Sue #2!

TITLE: Blindsight
PERPETRATOR: ty_slogana
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Fleur Delacour
SPECIES: Witch/ part-Veela
HAIR: not described, presumably long and blonde
EYES: not described, presumably blue. Her eyelids however are described as "the last sentinels"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Everything but it leaves her feeling hollow; tons of self-loathing and a pity party for one. Agile fingers

ORIGIN: Somewhere in France
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is apparently Fleur.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is curiously strong, can disassociate herself from her identity, really can seduce anyone including Hermione. Without Hermione realizing who it is. (I'd also like to mention that at the time, Hermione is pretending to be Fleur so...make of that what you will)

NOTES: It's an interesting idea, but the prose is so over the top purple that it's hard to find any of it titillating. Also it reminds me a lot of that Friends episode where Ross is reminiscing about his first kiss with Rachel, but it turns out he kissed Monica instead....I think I'd rather watch that than read this again.

( My first instinct when walking into a room where someone is masturbating is generally not to join them )

Sue #2!

Get voting everyone!


TITLE: Can't Help Falling in Love With You
PERPETRATOR: HeadGirl91
SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Natalie David
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: school robes

ORIGIN: Ginny meets "the one" when she is 11. That's how good Mary-Sues, canon or not, are; even at a prepubescent age they can make you feel complicated romantic feelings of either the hetero or homosexual type.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Has found her One True Love. They meet on the Hogwarts Express in first year. Hates Harry because Ginny loves him, for now.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is very, very, very mature for her age. Is "shy".

NOTES: This does not read like an 11-year-old point of view at all. I'd rather read this as a 16-year-old transfer student.

( Unsettling yet boring! )

VOTE!!!

TITLE: Ginny's Hallow
PERPETRATOR: AssassinsLover
SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Raya Markov
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "messy blond hair fell over her eyes", also described as "tussled".
EYES: green
MARKINGS: She is the same height as Ginny, "but had a slightly curvier body and a larger chest". She has "high cheekbones and an angular nose, but it made her very attractive".
POSSESSIONS: thick boots, a school uniform, a heavy jacket and a "dark purplish scarf". A Russian accent.

ORIGIN: Russia. She transfers to Hogwarts from Durmstrang. The story takes place during DH.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ginny is to show her around the grounds. They will be paired together.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She makes Ginny tingle and feel all funny.

NOTES: Maybe if she wasn't a new student with an accent, and wasn't beautiful I would have rated this higher.

( At least she is wearing a uniform, and a jacket. )

TITLE: The Truth
PERPETRATOR: SwailaThorneBaflow
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Helga Hufflepuff
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "curly, white-blonde"
EYES: "a sick delight sparkled"
MARKINGS: She looks "Angelic".
POSSESSIONS: A spider to torture.

ORIGIN: Muggle-born parents, which she murders.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She confesses to her girlfriend, Rowena, that she killed her parents and some students to frame Slytherin and make him leave the school. Why? Because Rowena cheated on Helga with him, and Rowena got "knocked up". Then she Obliviates her, and turns back into sweet Hufflepuff.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can easily cast two of the three Unforgivables.

NOTES: Rowena has a 10-year-old newspaper clipping about Helga's murdered parents. It makes me laugh because there weren't newspapers in 990 A.D.

Sue #2!

Happy Independence Day to all of my American minions! I was thinking about having an American-Sue, but really, we have one of those a week.

So I found a lesbian-Sue instead!


