandons him. Harry goes back to look for une he finds her and gets to stay in some plush surroundings. Then she lets the readers know that James and Lily aren't dead. DUN DUN DUNNN! Remus tells the Order about Harry, and they are all saddened. Lune goes to the Vampire High Court to ask the Queen to break Harry's contract between him and Logan. Apparently Logan owns Harry, despite abandoning him. Then Harry overhears James and "Lilly" chatting, and he runs away, feeling betrayed and hurt. He runs to Remus' cabin for sex. But Harry gets mauled by Greyback, and is dying.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wagnst to the millionth-degree. He doesn't get hungover.

NOTES: Your story is garbage if I can bust a gut laughing with in the first 4 paragraphs and it is not a comedy:He opened the gate to the playground and sat on the damp swing. His hair fell around his face and tears fell from his eyes. They were blackened, from his eyeliner, and his wardrobe had changed. He had cut and sown Dudley’s old clothes so they could fit. He had used magic to do it and had painted them black. His shirt was white and splotched with red paint. Harry’s personality had changed as well he no longer wrote to his friend and he was always filled with the guilt and anger.

He looked up at the stormy clouds and yelled out into the heavens,

“Why me?! WHY?! Why must I suffer?”

ROFLcopter to the heavens!

( Was he going to kill Ginny? Where did his blood come from? I don't understand. :( )

Sue #2!!

TITLE: Vampires and Wizards
PERPETRATOR: fantasyfreak934
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described, black
EYES: not described, green
MARKINGS: a scrawny waist, lightning bolt scar
POSSESSIONS: the elder wand, Hermione's heart and her virginity

ORIGIN: JKR's magnum opus
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is apparently Harry Potter
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can turn the Room of Requirement into a Honeymoon suite suitable for deflowering Hermione, able to defeat Voldemort, inability to properly mourn his best mate's death

NOTES: This was supposed to cross over with Twilight, but apart from a minor interlude with Bella running to Edward so he can "quench" her thirst for him, it doesn't get developed any further. However, the shade of purple that this happens to be is such a vivid one that it's worth a look

( This brings new meaning to 'nip it in the bud' )

Link of the Day: Two Hearts, Reunited, a fic where Ginny refuses to believe Harry is dead, carries his corpse around the house, and then kills herself. What a way to start a Monday! Thanks ladysugarquill!

Thanks to omgwtfsuzie for sending in today's Stu!

TITLE: Transcendence
PERPETRATOR: oStilloDreamingo
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter aka Lord Potter-Black-Gryffindor
SPECIES: Wizard/Shadow Fae
HAIR: "longish", raven
EYES: emerald
MARKINGS: tall, pale
POSSESSIONS: Several vaults, Dobby, a "Chalice of Inheritance", three signet rings, a "Magical Coin Purse", a glamoured cloak, a jade pendant. A pet snake named Isis.

ORIGIN: Typical Harry Potter origins. Takes place in sixth year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry leaves the Dursleys, and heads to Gringotts. While there he learns that he has several vaults. He enlists the Goblins to help return everything Dumbeldore has taken from them. He employs Dobby.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wandless magic outside of Hogwarts, with no repercussions. Speaks Parseltongue whenever he feels like it. He has "mage-site": "When a witch or wizard is able to see magic in its primal form by focusing their magic on their retina". It happens when you are stressed. On his sixteenth birthday, he inherits his "creature", he develops into a Shadow Fae. What does a Shadow Fae do? "Apparently the Shadow Fae are sighted about once or twice every decade, that too by complete accident. They seldom lingered to chat or be observed. All people have been able to report was that they appeared elfin but not as tall, possessed dark hair, pale skin, and pale eyes and had the ability to melt into shadows to escape."

NOTES: I find most of these "Dark!Harry" stories are the same. Everyone sucks except Draco. The Weasleys suck the most. It would be nice to see a Dark!Harry story where Harry remains on the Order's side, but just has a lot of internal conflict, bitterness, and angst. Not just a bad case of "Asshole".

