Thanks to madeelly who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: Abandon
PERPETRATOR: kiskax
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Echo Desiree
SPECIES: witch
HAIR: "straight dark auburn hair"
EYES: "the green of her eyes hugged the hazel centres"
MARKINGS: a navel piercing.
POSSESSIONS: an accent, it is a Big Deal. Clothes: "a black leather corset over a fishnet shirt, blue jeans, and black boots", a leather coat, custom robes from Madam Malkin: "Box pleats instead of gathers, gimme a waltzin' length. I want a little ankle to show.” Echo winks at Madam Malkin. “Kind of tailored, three quarter length sleeves." in "Cranberry". She also has an apron in "every-white" with deep pockets. She has an "antique compact mirror".

ORIGIN: Georgia. She went to school at PolyTech Mastery of Magic. She is an apprentice, and is going to be a member of the Hogwarts staff as the Potions Teacher while Snape has a "sabbatical".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She shows up a Diagon Alley, and tells Snape off for being rude to a clerk in Flourish and Blotts. I've never seen this happen in real life. Have you? She doesn't know that he is the person she has to meet about preparing for Hogwarts. They meet again in the Leaky Cauldron, where we learn that he is begrudgingly attracted to her. Strangely, they talk in her room and then end up sleeping together all within the first day a Hogwarts. During this liaison, she loses her virginity to him, which she tells him about after.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She does not wear robes because they are not "flattering". Well, aprons aren't "flattering" but they keep you from getting messy. Snape tells her that she has to wear robes, and that's that. She is extremely talented at Potions.

NOTES: What is going on with this story? I am having a hard time following what is going on.

( Didn't you just meet? )

So, I saw New Moon today. It was better than Twilight, but still cheesy fun goodness. I know some of you are snobs about Twilight *wink*, but I just love cheese. You can't blame me! I do get a kick out of Mary-Sues.

So, in honour of the new film, here's a crazy crossover!


TITLE: Harry PotterTwilight mix
PERPETRATOR: Twilightcat14
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Cedric Diggory aka Edward Cullen
SPECIES: vampire/wizard
HAIR: not described. Topaz?
EYES: "dark crimson"
MARKINGS: "ghostly"
POSSESSIONS: a dark cloak.

ORIGIN: "This is the story about what should have happened to Cedric Diggory after he was sent with Harry by the Triwizard Cup to the graveyard! Enjoy!" He died and stayed dead?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Wormtail "kills" him, but then he comes "back to life" help defeat Voldemort at the graveyard. Everyone from Twilight comes to help. Cedward is glorious. He reveals himself to everyone, confessing his true identity. Then he stays at Hogwarts as Harry's bodyguard, and after Dumbledore dies he becomes Headmaster of Hogwarts!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Immortal, super-strength, sharp teeth.

NOTES:This is too funny! Maybe it's a troll, maybe it was honest, you can't really say with Twilight fans. ;)

( Headmaster Cullen? LMAO! )

TITLE: Falling Into The Abyss
PERPETRATOR: hally
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hally Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a necklace from Bellatrix: "a fine necklace, the chain was black, with a green orb attached invisibly to the chain", "looking really close i could see green and black swirls misting the orb". A short skirt that she wears when Draco tells her to.

ORIGIN: Harry's twin sister. She was retrieved from the house by Death Eaters instead of Hagrid. Bellatrix Lesstrange raised her, apparently. I don't know how this is possible, seeing as she was in Azkaban. At the age of 9 she is sent to live with the Mafoys when Bellatrix is finally arrested and sent to prison. The Malfoys treat her like crap.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Starts Hogwarts with her brother, Draco, Hermione and Ron. She is sorted into "Griffindore". After four years she is friends with everyone in the Order but is worried about the darkness inside of her. She has to go and stay with the Malfoys at this time, where she is paired with Draco. Plays Quidditch on the "Griffindor" team. She is a chaser.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: As a child she was taught advanced magic without the use of a wand.