TITLE: Dragon Heartstring
PERPETRATOR: Jezzabelle Just from reading the summaries I want to spork all of her stories.
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Ember Cree
SPECIES: part-dragon
HAIR: "short black hair with a forest green side-fringe"
EYES: "deep purple with silver flecks". She should go to an eyewash station to get all that metal out of her eyes.
MARKINGS: "very attractive", pale skin. She has three tatoos: "a rose on her left upper arm and two Celtic-style crucifixes on the insides of her wrists, the rose which grew, blossomed and died over twenty-four hours, and the crucifixes unmoving, done by a muggle tattooist", a "huge purple dragon that was splayed across her back, the head breathing fire at her shoulder blade and the tail twisting around on her left buttock [...] The fire periodically flew from the dragon’s nose, the wings flapped, and the tail writhed around wildly". She has "two huge, purple bat-like wings".
POSSESSIONS: "black short shorts", "tight black jeans under her big black boots featuring large buckles up the sides, and a black, low-cut sleeveless top with purple bats near the bottom", "a pair of green and black striped wool armwarmers", "a pair of leather pants under her big boots, with a black tank top featuring sparkling, dark red roses at the corner and a long black coat against the chill", "a short black short-sleeved button up dress with black armwarmers over a pair of camouflage-printed pants, which she wore under a set of heavy black combat boots", "a long-sleeved black hooded top and a pair of black jeans", a cigarette and cigarette holder.

ORIGIN: Australia. She is 17, and is attending Hogwarts for the first time because England needs her father's help to defeat Voldemort. She comes from a rich family, but doesn't depend on them. She works in a muggle book store.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is sorted into Ravenclaw. She and Steph, one of Ginny's Best Friends, are enemies. Ginny is intrigued by her, and tells her that she "wants to be like her". After some pestering, Ember concedes and befriends Ginny. She tries to teach her to be a unique and free-thinking person. Apparently the best way to do this is to hang out in the Forbidden Forest or London and give Ginny a makeover. She falls for Ginny, who at first just sees her as a friend. This crushes her, and Ginny apologizes and confesses her love. That's how real life works, don't ya know?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is part-dragon because her father "had received a dragon’s blood transfusion before she was conceived, and he had several powers that were not natural to regular wizards. She, however, just received the wings".

NOTES: I was quite bothered by the "makeover". Ginny went from one bulling group who required that you dressed a certain way, wanting to not care what "anyone will think of you. You don’t take any crap from anyone." to this "friend" who she looks to for approval in being "dark" and "goth". Plus, Ember is rude and trashes what Ginny chooses to wear, which is doing exactly what Ginny's old friends did. I don't see the change, except the change in style.

( Blood isn't one of those romantic descriptions. Ever. )

TITLE: Juniper Rose Potter: Pranksers
PERPETRATOR: Lord of the Phoenix
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Juniper "June" Rose Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long blonde hair down to the small of her back, her hair was kind of strange as it has dark red strands intertwined in the fringe and down the sides over her ears. Her hair tied back tight in a triple plate with a blue ribbon tying the tip of her hair, her fringe loose and sticking out, up and down at odd angles, and long tufts running down passed her ears that looked neatly messy."
EYES: "her beautiful teal eyes sparkled with joy"
MARKINGS: "cursed scar is on the back of her right shoulder blade out of sight so no one should know who she is unless she introduces herself". You can't pick and choose where your scars end up.
POSSESSIONS: "some cute dark blue combat trousers held up with her belt, a blue form hugging small sleeved top that revealed her tight, small and slightly toned stomach, black trainers and socks, and a blue hoody with three red strips down each arm left undone. On her right hip attached to her belt a small removable pocket of yellow-brown suede, up her left sleeve attached to her left forearm a wand holster with her wand snugly secure." She has "loads of muggle things at home, like a computer, TV, DVD player, I-POD, a stereo and a bicycle and plenty of other things."

ORIGIN: Harry doesn't exist. Juniper is the "Girl Who Lived", also James and Lily Potter are alive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Ginny's age, and they befriend each other on the train. They pull pranks on people, specifically Draco Malfoy. They are soul mates and magically promise themselves to each other on the train, as well. They have to keep in constant contact with each other. The force of such a deep bond is felt by the Professors at Hogwarts. They are not friends with Ron or Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can make a timid Ginny more confident. She "leak[s] an aura of kindness". She is the "cutest, sweetest person [Ginny] had ever met".

NOTES: In this story, Ron and Hermione claim to have saved the "Philosopher's" stone the year before. I would love to know how they did this, seeing how Voldemort could touch Ron and Hermione.

( You're 11, why are you making bonds like this? )

Thank you a Lovely Anonymous Minion for sending in today's Sue!

