Link of the Day: It's time to Rock the Boat! The Dark Mark's NaNoShip challenge has been launched! It's a lot of fun! I challenge any minion to participate. When you do, send me the link and your validated story will be featured as "Link of the Day"!

TITLE: The Other One Who Lived
PERPETRATOR: Neville_Is_My_Hero
SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Melinda Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: red?
EYES: "my father’s jet blue eye"
MARKINGS: "looks exactly" like Lily.
POSSESSIONS: a "seekoscope"

ORIGIN: She is Harry's younger twin sister. She was raised in Chicago by her "Aunt Rose and Uncle Ratclilff". She learns that Harry exists when she visits Godric's Hallow.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Spies the Weasleys about to enter The Leaky Cauldron. She is going to meet Harry, and she is going to be paired with Ron.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A rebellious, curious nature.

NOTES: Why is she American? Was was it important to the plot? It's not. In seven books we only see American wizarding folk at the Quidditch World Cup.

( This is going to bode well. )

My minions, not every story I feature has been inspired by Twilight. This one we can blame on Twilight for sure.

TITLE: Not Dead Yet
PERPETRATOR: Lily Desdemona Potter
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Esmee Rosalina Riddle aka Harper Jane Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: Before she had "short spiked black hair with fire red highlights", and then is transformed to "a light caramel/golden brown, almost seeming blond in instances"
EYES: "My eyes stayed green but were more bright and darker emerald, and instead of round were almond shaped."
MARKINGS: 5'6", heart-shaped face, scar on her forehead, "pink pouty" lips.
POSSESSIONS: two children, who have died.

ORIGIN: She is the "Girl Who Lived". Her real parents are "Kira Rose Evans Malfoy Riddle & Thomas Marvolo Riddle", but she was adopted by "Lilith Rose Evans Potter & James Henry Potter". She finds out she is adopted just after fifth year. She is kicked out of the house after that, while greving the loss of Sirius, Cedric and their twin babies Samuel and Serena. When James Potter adopted her, he passed on his recessive Spanish Flu gene. *smashes forehead against keyboard* Then she tries to kill herself by throwing herself off of the London Bridge and washes up on Locke Jackson's "wooded area where he went to fish". He is a "a war veteran from Hiroshima". She tells him about magic, and he teaches her about combat. Then she is captured realizes that the Malfoys and Voldemort aren't so bad. Her recessive Spanish Flu gene is activated and she gets sick, then she physically transforms to look like her parents. She looked like the Potters before.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Voldemort's daughter, adopted child of Lily and James. Snape carries her in his "muscular" arms to the Hospital Wing when she is in labour. Dr. Cullen randomly shows up to deliver her twins. Hermione is one of her best friends. We are told right away that Hermione is bisexual. Then it's basically a re-read of the last few chapters of Order of the Phoenix. She will be paired with Edward Cullen.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Girl who lived, and all that jazz.

NOTES: What was the purpose of the twins? The veteran? Hermione being bisexual? It all seems superfluous.

( These are the genes! The genes of a KILLAH! )

Thanks to Embirsiphone who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: First Times
PERPETRATOR: ShadowOfSilver
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nicole Aria Anna Christina Potter, aka Aria
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: auburn
EYES: "smouldering green eyes", "glazed emeralds", "sparkled like emeralds"
MARKINGS: long nails
POSSESSIONS: an engagement ring: "made of live gold, the rarest metal known to wizards, with a princess cut diamond surrounded by emeralds".

ORIGIN: Harry is replaced by this. Set at Post-war Hogwarts during seventh year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She and Blaise heal each other from the scars of war.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Defeated the Dark Lord, is amazing in bed, exudes no real personality.

NOTES: I'm curious about the motivation behind this story? Why make Harry a girl? There is only one mention of Aria defeating Voldemort. Is it so they have to "heal" each other? A random OC could have deep emotional scars from war, as well.

( The purple prose is strong in this one. )

Thanks to an anonymous minion for today's first Sue!


TITLE: CelyneCado Angelus
PERPETRATOR: The Blackest Night
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Celyne Lilith/Isabelle Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black
EYES: green like Lily's and the AK curse.
MARKINGS: a scar: "the shape of a lightning bolt on the underneath of her chin"
POSSESSIONS: a dad that hates her.

