Nominations are now closed. Due to extenuating circumstances, the polls will not be up until tomorrow night. I'm sorry, but it can't be helped.

Anyway: For the last day of Foreign Language Sue Week, we have a Sue in Russian. I know absolutely nothing about Russian other than that the letters look nifty, so I babelfished it. This probably didn't do the Sue any favours.

TITLE: Другие
PERPETRATOR: Black Pearl and Black Unicorn (It's like distilled Goth...)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Гермиона. Which as far as I can tell, maker her a Hermione-Sue
SPECIES: Vampire/Witch
HAIR: from bablefish: 'Hair almost unnoticeably began to grow dark, becoming almost black.'
EYES: 'Eyes, are earlier dark- hazel, they also became black, cold, with the red and gray notes.'
MARKINGS: 'Face turned pale, after hiding the last signs of bloom. Teeth were lengthened, forming two canine teeth.', 'two wounds with the paths of the baked blood... Wounds, similar to the track from the bite...'
POSESSIONS: None mentioned

ORIGIN: Hermione got bitten by a vampire, thus giving her ANGST.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Appears to be in love with Harry, as near as I can tell from all the whining about how she hates to deceive him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Vampires are angsty in any language! Good to know!

SAMPLE: ( Ужас, Ужас )

Link O The Day: The Web's First Japanese Pizza Page

LAST DAY FOR NOMINATIONS!

Anyway: Foreign Language Sue Week - Day Six! I don't speak Portuguese, but it's pretty close to Spanish.

TITLE: Um Amor para Sirius Black
PERPETRATOR: Sarah-Lupin-Black (threesome!)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Sarah Darnley.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Loira'
EYES: 'olhos castanhos claros, quase mel'
MARKINGS: 'pele branca'
POSESSIONS: A very pretty owl, and bonus-Sue friends in the form of a 'Karol Hawlins' and a Lily-Sue.

ORIGIN: A best-friend-of-Lily Sue. She invites both Lily and the Marauders to a party. I don't know why anybody would be dumb enough to do that, but hey.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Will hook up with Sirius. I'm betting Karol will hook up with Remus, and Peter will be forgotten as usual.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: It seems that English isn't the only language in which people feel oddly compelled to put character profiles at the beginning of the first chapter, so as to spare themselves the effort of actually being descriptive in their writing. This is reassuring on an oh-good-we-aren't-the-laziest-people-on-earth leve, but disturbing on an oh-god-it-isn't-just-our-shoddy-education-system one.

SAMPLE: ( Nossos Heróis )

Link O The Day: Britney Spears' Guide to Semiconductor Physics

Two days left to send me those nominations. The 'silliest name' category is full, but everything else has open spots!

Anyway: Foreign Language Sue Week - Day Five! A Norwegian Sue. Since I do not begin to speak Norwegian, I am writing this according to details provided by a Norwegian-speaking minion. Hence the lack of quotes.

TITLE: De Tre Musketerene og De Magiske Kreftene
PERPETRATOR: Sekai

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Vilde, AKA Helene Kathrine Cilje Vind. Plus bonus-Sues: Mari, AKA Pernille Sofie Elise Susanne Montgomery, and Hege, AKA Lilly Marie Malene Eving
SPECIES: Human/Witches
HAIR: Vilde/Helene has orange-red hair. Mari/Pernille has auburn hair. Hege/Lilly has deep red hair. D'ya think the author wishes she was a redhead?
EYES: Vilde/Helene has blue eyes. Mari/Pernille has brown eyes, and Hege/Lilly's are green.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a time-turner.

ORIGIN: They get their Hogwarts letters the same year as Harry and are sorted into Ravenclaw. Then they have an accident with that time-turner and go back to the Marauders' era, where Dumbledore gives them new identities and puts them in Gryffindor 'cause Ravenclaw was full. Got that?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Will hook up with the three Marauders people generally picture as hot.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: The fic is probably better described by somebody who's actually read it. So here's the text of the email I got:

It starts with a complete rip-off first chapter, where Vilde (this fics main person) is woken by an owl delivering her Hogwarts letter. (Why she's called to a school in a foreign country with a language she has barely started to learn I suspect we'll never know). She accepts it unquestioningly, and in the next moment McGonagall has come to their house in person to explain it all.

Fast forward to London, where lo and behold, both her best friends also have gotten Hogwarts letters! Hege is the Hermione of the fic, reading Hogwarts, a history all the time and buying out the bookstore. (All three eleven year old girls are left alone in London at the Leaky Cauldron until the first of September! Uhhh...) Mari doesn't seem to have much of a personality, except for the ability to run headlong into the barrier between the platforms in blind faith that it had to be the right way...

The girls are apparently in Harry's year (I base this on them sharing boat with a blond, stuck-up boy) and are sorted into Rawenclaw. This lasts for one night, as somebody sends Vilde a time turner who instantly transports all of them to the 70's... Sensibly enough, Dumbledore decides to simply give them new identities and replace them in Gryffindor "because Rawenclaw is full". And now fr the headdesking: The new identities! And not only new names, but new looks as well!

Vilde gets orange-red hair, but is allowed to keep her blue eyes. New name?
Helene Kathrine Cilje Vind (because it's laame to have only one name. And heaven knows Silje with an S is just too tame...)

Mari gets auburn hair and brown eyes. Her new name is Pernille Sofie Elise Susanne Montgomery (dude, wtf?)

