TITLE: A Fairy At Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: beautifulpunk123
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Sarah Grace Terry
SPECIES: Fairy/Witch
HAIR: blonde
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: retractable wings
POSSESSIONS: a "feary cat" named Fox, "She can transform into a more powerful cat.She is a fire cat", an owl, a mp3 player, mirrors so she can chat with her friends, a guitar: "light baby blue w/ silver sparkling stars", "laptop,bracelts that she never takes off her wrist wich are pink and black hairbows and pink sex bracelts.She even got ther special pillow that she needed to got to sleep with.If she didn't have it then she would never go to sleep.There was a spell that was put on it somehow"

ORIGIN: Her family is king and queen of the fairies in Fairytopia.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbeldore shows up to tell her that she is a witch, as well, and that she is going to be staying at the Burrow with Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys. She befriends everyone, almost faints from the beauty of Hogwarts. She is sorted into Slytherin because someone (Malfoy) bewitched the hat to sort her there. She is going to be paired with Harry.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sarcastic, "She can be kind yet mean.She can since if someone is good or evil.She can see auras." She "has healing power, has the power of language, can hide her emotions, she can't feel temperature but she can feel just fine so she cant feel if its hot or cold. She has a barrier from her ring and stuff that where she gets her powers except the healing powers. She also has a lot of other powers. She can also sense when people are coming from their auras and because its in her blood thats what the fairies do."

NOTES: I love Sues like this. They are my favourite, they make me smile. :)

( Why do you have a MP3 player? )

TITLE: Butterfly's Truth
PERPETRATOR: Mistagicalness
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Marielle Sauveterre and Ethelinda "Elle" Riddle
SPECIES: Marielle: Fae Elle: Voldy's daughter
HAIR: Marielle: "long, dark brown hair". Ethelinda: black with "a cascade of loose curls".
EYES: Marielle: "Fae eyes". Ethelinda: "pretty, aqua eyes sparkled with mischief"
MARKINGS: Marielle: pink lips, wings.
POSSESSIONS: Marielle:"a light blue singlet, paired with black yoga pants". Ethelinda sticks her in "a simple green singlet, which, in Marielle’s opinion, was a little too low cut, and tight, black jeans tucked into green leather boots. There was a long gold chain hanging around Marielle’s neck, which held a pretty ring, set in silver, with a large amethyst, surrounded in a circle of small diamonds." She has a necklace that does not allow her to use her Fae magic. Ethelinda: "a knee-length, pale purple dress, a yellow shrug and matching yellow heels"

ORIGIN: New Zealand. Her family had been freed from some dungeons, and she was stuck being Voldemort's consort. Lucius had murdered her parents and her older sister had gone insane.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Marielle is a "Fae" that happens to be Voldemort's consort. She has a thing for Draco. Draco and "Tom" don't like each other. Ethelinda is Voldie's daughter with Narcissa. This is some complicated family shit. Voldemort sends her to Hogwarts to get to Harry Potter. He sends his daughter as well "so Dumbledore know I have more things going on for me".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Marielle: Fae magic. Ethelinda: make-over skillz.

NOTES: The Fae is from New Zealand and so is the the Suethor! Hmmmmm. *makes a pondering face*

( Honestly did you have to make them a special creature AND Voldemort's daughter? )

Have a bit of a sue backlog to work our way through. I'll file them properly later this evening, but most of these are too good not to share :)

Sue 1!

TITLE: Far Longer Than Forever
PERPETRATOR: The_Fayt_In_Purple
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: blond
EYES: Silver
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a talent for drawing, a desperate longing for his Eala (which is Scottish gaelic for swan - not to be confused with EALA, the European Air Law Association) Ginny Weasley, a window in his room where he sits and pines for his childhood love, a little voice in his head that berates him for being a shallow ass

ORIGIN: From the Malfoy family line, apparently
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Not much beyond the name. This is not the ferret.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: can hear music on the wind, and see faeries, continued longing for the youngest Weasley who may or may not be a swan maiden. Thankfully the story never elaborates on this, otherwise Draco might have a run for his galleons in the sue department

NOTES: This story hasn't been updated since 2005, so there is no telling where this story would have gone, or how OOC the characterizations would have gotten. Though I'm not sorry that we miss out on more fangirl!gaelic. *shudders*

( On the bright side, Draco doesn't try to shoot Ginny like Seigfried does Odette )

Link of the Day: Two Hearts, Reunited, a fic where Ginny refuses to believe Harry is dead, carries his corpse around the house, and then kills herself. What a way to start a Monday! Thanks ladysugarquill!

Thanks to omgwtfsuzie for sending in today's Stu!