NOTES: The sample features some horrible understanding about male attention. Just because a guy tells you to wear a short skirt, doesn't mean you should. Young girls shouldn't be fed this message that this is the kind of attention they should be striving for. *climbs off of soapbox*

( That's some bad prose hpff.com )

TITLE: :::behind these violet eyes:::(draco malfoy love story)
PERPETRATOR: Xx..fairytale..xX
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: violet steven
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "jet black hair a few inches past her shoulders"
EYES: "beautiful violet eyes like her name"
MARKINGS: "very slim frame and she is quite tall", "she looks a bit like a young amy lee lookalike but if u dont think she is pretty imagine her differently."
POSSESSIONS: Friends named Grace and Daniel.

ORIGIN: Her mother is a witch, her father is a muggle. She is new at Hogwarts. She is in "griffindor" for family reasons: "im autimatically in griffindor as my mother was and the rest of her family so i didnt need to be sorted". Nice. So what was Sirius' excuse?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco knocks her over and is rude to her when he first meets her. Harry is kind and helpful. Clearly there is going to be a love triangle, where Draco, King of the Assholes, is going to win because he's "hawt".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "she is loyal,kind,brave and she is quite shy but she can have a temper sometimes [...] she is not a goth since her hair is natural infact she is anything but goth."

NOTES: Why would you pick Draco? This should be a Harry Potter love story!

( Pick Harry! He's nice! He's not a prat! )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: Nora Ami Zabini: Am I Or Am I Not?
PERPETRATOR: Lizia Karndellia
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Jane Granger aka Nora Ami Zabini
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a random abusive aunt, a letter from "Marija and Alec Zabini".

ORIGIN: On her sixteenth birthday she learns that she is really Blaise's sister, and has been under a glamour spell this whole time.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco is mentioned right away, of course. This time even in the "Grand Reveal" letter! Within about a millisecond she wonders if Blaise can set her up with Draco, and if she can set Ginny up with Blaise.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Undergoes a complete personality transformation. This bares no resemblance to Hermione Granger. It must have been the glamour spell.

NOTES: Why would Hermione believe this letter? Why would she think it's real? It might be a trap!

( They are not your 'real' family! Argh! )

Did you know that Quizilla has Criminal Minds fan fiction? I am not surprised, yet amazed at the same time.


TITLE: .:♥MY PRINCE & ME♥:.(a DRACO MALFOY ♥ STORY)
PERPETRATOR: mEzMeRiZeDrEaMeR
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Rylie Callaway aka you
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long curly brown (sun streaked blonde here and there.)"
EYES: "big brown eyes"
MARKINGS: "Youre the perfect height and you are very pretty."
POSSESSIONS: Lip gloss from Hermione: "i put a bit of a potion that makes your lips real soft into that tube just incase if he kisses you".

ORIGIN: An orphanage, other than that only God knows.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is a seventh-year Gryffindor. Hermione calls you "Rye-Bread" or "bum bum head" and you get to call her "Herms". You like to "prank" with the Weasley twins. You have a predictable relationship with Draco Malfoy involving lots of ups and downs.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Turning Draco into some softie.

NOTES: I think someone should take the classics and rewrite them with emoticons. It would make most weep, and would enable writers like this to understand. what they were reading.

( Prose that was written by the angels. )

TITLE: The Beging of the Kandi and Addy
PERPETRATOR: KANDI-KANE-BLACKHEART Are you related to No-heart from the Care Bears?
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Kandice "Kandi" Rain Kane
SPECIES: witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: A cousin named Andromeda "Addy" Syleena. A wand: "forever wood as the shell and her core was tail feathers from her Fathers Phoenix and her Aunt’s Magical Raven". Addy's is: "Life wood and Phoenix feather as well as a hair from a grim which had been given to her by her father". Kandi has a "3 month old wolf cub" named "MoonDust" and a Phoenix named Kane.

ORIGIN: Sirius' daughter's cousin. Lives in America.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: "Uncle Sev" likes to spoil her and Addy. She is not really connected to the Harry Potter story.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Skilled at Quidditch

NOTES: I want to call troll so hard. I don't mind if you do.

( Your dad's dead, oh well, off I go! )

TITLE: severus snape love sucks
PERPETRATOR: WhyXdoXyouXloveXme
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: rachel helena dumbledore aka you
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "black hair down to neck emo hairstyle"
EYES: "ice blue"
MARKINGS: "hight: 5'7 build: tall and skinnyish you have a bit of puppy fat around your stomach"
POSSESSIONS: her virginity, she "gives" it to Snape. Snape's spawn.