And then lastly it's Hege. Wait for it...
Deep red hair, green eyes and the name Lilly Marie Malene Eving!
(Lily Evans is called Lilly Eving in the Norwegian translation)

I think we know where this is going...

SAMPLE: ( Kapittel 6: Jakob Potter )

Link O The Day: This is good for a WTF or fifty.

Three days left to nominate. Keep 'em coming! Still a couple of slots open everywhere!

Anyway: Foreign Language Sue Week - Day Four. Marie-Suzette en Francais!

TITLE: Dans ma chambre
PERPETRATOR: MissBotter

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Alexandra Denis
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'rousse'
EYES: 'yeux si verts'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: She is sucked into the Potterverse for absolutely no reason whatsoever, and ends up in Lily's body. A boy she hates is also there in James' body.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore goes on about how this is all happening for a reason, because Voldemort is after them. This does not make enough sense to translate.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Okay. Fess up. Who decided to be funny and write their contest entry in French?

SAMPLE: ( Merde. )

Link O The Day: Some things don't need a reason to just damn rock.

Four more days for nominations. The turnout this round has been frankly pathetic. Usually we have two or more full categories by now. For being minions, you guys sure aren't rushing to please your evil overlord.

You do know what happens to minions who don't rush to please their evil overlord, don't you?

Anyway: Foreign Language Sue Week - Day Three. This one's a German Guest Sue. I was going to credit the person who wrote up the report, but then I remembered why I'm anonymous in the first place. The person who sent me this one may own up in the comments, if he/she/it wishes. I have in some places cleaned up the sentences, since the person who wrote up this Sue report speaks English only as a second language (but is, sadly, better at it than a lot of native speakers we see around here).

People who are going to send me Sue Reports... please include the URL of the story. I've gotten two or three I can't use because I had no idea where to find the fic.

TITLE: Vis FLorum Die Kraft der Blüten
PERPETRATOR: venta

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Rosa and Viola Borschke (twins)
SPECIES: Human/Witches
HAIR: 'Taillenlanges, dunkelbraunes, welliges Haar'
EYES: not described (I don't think. I had to stop reading after a while)
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: 'Miniroecke und enge Tops'

ORIGIN: Transfer to Hogwarts from 'Natura Floris', a private school in Germany. I don't get this 'floral' theme, but maybe there'll be a surprise in a later chapter.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: They meet Harry, Ron, and Hermione on the Hogwarts Express and snark with Draco, as per formula. Then they're sorted into Gryffindor, trade confused glances with Draco, blah, blah, blah. Viola joins Hermione in fighting for House Elf rights.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Insulting Draco in German. with really lame insults, if I do say so myself.

NOTES: This was the worst German Sue I could find. It has bad spelling, bad grammar, and almost every canon name is spelled wrong (except for 'Harry Potter'. Poor Ron gets the worst deal: 'Ronald Wiesly' and 'Ron Wesley' in the same paragraph.

SAMPLE: ( Aehm, ist was, du.. du… Schleimbatzen? )

Link O The Day: Free Beer!

Keep those nominations coming! Five days left, all categories open!

Foreign Language Sue Week - Day Two. These will be mostly Romance languages, by the way, those being the ones I'm not totally lost in. But if somebody has a German or Japanese or Afrikaans Sue and wants to fill out the entry for me and give me a day off, heck, be my guest!

TITLE: La redenzione di un'anima
PERPETRATOR: Djanet

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Silvie Stutton
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: 'una voce fresca e argentina'

ORIGIN: Voldemort sends Snape to spy on her father, who is a famous auror.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is the closest thing Snape ever had to a friend, but he cannot allow his stone heart to love. Aww.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A brilliant potions-maker.

NOTES: The (feminine) Italian word for 'potion-maker' is 'pozionista'. That's really cute, for some reason.

SAMPLE: ( Il paragrafo gigante della morte terribile! )

Link O The Day: EMedicinal.com.

Nominations are flooding in. Six days left! There are still open spaces in all categories.

This week is Foreign Language Sue week... and this time, I am going to ask you to make recommendations. I'd like to see a variety of languages - French, German, whatever. Today, we have a Spanish Taco Show.

TITLE: Harry Potter¿Una Chica?
PERPETRATOR: Lord-voldemort2

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hailey Black
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'aquel cabello rojo, totalmente diferente al cabello negro y rebelde de siempre'
EYES: 'sus ojos eran inquietantemente seductores con ese azul profundo, como chico sabía que esos ojos podrían encantar a cualquier hombre.'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: 'voluptuosas curvas', 'una voz dulce y melodiosa', 'una coqueta pulsera de plata' that hurts him whenever he doesn't act feminine.

ORIGIN: Fred and George took Harry to China, where he fell in the Spring of Drowned Girl. *sigh* Now Dumbledore's making him flirt with Draco Malfoy in order to 'spy'. He's posing as a transfer student from a branch of the Black family that went to America a long time ago. The cliches just pile up...
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: See above. Will probably shag Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The usual conferred by the Spring of Drowned Girl. And girl!Harry doesn't need glasses.

NOTES: Geeze. Dumbledore can be a manipulative bastard, yes... but basically forcing Harry to get into bed with Draco is a whole new kind of screwed up for him.

SAMPLE: ( ¡Tema Las Letras Altas De La Rabia Femenina! )