Well, as shadowy_phoenix noted last night, today is an anniversary - this is our three hundred and sixty-sixth Sue, and thus the Potter Sue of the Day is one year old today. I was actually thinking of giving this up after a whole year, but after Certain People's ultimata, continuing has become a matter of honour - here's to another year of Sues!

Today is also the last day of Gender Bender Week. But if you just can't get enough vagina monologues, you can always read Draco Dormiens, the Gender Bender Version - yes, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a fanfic of somebody's fanfic. I think it's pretty fair to say that this could only happen to thegraybook

Anyway. Will try to be snarkier tonight.

TITLE: Harry The Girl
PERPETRATOR: spellmaster (well, now, isn't that ironic?)

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Saria Potter, nee Harry Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'She had the same black colored hair as she used to when she was a boy, but now it was longer, reaching to her shoulders.'
EYES: not described, though I suppose they're green.
MARKINGS: lightning bolt scar, I suppose.
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Somebody (I'm actually unsure as to who - the fic makes it sound like it might've been Hermione) messed up their potion, so instead of turning into a cat, Harry turned into a girl. Which leaves me wondering whether the 'right' potion would have made him a female cat...
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: was Harry Potter. Ron hits on him, though Malfoy actually seems in character for once.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Griffander.

Griffander.

And I wish the so-called author could make up her mind which pronouns she's using. We have Harry/Saria being he and then she within the same freakin' paragraph.

SAMPLE: ( Gratuitous Shower Scene )

Day Six of Gender Bender Week. I'm afraid this will be a quick and dirty one - a friend of mine just lost her mother, and my heart's really not in the snark tonight.

TITLE: Love me like you mean it
PERPETRATOR: pixyfairy120

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Ron Weasley
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: not described. I assume red.
EYES: not described - blue, I suppose.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Some mixup in potions class turns Ron into a girl. There's no way to change him back, but that seems to be okay, since he's too busy cuddling with Harry to care.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: see above.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: And I thought yesterday's installment was wrong.

SAMPLE: ( So Wrong, In So Many Ways... )

Fifth day of Gender Bender Week. We're almost there...

TITLE: the day the world stood still
PERPETRATOR: crazypagan

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Heather Petroy, nee Harry Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'shoulder length messy hair'
EYES: 'the most captivating green eyes' Draco has ever seen.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Draco messes up a potion and it turns into the 'felis curse', which changes Harry into a girl. The only way to break the curse is to make friends with an enemy and have sex with that person. So they're pretending that Harry is Heather Petroy, American Transfer Sue. Draco must've gotten a lobotomy at some point, because he apparently suspects nothing.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: is Harry with breasts. Etcetera.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: The summary: yet again a potion gone wrong.... harry get's turned into a girl thing with a twisted sense of humor... mpreg hd possible rwhg... don't know yet...

Enough ellipses for ya?

And how is it MPreg if Harry's turned into a girl, I'd like to know?

SAMPLE: ( This Is SO Wrong... )

New icon in honour of pookizegreat, who a while back had an 'a brief history of Not-Bob' icon which depicted me as a stick person with a bag for a head. I liked it.

Day Four of Gender Bender Week... take heart - we're half-done!

TITLE: Gentlemen prefer blonds
PERPETRATOR: Screwed-upFlufflyBugger.com (just nod, smile, and slowly back away...)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'frizzy blond hair', 'hair so frizzy and long'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: cramps. And items variously described as 'huge bosoms', 'nice knockers', and 'lovely melons'.

ORIGIN: Harry mispronounced a spell and turned Draco into a girl.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: used to be Draco Malfoy. Harry thinks he's got nice tits.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Now, if you don't mind, I am going to nitpick. Consider the title. Now, there are two ways to spell that word which designates an individual with yellow hair: 'blond' is properly the masculine form, and 'blonde' the feminine, though almost nobody knows this. So what the title is saying is that gentlemen prefer yellow-haired boys. An interesting spelling choice, considering the content of the fic and the likelihood of slash... alas, the chances are pretty near to zero that the author did it on purpose.

SAMPLE: ( Let's All Make Fun Of Draco's Boobs! )

Anybody who'd clicked the story or author links yesterday would have noticed that both the storyid and userid were 'aprilfool'. So here is the real third day of Gender Bender Week.

TITLE: Holly Black
PERPETRATOR: lilybbee

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Holly Black, nee Harry Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'The girl had very long black hair that came down to her knees a silver hair band kept her hair out of her face.'
EYES: 'She had bright green eyes', 'twinkling bright green eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a black kitten named 'Mid-Night', who is really Sirius Black. No, I have no idea how that works. But I have no idea why Harry's a girl, either.

ORIGIN: Uh... the fic doesn't seem to explain, and the summary just says Harry Potter gets turned into a girl. How will he and Hogwarts survive. But Harry's here, he's a girl, nobody knows except Dumbledore and McGonagall, and he's in Slytherin... I suppose it's a disguise for his own protection or something.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: used to be Harry Potter. Draco thinks she's hot. So does somebody named 'Blaise Zambini'. And every other boy at Hogwarts.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: All the boys stare at her like she's got 'a vela charm or something'. Boy, where can I get one of those?