ORIGIN: Dumbledore's granddaughter. She does not know her parents. Raised by Dumbledore, is finished Hogwarts and has had a crush on Snape for about four years. The story takes place during Harry's second year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Was in Slytherin. Dumbledore believes in nepotism and gives her a job at Hogwarts helping Snape in his classes. Within 2 chapters they are already making out. By chapter 10 they are having sex. These are very short chapters. Three months later she is pregnant with Snape's child. He undergoes a "sympathetic pregnancy".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can turn Snape into fanon-Snape.

NOTES: I love reading fanon-Snape. It's a guilty pleasure of mine, it's just so entertaining!

( I have yet to see the 'sucks' part of their emo-love Everything is perfect and fantastic. )

Thanks to Glideiscope for sending in this Sue!

TITLE: Maid In The Malfoy Manor
PERPETRATOR: septasonicxx
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an amazing room at the Malfoys, a bikini, old clothes.

ORIGIN: Hermione's family needs money, so her parents arranged for her to work as a maid in the Malfoy Manor. Yes, that is a logical explanation/storyline.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Works for the Malfoys, and discovers that it doesn't suck. Why? Because she gets to go swimming with Draco and Blaise during her first day on the job. Then they both kiss her 'cause she's hawt. Will be paired with Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Forgets about having to work for her enemy after she sees her fantastic bedroom. Is attractive.

NOTES: I'm confused. If Hermione is a maid in the Manor, why is she hanging out and not doing her job? Also, why is she allowing Blaise and Draco to force themselves on her?

( Long and not okay. )

Happy third anniversary to me! *confetti*

TITLE: {\\.I'LL DESTROY THE WORLD FOR YOU.//{DRACO MALFOY} Why are you shouting at me?
PERPETRATOR: CrashedSunshine
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Allessandra "Allie" Zippora Hunting aka You
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Blond (Though you often put random colours in it)"
EYES: Purple
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: "plain black DKNY short shorts and a grey loose Zac Posen tee", an iPhone, "Flight of The Conchords" DVD, some ugly dress,

ORIGIN: "You were born in London but you were raised in New Zealand, and you call it home. You father, Dane Devereaux,was a talented rugby player who played for the All Blacks but an injury to his knee forced him to retire, he is now an actor in Hollywood of Brad Pitt status. Famous for his good looks and kiwi charm. Your mother was born into wealthy household of the Huntington's, a Slytherin, she was a top student at Hogwarts. She was disappointed when you didn't make it into slytherin. Your motherGwen Huntington-Devereaux is also an actress/model. She met your father when they met on a movie set. Soon after they became Hollywood's golden couple, got married, had you and like all hollywood marriages they got divorced when you were 12. You were raised and schooled in New Zealand cause your parents didn't want you have the media spotlight on you. You moved back to England when you were 11 to attend Hogwarts. You lived with your fathers house but he was hardly ever there as he was always working."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: In Gryffindor. Is friends with Harry, Ron, Hermione, "The Weasleys, and most of Hogwarts". You flirt with Blaise, but you guys are just joking around. You will be paired with Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "In your spare time you play guitar and piano, write songs and take pictures. You also like to surf and so extreme sports such as ski diving. You can speak fluent Maori and French, and you know a little bit of Italian." Wangst.

NOTES: The only thing true about this story is that I am blond and I have an iPhone. I would never be caught wearing that set of curtains from the early 90s that are posing as a "dress". I have taste.

( Thanks Gossip Girls! )

TITLE: I'm Draco Malfoy's Twin Sister... And I Think I'm In Love With Harry Potter.
PERPETRATOR: xxVivlovesATLxx
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Vivienne "Viv" Malfoy
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Black. like raven colored black"
EYES: "Blue. The same shade as Draco's if not a little brighter and not as icy"
MARKINGS: "Pale. really pale"
POSSESSIONS: "has all this designer clothes and is really into fashion"