TITLE: Transcendence
PERPETRATOR: oStilloDreamingo
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter aka Lord Potter-Black-Gryffindor
SPECIES: Wizard/Shadow Fae
HAIR: "longish", raven
EYES: emerald
MARKINGS: tall, pale
POSSESSIONS: Several vaults, Dobby, a "Chalice of Inheritance", three signet rings, a "Magical Coin Purse", a glamoured cloak, a jade pendant. A pet snake named Isis.

ORIGIN: Typical Harry Potter origins. Takes place in sixth year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry leaves the Dursleys, and heads to Gringotts. While there he learns that he has several vaults. He enlists the Goblins to help return everything Dumbeldore has taken from them. He employs Dobby.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wandless magic outside of Hogwarts, with no repercussions. Speaks Parseltongue whenever he feels like it. He has "mage-site": "When a witch or wizard is able to see magic in its primal form by focusing their magic on their retina". It happens when you are stressed. On his sixteenth birthday, he inherits his "creature", he develops into a Shadow Fae. What does a Shadow Fae do? "Apparently the Shadow Fae are sighted about once or twice every decade, that too by complete accident. They seldom lingered to chat or be observed. All people have been able to report was that they appeared elfin but not as tall, possessed dark hair, pale skin, and pale eyes and had the ability to melt into shadows to escape."

NOTES: I find most of these "Dark!Harry" stories are the same. Everyone sucks except Draco. The Weasleys suck the most. It would be nice to see a Dark!Harry story where Harry remains on the Order's side, but just has a lot of internal conflict, bitterness, and angst. Not just a bad case of "Asshole".

( Long story short: you are a special unique snowflake. )

Sue #2!

TITLE: Twins? I'm asking myself the same question
PERPETRATOR: AnimeRibbon
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Danica
SPECIES: Fairy
HAIR: Red hair, her hair falls in ringlets.
EYES: Brown eyes
MARKINGS: three cuts on one cheek and a star on the other. Bruises on her arms. When she recovers from her injuries it becomes a rosy complexion. Wings. Very pale skin.
POSSESSIONS: a yellow petal tang top with a black mini skirt "just like a flower Harry once saw." An emerald cloak that is tattered at the edge and which covered her wings. She has a white dress and a green and yellow one for flying in. A random friend named Tommery who crashes a party and goes to hit Draco in the face.

ORIGIN: Some dell deep within the forbidden forest called Liralee.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She's not like any fairy we've encountered in HP before... She is Harry's sister. She becomes instant bffs with Ginny Hermione and Luna and gives them nicknames (Sunny, Skye, Crescent and Danica herself is Comet). She goes out with Ron because he's more interested in her than Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can communicate with Harry telepathically, can meet people she's never met before through their dreams (like Ginny, Hermione and Luna)

NOTES: Ginny is now betrothed to Draco because he slipped his family bracelet around her ankle after Harry broke up with her. Because that doesn't reek of contrived plot devices. Somehow Danica will reunite them. Maybe. I doubt the story will ever be finished.

( You know what this story needs? Fairy cakes. Just saying )

Thanks to Vorse for sending in today Sue!


TITLE: Winx club and Harry Potter: Triwizard tournament
PERPETRATOR: melgirl1778
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Bloom
SPECIES: Fairy
HAIR: according to Winx canon, red
EYES: according to Winx canon, blue
MARKINGS: wings
POSSESSIONS: Homework

ORIGIN: Instead of Beaxbatons coming to Hogwarts, "alfea" comes instead, bringing the Winx Club.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore wants her help in defeating Voldemort. The Winx are friends with the Trio. Hermione is the Hogwarts champion, not Cedric.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is the keeper of the dragon fire, the "most powerful power." She is learning how to take a witch or wizards power.

NOTES: So, the wind blew Hermione's invisibility cloak off at one point, "‘Oh No!’ Hermione is panicking in the middle of the stadium. ‘The invisibility cloak! It flu of! Who did this? Could it have been Voldemort? No. It couldn’t have been, he would have had to get past the guards to get here, maybe it was…’ " MAYBE IT WAS A GUST OF WIND?!

( You're right, it IS a little different from the book. )

TITLE: Minerva, Queen of Scots
PERPETRATOR: Sakura's Pointe Shoes
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Princess Minerva McGonagall
SPECIES: Part faerie
HAIR: "dark tresses", "her hair fell in soft waves about her neck and shoulders"
EYES: "Her eyes were perhaps the most enchanting thing about the girl. They were of the most vivid green, dark and mysterious, but at the same time youthful and lively."
MARKINGS: A "fair face, the elvish features, the small nose, pink, full lips and lovely cheekbones that were flushed with embarrassment".
POSSESSIONS: "a gown of rich blue damask that was cut stylishly to show an undergown of creamy silk, and a hat", "a new gown of daring crimson and a small, black lace cap", "a gift of diamonds for her ears", rings.

