Thanks to Abbydsnail for this Sue!

TITLE: Forced Life
PERPETRATOR: ShiroTears-and-KuroiRoses
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Sammy "Shiro"
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a screech owl named "Ash", "a pair of jeans and an oversized black T-shirt".

ORIGIN: Raises her younger brother, is the breadwinner in her family because her father is an alcoholic.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She tells the Marauders that she can't be in the group anymore, and then is saddened when she doesn't receive letters begging her to stay. But then they all show up at her door. She is going to be paired with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: an animagus: "a great white wolf".

NOTES: This is pure wish-fullfilment.

( l. )

TITLE: Who, am I?
PERPETRATOR: icecrystal
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Giselle Alexandra Coates
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: red
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "pale skin".
POSSESSIONS: a journal, letters from Snape, a wand: "the wood for the wand was that from a Japanese cherry when the tree was just in mid-blossom and the heart of the wand a hair from a chimera", "scarlet matching underwear which had a cream lace trim".

ORIGIN: Snape's fiancee. He sent her away after James and Lily were killed "to be safe". He sends her vague letters while they are separated. She returns to England because she is tired of being separated from him. She arrives ten years after being sent away, during what should be Harry's first year. But it's actually set after fifth year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She used to be friends with the Marauders and Lily. She was in Gryffindor. She is Snape's fiancee. Makes a grand entrance during the Halloween feast. She and Snape make-out in front of the staff table. She is re-introduced to various staff members including Slughorn. Then she and Snape leave to go have sex. There is no discussion about why he hasn't visited her or brought her back if Voldemort has been "dead" for ten years. I think Snape was just trying to get out of marrying this Mary-Sue. Or maybe the Suethor just wanted to write a big reunion scene.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She knew that Peter was the Secret Keeper and traitor.

NOTES: The time line for this story makes no sense. If it is only 10 years since James and Lily's death, why is Slughorn at Hogwarts?

( You are not sorry for that entrance! You planned it that way! )

*trumpet sounding*

Ok here is the Announcement. I'm having a sort of "contest". A quick-and-dirty "contest" in fact, as HBP is coming out in theaters in 11 days we have 10 days to do this. What are we doing? Well, you have five days to find your favourite quote ever from a pottersue in this journal and send it into me. After 5 days I take ALL of the nominations and put them to a vote. The winner will be transferred to a T-shirt that I will wear when I go see HBP on the 15th. There will be pictures, but none of my face for obvious reasons. So what do you win? The glory of knowing that your nomination won the contest. ;) Note: Please no swears/nothing too indecent as I am going to see Harry Potter and I'm sure some parents are going to be miffed.



TITLE: The Fifth Marauder
PERPETRATOR: Khet Gemini
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Alivia Herezin
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a tie for her uniform

ORIGIN: The Missing Fifth Marauder!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Meets James Potter on her way to the Hogwarts Express. He shows her how to go through the barrier. Then she meets everyone else, impresses them with her cleverness, hates Peter right away, and the rest is Suethor AU history. She is going to be paired with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Clithrophobia, a fear of enclosed spaces. She keeps calling it Claustrophobia. This is her "fault". She has "panic attacks" from them. As someone who has Claustrophobia, I find her reactions and logic completely ridiculous for someone who has that phobia. It is not a way to get attention, thanks.

NOTES: She calls Peter "rat-boy". This aggravates me to no end. He was their friend at Hogwarts! Argh!

( Who doesn't love random bolding? )

TITLE: lily and the maruders
PERPETRATOR: twistedXlittleXme
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Lily Mariee Evans
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "dark-but-not-quite-blood red hair"
EYES: "emerald green almond shaped eyes"
MARKINGS: beautiful
POSSESSIONS: "torn black jeans and her Ed Hardy (muggle designer with the slogan “love kills slowly”) top", a stereo that works at Hogwarts, muggle fantasy "and love" novels.

ORIGIN: She is "born to Mariee Carol Evans and John William Evans". At the age of 15 her parents are killed by wizards, so Petunia kicks her out of the house. Lily is, apparently, the same Lily Evans that we know from Harry Potter canon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: A "Marauderette", her code name is "flower". After being kicked out of her house she goes to live with James Potter. Man, the Potters need to get a medal or something. She is Head Girl, and James is Head Boy. They get to plan a Christmas Masquerade together.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "beautiful, kind, talented". Likes to get drunk. Is a emo/cutter: "all of my thoughts were dominated by death, all of my dreams clouded by a thick black smoke and heavy metal music, all of my time devoted to razor blades and various parts of my body, or writing dark, pessimistic poems".

