TITLE: Descent from the Heavens Here is the Rewrite.
PERPETRATOR: invisible-gurl
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Aisha
SPECIES: wind goddess
HAIR: "waist length wavy golden blond hair"
EYES: "clear emerald eyes"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: nothing as of yet.

ORIGIN: Is being exiled from heaven, and wants to help the mortals.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Loves Remus Lupin. Dumbledore gets her to join the Order.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Immortal

NOTES: Sparklypoo! I love you!

( Please don't use emoticons in your prose )

Thanks to Abbydsnail for this Sue!

TITLE: Forced Life
PERPETRATOR: ShiroTears-and-KuroiRoses
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Sammy "Shiro"
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a screech owl named "Ash", "a pair of jeans and an oversized black T-shirt".

ORIGIN: Raises her younger brother, is the breadwinner in her family because her father is an alcoholic.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She tells the Marauders that she can't be in the group anymore, and then is saddened when she doesn't receive letters begging her to stay. But then they all show up at her door. She is going to be paired with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: an animagus: "a great white wolf".

NOTES: This is pure wish-fullfilment.

( l. )

TITLE: The Story of Taylor Snape
PERPETRATOR: issyrocks1383
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Taylor Snape
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: light brown hair
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a wand that Snape's wife wants to replace

ORIGIN: Her family died, so Snape and his wife, Charlotte, adopted her.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Adopted daughter of OOC Snape.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Mature attitude for her age

NOTES: Blah as of yet, but could be something special. I don't understand why they changed her name when she is 12-years-old.

( You don't really read like a 12-year-old. )

TITLE: Who, am I?
PERPETRATOR: icecrystal
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Giselle Alexandra Coates
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: red
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "pale skin".
POSSESSIONS: a journal, letters from Snape, a wand: "the wood for the wand was that from a Japanese cherry when the tree was just in mid-blossom and the heart of the wand a hair from a chimera", "scarlet matching underwear which had a cream lace trim".

ORIGIN: Snape's fiancee. He sent her away after James and Lily were killed "to be safe". He sends her vague letters while they are separated. She returns to England because she is tired of being separated from him. She arrives ten years after being sent away, during what should be Harry's first year. But it's actually set after fifth year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She used to be friends with the Marauders and Lily. She was in Gryffindor. She is Snape's fiancee. Makes a grand entrance during the Halloween feast. She and Snape make-out in front of the staff table. She is re-introduced to various staff members including Slughorn. Then she and Snape leave to go have sex. There is no discussion about why he hasn't visited her or brought her back if Voldemort has been "dead" for ten years. I think Snape was just trying to get out of marrying this Mary-Sue. Or maybe the Suethor just wanted to write a big reunion scene.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She knew that Peter was the Secret Keeper and traitor.

NOTES: The time line for this story makes no sense. If it is only 10 years since James and Lily's death, why is Slughorn at Hogwarts?

( You are not sorry for that entrance! You planned it that way! )

TITLE: The Story Of Riley McClain
PERPETRATOR: YamiTwilight
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Riley McClain
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "some called it hair; I called it a mess, so I got to work combing and straightening out my long, light brown hair. Parting it so that my bang hung in front of my left eye, ending at about level with the bottom of my nose."
EYES: dark brown
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: Clothes: "blue fitting t-shirt, black and red plaid jacket, new pair of black skinny jeans, and red converse high tops". Books: "Confronting the Faceless, Advanced Potion-Making, Flesh-Eating Trees of the World, One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 6, Magical Drafts and Potions, Quidditch Through the Ages". A "black Maine Coon cat" named Lucinda.

ORIGIN: After attending Durmstrang and Beauxbatons she finally goes to Hogwarts for sixth year. This allows her to be old enough to start dating the main characters. Takes place during the Goblet of Fire.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Meets the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione at Platform 9 3/4. She fancies George. They will be paired together after falling in love over various "exciting", "clever" and "amusing" pranks.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Causing mischief, speaking English, French and Bulgarian.

NOTES: I love that she is the "weird chick" who is "different" from "everyone else". All she is doing is rejecting one stereotype and joining another.