ORIGIN: A er-telling of Harry's story. Harry has been replaced by Celyne and while Lily dies, James Potter and Celyne's older half-brother James Junior survive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is the girl-who-lived, but everyone thinks her brother is the one who killed Voldemort. James is convinced by his new wife to get rid of Celyne. The reader gets to vote on who Celyne will be paired with.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is the girl-who-lived

NOTES: The Most OOC Canon Character nominations are certainly going to be full this time around! Here we have bad-dad!James! Dumbledore is a close runner-up!

( I wonder if she is going to grow-up up as a prankster/goth? )

Sue #2! Thank you to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!

TITLE: The Other Potter
PERPETRATOR: ilyx54321
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Madeleine Potter, "pronounced mad-a-lyn" aka Maddie
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long black hair"
EYES: "piercing green eyes"
MARKINGS: "a lighting shaped scar on her forehead"
POSSESSIONS: a letter to Hogwarts

ORIGIN: She was sent to a muggle orphanage after the death of her parents. After she gets her Hogwarts letter she shows up in Harry's room 'cause she wants to meet him.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Harry's sister.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is the girl who lived with her brother. Charms the Dursleys.

NOTES: The Dursleys should be nominated for Most OOC characters next Bubotubers.

( What the hell did you do to the Dursleys?! )

Fourth and final Sue for today! I'm all caught up! Yay! It only took a month. :(

Thanks to sinkinto_heart for sending in today's fourth Sue!

TITLE: How To Love A Werewolf
PERPETRATOR: a.little.help.from.my.friends
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Alexandra "Lexi" Lynne Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Hermione magically fried and curled her hair so it fell in little waves framing her face." Haha, fried.
EYES: "A beautiful bright emerald green. The greenest I had ever seen. Even greener than Lily's." WOAH! Greener than Lily's?
MARKINGS: Lavender pierces her belly-button.
POSSESSIONS: Clothes that are too big. After her makeover, she gets: "a red vest-type thing that did up in the front and showed her belly-button", "black skinny leg jeans, with a studded black and silver belt", "red high-top converse. (A/N bear with me. I know they don't have any of that crap but still...)".

ORIGIN: Harry has been replaced by this thing. I guess writing Harry/Lupin slash was just too much?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is the girl who lived. She, at the age of 17, is in love with Lupin, and he is in love with her. Hermione and Lavender give her a makeover and she uses Ron to make Lupin jealous. It works: "'I know for sure now that she'll never love me. Fuck, she's with Ron!' he thought as he saw Ron give Alexandra a kiss on the cheek." Eventually they confess their feelings to one another and the world is wonderful with its rainbows and kittens and werewolf pups!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Even though she wars pants that are way too baggy, and long sleeve tops also too big, and never wears make-up, she is gorgeous." She is smart like her mom, but is mischievous like her father.

NOTES: Lupin makes a list of the pros and cons. I don't know any man who has ever done this. Can any of the male minions out there tell me if they are the list-making type?

Here is the list:
a) If we break up, we could never stay friends.

b) She is so much younger than me.

c) She could never love you.

d) She probably has a boyfriend.

e) I would probably go to Azkaban.

But then he decided to come up with a list of the good things:

a) I love her.

b) We would be happy

c) I could protect her.

d) I would love her forever.

e) We could have a future together.

f) I could be her family.

g)...

ROFL.

( I bet Dumbledore is a the door with confetti. )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!


TITLE: Imperfect Hero
PERPETRATOR: CynicalMisanthrope
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Jade Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long, slightly wavy jet-black hair"
EYES: "guarded, bright green eyes"
MARKINGS: skinny, a lightning bolt scar on her forehead,
POSSESSIONS: "a paper-thin mattress with an old, ragged, and slightly blood-stained blanket" at the Dursleys. She has "a small penknife she had found on the school playground a year ago". She buys a "a sleek black cat with bright green eyes" and names it Nightchaser.

ORIGIN: From the summary in the first chapter: "So, this fic is the answer to the decade-old question. What is Harry had a half a brain and a vaguely human reaction to all the shit he’s been through?" This could be interesting if you didn't make Harry a girl for no reason on top of that! Clearly you just want him to boink Nott and can't handle the idea of slash.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Lives with the Dursleys. She gets her Hogwarts letter before her birthday. McGonagall, Snape and Dumbledore come to get her on her birthday. She instantly does not trust Dumbledore. He takes her shopping in Diagon Alley. She befriends Daphne Greengrass on the Hogwarts Express. She dislikes Draco and Pansy. Ron bumps into her and tells her that she was supposed to be in Gryffindor. She mouths off at him using her above-average vocabulary. In Potions she makes snarky comments about Neville "Longbottem". She answers all of Snape's questions perfectly. Later she does get Neville's Rememberall from Draco, obviously she has to end up on the Quidditch team somehow.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "cynical" and "sarcastic". She can perform controlled wandless magic before attending Hogwarts. She gives Dumbledore the creeps. She is a natural Occlumens, and pushed Dumbledore out of her mind.

