You know how Quizilla is famous for crap Mary-Sues? I actually like this one, werewolf-ness and all. I must be ill or growing soft.


TITLE: Moon Girl -A Harry Potter Story-
PERPETRATOR: Olinthia
SUE-O-METER: (good!)

FULL NAME: Molly Wereman
SPECIES: werewolf
HAIR: black
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Wolfsbane potion.

ORIGIN: Is accepted to Beauxbatons. Her parents find out and kick her out of the house because they they magical folks are freaks. Not far from her house she is attacked by Fenrir Greyback. Mrs. Figg finds her and she recovers in St. Mungos.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She meets Neville in St. Mungos, he is kind to her despite her injury. She meets Harry at Kings Cross and he asks her where Platform 9 3/4 is. She has no clue but sends him towards the Weasleys to ask. She heads off to Beauxbatons for the next three years. The girls at Beauxbatons do not befriend her because she looks and acts different. She visits Mrs. Figg in the summer. She bumps into Harry again at Kings Cross, this time catching him and Ron being late for the Hogwarts Express. But they part after a moment and she goes back off to Beauxbatons. I think eventually she will be paired with Harry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Works hard at Potions so one day she could make the Wolfsbane potion herself.

NOTES: Kudos to the Suethor! She described Neville in a positive way, does not go to Hogwarts right off the bat, we get a description of her time at Beauxbatons and her battle with lycanthropy, and her life after 12 chapters is not entwined completely with her love interest. Also, the prose is decent.

I just like it! It's a Sue, but I like it!

( Prepare for the shock and awe. )

Sue #1!

TITLE: Hufflepuff vs Destiny
PERPETRATOR: Auguruj
SUE-O-METER: (good!)

FULL NAME: Carmina Stetson
SPECIES: Muggle/Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a believable alibi.

ORIGIN: A 20-year-old law student "unexpectedly" passes out while writing a letter to her friend. She wakes up in the Harry Potter books.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She lands in the Marauders Era, begs Dumbledore to send her back and when he can't she begs him to find her a place int he muggle world. Then he tells her that she's safe at Hogwarts and she is a witch. Dumbledore arranges for her to be taught privately, as she is older that all of the other students. Flitwick is going to take her to Diagon Alley to get her books and wand. I assume she is going to be sorted into Hufflepuff. Dumbledore places a charm on her so she can not tell anyone about what happens in the Harry Potter books. She likes Snape, and doesn't want him to die, but accepts this. They will probably be together in some form.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can randomly land in another dimension.

NOTES: The Suethor is a non-English speaker, so I'm not really basing any of this report on her prose. This is the first "Oops! I am in the Harry Potter world" story I've read where the characters have a believable response. Dumbledore isn't trying to have her change the past, he's not trying to have her hook up with someone, she's not his long-lost granddaughter. Carmina shows shock at this sudden change, and does not jump up and down in the Great Hall demanding to be sorted into Slytherin or Gryffindor, so she can romance a Marauder or Snape. She wants to go home, or be in the muggle world before being at Hogwarts.

Still a Sue, but rather refreshing.

( I can't believe I would actually continue to read this. It's a first for dimension-traveling fics. )

Thanks to ridureyu for sending in today's second Sue!


TITLE: Most Prized Possession
PERPETRATOR: ckret2
SUE-O-METER: (good!)

FULL NAME: Unknown
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "She had nice hair, Gilderoy thought, wavy and light brown, but not nearly as nice as his. He always found himself comparing the looks of people he met to his own looks; he regularly came out ahead." I loved that line, I had to include it. It has a single pink ribbon in it.
EYES: "The whites of her eyes were crawling with thick, bloodshot red veins, and black rings hung heavy beneath."
MARKINGS: An accent, I assume it's French. At a quick glance she appears to be attractive, but she really isn't. Harry can tell that there is something wrong with her.
POSSESSIONS: A "short, burnt-orange wand", an old Beauxbatons uniform, "a bedroom, like the room of a little girl—the bed had a pink cover with hearts stitched on, and there was a large collection of homemade dolls and decorated pillows crammed on all the shelves and flat surfaces in the room."