NOTES: Everyone knows how much I hate Marauder-Sues, but I do get a special sort of glee when then use modern items/clothing/style phases. Also, the Suethor thinks Flamers should be bitten by diseased infested mosquitoes. She's "that kind" of Suethor.

( Let's try to set it in the correct time period, ok? )

TITLE: Careless Whispers
PERPETRATOR: ashvicous rawr
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Rosalie "Alie" Evans
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: "deep topaz"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a kneazle, named "Mischeif".

ORIGIN: Lily and Petunia's sister that we never heard about. She's Lily's twin.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sirius' best friend at the time of the Potter murders. She knew he wasn't the secret keeper, but no one would listen to her. James gave her the nickname "Alie" within minutes of meeting her at Kings Cross station. She and Lily do not get along very well. Lily is cold to her. Is sorted in Gryffindor. Joins the Marauders because she finds girls annoying.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Special" The Sorting Hat tells her that she would do well in all of the houses. She was the one to figure out that Remus was a werewolf in second year.

NOTES: Typical Marauder-Sue. I don't know why Dumbledore wouldn't listen to her.

( Look at how special you are! )

TITLE: The Forgotten Marauder
PERPETRATOR: ice.cold.vampire
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Selena Black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black and "silky"
EYES: "silver and had a glint in them"
MARKINGS: Looks exactly like Bellatrix. She has a "chime-like voice". "I was skinny where I wasn’t too skinny but I wasn’t big either, and I had a light skin tone."
POSSESSIONS: a prank book.

ORIGIN: Good ol' Walburga popped out an heir and a useless daughter at the same time.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sirius' twin sister. Everyone who sees her in her true form thinks she is going to be Bellatrix V. 2.0. So she decides to change how she looks all of the time to mess with people. She is sorted into Gryffindor.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is a "metamorphagous", which is the special Sue breed of metamorphagus.

NOTES: Why do girls think it would be "awesome" to be the only girl hanging out with the Marauders? They are silly boys, and it would be grating on the nerves.


( I get it you're special. )

Link of the Day: Congratulations to fellow minion treeson for having their story, Well Roared, Lion, win the "Beadle and Bard Award" at The Dark Mark. If you are a member of the forum you can enter into a "book club" style discussion about the story here.

Thanks to rowenaraven13 for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Learning to Live
PERPETRATOR: smithchickx13
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Xeomara "Zee" Elizabeth Raes
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: " long dark brown hair(or black if you want because I mean really dark!) that falls in loose curls(naturally) to my waist"
EYES: "Big deep blue eyes"
MARKINGS: 5'0", 110 lbs. Scars on her face/shoulder.
POSSESSIONS: some character profile letter she wrote about the five of them.

ORIGIN: There wasn't four Marauders, you know, there were five! She is a descendant of Rowena Ravenclaw and Godric Gryffindor.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is in Gryffindor and she is the first member of her family not to be sorted into Ravenclaw. Her parents hate her for it, and her family are supporters of Voldemort. James is her "best friend" and her "partner in crime". She thinks Sirius is hot and is protective of Remus. Actually likes Peter. Her parents use dark magic on her and then she gets depressed and doesn't eat for "two and a half" weeks gaining a lot of attention from all of the Marauders. Then her first day back she goes out with the Marauders for Remus' transformation, and Remus swipes her, giving her hideous scars on her face.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is a tiger animagus and calls herself "Stripes".

NOTES: She is so amazing that she get's James to bitch out Lily:
When I finished my stories the boys looked shock at my perfectly made up story. “I cannot believe you five! Running off into the forest at night! There is a reason why it’s forbidden you know, because something like this could happen! Oh, Zee, your face your pretty face” Lily finished sadly.

“Are you implying Evans that Xeomara look’s ugly now?” James asked coldly.

“No, I would never-“

James cut her off “Well it sure sounds like it to me. Because let me tell you something Evans, Xeomara is still beautiful and those scars on her face show how much bravery she has, something you’ll never have. So I suggest you keep your damned mouth shut!” With that he turned and stalked out of the common room down the great hall. I was shocked, James never yelled at Lily. Sure they argued but it was more on Lily’s part than on James. Lily seemed to be thinking along the same lines because he eyes filled with tears.