( No one else would be wearing those clothes because they would be wearing the school uniform. )

TITLE: Meet the family
PERPETRATOR: HermioneSnapeloverduck99
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Hermione Jane Granger aka Hermione Narcissa Malfoy
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long sleek blond hair that almost hits her waist line"
EYES: "somewhat smaller gray eyes with long blond eye lashes"
MARKINGS: "perfectly even teeth and a tiny waste and instead of being five foot two inches tall she is five foot nine inches tall over all the word beautiful is an understatement of what Hermione is."
POSSESSIONS: An "amazing" bedroom: "circular in shape and has a king size four poster bed in dark wood and a cream colored silk bedspread on a raised platform a huge dresser across from the bed in the some dark wood as the bed, a sitting area with one wall covered with books cream colored leather couch and chair in front of a large marble fireplace with a picture of bright flowers above the mantle. On the other side of the room there were two large doors that led out to a balcony with a view of the gardens and on either sides the balcony doors are simpler wooden doors one leads into a gigantic closet filled with all types of clothes from muggle to dress robes. The other door leads into a bathroom with a marble counter tops a tub that could hold at least twenty people and a shower covered in slate and also has a built in bench and stereo. There was also a toilet." I'm so glad I know it has a toilet. Here I thought the Malfoys relieved themselves in a straw-covered corner of their exquisite bathroom.

ORIGIN: When Narcissa was pregnant Voldemort told her that if she had a daughter he would kill girl. She bore twins, Draco and Hermione, and they put a concealment spell on Hermione and had the Grangers adopt her. On her sixteenth birthday Hermione learns the truth, and accepts it because she is much prettier as a Malfoy and has a nicer place to live.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Reconciles with Draco, is re-sorted into Slytherin after the "Griffindors" reject her. Hermione writes a note to Harry and Ron to explain that even she didn't know. Harry sends back a believable letter in response. The next day Narcissa yells at her and Draco lets Hermione know that Lucius is faking at being nice, and then gives her advice about how to handle his parents.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Forgets her parental bond immediately.

NOTES: Chapter three is an Authors Note stating that chapter two was actually posted and adjusted by a friend who was jealous of the Suethor. She states "I have been out of the country for a while and as I was on my trip I did the stupid thing of letting one of my best friends posting chapter 2 for me. Not a good idea, never let a “friend” that is jealous of your trip to Europe update your story. To make a long story short, she sabotaged me. What was posted as chapter 2 was nothing like my original chapter. I am currently rewriting the chapter and will hopefully post it soon. If any of you liked any elements of the fake chapter please let me know."

Please tell her that the Malfoys being less-than pleasant behind closed doors, Harry being understanding, and Hermione sticking with her beliefs about House Elves is heaps better than the usual "real identity" stories we see. This friend should be her beta reader; she saved the story.

( This is from Chapter 1, which the Suethor wrote. )

TITLE: Lost In You
PERPETRATOR: Namacub95
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Katrina Elddir (Pssst. It's Riddle backwards. *giant wink*)
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: green
MARKINGS: scars from beatings her father gave her.
POSSESSIONS: a green and black bedroom. A nurse named Nora, and a best friend named Serenity.

ORIGIN: She is the product of Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. The story opens with Katrina learning that she is betrothed at the age of sixteen to Draco, her cousin. She is repulsed by this notion, but will obviously fall in love with him, incest aside.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Bellatrix and Voldie's daughter. Is engaged to Draco. Is going to be in a love triangle between Draco and a random OC.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wants to please her father.

NOTES: I think the Suethor has potential as a writer, just not of Voldemort daughter, Draco loving Mary-Sues.

( This is the sort of reaction if your parents don't let you see your friends. Not if they created an arranged marriage for you behind your back! )

TITLE: Where it began
PERPETRATOR: InTheNameOfDeath
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Evita Rhodes
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "straight black hair fell in layers down to the centre of her back"
EYES: "dark coffee brown"
MARKINGS: "She was relatively tall, probably only a few inches away from being six foot, lean but not unhealthily so and relatively curvy despite the fact she could be no older than 20." People less than 20 can't have "curves"? Her skin is described as "lightly bronzed".
POSSESSIONS: "fine silk robes" to wear in Potions class, with "a short black dress that reached just above her knees" underneath. It "hugged her curves beautifully and revealed just how long her sun kissed legs were".