ORIGIN: Claiming to be the next Dark Lord, which is strange because she is a girl. Wouldn't she be a Dark Lady?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Kidnaps Voldemort's former lover, Gilderoy Lockhart. She sends him a message over the television to get his attention.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Has inside knowledge about the Horcruxes and Dumbledore.

NOTES: I enjoyed reading this! She's not "in your face", and if you accept the fact that Lockhart and Voldemort were lovers than it's entertaining.

( I bet she is the illegitimate daughter of Voldemort and Umbridge. )

Link O The Day: Moon Base Clavius. Which has, as is usual for LotD lately, nothing to do with anything Potterish. But is nevertheless really cool.

TITLE: Home's the Farthest Way
PERPETRATOR: ReeraTheRed

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Remus Lupin
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'silver hair mixed in with the tawny'
EYES: 'sad', but the colour is never mentioned. The eyes this fic is in love with are Snape's, which are referred to constantly as 'black', 'inscrutable', and a variety of other things.
MARKINGS: an assortment of scars
POSESSIONS: breasts and a taco show.

ORIGIN: The ministry offered Remus a werewolf cure, but Umbridge sabotaged it and it turned him into a woman.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: All the ones you'd expect of Remus-Sue, and marries Snape at the end.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: a wolf animagus.

NOTES: Okay, snark aside for a moment: I read this story right through last night, and I can honestly say that I really and truly enjoyed it. It is well-written, mostly well-paced (the ending is rather quick and a bit anticlimactic, but works much better than you'd imagine if I just described it to you), and engaging. There is a real feeling of danger and of sexual tension. The author does interesting, if not entirely canon-compatible, things with werewolves, uses Umbridge as a character instead of as the Evil Of The Week, and if the characters aren't always IC, they're close enough, and the author drops tantalizing hints about what might have changed them. It makes me want to read her other fics... hopefully, I will see her version of Voldemort's defeat and of Snape's past expanded upon.

My only real problem with the piece is that it is a gratuitous taco show.

And when I say 'gratuitous', I mean... holy moly. Nothing in the plot requires this, and the way the other characters simply take it in stride after a few minutes' startlement is rather ridiculous. The story would work just as well (and be shorter and tighter, perhaps leaving more room for a satisfying ending to the romantic subplot) as slash. But no, it's a taco show.

*sigh*

SAMPLE: ( I Really Did Like This One, Though. )

Bowling for Soup, American Hi-Fi, and Simple Plan all sound exactly the same, too. I think this is another conspiracy.

TITLE: The Girl Who Was A Boy (that's ri-ight...)
PERPETRATOR: Jitterbug1

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: blond. 'her hair fell to her waist in loose, shining curls'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a new firebolt, 'frilly, girly clothes', a bunch of other stuff that's not as special.

ORIGIN: Draco touched some magical object he shouldn't have, and it turned him into a girl.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Was, and amazingly enough, still is, Draco Malfoy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: This is actually probably the closest thing out there to a good taco show that exists for a purpose besides being porn. Draco refuses to change his name, remains in character, and has not yet fallen head-over-heels for Harry (though the summary gives me chills). The Malfoys resign themselves to the situation and attempt to cope with it as best they can... actually, the fact that this is not set at Hogwarts contributes quite a lot to its marked lack of the usual taco show cliches. I suspect things will go very much downhill once Our Sueoine is back at school.

SAMPLE: ( What We've Got So Far Is Actually Pretty Funny, Though... )

And voting is now closed! The results will be announced as soon as I'm done putting a_leprechaun in her place.

TITLE: True Seers, Tarot Cards, Crystal Balls, and Wands (as well as inspections, Umbridge is now taking classroom inventories.)
PERPETRATOR: Miseki

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Hitomi Kanzaki
SPECIES: Human/Witch?
HAIR: dirty-blonde
EYES: green
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: extremely accurate tarot cards

ORIGIN: Dumbledore sends Snape to get her, for her own protection.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: none mentioned
SPECIAL ABILITIES: a 'True Seer'.