ORIGIN: In the year 1501, King Cornelius Fudge III of England has arranged a marriage of peace between his sickly, scholarly son Alastor Moody Fudge, and the "youngest daughter of King Godric and Queen Rowena, princess of the kingdom of magical Scotland".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is betrothed to Alastor, but she falls in love with her tutor, Sir Dumbledore. Everyone at court loves her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can inspire lust in King Cornelius Fudge III. "She danced, sang, played the harp, recited some of her own poetry, all with an elegant smile and a twinkle in those lovely eyes. Soon many grew to love the vibrant Scottish princess, she moved in a court that was hungry for entertainment." She is very talented concerning magical subjects: "My strengths lie in Transfiguration and Charms, sir, I believe I am adequate at Potions. I know you have already heard of my affinity for duelling and Defense Against the Dark Arts." She finished modestly, clasping her hands upon her lap."

NOTES: Chapter 1 and much of Chapter 2 are plagiarized from The Constant Princess by Phillipa Gregory. I think the rest of Chapter 2 is inspired by Elizabeth: The Golden Age. I am not impressed.

( You know, I liked the book, and the movie better. )

Link of the Day:

belovedligeia wants us to see this sad video. :(






Thanks to ikabod11 for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Driven Mad
PERPETRATOR: Nemesis
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: Archaic Fae aka a Sebal or Elemental Fae
HAIR: "silky, long, and tied back gently in a ponytail"
EYES: "green eyes were shining inhumanly"
MARKINGS: He is now "impossibly tall" and "attractively slim". He has a "supernatural glow" to his skin. He tells us later that he is "seven foot two, and I weigh barely 45 pounds". His voice "was smooth and deep and very sexy." He has a geometrical shape on his right hand showing that he is mated to someone.
POSSESSIONS: An amulet that helps reduce the desire he creates. pottersues has one, too. *swishes hair around like a shampoo commercial* He has a bracelet, which shows his bond to his life-partner.

ORIGIN: Harry's grandfather was an Archaic Fae, so now Harry is. Harry has come of age.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: He is smarter than Dumbledore. Hermione wants Harry to have a threesome with Ron and her. Fudge wants to use Harry's powers for the Ministry, and Harry shoots him down. Malfoy, Ginny, Ron, and other members of the school population ask for kisses from Harry. A Fae confirms their life-partner with a kiss. He gives Professor Snape the deepest feelings of desire and lust, and is his life-partner.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Now that Harry has come of age this means that he has come into his full powers. He tells us: "Sebal, when they are underage, are usually unremarkable in appearance and possess scarcely one-hundredth of their magic and one-twentieth of their intelligence. One of the magical powers a Fae possesses is the ability to make all single wizards and even some witches incoherent with lust." Furthermore, this lust is so strong because Harry is a virgin. Harry tells Dumbledore: "I have twelve different senses – magic rebounds on my natural magic shields, and my magic is exceptionally strong. Voldemort and his entire army could not hold me." He can Apparate on Hogwarts' grounds. Harry explains his powers in more detail to Hermione: "I can see and hear with any part of my body. [...] I can sense magic and magical signature. That’s the sixth [sense]. I can hear thought waves, although that’s a sense I can turn off, kinda like shutting your eyes. That’s the seventh. [...] Eight is detecting levels of intelligence and skill. [...] Nine is detecting emotions. [...] The others are inexplicable."


NOTES: Harry is so attractive that the stone gargoyle staircase moans in lust for him. No, I am not making this up.

( I want someone to make an illustration of Harry's proposal and Snape's response. )

Thanks to "Someone in Canada" for sending in today's Stu!

TITLE: Potter
PERPETRATOR: Water Mage
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Harry Potter-McKnight, affectionately called "Tenshi".
SPECIES: Wizard/Faerie
HAIR: "He ran a brush through his black, long hair that fell between his shoulder blades. With well-practiced hands he tied it back into a ponytail. It was a tradition in the McKnight family that all males tie their hair back."
EYES: "emerald green"
MARKINGS: none for as far as I read.
POSSESSIONS: glasses, a wand "Willow and pegasus feather. A rare combination, I must say. Ten inches and quite springy", four OC-Sue and Stu body guards who call themselves "the Shadow".