NOTES: The Suethor refers to Jade in her A/Ns as Harry/Jade. I see no resemblance to Harry in terms of his characterization. I don't know why this isn't listed as an OC story.

( The 'OooOoooOooOooOooOooO' adds a lot to the story. It makes a dramatic reading fun! )

TITLE: Juniper Rose Potter: Pranksers
PERPETRATOR: Lord of the Phoenix
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Juniper "June" Rose Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long blonde hair down to the small of her back, her hair was kind of strange as it has dark red strands intertwined in the fringe and down the sides over her ears. Her hair tied back tight in a triple plate with a blue ribbon tying the tip of her hair, her fringe loose and sticking out, up and down at odd angles, and long tufts running down passed her ears that looked neatly messy."
EYES: "her beautiful teal eyes sparkled with joy"
MARKINGS: "cursed scar is on the back of her right shoulder blade out of sight so no one should know who she is unless she introduces herself". You can't pick and choose where your scars end up.
POSSESSIONS: "some cute dark blue combat trousers held up with her belt, a blue form hugging small sleeved top that revealed her tight, small and slightly toned stomach, black trainers and socks, and a blue hoody with three red strips down each arm left undone. On her right hip attached to her belt a small removable pocket of yellow-brown suede, up her left sleeve attached to her left forearm a wand holster with her wand snugly secure." She has "loads of muggle things at home, like a computer, TV, DVD player, I-POD, a stereo and a bicycle and plenty of other things."

ORIGIN: Harry doesn't exist. Juniper is the "Girl Who Lived", also James and Lily Potter are alive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Ginny's age, and they befriend each other on the train. They pull pranks on people, specifically Draco Malfoy. They are soul mates and magically promise themselves to each other on the train, as well. They have to keep in constant contact with each other. The force of such a deep bond is felt by the Professors at Hogwarts. They are not friends with Ron or Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can make a timid Ginny more confident. She "leak[s] an aura of kindness". She is the "cutest, sweetest person [Ginny] had ever met".

NOTES: In this story, Ron and Hermione claim to have saved the "Philosopher's" stone the year before. I would love to know how they did this, seeing how Voldemort could touch Ron and Hermione.

( You're 11, why are you making bonds like this? )

Link O The Day: I dunno about you guys, but I can't imagine the Harry Potter Lego Sets every running out of nifty.

TITLE: A Better Life?
PERPETRATOR: ciceronian (sounds like one of those pasta-in-tomato-sauce deals. Ciceroni; in fun shapes resembling your favourite ancient orators!)

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Haley Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'waist-length black hair', 'slightly curly black hair'
EYES: 'bright emerald-green eyes'
MARKINGS: 'full red lips'. Lips are not naturally red. They are pink. If your lips are red on their own, you are either Snow White or a Vampire. And between her 'snow white' skin and 'blood red' lips, Snow White has always struck me as rather vampiric herself.
POSESSIONS: Living parents and Godfather. Three brothers name Dominic, Nicholas, and Matthew.

ORIGIN: If Harry had been a girl, Voldemort wouldn't have killed James and Lily Potter... he'd have gone after the Longbottoms instead, making Neville the Boy Who Lived. This makes good sense, really. Sadly, the desired end result is she-Harry in Draco's bed.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Has all the family and friends Harry does, calls Snape 'Uncle' and will Get Jiggy with Draco. Neville has this weird and creepy obsession with her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned

NOTES: I must give kudos to the author for the amount of thought she put into this alteranate universe. It's kind of nice to see a 'Harry As A Girl' AU that doesn't just put him in a skirt and then rip off everything else from the books. But somehow the result just isn't very interesting. Maybe it's just because I've seen so many of these that the whole concept just bores me now. Or maybe it's because in the end, the story is just an excuse to hook Our Sueoine up with Draco. Who knows? Not I.

SAMPLE: ( The Fact That There's No Excuse For The OOCness Of Snape Doesn't Help. )

Why is there an entire website just for stories about Snape being pregnant?