ORIGIN: A co-worker of the Suethor has the hots for Alan Rickman. I'm serious. There's a gigantic paragraph about it, and how the OC is not a Mary-Sue.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Starts as a "student professor" at Hogwarts. She is Snape's charge. He doesn't care, as long as she isn't an "imbecile". Obviously she won't be. Hermione "the smartest witch of our age" Granger is described as "a younger version of" Evita. She was in Slytherin. She was Head Girl, won several awards and was a prefect. Her father was friends with the Malfoys, making her have an "older sister" type of relationship with Draco. Snape has her refer to him as "Severus". After Potions class Snape ogles her, and realizes that his former student it attractive. They exchange "witty" banter. She has a dark past that I'm sure Snape will help her deal with.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Stirs amorous feelings in Severus Snape. She is more emotionally reserved than Snape.

NOTES: Snape is OOC, and despite saying they've attempted to minimize it, the excuse given is "I can’t say I’ve seen many fanfictions where Snape wasn’t OOC". Just because other authors can't do it doesn't give you creative license to do it.

( The underwear comment is so inappropriate. )

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian minions!

TITLE: The Chosen Heir
PERPETRATOR: -Red Angel-Blue Angel-
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nyx Trueblood
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "thick, black hair"
EYES: "two mismatched, peculiar, eyes": "her right brown eye and her left green eye".
MARKINGS: "ivory alabaster skin, which looked out of place in the middle of summer." Not really, but sure.
POSSESSIONS: a Hogwarts letter, money she inherited from her dead father.

ORIGIN: Divorced parents. Her dad was a wizard, and her mom a muggle. She learns about the magical world when she receives her Hogwarts letter.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Jinn Sunning from the Ministry of Magic takes her to Diagon Alley.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can sense people's emotions.

NOTES: Having eyes of different colours isn't that unheard of.

( What is it with the name Nyx? )

My minions, not every story I feature has been inspired by Twilight. This one we can blame on Twilight for sure.

TITLE: Not Dead Yet
PERPETRATOR: Lily Desdemona Potter
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Esmee Rosalina Riddle aka Harper Jane Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: Before she had "short spiked black hair with fire red highlights", and then is transformed to "a light caramel/golden brown, almost seeming blond in instances"
EYES: "My eyes stayed green but were more bright and darker emerald, and instead of round were almond shaped."
MARKINGS: 5'6", heart-shaped face, scar on her forehead, "pink pouty" lips.
POSSESSIONS: two children, who have died.

ORIGIN: She is the "Girl Who Lived". Her real parents are "Kira Rose Evans Malfoy Riddle & Thomas Marvolo Riddle", but she was adopted by "Lilith Rose Evans Potter & James Henry Potter". She finds out she is adopted just after fifth year. She is kicked out of the house after that, while greving the loss of Sirius, Cedric and their twin babies Samuel and Serena. When James Potter adopted her, he passed on his recessive Spanish Flu gene. *smashes forehead against keyboard* Then she tries to kill herself by throwing herself off of the London Bridge and washes up on Locke Jackson's "wooded area where he went to fish". He is a "a war veteran from Hiroshima". She tells him about magic, and he teaches her about combat. Then she is captured realizes that the Malfoys and Voldemort aren't so bad. Her recessive Spanish Flu gene is activated and she gets sick, then she physically transforms to look like her parents. She looked like the Potters before.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Voldemort's daughter, adopted child of Lily and James. Snape carries her in his "muscular" arms to the Hospital Wing when she is in labour. Dr. Cullen randomly shows up to deliver her twins. Hermione is one of her best friends. We are told right away that Hermione is bisexual. Then it's basically a re-read of the last few chapters of Order of the Phoenix. She will be paired with Edward Cullen.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Girl who lived, and all that jazz.

NOTES: What was the purpose of the twins? The veteran? Hermione being bisexual? It all seems superfluous.

( These are the genes! The genes of a KILLAH! )

This bit of news fills me with both great amusement and great horror at what is to come. Oh the lulz and the awful fan-fic to sprout from this.

TITLE: Haylee Jones
PERPETRATOR: kimmmz
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Haylee Jones, obviously.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: brothers.