ORIGIN: Draco's twin sister who is transferring from "another magic school in the States" to Hogwarts. Starts in third year.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Gets along very well with her brother. "he becomes friends with hermione and Ron and the expecially the Weasly twins." From the title I can see that she is going to fall in love with Harry Potter. He is shocked to learn that she is Draco's sister. Hermione "loves Vivienne like a sister. Although she is dissapointed that Vivienne is in Slytherin." Ron "is freinds with Vivienne but hten finds out that she isDraco's twin and is mad at her but then forgives her." Fred and George "they become really good friends with Vivienne and they woul do ythign for her. They are partners in crime! :D"
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Is amazingly nice compared to Draco. Always helps people. But she doesn't know that Draco can be so mean cause he is always nice to her and never raises his voice." "She is amazing at dueling(sp?). Smart." "Isgood at quidditchjust not as good as her brother"

NOTES: Why do 13-year-olds have Louis Vuitton luggage? And why would they care about some muggle designer?

( Not as sparkly has yesterday's but still quite bad. )

TITLE: The Devil's Daughter
PERPETRATOR: T. Dearns
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Riley Riddle
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "curly red-blonde hair", "large copper spirals that fell like a metallic waterfall from her head"
EYES: "greenest eyes he had ever seen"
MARKINGS: short, rosy cheeks and a nice smile
POSSESSIONS: a "favorite muggle book", "a long green velvety cloak"

ORIGIN: She is in hiding from Voldemort because she is an excellent Seer and her visions are mostly about Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Voldemort's daughter. Dumbledore wants her to go into hiding with Sirius because he wants them to hook up because he wants them to look out for each other.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is Voldemort's "good" daughter, is an amazing Seer.

NOTES: Not only is she gorgeous, she is a better-than-average seer. Why does she have to be Voldemort's daughter to boot?

( I wonder if she sees Sirius' death? )

TITLE: Akin
PERPETRATOR: SootyPhoenix
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Mona Ginger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long curly, red hair"
EYES: hazel
MARKINGS: cuts.
POSSESSIONS: Private notes from Snape.

ORIGIN: Snape catches her cutting when she was younger, and heals her in his quarters instead of the Hospital Wing. Now, in fifth year, they are having an inappropriate relationship.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: They are "kindred spirits" because of their shitty childhoods. This gives them a license to have a secret relationship. Snape had actually offered to help her end her life.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Angst.

NOTES: I seriously think they both need help. Dumbledore should intervene.
( What sort of game are they playing? )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: Red Roses [Hogwarts Romance]
PERPETRATOR: stardreamer23
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Ambrose "Amb" "Brose" Giraldie.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: long red hair, it's "loosely curled".
EYES: violet
MARKINGS: "I don't think I'm absolutely gorgeous but I'm sorta pretty. Mostly okay.I had long red hair, and violet eyes. My mom said they were rare, and pale skin that could beat a vamprires anyday. It wasn't a sickly color, mostly a pretty ivory. I had, contrary to my skin, a light dusting of freckles across my nose. But they only came out in the sunniest of summers. My lips weren't too big and weren't too small, but a normal size in between, my nose. Well I suppose you could say it was just a normal nose." She is 103 lbs.
POSSESSIONS: a House Elf named "Girty", " loose fitting plaid cotten bottoms, purple, white and blue and two layered wifebeaters", "my pillow, I always slept with it and my baby blacket and a teddy bear named Moosie", "purple bedroom shoes", "my king size bed", a "television that was mounted on the wall", her virginity, "a scoop next green and silver sweater, with just dark wash jeans and silver snow boots", "the best books, the nicest robes, a kitten ", "My wand had pheonix tears in it, along with the eyelashes and mane hair of a unicorn. Everyone said it was powerful, but to me, it was just my wand." Draco gives her a silver diamond ring. Where he got the money, I don't know. She has "favorite bright yellow" sheets that she puts on her bed at Hogwarts.

ORIGIN: America, but she attends " Madame Maximes school for Witches". She and her mother go in the summer to visit the Malfoys.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Old family friend of the Malfoys. She and Draco get along. He tells her that she is "his" and he has to "protect" her. Meets the "Golden Trio" in Diagon Alley, and befriends them on the Hogwarts Express. Her dad works for the Ministry, so she knows Arthur Weasley, and loves him. She is sorted into Gryffindor, but sits with the Slytherins because the hat didn't give her what she wanted. No one in Gryffindor seems to like her, except for Hermione and eventually Harry and Ron. Harry freaks out like a moron when he finds out that she is dating Draco. Ron actually acts supportive. She and Draco get intop a fight, and he gives her a pearl necklace to say sorry. She accepts. Harry is jealous.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "really" smart.