TITLE: I'd rather be a Mudblood than a Mudbrain
PERPETRATOR: pstibbons
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: bushy and short
EYES: not mentioned
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSSESSIONS: a chip on her shoulder. Snape's frozen sperm. A yellow tracksuit.

ORIGIN: "The pureblood Mudbrains think that Mudbloods should be kept out of Magical Society. They make a good point. Why on earth would we want to be part of it? Magical Society in Britain is like a dirty little pond contaminated with the excrement of the inbred three-eyed fish living in it.. Why would healthy fish like us want to swim and choke in it?" -- page 35, I'd rather be a Mudblood than a Mudbrain, by H. J. Granger" AKA ANGST!!!one!!!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry and Ron left Hermione behind on the Horcrux Hunt. She helped them anyway. They threw her into Azkaban. She escaped. Ten years later, they believe she was innocent. They'd like forgiveness and she'd like to destroy their society. She has Snape baby via artificial insemination three years after he died, she named their daughter "Talitha Prince Granger". The Ministry sends Padma to get Hermione, and they end up falling in love.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can write a book? Quotes from it are interspersed throughout the story. She is an unregistered Animagus in Britain, but is registered in Israel. She is a viper: "With light and brown stripes. The top stripe on her back is dark brown, some would say black, and it's surrounded on both sides by lighter brown. She also has a few blue splotches here and there".

NOTES: There is a lot of Canadian Pepper-jack in here. It makes me ashamed.

( Why doesn't the Suethor tell us how she really feels? )

Excellent job everyone! With the increase in population to Pottersueburg, we can now improve the transport network!

It's the third day of DrAgUnPrInCeSs Week!

TITLE: Au Revoir
PERPETRATOR: DrAgUnPrInCeSs
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Danielle Delacour aka Dragonfly, Dani, Daniyellie[[dan-yell-e], and Bubbles
SPECIES: Witch/Part Veela
HAIR: A "black ponytail holder that holds up her knee, yes knee lenght, long hair into a high ponytail to form a big curl which is carelessly thrown over her right shoulder with her shoulder lenght bangs in her face."
EYES: "ocean blue"
MARKINGS: "brick red lips and a very clear complexion except for the freckles going across her nose. She has a d bust and a butt, white teeth and very nice curves", "Also you can see the outline of her cross naval ring. Her first hole has skull hoops in it, the second one has skull studs in it." She also has, "a tatoo that is a black panther climbing up her back that diggs its claws in her back drawing little blood that dripps down from the punture marks". Sexy! "She has more pericings her top right ear has a black spiked hoop earing in it. Her other pericings are her bellybutton [duh!],nose that has a diamond stud in it, and her ears periced twice."
POSSESSIONS: "a pair of blue jeans that sits on her waist, a white tank on with red one over it, but the white one is longer so you can see it. The red one has thinner straps", "a skull necklace with a matching skull belt that she has the front of the shirt tucked behind it so the buckle will show", "She has on red, white, black,and blue skull flats, and a black ponytail holder", and a messenger bag.

ORIGIN: She is entering sixth year at Hogwarts, I think she used to go to school in America.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Fleur's younger sister, and Gabrielle's older sister. Her mother disowned her for being a Sue being bisexual. They had her in an arranged marriage when she was 4, and she had a miscarriage at age 13. She meets Draco & Co. on the Hogwarts Express, and then goes off to meet Harry & Co. She knows Blaise from the Triwizard Tournament, Hermione from Lizzy, and Hagrid from God knows where.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "very pretty" and is bisexual. She has "ADDD Attention Diflict Disorder Double& ADHDD Attention Diflict Hyper Disorder". She likes to fly dragons.

NOTES: Apparently she looks like a different Christina Aguilera than the one I am thinking of.

( If you don't want to talk about your miscarriage then don't bring it up! )

Link O The Day: 1001FreeFonts.com, which is reasonably self-explanatory.