ORIGIN: She is a triplet who's life has been altered due to Voldemort.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Her sister, who is Voldemort's follower "blackmails" Haylee into doing what Voldemort says. He wants her around due to her wandless magic abilities. "Lucious" Malfoy takes her to Grimmauld Place to stay with the Black Family. Sirius' mother tells him not to sully the family's reputation by talking to this girl about non-pureblood things (muggles, "mud-blood friends", etc). Obviously he is going to agree because he is a loving and respectful son who shares the same twisted beliefs as his parents. Guess who she is going to be paired with? James, Remus, Peter, Snape, Regulus, "Lucious", any female character, and Voldemort don't count.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wandless magic that is dtronger when she is angry. That sounds awfully familiar.

NOTES: This was far better than the summary made it appear. Far better.

( Isn't the most primitive magical abilities wandless incidents revolving around emotions? )

TITLE: The Serpent and the Songbird
PERPETRATOR: Morbidmuch
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Amelia
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: light blond
EYES: emerald
MARKINGS: "tall for a girl"
POSSESSIONS: a Head Girl badge, a wedding band

ORIGIN: Snape's true love.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is in Ravenclaw. Tries to convince Snape not to join the Death Eaters. He joins to protect her. She sees him years later where they regret their choices.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can make Snape love.

NOTES: Being the ultimate reason a character makes a life choice is a classic Mary-Sue trait.

( Yes, Dumbledore wanted to open old wounds. )

TITLE: How I melted his icy heart- a Draco Malfoy Story I boiled it?
PERPETRATOR: TinkerbellClearwater
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Colleen Holland
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Out of control curly borwn hair (cut short to be kept managable)"
EYES: "bright blue eyes"
MARKINGS: about 5'3", "skinnyish, super pale skin", freckles
POSSESSIONS: glasses and contacts, a Hogwarts letter,

ORIGIN: Sirius Black's long lost daughter. She was raised by Lily's best friend. She does not know that she is a witch at the start of the story, and lives in the US.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sirius' daughter. Is going to be paired with Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Crazy, hyper most of the time, addicted to music, loud, school smart, common sense challanged (meaning she doesnt have andy common sense a term me and my friend made up), nocturnal"

NOTES: This one actually has potential not to suck. I can see it. Can you?

( It's not a story, it's what happened. )

Thanks to Embirsiphone who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: First Times
PERPETRATOR: ShadowOfSilver
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nicole Aria Anna Christina Potter, aka Aria
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: auburn
EYES: "smouldering green eyes", "glazed emeralds", "sparkled like emeralds"
MARKINGS: long nails
POSSESSIONS: an engagement ring: "made of live gold, the rarest metal known to wizards, with a princess cut diamond surrounded by emeralds".

ORIGIN: Harry is replaced by this. Set at Post-war Hogwarts during seventh year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She and Blaise heal each other from the scars of war.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Defeated the Dark Lord, is amazing in bed, exudes no real personality.

NOTES: I'm curious about the motivation behind this story? Why make Harry a girl? There is only one mention of Aria defeating Voldemort. Is it so they have to "heal" each other? A random OC could have deep emotional scars from war, as well.

( The purple prose is strong in this one. )

I'm most inspired today to tackle my back-log of owed Sues! You had better prepare your friends list!

Link of the Day: marysueontv is our newest Sue-reporting journal! Welcome!

Thanks to xvmorganalefayv for sending in this Sue!

TITLE: Choices
PERPETRATOR: allison rae
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Aridella "Della" Haynes
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "medium length auburn curls"
EYES: "some say dark blue some say gray but I usually consider them blue I think they vary colors on my mood somewhat"
MARKINGS: "my looks which aren't the best but I wouldn't say I was ugly by any means", 5'6",
POSSESSIONS: a best friend named Brynn.

ORIGIN: She and James Sirius Potter are each others "firsts" in fifth year. Now he and all of the Gryffindor boys are acting weird around her. She is torn between James her former best friend and her current wonderful boyfriend, Matt. Matt is in Ravenclaw. Girl, stick with Matt.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She was best friends with the "Gryffindor Boys", who are the "hottest" boys in school. She is trying to decide which boy to go out with. It will be James Potter.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Boys love her.

NOTES: This could be a Marauder's Era story (it reads like one), but is next-Gen. Hence "James Sirius Potter". Details are your friends, my minions!