( Long story short: you are a special unique snowflake. )

TITLE: My Twilight Princess
PERPETRATOR: Daft Strangus
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Emily Rose Potter aka Harry Potter
SPECIES: Witch/Wizard
HAIR: not described, presumably black
EYES: not described, presumably green
MARKINGS: Boobs, a cooter
POSSESSIONS: A small room in Hogwarts where her transition to femalehood is guided under the firm hand of her only friend Professor McGonagall

ORIGIN: Harry was always a girl, he was transformed into a boy because of Voldie's curse, which was undone when he/she killed him and trapped him in a coma....Yeah...I don't know either.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Buggered if I know
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can make beds appear out of thin air, is unnaturally gorgeous in the moonlight, can convince Blaise the truth of her story easily and enraptures him

NOTES:...I almost wish this had something to do with a Twilight crossover.

( They hopped into bed rather quickly, didn't they? )

I updated A Brief History of Not-Bob to include the troll we had back in June.

Thanks to the_sexorcist for sending in today's second Stu!


TITLE: Harry Potter the Son of the Half Vampire
PERPETRATOR: FireChildSlytherin5
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter aka Harry Snape
SPECIES: one-quarter vampire?
HAIR: "long, straight black hair that passed his shoulders"
EYES: "piercing green eyes that matched his mother's eyes perfectly"
MARKINGS: "a tall youth close to 6 feet in height", "smooth, unnatural pale skin, dark red lips".
POSSESSIONS: a "hot pink" lamp, a fancy room in the castle in the "Lands of the Necromancers".

ORIGIN: Lily Potter and her first husband, a mysterious half-vampire, ex Death Eater. I bet it's Snape. Lily lied to James Potter, her new husband, in telling him that Harry is his. She performs an ancient spell on Harry so he looks like James. On his fifteenth birthday, he receives a letter from Lily telling him the truth.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: James Potter is not his father, and is, in fact, his second cousin. Remus and Snape know the truth about Harry's parentage. Harry writes Remus a little letter, and upon receiving it Remus Floos to "Snape Castle, Romania". Snape reveals that he is Harry's uncle, and that his brother, Ajit, fathered Harry. When Snape and Remus go to get Harry from the Dursleys they discover that Voldemort is attacking 4 Privet Drive at the same moment. Petunia is kidnapped and we learn that Dudley is a wizard, as well. Remus brings them to the "Lands of the Necromancers", to save her. The plot is all over the place.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Great dueling skills. He is going to have another transformation, probably into his true vampire form.

NOTES: Harry's physical description makes him sound like Michael Jackson. Y/N?

( Was it necessary to have only one bed for the two of them? )

Link of the Day: Andrew would like to share A Mary Sue Alphabet with us. Thanks!


Our first Sue of the day was sent to me from rinnamarie from potterficweekly. Thanks!

TITLE: Help, Whether He Likes It or Not
PERPETRATOR: rosenotrosie
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harry "Harold" Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: dark
EYES: green
MARKINGS: injuries
POSSESSIONS: 2 children.

ORIGIN: Harry is in an abusive marriage with a muggle. The muggle thinks that all of the magical children he has fathered with Harry are an abominations. Snape swoops in and saves Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape spies on Harry while Michael is beating and raping him. Then he sees Harry at Diagon Alley and invites him for tea. Then he sees Harry being beaten unconcious, and Harry's three-year-old son, Aiden, arrives via emergency portkey to ask for Snape's help. Snape whisks Harry off to the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts, and helps deliever his child. Then he visits Harry while he is breastfeeding, and Harry asks him if he can go home. Snape does no want this to happen, for obvious reasons, and tries to convince Harry not to. Harry is adament because "children of male pregnancies need to be around both parents to gain magical ability". So Harry and Michael reunite, where he rapes Harry, again, and right after he ejaculates Snape barges in and saves Harry again. At Hogwarts, Harry fails a psychatric evaluation, so he and the children remain in Hogwarts' care. Then I skipped about 15 chapters and Harry and Snape are living together and the baby, Ian, calls Snape "Papa". They get married and have a honeymoon on a "semi-deserted island". After being together for 418 years, Severus dies, and then Harry dies four hours later.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can conceive, bear, and birth children.