NOTES: Wow.

Crossovers are like the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead; when they're good, they're very very good, and when they're bad, they're horrid. This is actually one of the good ones. The author picks her place in the Escaflowne storyline so that the crossover works, there's an actual plot, Snape is in character, and the author actually did research - she knows the correct meanings of tarot cards, and looked up the name of an airport in Tokyo! I am a very, very impressed pottersues!

SAMPLE: ( Very Very Good. )

Random Link of the Moment: Here is a fascinating article on exactly why Disney sucks so much (and whose fault it is).

TITLE: When You Least Expect It (you find a Pansy-Sue!)
PERPETRATOR: hasapi

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Pansy Parkinson. YAY!
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Her mother blew the family fortunes supporting Voldemort and ended up in Azkaban, so poor Pansy is penniless and boyfriendless. She likes Draco, but in a sisterly sort of way, and all her other boyfriends have been jerks.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Pansy. Will hook up with Harry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: exceptionally good-looking, and a jerk-magnet.

NOTES: Okay, so this is not really a Sue, except for some sueishness in the "oh, I'm so pretty I can't keep the boys away, woe!" aspect of it. I'm just posting it because we don't see nearly enough fics that are nice to Pansy and Draco.

SAMPLE: ( Woe Is Pansy )

ironychan tells me she's working on another Sue shirt... which, unlike my pathetic text-only efforts, will have an actual illustration on it. So watch this space.

TITLE: The Quiet Ones (isn't that how the neighbours always describe guys who flew off the handle one day and shot their wives and kids? "I dunno, he was always so quiet...")
PERPETRATOR: Lyta Padfoot (sister of Darka Padfoot?)

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Blaise Zabini
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'As it was summer and magic was forbidden, she could not charm her hair into a neat chignon as she did at school and the wispy blond strands kept escaping to tickle the back of her neck.'
EYES: hazel
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Just another femme!Blaise, who along with her friend Alan Nott decides to take Draco down a few pegs.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: You know this bit.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Wow indeed... for starters, this is an author who actually likes Slytherins for being Slytherins and doesn't try to make them into delicately angsty goths. Blaise and Alan are intelligent, ambitious, and crafty - exactly what Slytherins are supposed to be - and detest the fact that their house has a reputation for being home to a lot of unsubtle I-4M-73H-3B1L types... said reputation being mostly Draco Malfoy's fault. So they set out to take him down a few pegs.

The fic starts off decidedly Sueish with 'oh, look at me, I'm so unlike the other Slytherins!' Blaise, but picks up quickly after that, and as of the end of chapter two I'm sufficiently hooked to forgive it a few abuses of canon. Excuse me now, I'm going to go read the rest of it... something I rarely do with our feature of the day.

Oh, and I find the idea of there being a Harry Potter Chocolate Frog Card immensely amusing. That is all.

SAMPLE: ( 'She Turned Me Into A Sue!' 'A Sue?' 'Well, I Got Better...' )

This one really isn't bad.

TITLE: Little Sister
PERPETRATOR: Rochelle

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Sapphira Emily Malfoy - Draco doesn't think this 'grand name' suits her, and just calls her Emily.
SPECIES: Human/Squib
HAIR: 'long, white-gold hair'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: She smells of 'soap and strawberry shampoo'
POSESSIONS: A yellow teddy bear named Mr. Fuzzy.

ORIGIN: Draco's squib little sister. Lucius and Narcissa kill her.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: See above.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None mentioned.

NOTES: I'm sure squib sisters of Draco are a dime a dozen, but this might be the only one in which the Malfoys handle the situation the way Malfoys would handle it. Kudos for that, and for the writing. Draco is very much (very, very, VERY, extremely much) out of character and Our Sueoine's name is sort of laughable, but the fic actually does manage to tug the heartstrings a little. Do go read the whole thing.

SAMPLE: ( See Draco Angst. Angst, Draco, Angst! )

Twin Number Five.