TITLE: Arielle Potter : Book One
PERPETRATOR: Serena R. Snape

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Arielle Lily Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'long curly jet-black hair that seemed to never be completely neat'
EYES: 'brilliant green eyes that once remembered of an emerald, but were now dull with sadness and hopelessness'
MARKINGS: 'a scar on her forehead that resembled a lightning bolt'
POSESSIONS: Stuff she stole from Harry after she tied him up and invaded his story.

ORIGIN: Managed to get herself born to the Potters instead of Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is pointedly ignoring it, though she bonds with somebody who has the same name as Snape.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I assume she'll be a parselmouth and an amazing Quidditch player.

NOTES: *cough*RIPOFF*cough*

*cough*AGAIN!*cough*

She says the story is 'not what we expect', and she does eventually start changing the plot, albeit in ways that have nothing to do with the main character being a girl instead of a boy. What I don't understand is why she doesn't just skip bits like the Dursleys and the trip to the zoo that everybody already knows and she doesn't intend to do differently.

SAMPLE: ( What Is The Point When All You're Changing Is The Name? )

I like to think I'm one of those little constants of the world. No matter what tragedies befall us, there will aways be pottersues.

TITLE: Ebony Riddle and the truth about the boy who died
PERPETRATOR: JuMiKu

SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Ebony Layla Riddle.
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'hair, which touched the floor and was greasy and matted'
EYES: 'One of her eyes was emerald green like his own, but the other was blood red with a silted pupil, like a cat's'
MARKINGS: none mentioned - it specifically says no lightning-bolt scar.
POSESSIONS: a house elf named Bobby.

ORIGIN: Okay, this is convoluted. Voldemort had some form of sex with Lily Potter (oddly, the way this is phrased implies that it was consensual) that resulted in a daughter, Ebony Layla Riddle, who is younger than her half-brother Harry. The ministry had this baby killed because they were afraid of what she might grow up into. However, for some bizarre reason, Lily liked Ebony better than Harry, and so used polyjuice potion and some special charms to switch the babies, so it was Harry who was killed and Ebony who lived. And now Voldemort, in search of his daughter, removed the charms and revealed Harry to be Ebony. Clear?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is a taco-show Harry and Harry's long-lost sister and Voldemort's daughter. Wow. When I came up with the Voldie's-daughter-disguised-as-Harry thing for the 2004 April Fools Sue I figured it was so ridiculous nobody would ever try to do it for real. Now I'm very worried indeed about that Dobby-Stu. Oh, and she's Snape's Goddaughter.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Telling house-elves apart.

NOTES: Considering the godawful premise, this is actually probably about as good as the story could possibly be. The author's clearly putting quite a bit of effort into it... she a decent job of keeping Snape IC, and works with Sirius' tendencies towards jerkitude and thinking of Harry as a smaller version of James. The chapters are a good length. What I'm finding most annoying about it is that she bolds and italicizes everything that's supposed to be sarcastic.

The second most annoying things is her pre-emptive wanking. The beginning of every chapter (including the very first) is a long whine about how much she hates flamers and how sad and pathetic they are, and how this is her first fanfic and it's - *sob* - dedicated to her dead grandfather. Yeesh. At least put off your wangst until you actually get a negative review.

Third most annoying? How everybody starts thinking of Harry as 'her' and 'Ebony' right away.

SAMPLE: ( If This Author Would Just Stop Writing Taco Shows, She'd Probably Be Pretty Good. )

So long, Girl Who Lived Week! We won't miss you!

TITLE: And then there was the lost
PERPETRATOR: MercuryAcidandWater (that would be interestingly layered.)

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Iris Lily Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'silver bangs falling into her eyes, clashing horribly with her blood-red hair'
EYES: 'violently violet, red tinged eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned.
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: The Girl Who Lived lives with her 'father', who sexually abuses her.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: I think if you asked the author, she'd get this glazed look and go, 'canon?'
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Vomiting on Draco's shoes and having him get only 'mildly pissed off'.

NOTES: This fic is short on descriptions. Nothing is described except for Our Sueoine's vomit. Yes. Vomit.

SAMPLE: ( What The Shit Is This? )

Girl Who Lived Week, Day Six:

TITLE: Child of Grace
PERPETRATOR: Lady Azar de Tameran

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Holly Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'midnight hair' or 'ebony tresses', repeatedly
EYES: 'emerald orbs', over and over again
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a gold locket, 'On the surface were an intertwined “L” and “J” etched within a heart.'