What? No guy would ever pull the "Are you saying I'm/she's fat/ugly/stupid?" b.s.

( Here's all of the glorious information I want to share about the four guys, and my hair colour! )

TITLE: One moon, two wolves, two lives, one destiny
PERPETRATOR: Maraudersfan1988
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Arianna "Anna" Saywer
SPECIES: Part wolf aka she's a werewolf with control.
HAIR: not described
EYES: none described
MARKINGS: "not that im fat or anything, I have a wicked body"
POSSESSIONS: Sue!cousin named Brooke.

ORIGIN: L.A. She attended the "the L.A royal academy of Witchcraft and wizardy" and went to Hogwarts for seventh year. There is some sort of ancient history about her arrival, but it's boring and not important when there is Marauder!Remus is around to hook up with!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: After cursing Lucius, the Marauders ask her to join them: "SO..new girl, now you get to hang out with us, be the only girl in the marauders, I think you will fit right in". Yeah, that was random. Remus has the hots for her, and she is sorted into Gryffindor. She befriends Lily Evans as well.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can control her werewolf abilities, and was born in this state. She was not bitten.

NOTES: There is this random person named Rayne, outside of the story that comments on the plot, and the main character replies. It's extremely annoying.

( I love how her personal history is 'boring' to her. )

Link of the Day: Due to some unfortunate events, an entry was not included in the judging for the Sixth Annual Pottersues Fan Fiction Contest. morriganscrow and shikishinobi teamed up to write Harry Potter and the Grim Heratige. This story has a whopping 128 reviews and 7 chapters. It would have been the winner, save for the glitches. They will also receive a prize, which I have yet to determine.

Can the first and second place winners please email me their addresses if they want their prizes? I have not heard from either of you, yet.

Thank you to rowenaraven13 for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: The Missing Marauders
PERPETRATOR: Soccergirl0388
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harmony Lupin aka Miss Maneschijn aka Gemma Rosalyn Grazinsky Frayne aka Rosalyn Alya Black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: The original Marauder's Map. She hid it at Stonehenge.

ORIGIN: There was more than four Marauders! There was a Miss Twilight, Mr. Onyx, Miss Maneschijn, and Miss Anbrechen. Why? Who knows? Anyways, Miss Twilight, Katherine Sinclair, is a black cat Animagus, "Anbrechen means dawn that’s Lily she was a Firebird also known as a Sunbird", Onyx was Regulus Black a "Black Panther".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Remus is now married to "Harmony" but calls her "Maneschijn" in private. It means moonlight, according to the Suethor. She is expecting a child with Remus. Back in the day, she was helping Regulus with the Horcruxes, until he was tricked into killing his future in-laws and killed himself. She was the last person who spoke to him before he died. She knows how to bring back the dead Marauders using their "heirs". We learn that she now has custody of Harry. Not Remus. She does. So the get the original map from Stonehenge, go the the veil and bring the dead Marauders back. Sirius was her secret keeper. She had destroyed Slytherin's locket, using the alias "Rosalyn Alya Black".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: is a while wolf animagus and an amazing person.

NOTES: This is ridiculous. Why does Lily have three names instead of two like everyone else? Why are there eight Marauders? Why was Lily an American car made by Pontiac? Why was Regulus part of an African-American political movement?

( I love all of Harry's lines. It's ok honey, now that Harmony is here no one cares about you anymore. )

TITLE: The Life of the Marauders
PERPETRATOR: ISolmelySwearThatIAmUpToNoGood
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Alteriat "Terri" Ebonica
SPECIES: Ethrall
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Notes between the Marauders, Lily and herself.

ORIGIN: She has been going to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is good friends with the Marauders, as well as good friends with Lily. Sirius asks her out and she rejects him, constantly. She discovers that Peter is a "betrayor" during detention. They confront him and see the Dark Mark on his arm. They kick him out of the Marauders and let her join.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can use wandless magic because she is an Ethrall. What is an Ethrall? Well, it "is a threstral / unicorn type horse and they are like were wolves (to really find out see Emotionless? Perhaps By MilitaryMarauder) See Alteriat was the only living Ethrall that could control her powers."