ORIGIN: Uncle Vernon owes money to the mafia, so he decides to give the crime boss, Naroku McKnight, baby Harry. He raises Harry as his son. Harry is "the heir to England's underground crime empire".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Not much. Harry gets to go to Hogwarts where he ends up getting kidnapped by Professor Quirrell. His daddy goes to save him with his mean men and their crosses and guns. Yes, I am telling the truth, they "sent" Peeves away by praying to God, and asking Him to bless them.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: At the age of 11: "Under his father Harry had been trained in the diverse ways of martial arts. Also under his father’s two best assassins Todd and Dylan, Harry had been taught how to shoot firearms and numerous ways to kill a person with one." He also can use the: "powers of the Fairie gods, the Tuatha Dé Danann to be precise".

NOTES: This has over 1600 reviews. I am disgusted.

( I think I hate stories like this more than I hate Marauder-Sues. Everyone knows how much I hate Marauder-Sues )

Only two more days to nominate. The following categories are full: Silliest Name, Most Implausible Premise, Most OOC Male, Most OOC Female, and Most Quotable Line. Come on, people, let's see some more nominations! The past couple of days have been way too quiet on that front.

TITLE: Through a Dragon's Soul & Ice Princess
PERPETRATOR: LisaTurpin1

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Rhiannon Vivienna
SPECIES: human/witch. I think. There's an angel fairy involved here somewhere.
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Search me.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Marries Draco because she'll die if she doesn't have his baby.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Um... she can read minds, kind of. And she's got this angel fairy inside her that saves Draco's life when he jumps off a building to prove his love, but this leaves her very weak and the only thing that can keep her from dying is bearing Draco's child. She also has a spell on her to make her more beautiful than anyone else.

NOTES: This is about what I was expecting yesterday's Sue to be.

Beyond that... I... I just...

WTF, mate?

SAMPLE: ( Here's The Part Where The Angel Fairy Saves Draco's Life. )

And the streak finally ends... though only barely.

TITLE: Why me (why indeed? I wonder.)
PERPETRATOR: slut17 (...)

SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hunter O’Gara
SPECIES: half-fairy/witch
HAIR: 'hair so dark black it almost looks blue'
EYES: 'blue eyes'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: a fairy kingdom.

ORIGIN: Her parents seem to be divorced, and her father is King of the Fairies. My inner nine-year-old finds that very funny. She's being sent to Hogwarts for her own protection, of course. After her father is attacked by Voldemort, she becomes Queen of the Fairies. Heee heee heee.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: In love with Seamus Finnegan, apparently because they're both Irish. Well, that's different.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: ill-defined fairy magic.

NOTES: She gets points for going after Seamus instead of Draco or Harry, and for not being as sporktastically terrible as everything else has the last few weeks. But they're grudging points.

SAMPLE: ( She's Supposed To Be Seventeen? )

You thought they couldn't get any weirder, didn't you?

BTW: the temporary uterus now has a place in the FAQ. Considering how often it's brought up, it probably does deserve one.

TITLE: Starlight Butterfly and Dark Dagger
PERPETRATOR: Deese-Rouge-Cheveux

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Hermione Lilith Granger, AKA Silme-Wilwaren Riddle.
SPECIES: elf/fairy/witch. Oh, yes.
HAIR: 'sleek brown hair'
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: 'all along her body were body inks...not really tattoos.' The latter are described in nauseating detail: 'Around her belly button was a small circle of white daisies and under her collarbone on each side were golden stars. Along her arms were two dragons, a periwinkle one and a dark green one. Her back was adorned with streaks of flames. Her ankles had two bands of water encompassing them. On the insides of her wrists were two gold, circular suns with black witchcraft stars in the middle. The body drawings were each intricate and were numerous, but didn't overrule Hermione herself. There was still quite an amount of skin to her body. (AN: Other words: she wasn't covered in tattoos from head to toe.)'
POSESSIONS: 'She had elegant white-blue wings that just made it past her shoulders when outstretched.'

ORIGIN: She is the daughter of Tom Riddle and some elf chick named Andunë. The Grangers adopted her. I wish I couldn't say I'd seen this plot before.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: I'm not sure I remember what 'canon' is anymore.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Oh, people promise her that she has lots and lots of sparkly special magic, but I can't make myself read that far. I do know that she can make her wings appear and vanish, and is a fairy animagus. Yes, fairy animagus.

NOTES: It's FORTY CHAPTERS! AAAAAAAUGH!

My favourite line is in Chapter One, where it talks about a stampede of manatees. Hee hee hee.

Unfortuately, from there it's pure pain. Hermione wakes up from a weird dream on her birthday and discovers she has wings and is 1/3 witch, 1/3 elf, and 1/3 fairy. Now she has to be re-sorted into Slytherin, doubtless so she can get it on with Draco (titles of later chapters seem to confirm this) and is off for a touching re-union with Daddy. And by 'touching', I mean 'I think I'm going to be sick.'

SAMPLE: ( So. Much. Wrong. )