ORIGIN: Aliens abducted baby Harry and left this thing in his place, as part of their invasion plan.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Has taken over Harry's role.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Telepathy. Gratuitous adjective abuse.

NOTES: This one is just plain trying too hard.

SAMPLE: ( I Think I Am Going To Be Sick. )

Today I saw in a store window a display of baby bibs with various silly slogans on them, including the following:

It's tough to be neat/when your learning to eat!
I don't know who approved that design, but I hope they get attacked by evil apostrophes who went bad because they were denied loving homes.

Girl Who Lived Week, Day Five:

TITLE: Un'ombra solitaria (sorry. Even in Italian, it's still emo.)
PERPETRATOR: i'mtheanarchist

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Rory Potter Santo. Rory? On what planet is this a girl's name? And Santo? Any relationship to the Mexican wrester?
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'long auburn hair that fell in curls down her back and over her shoulders'
EYES: 'twinkling brown eyes that was said to have come from her real father as they always looked like she was up to something'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: heaps of trendy Muggle clothes

ORIGIN: Is Harry's twin sister, and a prissy, stuck-up celebrity about being the Girl Who Lived. Somehow, the fact that she's supposed to be annoying doesn't really help. Raised by a family called Santo for some reason, and sorted into Hufflepuff. Get out of my House!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry's twin, is the Girl Who Lived.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned

NOTES: Apparently, Harry's going to save his sister's live and realize that she's Not So Bad. Somehow, this fails to excite me. Somehow I want her to turn out to have Voldemort inhabiting her body and go all evil.

Anyway, points to the story for not making the Sue the nominal hero. No points for making it All About Her anyway.

SAMPLE: ( I Don't Get This At All. )

Hang tight, minions, we're halfway there!

Girl Who Lived Week, Day Four:

TITLE: The Girl Who Lived and her 6th year
PERPETRATOR: Syntaxx

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harrie Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned, though I suppose there's the lightning-bolt scar there.
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: The usual Harry-was-born-a-girl thing. Is saved from Dudley in the park by kids who want to sell her drugs.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Pansy Parkinson appears with the druggie kids for no especial reason.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Apparating at 16.

NOTES: I stopped reading at the drugs bit. I mean... wtf?

SAMPLE: ( Seriously. What Has This Got To Do With Anything? )

This song has been stuck in my head all damn day.

Girl Who Lived Week, Day Three:

TITLE: The Same Scar
PERPETRATOR: Frank09

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Marnie Ashford
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: lightning bolt scar on her hip - which gives her an excuse to strip for Harry on the train. You think I'm kidding, don't you?
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: This is whole new kinds of stupid! The Avada Kedavra Voldemort used to try to kill Harry went right through the Earth to give the same scar to Our Sueoine, who was directly opposite from him! If anybody is interested, this would put her somewhere in the Antipodes (which are, appropriately enough, the antipodes of England. Awright! I got to use the word 'antipodes'!), despite the fact that she claims she was in Wisconsin.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Harry's Soul Mate, due to their having been bonded by this spell. Ooookay then.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Dislocating something of Ron's.

NOTES: At least 'strong, Quidditch-trained arms' is a change from 'Quidditch-toned muscles'. Not that it's any less stupid, but it is a change.

The author and her friends make cameos.

SAMPLE: ( It Was Very Difficult Deciding Between The Stupid Origin Story And This Equally Stupid Kiss Scene. )

Girl Who Lived Week, Day Two:

TITLE: Harry Potter: The 'Boy' Who Lived
PERPETRATOR: SaphirePhoenix

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Hallie Marie Potter
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'the same midnight shade of brown'
EYES: 'emerald green eyes'
MARKINGS: lightning bolt scar
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: The Potters never got a chance to tell anybody that their kid was a girl before going into hiding, and then Dumbledore let everybody think it was a boy to confuse the Death Eaters. To keep up the pretense now that she's at Hogwarts, she has to go to school disguised as a boy. Glasses are part of the disguise.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Pretending to be part of it.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none so far.

NOTES: This is pretty bearable as Girls-Who-Lived go... there's actually one line I really rather like:

Dumbledore seemed to think his face on a Chocolate Frog card was better than the Order of Merlin he'd received.

Those points were lost, however, when it is brought to our attention that Our Sueoine is left-handed because the author is.

SAMPLE: ( Because Girl-Who-Lived Sues Do Everything Harry Does, Just Better. )

Screw it, I'm bored and I just saw my future in an action figure. This week is Girl Who Lived Week.