TITLE: Bi the blood of god!
PERPETRATOR: serotonin (interesting stuff)

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'long curly blonde hair'
EYES: 'green eyes'
MARKINGS: 'chest was noticeably larger, much to her embarrassment'
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: For a transfiguration assignment, she has to change herself into Pansy Parkinson's ideal mate.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is canon, in some twisted universe where Hogwarts teachers engage in sexual harrassment.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned

NOTES: No, this is not a Sue. At least, not unless you reeeeeally stretch the definition. But I had to feature it just for the sheer WTFery going on in the so-called plot. I mean... here's the summary:

“You must first determine your partners sexuality,” McGonagall ordered, “Then transfigure yourself into their ideal partner.”

I mean... huh? And based on what's posted, it doesn't seem like there'll even be a plot. It's just gonna go through this with one pair after another. WTF?

But hey, it does have lesbians.

SAMPLE: ( McGonagall's Kinky Side. )

Charles and Camilla postponed their marriage because of the Pope's funeral. Feel that? That's Henry VIII rolling over in his grave.

Who's up for a lesbian Taco Show?

TITLE: Flowers
PERPETRATOR: LadyCulebra

SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Lily Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Her black hair was the same length, but had been arranged in a mass of curls around her oval face in a more feminine style.'
EYES: 'now they were completely identical to his mother’s'. Uh - weren't they before?, 'emerald-green eyes, which were more prominent either because of the thick eyelashes outlining them or the small thin-framed glasses she wore'
MARKINGS: 'The lightning-shaped scar was plainly visible with her fringe drawn back from her forehead'. Is the most gorgeous girl Pansy has ever seen.
POSESSIONS: a taco show in place of a magic stick.

ORIGIN: Draco slips Harry a transgendering potion, via an unfortunate Gryffindor girl who thinks it's a love potion.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Was Harry. Is now a super-seductive Mary-Sue. Paired with Pansy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned.

NOTES: Yay, a fic that likes Pansy Parkinson!

Yay! Lesbians!

YAY!

SAMPLE: ( I'd've Given This A 'Good' Were It Not For Harry's Characterization, Actually. )

Slogan on the tag for an 'IceBound' brand collapsible beer cooler:

IceBound™ ... cool to the limit.
IceBound™ ... fraise à l'extrême!
Hee hee hee.

TITLE: Reforming a Prankster
PERPETRATOR: EricaChristine

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nilia Herne-Snape
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'She had long, fine brown hair.'
EYES: 'Bright green eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: The daughter of Snape and somebody named Sevilla. Given the Wizarding World's naming habits, that sounds a lot like incest to me, but apparently this Sevilla was part Gypsy or something... that's never gone into much. Now she's in Hogwarts and there's this femmeslash vibe between her and Hermione. Yay!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco's courting her, but despite that and the obvious fact that her Wun Twu Wuv is Hermione, she's going to end up with Fred Weasley. What a waste of a perfectly good lesbian.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none of especial importance.

NOTES: Blah, dull. I couldn't do much more than skim this one. The first few lines begin alternately in 'Nilia' and 'Hermione', which gives me a mental picture of the two of them standing there doing the Miaka/Tamahome thing:

"Oh, Nilia..."

"Oh, Hermione..."

"Oh, Nilia..."

"Oh, Hermione..."

Sadly, that's as lesbian as it gets.

SAMPLE: ( Nilia. Hermione. Nilia. Hermione. )

And lesbian week comes to an end! Tomorrow, we'll be back to random sueage.

TITLE: Complementary Colours
PERPETRATOR: Dark-Fox1

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Hazell Valerian. Is that 'HAY-zel' or 'hay-ZEL'? Everybody calls her 'Ella'.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Her hair is incredibly long and a shiny ebony black that glints with purple as the light hits it.'
EYES: 'Oh my Gods, her eyes! A vivid violet, sparkling and bright as Aconite flowers. The same glorious purple as her robes. The sort of eyes that make you want to stare into them for eternity.'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: A new professor, teaching Illusion.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Madam Hooch likes her. I mean really, really, REALLY likes her. REALLY.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Turning Madam Hooch into a lovestruck schoolgirl.