( I stopped caring by the end of the sample. )

TITLE: Run Don't walk
PERPETRATOR: Bri Dinnozzo
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Rosaline "Rosa" Evans
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a Beatles t-shirt, a black cat

ORIGIN: Harry's twin(?) sister.Kidnapped as a child, and raised by Voldemort. He sends her to Hogwarts to get to Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is "like a daughter" to Narcissa. Befriends Hermione at King's Cross. Is going to meet Harry and Ron. Draco is going to be recruited to babysit her for Voldie-poo. They are going to fall in "luv" and turn to the "light".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Rebels against Voldemort.

NOTES: Hermione instantly knows she is a "pureblood", and questions why she is wearing a muggle clothing. This gives the Sue the perfect opportunity to elaborate the fact that she is not *~prejudiced~* like all purebloods.

( Did Hermione hunt down mark Evans too? )

Thanks to malinbe for sending in this Sue!

TITLE: Miranda Belen Gryffindor Seeker
PERPETRATOR: Warringtons Girl
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Miranda Belen
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: a "perfectly tanned face".
POSSESSIONS: a promise ring from Cedric.

ORIGIN: "I live with the Weasleys because my parents basically disowned me once I was sorted into Gryffindor."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: The Weasley twins and Lee Jordan are her "adoptive brothers", she is best friends with Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, and Katie Bell. She is dating Cedric Diggory. She can't stand Oliver Wood, and he can't stand her. This is all going to change, because she catches Cedric cheating on her. Oliver and Miranda are locked in her dorm together, thanks to her "friends". We learn that she used to have a crush on Oliver, and she and Oliver end up snuggling.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "in the top percentage of all my classes, including potions, even though Snape isn’t happy about it"

NOTES: Friends locking friends in dorms with boys is very contrived.

( Look! More cliches! )

TITLE: Without a Backwards Glance
PERPETRATOR: xoxJENxox
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Jenni
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "The girl’s dirty blonde hair flopped in front of her eyes and spilled over her shoulders"
EYES: "piercing green eyes, like a cat's"
MARKINGS: tall
POSSESSIONS: a sister named Hermione who is not our Hermione.

ORIGIN: Starts Hogwarts in fourth year, claims to have been in a hospital before that.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione befriends her, but is suspicious of her because of her talents. Malfoy acts like a jerk and she uses her wandless magic abilities. She defends Harry, and will be paired with him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is too talented for her age and lack of schooling. Can perform wandless magic.

NOTES: This has the potential to be an amazing Sue. Pity it's only one chapter.

( What is with it using the word 'tendril'? )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: Nothing is ever like you expect - Draco Malfoy love story
PERPETRATOR: dracosgal16
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Clover Lisa Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Bushy brown hair with natural blonde highlights"
EYES: "Brown innocent-looking eyes"
MARKINGS: "Shaped, has curves but is quite skinny. Reasonably well-developed chest."
POSSESSIONS: An owl named Chocolate, a Cleansweep twelve,

ORIGIN: Hermione's younger sister by one year and four months. Is going to Hogwarts.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione's sister, Draco saves her from a nasty fall, she has visions about Harry. She catches Draco crying and they befriend each other.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is an improved!Hermione. Plays Quidditch and sees into the future.

NOTES: I'm surprised that it's legible. It is Quizilla.

( Check out all of these cliches! )

Thanks to an anonymous minion who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: When Helen Met Harry♥
PERPETRATOR: harryp.lovesme
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Helen Hartmann
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "black wavy hair"
EYES: brown
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: "black and white rimmed-shaped glasses", a voice inside her head that talks to her, a "evil" twin sister named Helena Frey Hartmann who is in Slytherin.

ORIGIN: A lonely friendless life.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: A Hufflepuff, she is "un-popular". Calls Harry "sir", and "Mr. Potter", and basically wets herself when she first meets him, despite being in the same year as Harry. Later, he invites her to becomes friends with Hermione, Ron and himself. They are her first friends at Hogwarts. They introduce her to Neville, since they both love Herbology, but Harry decides to kiss her on the cheek, so she falls head over heels for Harry. Hermione pulls her aside and tells her that she is the first person to make Harry happy since Sirius died.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Makes mood-swing-Potter happy.

NOTES: While reading this story, and reading this Sue. All I can picture is this. That's what this Sue is to me. All it needs is a tiny violin for her pity party.

( And so the lion fell in love with the lamb. )