This is fun.

TITLE: Rhianna Potter and The Philosopher's Stone (hoboy.)
PERPETRATOR: LadyPhoenix121

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Rhianna Lily Potter. Oh, this is gonna be good.
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'shoulder length wavy black hair'
EYES: 'bright green gold flecked eyes with a mischievous twinkle in them'
MARKINGS: lightning bolt scar
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Has kidnapped Harry and taken his place, brainwashing everybody so they won't notice. And for some reason, in her universe Voldemort came to the door when she was five, not one. I think this is so she can angst later.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Besides doing unspeakable things to it?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none so far.

NOTES: That's right - we get a whole week of Harry-replacing Sues! Won't this be fun?! Huh?!? Huh!?!?! HUH?!?!?!?

SAMPLE: ( Warning: Canon Ends Ahead )

You know... just as a sort of random factoid for the day: there was a time when 'witchcraft' and 'magic' were two distinct phenomena. 'Witchcraft' was power a person got by making a pact with the devil. 'Magic' encompassed things like alchemy, astrology, and medicine, and was considered entirely natural - God built the world with certain magical properties that humans could make use of, and marked those things so that we could find them. A walnut, for example, looks like a brain - so obviously a person who has a headache should eat walnuts. Some of the most fascinating books written by Renaissance scholars were books of magical theory.

TITLE: The Girl Who Lived: The Phillospher's Stone
PERPETRATOR: Misha

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hallie Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: I'll assume it's black
EYES: Green, I guess.
MARKINGS: lightning bolt scar
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: This is another "What if Harry was a Mary-Sue girl?" fic. Except in the effort to make her fic different from the books, our Sueoine was brought up by the Dursleys who loved her as one of their own and insist upon paying for her to go to Hogwarts! I don't think this quite worked the way the author wanted it to. It might turn out that her real father is not James but Snape.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Raped canon, then removed its kidneys and left it in an icewater bath.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: I will give the Sue Author her props for avoiding the old 'rip off the books' thing that happens when everybody else tries this so-called plotline. But what she came up with is... well...

I remember the first time I ever tried to make my own cake frosting instead of buying the canned stuff - I wasn't entirely sure how one went about doing so, but I'd seen my mother do it when I was little. I knew that there was icing sugar involved in some capacity, but not much else, and I had a recipe that said 'frosting'... however, as it turned out, the recipe had been mislabled. It was actually for some form of meringue; it had an egg white in it, icing sugar, and vanilla extract. I put the stuff in the bowl and mixed for a while, but after a while I could tell that the texture was all wrong for frosting. I added a bit more sugar and beat it a while longer, and it thickened up a bit but still didn't turn into frosting... but I figured I could use it, and very fortunately, decided to taste it. I have never quite come across a word to describe what it tasted like - you'll just have to try to imagine really, really sweet meringue that hasn't been fluffed up and cooked, thus leaving it with the approximate texture of warm toothpaste. It nearly made me sick. I scraped it into the garbage, and it dribbled in very slowly and then lay there like some alien slime that might at any moment come to life and crawl out again. Can you picture the stuff? Can you imagine the taste of it?

That's what this fic is like.

SAMPLE: ( I Feel Sick. )

Haven't had one of these in a while.

TITLE: Julie Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
PERPETRATOR: Mystie-001 (I actually went to summer camp once with a girl whose name was 'Mystie'. She and I never got along very well. I think my asking her, "isn't that a name for a hamster?" might have had something to do with it. And yes, she spelled it that way... maybe 'Mystie' is for people and 'Misty' is the hamster-exclusive version?)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Julie Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'jet-black hair'
EYES: not described. I guess they're green.
MARKINGS: Lightning-bolt scar. *sigh*
POSESSIONS: none mentioned.

ORIGIN: A universe in which Harry Potter was born a girl - which admittedly spares us the most painful parts of a traditional taco show. The Dursleys don't want her (I wouldn't want a Sue in the same house as my family, either), so they send her off to the States.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: has Harry tied up under her bed.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Surviving the Killing Curse.

NOTES: Only six hundred words and already a Mary-Sue. This is the sort of fic that just rips off the books, changing things slightly to allow for the Sue, to take up less space, and the demonstrate that the Sue Author needs remedial English. The most painful part is the author's note at the end of the chapter.

SAMPLE: ( The Chapter Is Very Short. The Sample Must Therefore Be Shorter. Not My Fault. )