NOTES: You know, you don't see fics about Madam Hooch much. In fact, this may be the first one I've ever come across... and it features her crushing on a Mary-Sue. Is there a way to write a fic about a minor character in HPdom without having them either BE a Mary-Sue or fall in love with one? There must be... but The Pit is a bad place to seek evidence.

SAMPLE: ( Who Knew Madam Hooch Was A Really Bad Poet? Or, For That Matter, A Lesbian? )

Hey, southerners: don't tell me I have no right to complain about the heat! I have every right to complain about the heat - you see, Canadians, like most polar species, have evolved a layer of subcutaneous fat to help us cope with the winter cold. You can't see it from the outside, but even Shania Twain has one. When it gets to be above thirty out, us Canadians get extremely uncomfortable. And our igloos start to melt.

So there.

ETA: I've updated the FAQ to include the following:

Q: Why do the minions compete for first comment?
A: I dunno, I guess it makes them feel special.

Q: Hey! I had first comment! Why'd you delete it?
A: Because any comment that only says 'first comment', I delete. You have to prove you read the entry, or else you're cheating.

Anywho, Sue:

TITLE: Once a Year, Once a Lifetime
PERPETRATOR: Dan MacDaniel (can it be Suefic by a guy? As we shall soon see, it is actually more than plausible.)

SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Human/Witches
HAIR: Harry: 'His hair, the same color as always, fanned
down to his waist.' Draco's isn't described, but I'd assume it's still blond.
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: Harry has the scar, natch.
POSESSIONS: Tits.

ORIGIN: Points for creativity here - apparently, every February 19, everybody in Hogwarts switches gender for the day. And Draco and Harry become lesbian lovers. Yay! Lesbians!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: They're Draco and Harry, plus estrogen.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Deciding at the drop of a hat that today they're lesbians instead of nemeses.

NOTES: We've all seen the fics in which either Draco or Harry is turned into a girl so that they can get together with all that icky slash, right? Well, this one goes and dispenses with what little point there was to the genre by turning them both into girls, apparently just so the author can get his lesbian fix. It shouldn't be half so amusing as it is, really.

Enjoy.

SAMPLE: ( YAY! GRATUITOUS LESBIANS! )

Anytime the weather wants to cool off would be absolutely fine with me.

TITLE: MoragHermione (well, that's subtle)
PERPETRATOR: Liamere (who's that? Lumiere's long-lost twin sister? Oh, egads, I did not need to start imagining Beauty and the Beast Sues...)

SUE-O-METER: (okay)

FULL NAME: Morag MacDougal, called 'Rags. Not even gonna go there.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: A Ravenclaw who goes to the Yule Ball with Dean Thomas - but we knew that. What we didn't know is that they're just friends, becase she's actually in love with Hermione.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is one of those canon character who's been mentioned about twice in the entire series, but thankfully does not seem to have the same sue-magnet tendencies as Blaise Zabini. Draco takes sudden and extreme interest in her for no especial reason, and she seems to be friends with Lavender and Parvati... but that's no problem, since as a 4th year Ravenclaw she'd probably know Padma, Parvati is Padma's twin, and Lavender is Parvati's best friend... it's 'six degrees of seperation', Hogwarts-style!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None mentioned.

NOTES: This isn't really a Mary-Sue... it's just a bit dull at the beginning and rather cliche in places. The second half is actually kinda cute, but on the whole I didn't find it interesting enough to merit a 'wow'. You may get different milage out of it than I did.

Huge, huge kudos to the author for actually asking that the reviewers help her - she states in an author's note that she's worried about her dialogue and Hermione's characterization, and would like C&C. In light of this, it's rather sad that the only review it has is one that complains about the formatting. I thought the formatting was just fine.

SAMPLE: ( YAY! LESBIANS! )

It's too hot to think of a new witty comment tonight.