NOTES: It's rare that a story is deemed "toxic" without super-special hair, eyes or possessions. Everyone, bask in the toxicity. It appears that this is the same character from a friends story. Here's a banner from the other Suethor

( Let's take a ride on the failboat! )

Warning: Random RL story.

A not-so-funny event happened in my Additional Qualifications course today. It was near the end of class, and we were watching a video. I could smell something that smelt like burning wires, and I ask my friend next to me if she can smell it too. She says no, but tells me that she has a bad sense of smell. I just figured I was having "you smell something no one else can" moment. A few minutes pass, and the smell is stronger, and I ask her again. She starts to say no, and then goes, "Wait! I CAN smell it!" This was loud enough to get the attention of the people sitting near us, all of them start mentioning the smell. Someone looks out into the hallway and then announces that it is filled with smoke. The Professor tells us to "GET OUT NOW!", and we all leave the building as soon as possible. One could still see through the smoke in the hallway, but there was a lot of it.

At no point were the fire alarms going off, and our class had to pull them. Do you think I have grounds to call the University and tell them that their fire alarms are sub-par?



TITLE: Yo Quisiera
PERPETRATOR: Lily Argetfricai
SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Samantha "Sam" Reik
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "short (it only reached under her ear) brown-blonde hair"
EYES: "blue-purple eyes"
MARKINGS: flat-chested
POSSESSIONS: "she was wearing boy jeans, white sneakers, and a baggy dark green sweatshirt"

ORIGIN: This is based on "Yo Quisiera by Reik".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: The Marauders befriend her in first year on the Hogwarts Express, thinking she was a boy. She might be paired with James, down the road.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Hates being a girl.

NOTES: This was rated "okay" because the character is not automatically presented as both the fifth Marauder and the love interest for Sirius one of the Marauders. Plus, English is not the Suethor's first language, so that has to be taken into consideration.

( I get it, you don't like being a girl. )

Minions, I have a question for you, should I read Twilight?


TITLE: Noel
PERPETRATOR: MoonlightDeceptions
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Noel Gabrielle Lysander
SPECIES: Witch, maybe vampire
HAIR: "soft honey curls"
EYES: "sad watery blue eyes"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Tears and wangst.

ORIGIN: This is some sort of Twilight crossover.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is the fifth Marauder. She hates Peter. Lily is her only female friend. Funny, I didn't think Lily was friends with any of the Marauders, and I don't see why one of them being a female would change her opinion about their immaturity. She will be paired with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "her animagi was a fluffy white cat a Persian to be exact".

NOTES: Edward is going to be competition for Sirius Black. I wonder if they are going to battle in the Great Hall, and Edward can sparkle at him with all of his might.

( No no, you're right, it is stupid to equate anything that Sirius Black says to the death of your parents. )

Link of the Day: OH DEAR GOD! Tom Felton, WHY?



TITLE: The Only Girl At Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: dramafreak101
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Emarie Adkins
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: a swollen ankle
POSSESSIONS: a broken Time Turner

ORIGIN: She was wearing her Time Turner when Scorpius Malfoy hits it with a spell. She gets sent back to 1988, to the time of the Marauders according to the Suethor, and becomes the only girl at the all-boys school of Hogwarts. pottersues says: "What?? Lily was a man? Harry is the product of M-Preg?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Falls out of the sky and into the Marauder's arms. Dumbledore allows her to attend Hogwarts, posing as Dumbledore's niece. She will be paired with with James Potter. Making her some girl that hooks up with her best friend, Lily Potter II's, grandfather. Nice.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is the only girl at Hogwarts.

NOTES: Why would you fall in love with someone who, in your time, would be your grandfathers' peers?

( Kooky Dumbledore strikes again! )

TITLE: Time is a Precious Thing
PERPETRATOR: LadyLovegood
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Claribel Dumbledore
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: blond
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSSESSIONS: A daughter named Abigail who is going to guilt Remus into leaving Tonks.

ORIGIN: She went into hiding when the Potters died to protect herself, and her unborn daughter. She returns to society for Dumbledore's funeral, and gets to meet her baby-daddy Remus.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Dumbledore's granddaughter. She was Remus' fiancee, and is the mother of his child. She was best friend with the Potters, she saw them on Oct. 31. Sirius was like her brother, but she always knew that Peter was odd. She used to hang around with the Marauders. She and Mad-Eye were "extreamly close". She is going to be the new DADA Professor. Remus is going to leave Tonks for her. Pfft, she shouldn't feel that special, he was going to leave Tonks regardless. She was a member of the Order, which she rejoins upon her return.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Stoic, "I have always been the type of person that gets straight to the point and that had been the one thing that had grown more while I had been in hiding". She's never on time. She used to be chatty and outgoing, but now she's shy.