NOTES: This has almost 400 reviews. I don't understand why, seeing how none of the characters resemble the characters we see in canon.

( You really couldn't get someone else besides the three-year-old to help? )

TITLE: Story of a boy
PERPETRATOR: kittyfiction2008
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: canon?
EYES: canon?
MARKINGS: bruises from his beatings, cuts from cutting.
POSSESSIONS: a knife, named Rose. He has his invisibility cloak.

ORIGIN: It's the usual "Uncle Vernon is an abusive rapist and Snape/Draco/both Snape and Draco come to save him" stories.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: On the Hogwarts Express Draco knows there is something wrong with Harry, and asks Snape to help. Snape goes to Dumbledore, who is somewhat helpful. They put Harry on suicide watch. However, a teacher can not be alone with a student one-on-one, so Snape enlists caring!Draco to help. He lives in Snape's quarters, and hangs out with his kittens. Yes, you did read that correctly.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Emo-cuttingness.

NOTES: When you make your A/Ns bold and caps-locked it serves as a good warning sign for the crap that is to come: WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF RAPE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE (DRUGS ALCOHOL), CHILD ABUSE (OF ALL KINDS), LEMONNESS, SLASH, GAY SEX, CUTTING (AND OTHER FORMS OF SELF-MUTILATION), ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, POSSIBLE MPREG, AND POSSIBLE CHARACTER DEATH (I DON’T KNOW WHO YET YOU PRAT!) IT WILL HAVE SOME DISCRIPTIVE PARTS IN ALL OF THESE IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT DON’T’ READ IT

Nice. The second chapter did feature this line, which made me laugh: "Severus Snape was not young but he wasn’t old either. He was 34 years old and he had to say he was getting to old for all this drama."

( Random line-break alert! )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's first Sue!


TITLE: Soft Spot
PERPETRATOR: AnAnGeLiNbLaCk
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Cat Demon
HAIR: "raven", "a bit longer and wasn't as wild any more, but still disorderly"
EYES: "jade green"
MARKINGS: "had also lost a great deal of weight too, now looking as if he was nothing more than pale skin stretched over a gangely skeleton. Long hands that any pianist would envy...". A "elfin featured face". He has cat ears, a tail, and "sharp little fangs that clacked together with his lower teeth when he closed his mouth".
POSSESSIONS: A cat named Kasumi, it talks.

ORIGIN: Harry has some demon blood in him, and on his birthday he transforms into a cat demon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape brings cat!Harry over to his place, where Harry is told about his true nature. Snape thinks he is cute, and Harry will be paired with Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Anything he thinks of he gets.

NOTES: This was very difficult to read, I think it has to be a mix of the prose and the subject.

( Creepiest Snape ever. )

Sue number two of three!

TITLE: Love HarrySeverus
PERPETRATOR: DracosLovers
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an invisibility cloak, swim trunks.

ORIGIN: "harry finds severus hurt in the perfects. what happens after that? do they find love? or will the hate continue?" The Suethor claims to have deleted all of her stories to have them re-written and edited by a Beta. I guess this summary slipped through the cracks.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: On his way to the "school's swimming pool", he finds Snape passed out in one of the stalls, with a razor blade and blood everywhere. He goes to Poppy for help. For saving his life, Snape will fall in love with Harry. Harry hates Dumbledore and his "so-called friends" for manipulating him
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Loves to swim. Has a "saving people" complex.

NOTES: The prose is very awkward, and none of the characters sound like themselves.