TITLE: What's in a Name
PERPETRATOR: fiery tears (that would hurt)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Leo Malfoy
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Leo had Malfoy's platinum blonde hair and silver blue gray eyes. Her hair wasn't plastered to her head as Malfoy's was. Instead, it hung gracefully down to her waist. Her bangs were swept to the right and stayed there.'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: Okay, get a load of this: 'She was wearing the Slytherin robes. Underneath she had on a silver skirt with slits up the sides and a silver shirt with a scoop neck. Her shoes were silver platforms and tied up her leg. A silver snake was wound around her right thigh and she had a strange piece of silver metal that went from her wrist to elbow on her left arm.' Plus the 'legendary Malfoy grace'.

ORIGIN: Another twin sister of Draco who transfers in from Durmstrang one day.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco's sister. Will be paired with Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Making Snape give back points taken from Gryffindor.

NOTES: Please point me to the place in the books where it describes Malfoys as graceful. Please?

This fic switches POV chapter by chapter, which is an awful lot less annoying than doing it scene by scene. But the POV switching means we get to see that every single character in the story is schizophrenic; they all hear voices claiming to be some kind of alter-ego or conscience, and carry on conversations with them. As a quirk for one character, it might be cute. As something done for all of them it more than makes up for the more organized POV.

The author talks to herself, too... she chats with a bunch of other individuals in the author's notes, and I honestly can't tell if these are real people or just the voices in her head - voices being o-so-kewlies and all. The first chapter makes it sound as if at least one of them is a distinct physical entity, but later ones cast doubt... if they are her imaginary friends, then that makes the entire 'talk to self' thing the most bizarre incidence of pepper jack I've seen yet.

SAMPLE: ( Snape Obey's Mary-Sue's Every Command. As Usual. )

This one's part of a series.

TITLE: Lady
PERPETRATOR: Adele Elisabeth

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Lady Anya Lolita Georgette Corso (Tavington), Countess of Glen Falloch. Serious.
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'She knows that hip-length hair (mousy brown, not auburn, not brunette, not anything but brown) is heavy and if she didn't have lightening-charms she'd probably have a perpetual headache.'
EYES: 'She knows that she has brown eyes that are too large for her small, pale face.' 'She knows that her half-moon glasses serve to make her large eyes unnaturally larger.'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Some Slytherin girl who smokes and drinks and OH TEH ANXTORRZ. Her father died, her family disowned her, and she's bitter and kills people. That's all we know, but it's enough to turn us off.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sleeping with Hermione. There is blood involved in this. I don't want to know.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Being a bitch.

NOTES: Well, this is different. I certainly can't say that the character's not flawed - she smokes, she drinks, she's not attractive, and she has a horrible attitude. Yet somehow she remains a Sue, because none of these flaws work to make her at all realistic or anything really beyond yet another one-dimensional character written by a teenage girl who thinks 'hormone low' is the same as 'clinical depression.'

Y'know... characters who are actually depressed or otherwise psychologically messed-up can be lots of fun to read about. I mean, consider Batman. But that requires actual thought and research, as opposed to simple canned angst.

The 'Lolita' in her name cracks me up, tho.

SAMPLE: ( And Depressing It Certainly Is. )

How did people describe the size of hailstones before golf was invented?

TITLE: East Meet West
PERPETRATOR: Innocent Stalker

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Lanae Juneau
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Lanae had black hair cut in a choppy look that ended at nearly her shoulders'
EYES:' brown eyes that seemed to always be flaming in anger.' These are apparently trademarked.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: A Stu twin brother named Louis. Both of them are gay.

ORIGIN: Gets sent to Hogwarts instead of the 'hell hole' Muggle school she used to go to.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore's granddaughter. Hagrid meets them at the airport. She kisses Ginny Weasley.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Acting like a four-year-old, constantly.

NOTES: Wow... this one is right off the immature scale. Good grief - if that were my kid, I'd smack her.

This author likes to describe brown eyes as her Sue's 'trademark'. She keeps using that word, and I do not think it means what she thinks it means. As I understand it, when a 'trademark' is not a registered emblem of an organization, it is something unique about a person. Brown eyes are hardly unique... I'd say it's a good bet that well over half the human race has brown eyes. Not exactly trademark material.

The author tries really hard to be 'subtle' about her characters' sexuality... which is really quite amusing, because her version of 'subtle' is dropping hints every six seconds without ever actually using the word 'gay'.