NOTES: There is a bonus-Stu called Ryan Spellman, who is sorted into Ravenclaw. Since the fourth chapter is actually called 'Gary-Stu', this may just be a parody, but I couldn't say for certain... I think the author might believe that 'Gary-Stu' is shorthand for 'new male student at Hogwarts'. Which is very, very sad.

As with the last two, this author ran out of ideas before getting anywhere near something similar to a plot. The last 'chapter' is entitled 'hey, hope this is okay' and reads as follows:

Umm.hey, this is not chapter. It's just that I thought it would be nice if readers put there own chapters in this story because don't think I will get back to this very soon. I do not want to seem lazy. I will delete the proposal if the public thinks it really rubbish idea. If you want me to start typing and yell at me or if you want to write a chapter then just e- mail or use a review.

See why I don't think it's a parody?

SAMPLE: ( I'm Confused. )

Note to self... no more Joan of Arcadia references. Nobody gets 'em.

Gender Bender Week, Day Three... this one's... different.

TITLE: True Lies (stop stealing movie titles. I mean it.)
PERPETRATOR: bree_luvs_draco

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Zarabeth Persephone Riddle, nee Harry Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'His messy black hair was now straight and long, and dark red with gold streaks.'
EYES: 'His emerald eyes were now amethyst colored'
MARKINGS: none mentioned.
POSESSIONS: none mentioned.

ORIGIN: Okay. *deep breath* So, apparently Voldemort did manage to kill Harry Potter, in which case I have no idea why he was all weak and had to go into hiding and all y'know, but he did. Dumbledore didn't want the Dark Lord's daughter growing up to follow in her father's footsteps, so he transfigured the baby into an exact replica of Harry Potter and gave 'him' to the Dursleys to raise. And on 'his' sixteenth birthday, 'he' regained his 'true shape'. Yeeeah.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: used to be Harry Potter. Is actually Voldemort's daughter and destined to inherit all his powers and be the most powerful witch in history. Draco hits on her. Of course. Sirius makes random appearances, which is really weird considering he's, y'know, dead.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is destined to have mysterious powers of some description.

NOTES: Points for creativity, I suppose. Is creativity supposed to hurt this much?

SAMPLE: ( OMGWTFBBQ )

Day two of Gender Bender week. It'll be tough going, but we'll make it. We haven't endured nearly a year of Sues of the Day together for nothing - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

So now for a blast from the past. Remember that one we had a while back in which Dorcas Meadowes died and met Sirius in heaven, but got sent back to Earth as a Mary-Sue to help Harry? And you were all going, "why couldn't it have been Sirius?!"

Well, somebody heard you.

TITLE: But it's SOoOoOo UNFAIR! (tell us about it)
PERPETRATOR: Lyra Dogstar

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Jamie Black, nee Sirius Black. Yes, another Jamie.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'waste-length black hair'
EYES: 'dark eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: 'female impulses'. And, apparently, a large ass.

ORIGIN: Harry needed Sirius more than heaven did, so he was sent back, and was allowed to choose what he wanted to look like. So he did... but his description neglected to mention that he wanted a penis. Now he's Jamie Black, 'gorgeous, busty, sixteen-year-old girl', and American Transfer Student-Sue.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: is Sirius Black reincarnated. Draco hits on him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: talks to God. "Sirius! Be not afraid!" "Whaddya mean, be not afraid?" "Sometimes, I just like to use the Old Language."

NOTES: The story does mention lesbians... unfortunately, it then rules them out. Damn.

This one, too, covers the 'revelation scene' and 'shopping scene', and also adds the 'guy hits on our Stuoine' scene. At which point this author, too, ran out of anything else to add.

SAMPLE: ( See Sirius Scratch. Scratch, Sirius, Scratch! )

So much for Disney-Sue week.

Now, I've been nice so far with this theme week marathon thing... but now it's time to sharpen your sporks, because this week is Gender Bender Week. For the next seven days, we shall see fics in which normally male canon characters are transformed into female Mary-Sues. There shall be weirdness, unnaturality, and more shades of JUST PLAIN WRONG than that movie in which Liberace plays the romantic lead.

Sadly, one thing there'll be none of is lesbians. I checked.

On with the show:

TITLE: Puberty: Take Two
PERPETRATOR: Lessa Ramoth (thank you SO for soiling what few pure memories of that fandom I had left...)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Jamie Evans, nee Harry Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Long, raven hair, slightly mussy looking, hung in loose curls'
EYES: 'The same emerald eyes darted about in this new face, the only constant in a world of change.'
MARKINGS: lightning-bolt scar
POSESSIONS: Bitch boots and punk clothes. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, our hero has been transformed into a punk!Sue.

ORIGIN: So Harry Potter defeated Voldemort. But Ol' Voldie got his revenge - his dying act was to transform Harry into a girl! How very evil! Only, like, not. Especially considering how quickly s/he seems to start enjoying it...
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: was Harry Potter until he grew breasts.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none so far.

NOTES: As of chapter three, this has no detectable plot. The prologue isn't even 100 words... after that the chapters are chapter-length, but I can tell why it hasn't been updated in almost six months: having no plot, the author has written the obligatory revelation scene, 'choosing new name' scene (Jamie Evans, for both parents), and shopping scene, and has now completely run out of interesting things to have happen.

We'll be seeing a lot of that this week.

SAMPLE: ( 'Come On, Harry... Time To Buy You Some Proper Sue Clothes.' )