( Would it have killed you to look up the proper spellings? 'SP' is not an excuse for incorrectly spelled canon words. )

A brief history of Not-Bob has been updated.

And now for something completely awful...

TITLE: protection
PERPETRATOR: darkfairyprincess
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter and Severus Snape
SPECIES: Wizards, but Snape is described as "vampiric".
HAIR: not described.
EYES: Harry: "lovely green eyes let water drown them and turn the pearls that made the emerald in his eyes shine turn a Gryffindor red". I'm sorry, I don't understand. I am not fluent in garbage.
MARKINGS: Harry has his scar.
POSSESSIONS: Harry: PJs and a blankie. Snape has "famous robes".

ORIGIN: Snape has to go to the Durselys because Harry refused to get on the the train to head back to Hogwarts for fifth year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore uses Harry as his "fuck buddy". He used to have a relationship with Lucius Malfoy, I think, maybe that was Snape. Stu!Snape promises to protect him and love him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Snape has a "ingenious and traumatized mind" and a penis of healing.

NOTES: Lots of excellent quotes here. It is so awful that many of you will think it's a Troll, and I'm sure there will be lots of comments stating so. I say it is not a troll because the Suethor has several fics crossing several fandoms, as well as favourites and a "humorous" profile.

( Harry, do not be sad, my amazing skills in bed will heal all of your problems. )

TITLE: Cat's Moon
PERPETRATOR: balefullbrowneye
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harry James Potter
SPECIES: Cat boy
HAIR: "his jet black hair had changed from its normal birds nest to a ‘just got shagged look’(one very reminiscent of a certain Sirius Black)"
EYES: "vivid unique emerald", "When not wearing his glamour his eyes varied colors. From emerald to black to emerald to black (and on occasion they turned this fetching shade of aquamarine...but Harry refused to get attached to them) and so on. They seemed to change depending on his mood and then again sometimes they would just change. Probably just to mock him. Oh and his pupils weren’t round anymore, they were more like slits. ‘Like the color thing wasn’t enough!’ he thought bitterly."
MARKINGS: Muscles, "His ears had a point at the top, closely resembling and elves ear but not quite", "His teeth were also, well, sharper. Not fangs, like a vampire, yet not human." "The tattoo was a full moon, three stars, two eyes (similar to his own except red), and pair of black wings. They were arranged in a certain way on his creamy skin. The moon was more to the left and the wings were spread to the right. Over lapping them were the two red eyes. On the bottom in an upside-down semi-circle shape was the three stars".
POSSESSIONS: contacts.

ORIGIN: On his sixteenth birthday, Harry starts undergoing a transformation that he does not understand. No, it's not puberty, he starts to become more cat-like.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry is tired of his friends, and admits that he puts on a "fake face" for them. He bitches at Ron and Hermione. He will be paired with Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Mood swings, constant cravings for sushi.

NOTES: This is One of the many plot devices to get Harry and Draco together. Why do most of them involve Harry secretly hating all of his canon friends, and some sort of Creature-fic? Why can't it be believable?

( You know, pregnant women didn't trademark mood swings. )

TITLE: Desperate Measures
PERPETRATOR: v v c
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: part-Veela
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: claws and feathers when in bird form.
POSSESSIONS: An ego.

ORIGIN: Harry says it the best, "All you need to know is that I am an x-male half-Veela who has come into his sexual maturity and will therefore be evaluating suitors".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Malfoy and some Ravenclaw Male OC sniff Harry's new Veela abilities out in the Great Hall. Then they let the staff know. Draco tries to dominate Harry, and Harry attacks him. Then Harry gets snotty to Prissy!Dumbledore. Later on, Harry and Draco mate, resulting in some Mpreg.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can turn into full bird form, despite being part-Veela. Is an "X-male".

NOTES: This sort of characterization of Dumbledore and Harry really gets my back up. It doesn't make me like the characters very much.

( Harry, I think you are the one being pissy. )