SAMPLE: ( Hey, If A Mary-Sue Was Kissing MY Sister, I'd Be Pissed, Too. )

Well, I figured our Theme Week Marathon ought to go out with a bang... so yep, this week is Lesbian Week.

TITLE: What Do You See? (a Mary-Sue)
PERPETRATOR: Sake1 (sorry, but it's gonna take more that one sake...)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Mina Swirl. Swirl
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: 'Mina had short purple hair'
EYES: 'big green eyes'. Those must really clash with the purple hair.
MARKINGS: 'perfect pale skin'
POSESSIONS: Get a load of this: 'Mina wore a pink tank top that said ‘I kiss girls’ and a short skirt with a rainbow belt.' Geeze, how lesbian can you get. She also has 'presents that drew everyone’s eyes'. Seriously, it says that.

ORIGIN: A 'pure'blood girl (not sure why the 'pure' has inverted commas on each side of it) in Slytherin, who's the resident gorgeous lesbian... I guess that means the women want her and the men want to be her? Anyway, it's okay if you forget she's a lesbian, because the author will helpfully remind you.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Throws herself at Ginny Weasley, who's Inner Lesbian she immediately sees despite the fact that Ginny is blind to it herself.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Being very, very lesbian. Did I mention that? And sneaking out of school in the middle of the night to go to a rave.

NOTES: Okay, so we all hate those stories in which Dumbledore decides that Head Boy and Head Girl, or any other random pair of students for that matter, must bunk together. Well, this fic is basically one of those, only instead of Draco or Harry or Other Random Male, Ginny is instructed to share an otherwise private room with a student who, it's established, the entire school knows is a flaming sterotypical lesbian. Riiiiiiight. Sorry, Sue Authors, but sometimes a bad plot device really is unsalvageable. Even if you add lesbians.

The first review is by the author herself, and reads: I wrote this so i think it's graet. Yeah. We know.

SAMPLE: ( This Is Mina, And She Is A Lesbian. And That's All She Is, Too. )

I normally attempt to resist the urge to use this pre-Sue space to talk about things going on in my life... I have a personal journal for that. But today I just have to tell you about this anime I've been watching: Rune Soldier. Most. Lesbian. Anime. Ever.

( Brief Synopsis, With Subtext )

Anyway, onto the Sue... which also has lesbians! Yay!

TITLE: Sweet Protection
PERPETRATOR: Xx-nefarious-xX

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nerull Xiloscent
SPECIES: Elf
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: pointed ears
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Random Elf Chick sent to Hogwarts to protect Harry. She used to go to 'the renown school of Manatee', which might well be the funniest thing I've heard this evening (I can't say 'all day' on a day when I've been watching Rune Soldier). Sorted into 'Gryphodor'.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Falls for Hermione. Yay, lesbians!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: actually amusing me.

NOTES: I'm pretty sure this one is a parody, and while it ain't great, it's not often that an intentional Suefic manages to make me laugh. Kudos to the author despite the purple prose!

If it's not a parody... well, kudos to her anyway for the lesbians.

SAMPLE: ( You Kidding? We LOVE The 'Whole Lesbian Thing'! )

My hatred of this song knows almost as few bounds as my hatred of Feliz Navidad.

TITLE: Forbidden Love (*yawn*)
PERPETRATOR: Sapphic Priestess

SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nimisha (?)
SPECIES: human/witch
HAIR: 'long ebony hair'
EYES: 'Her eyes were the color of emeralds' and 'sparkle when she smiles'
MARKINGS: 'her lips were like rubies'
POSESSIONS: The secret to passing Snape's exams.

ORIGIN: Some Slytherin or other... nobody knows, nobody cares.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ginny Weasley is hot for her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None mentioned

NOTES: This author has written two stories, both of them lesbian Sues. Not like I'm complaining or anything, of course.

Wasn't 'Nimisha' the name of a spaceship in some Anne McCaffrey book or something?

SAMPLE: ( Mmm... Lesbian Goodness... )