TITLE: Long Lost
PERPETRATOR: Aurianna Parker

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Heather Evans-Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'her mother’s red hair'
EYES: 'her father’s large gray eyes'
MARKINGS: lightning-bolt scar, which she covers with makeup
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Harry's Twin, stolen away by some evil witch or other and taken to New York, where she went through multiple orphanages and foster homes before being sent to Hogwarts at age 15.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: See above.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned

NOTES: I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes - there is a WOW!-worthy Sue who is still Harry's Sister. I bow before the godly powers of the author - she shall go far.

SAMPLE: ( Wow. )

Two days left to nominate. You guys should know the drill by now.

Our Fifth Badfic: this one I found while seeking Ginny-Sues. It's a story in which Ginny discovers that, due to her contact with Tom Riddle, she has become a parselmouth. That might make a great fic, provided it was written by somebody who could, for example, actually spell 'parselmouth'.

I've been saving this one, and I think it's time to pull it out:

TITLE: Lonely Reign
PERPETRATOR: CinnamonGrrl

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Hannah Abbott, Susan Bones, and Laura Madley
SPECIES: Human/Witches
HAIR: 'Hannah was your classic blonde shepherdess type' with 'long, bouncing, shampoo-commercial curls', 'Susan, on the other hand, was a lanky dark beauty, all raven hair', and Laura's 'hair was a sort of bronze shade, neither red nor brown'
EYES: Hannah's aren't described, Susan's are 'chocolate', and Laura's are 'an indeterminate hazel-green'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a lot of makeup and back issues of Teen Witch.

ORIGIN: Random Hufflepuffs who giggle a lot.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco likes them, but considers them beneath him because they're in Hufflepuff.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Laura accidentally changes all the Slytherin 6th-years into flatulent dodos. Really.

NOTES: I love this fic. It's cute and it's silly, the author cares enough to spellcheck and uses a new paragraph for each speaker. Draco's characterization is a little off, but not enough to be annoying, and bits of it have a serious case of the WTF's, but overall, I'm glad I found it. Enjoy!

SAMPLE: ( That's One Way To Save Endangered Species... )

Wohoo! Lots to do tonight! First, to congratulate the winners of the crossover contest! Only two people ever actually sent me an entry, so everybody who entered wins, which is always nice.

First place goes to starrysummer, for her story Harry Potter and the Posterior of Cartman. If she will be so kind as to email me, her prize is the 'Platform 9¾' Christmas ornament from Hallmark.

Second place is awarded to LIWY, for her story Vacation. She will be recieving a box of Harry Potter band-aids, as a gentle reminder that Second Place is just the first loser. (My apologies - if I'd known only two people were going to enter, I'd've found something cooler for second place.)

Secondly, I would like to extend a big welcome back to Not-Bob, now also known as antipottersues, and to thank her for making things so easy for me. I also find it very funny how her identity is so wrapped up in mine that she actually calls herself antipottersues.

Evil minions... check. A nemesis whose very purpose in existance is my downfall... check. Now I just need to find that damn ring, and all the world will be covered in darkness! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

*ahem*

Last but never least, Not-Bob's untriumphant return seemed like a great time to begin Reader-Sue Week! Tonight's was going to be fairytalegrrl's Steer Me to the Light, but upon clicking I found I'd already Sued it. So instead, we have this:

TITLE: The Diary
PERPETRATOR: Phoenix SilverWind

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Rhiannon Malfoy
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'pale blonde hair'
EYES: 'piecing ice blue eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: A pair of Gary-Stu best friends, Will Weasley and Thomas Potter.

ORIGIN: The daughter of Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy (a pairing I do not 'get', but that may be just me).
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: See above. Best friends with the son of Ron and Hermione, and that of Harry and a woman whose name I shall not reveal.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Unsortable - the hat lets her choose between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

NOTES: *sigh* Y'know, one of the reasons I've been putting off Reader-Sue Week was because I needed to psych myself up for it. I kept telling myself that I was going to be tough, that I was going to drag these Sues through just as much mud as the non-reader ones, and not be extra-kind just because they were my minions. After all, those who submitted were putting themselves up for the mocking, and mocking is what I do.