NOTES: Poor Remus, the case of the unplanned pregnancy strikes again. At least it's not in canon this time.

( Remus, your kid is a brat. )

TITLE: Rochelle DixenThe Grey Eyed Panther
PERPETRATOR: RochelleDixen Uh-oh!
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Rochelle "Roch, Ro and angel" Dixen
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long black wavy hair that ends about 2cm above my elbows"
EYES: "dark blue with little flecks of grey in them"
MARKINGS: She's "5.6".
POSSESSIONS: A Sue friend named Rhia, who has a crush on Remus. Do you see where this is going? She has a nightgown that is "pearly grey" to bring out her eyes.

ORIGIN:A fangirl's daydream.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is a Marauder who is best friends with Lily Evans. Has known James "since I was born", and Sirius and Remus since first year. Peter? Oh, he doesn't exist. She calls James "J", and Sirius "Si". So far they like to have slumber parties where they watch The Ring. I wonder which one of them has the time turner that allows them to travel 30 years into the future to get it and the device to play it on?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her patronus and animagus is "a panther but not a lethal one".

NOTES: So amazingly irritating, I can hardly contain my rage.

( Why are you surprised that he was staring at you? You are in a silk nightgown! )

Thank you to catalinaormand for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Of Sisters and Midnight Kisses
PERPETRATOR: angelofdeath1314
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Starr Potter aka Nova
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black-haired, raven-haired,
EYES: hazel, they twinkle with laughter.
MARKINGS: she looks like a female version of James, how unfortunate.
POSSESSIONS: A massive bed, a "beautiful diamond ring".

ORIGIN: Well, kiddies, one day Harry Potter's grandparents loved each other very much, and they decided to show each other their love.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is James Potter's younger sister! She is an honourary Marauder! She is Lily Evans' Best Friend Forever! She makes Sirius Black keep his dick pointed solely at her! Amazing!!!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Plays matchmaker. She is a "a snow white wolf" animagus.

NOTES: With a name like "Starr" you are giving away the entire romantic story away. Although, it is a Marauders fic, so I had a 95% chance of guessing correctly.

( If she looks like James, and Sirius loves her, does that mean that Sirius loves James? )

Last day left to nominate for the Golden Bubotubers! Silliest OC Name and Most Quotable Line are full, however the other categories have lots of space.

Thanks belovedligeia and seijoutai for today's Sue!

TITLE: Forgotten
PERPETRATOR: Marble Venus
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Edwina "Ed" Harris. Yes, Ed Harris. *sigh*
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black
EYES: striking violet. "They were especially beautiful when she was sad." I doubt it. Only people in movies are beautiful when they cry. "her eyes like livid bruises against the backdrop of her ashen skin. They weren't red from tears, but underscored form lack of sleep. The pain went too deep for tears."
MARKINGS: "ashen skin."
POSSESSIONS: Snape's fetus in her womb. A sue-friend named Allison.

ORIGIN: Is the Fifth Marauder. She and James used to be best friends. When her family beat her she would come over and spend time with him, just like Forrest Gump.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She was James Potter's best friend when they were five. Is known as the "Fifth Marauder, the Youngest Marauder, the Female Marauder, and even the Smart Marauder". I think that is stupid. The Marauders have to be pretty smart to make the Marauder's Map and learn how to be illegal animagi. All the Marauders look out for her, or at least they did until she switched into Ravenclaw and bumped up a level. Then, they hate her. Lily hates her and acts like how Suethor's characterize Pansy a catty bitch. Lucius Malfoy hits on her. She is Snape's potions partner. In the future, she marries Snape and he knocks her up. She prances onto Hogwarts grounds to tell him in front of everyone.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is a genius, a whiz at Potions.

NOTES: Seeing how the Marauders accept Remus, I doubt they would reject "Ed" for being a Ravenclaw.

( Eyes like bruises are not pretty. )

Normal Sue tonight.