But this is... well, pretty darn good. >.<

The two Stu's and the Sue are a pretty standard Hogwarts; TNG offering, and there's a Big Mystery about who Thomas Potter's Slytherin mother was... it's the sort of plot that seems destined to suck, but the author is talented and the prose is engaging.

Which frankly, leaves me wondering whether everybody who submitted to Reader-Sue Week just did so to show off. In which case, I will be very annoyed with all of you.

SAMPLE: ( Meet The Sue (And Stus)! )

I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

TITLE: Badger and Snake
PERPETRATOR: Hufflepuff Pride

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Alana Burke
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'She had nice hair, too. It looked really soft. It wasn’t to long either, and it was a pretty shade of dark brown. Sort of like really thick, rich mud.'
EYES: 'a pretty color' is all we're given.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Hufflepuff chaser, rather badly hurt after Goyle lobs a bludger at her. He later goes to see her in the hospital wing and... well, it's really rather cute.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Goyle likes her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None really... plays Quidditch.

NOTES: That's right, ladies and germs - not only is this a Hufflepuff Sue... it's a Goyle Sue! I never thought I'd see the day!

Y'know, I've noticed that nobody really seems to read this 'notes' section. I'll give a golden snitch hackysack to the first person who makes a Dr. Suess reference in a comment.

SAMPLE: ( Hufflesue! )

Miss Kaila Riddle has a bone to pick with somebody.

TITLE: When Magic Doesn't Need a Wand (NOT a promising sign)
PERPETRATOR: paw-'O'-print

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Alexandra Kayumi Filch, usually called 'Ayumi'
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: not described - which is a bit odd, as she seems to describe everybody else's hair.
EYES: 'half-Japanese eyes', whatever that means. They can apparently disappear. O.o
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Filch's magicless daughter, whom he brings to Hogwarts to help him out after Hermione convinces a bunch of the house elves to take vacations.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Filch's daughter, makes friends with Harry and co, going to fall in love with Draco (according to the summary).
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Magical powers that suddenly manifest when she's 15 years old.

NOTES: It does take all kinds to make a world, and this is one of the rarest kinds of all... a Mary-Sue that is actually readable and enjoyable. It isn't perfect: the writing is in places confusing and the POV is not consistent, but the canon characters are all closer to in-character than I've seen them in ages, and the premise is not nearly so implausible as such stories often are. My main nitpicks would be:

(1) Filch is rather old. He'd be more likely to have a granddaughter that age than a daughter.

(2) Why, why did she have to be half Japanese? (The author claims to be Asian, so this might be a bit more excuable than it is in the 'my Sue is Japanese 'cuz like OMG Anime is SO KEWL!' case)

(3) She was far more interesting when she was just a squib than when she suddenly manifests magical powers.

SAMPLE: ( Sorry, But The Sue Is Too Special To Be Just A Squib! )

Well, we've had quite a string of really damn awful fics lately... so for today, here's something by somebody who can actually write.

TITLE: Running in the Rain
PERPETRATOR: Winter Solstice1

SUE-O-METER: (good)

FULL NAME: Professor Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Gone were the frizzy curls of her schooldays, replaced by sleek sandy coloured waves that fell nearly to her waist.'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: Skimpy little lycra running clothes. Distracting thighs. Snape's lust.

ORIGIN: Hermione Granger, back from 'Wizarding University' (does that even exist?) to teach at Hogwarts. In the first two chapters, it has not yet said what she's teaching.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Hermione. Was in love with Harry, but he died before she could tell him and she angsts about it. Is going to get it on with Snape.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A 'sleekening charm' for her hair (does this make anybody else giggle?)

NOTES: Just speaking for myself, I detest Snape/Hermione. But... well, the only things getting this categorized as a Sue at all are the description ad nauseum of Hermione's thighs and slight but persistent and nagging OOCness. So here it is, ladies and germs... a Snape/Hermione-Sue that very nearly doesn't suck.

SAMPLE: ( All Hail The Sleekening Charm! Oh, And The Angst. )