TITLE: Don't Let Go
PERPETRATOR: Maraudress (guess what the fic's about)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Kalina Daniels, called Eclipse.
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: not described - I guess it's probably black.
EYES: 'her blue eyes were light'. The exact shade of blue seems to change with her emotions. Ugh.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: She seems to be the Wizarding equivalent of an army brat or something... she's never gone to the same school two years in a row.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is 'blood bonded' with the Marauders. Will hook up with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: an animagus - turns into a black dog. Gosh, just like Sirius.

NOTES: A while back we had a Sue that had recieved too many whacks with the Just Like Harry Stick. This one apparently was attacked in an alley with a Just Like Sirius Stick.

*sigh*

SAMPLE: ( No, This Isn't Mary-Sue-Ish At ALL. )

And voting is now closed! Winners will be announced in a few minutes.

You guys are not gonna believe this one.

TITLE: Crimson Dusk, Golden Dawn, and the Violet Sky
PERPETRATOR: Beatrix Kiddo (for a moment I actually misread that as Bellatrix Kiddo and that had me really worried)

SUE-O-METER: (toxic. Toxic. TOXIC.)

FULL NAME: Alex 'AJ' Hellsing. Oh, no. The marauders called her 'Raze'.
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'Deep red, like blood, down to her upper thighs', 'long silky crimson hair'
EYES: 'Right- violet, left- gold'. Holy fuck. 'Icy violet and rigidly cold golden eyes'.
MARKINGS: 'Has a large cross shaped scar on her back from her betrayal to Voldemort and the Death Eater mark on her left arm.'
POSESSIONS: 'She always wears a black choker with a silver cross coated with unicorn blood around her neck.' A phoenix which is apparently the brother of Fawkes.

ORIGIN: Is descended from Morgan Lefay and 'a member of the Hellsing family'. Was pals with the marauders at Hogwarts, then she joined the Order of the Phoenix and infiltrated the Death Eaters. Voldemort caught her at it and tortured her, then made her watch as he murdered the Potters, and then she moved to New York. Now somebody - probably Dumbledore - has called her back to rejoin the Order. Oooh, suspense.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Was 'the fifth marauder'. Lucius Malfoy has apparently always lusted after her. Had some mystical bond with Sirius Black and was probably sleeping with him. Is Harry's godmother. Possibly Dumbledore's granndaughter.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: 'Wandless magic, potion making, and legilimancy.' Two animagus forms: '1: A red dragon, 2: A phoenix'. Brings Sirius back from behind the veil.

NOTES: Author's note in the second chapter:

Well, what do you all think? Was that an alright first chapter? I tried not to be too excessive with the description of Alex, I sincerely hope she doesn’t turn out to be a Mary-Sue, it would be a nightmare come true!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! *falls off chair and rolls on ground, holding stomach* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHEEZE! GASP! HA HA! *goes into silent laugh mode, doubling up* WHEEZE! WHEEZE! WHEEZE! WHEEZE! *is nearly sick*

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Miss Mary-Sue Herself. I think my work here may well be done. This may just be pottersues' shark-jumping post. I cannot imagine finding a more Sueish Sue anywhere. What makes it actually a little pathetic is that the author really is a pretty decent writer. If she had any other stories up I'd probably check them out. This one has smooth prose, evocative descriptions, good grammar... the only problem with it is this ENORMOUS FREAKING MARY-SUE stamping all over the author's talent like Godzilla going for broke in Tokyo.

SAMPLE: ( Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ On Toast. )

I learned two things tonight:

1) Out of eight co-workers who showed up for bowling night, I am the only one who eats meat.

2) I bowl better left-handed.

TITLE: Hear me ROAR!
PERPETRATOR: Maho Shojo

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Sabrina Bryony Elmfir. Elmfir?
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'blonde-highlighted, light brown hair'
EYES: 'shining gray eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned.
POSESSIONS: 'her necklace, a pretty, gold, oval-shaped locket'. A barn owl named Recon, because she liked the sound of the word. A purple cell phone.

ORIGIN: Moves to England from Florida.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: New friend of the Marauders.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: 'closely affiliated with plants and animals'. Making Peter Pettigrew faint when she says 'Mom' instead of 'Mum'.

NOTES: The author gets plus points for knowing that it's 'Mum' instead of 'Mom' in England, and then loses them for the way everybody reacts to her saying 'Mom'. Negative points for putting the cell phone on the same page as an author's note that reminds us it's the 70's.

SAMPLE: ( POV Changes Ahoy! )