NOTES: I love that we are supposed to care about this Sue's dating habits. Why do I want to read this again?

( Yelling random things is not funny. )

TITLE: return home
PERPETRATOR: slytherinprincess2008
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Alexis
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long brunette hair"
EYES: "sapphire blue eyes", they "glow in the dark".
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a "pet basilisk nagi", pregnant with a daughter Mackenzie.

ORIGIN: Slytherin's daughter returns to Hogwarts to be with "Leviathan Malfoy" and their sons Draco and Blaise.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Salazar Slytherin's daughter, but is also Tom Riddle's granddaughter. Snape raised her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is important to save Hogwarts.

NOTES: Wow! This is random!

( What is going on here??? )

Link of the Day: If you thought Harry Potter arranged marriages were bad, how about story involving "real life" and scenesters/emos. It's lollriffic!. There is also a Jonas Brother's arranged marriage fic. My amusement is never ending!


TITLE: I cant believe your making me marry him!
PERPETRATOR: XXXfallingstars12XXX
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: anna darcy aka You. Likes to be called "Darcy".
SPECIES: half vampire
HAIR: long and black
EYES: "amazingly bright green eyes" with black eyeliner
MARKINGS: 5'4", "pale skin, nice body"
POSSESSIONS: "some jeans and a black shirt with the band misfits on it", black dress robe, a silver necklace and silver earrings, a "black skirt and black tank top"

ORIGIN: Your parents are best friends with the Malfoys and have arranged your marriage to Draco.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is in Slytherin, but is best friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Is told she will be married to Draco in "two weeks", but is not married to him by September 1st. Dislikes Draco, but thinks he is hot. Harry, Ron and Hermione seemed to be allowed at the Malfoy Manor, and there is only childish animosity between everyone. You learn that Harry has a "thing" for you. After Draco is verbally abusive to Pansy Anna/You take pity on him and you realize you have ~feelings~ for him. Then Anna/You and Draco start making out a lot. Then Anna tells Harry that she likes Draco, and Harry freaks out but accepts it. Then she convinces Draco to let her friends sleep over "so they can get to know each other better", and to drink a lot of beer. Everyone plays a True or Dare, with the use of a "Truth Potion". Sadly, it is not a trap and Lord Voldemort does not come out and kill them all. Anna/You get into a fight (again) with Pansy on the Hogwarts Express.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is half-vampire, but it is never mentioned outside of the first chapter. She has an obsessive need to shower several times a day, without reason.

NOTES: Every time I read "Darcy" I thought of Mr. Darcy.

( Pansy needs to GTFO of this shitty relationship with Draco. Why would you want to be someone like that? )

TITLE: The second phropasy
PERPETRATOR: Aslaug Vanessa
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Raven Sullivan
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "wavy shoulder-length black hair, there were red and purple stripes running through her hair". They were dyed.
EYES: "mysterious gray-blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "unnaturally pretty". She is so pretty that her dad thought she could have Veela blood, despite this being impossible.
POSSESSIONS: Dung-bombs, books about muggles and by muggles, charmed muggle objects, "a Mimbulus Mimbletonia named William", a black owl named Sylvia,

ORIGIN: Her mother left her father a few months after giving birth, AND died shortly after having her. How this is possible, I do not know.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Trelawny makes a prophesy about her: She will either help Voldemort become more powerful, or help "the Chosen One" defeat him. She is sent to Beauxbatons until she is 14, and then she gets to go to Hogwarts.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Animals "seek her out" and I believe she can talk to them as well. She can make flowers bloom, as she has the power of the "Fauna". "Her powers will be unimaginable, no magic will compare". She learns fluent French over the summer before attending Beauxbatons.

NOTES: The Suethor is from Iceland, so English may not be her first language.

( This is the first plant related Sue. I'm getting Fern Gully vibes. )

TITLE: Green Eyes
PERPETRATOR: Twilighter1006
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Eleanor "Ella, El" Maria Carmichael
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: curly, just the way Cedric likes it.
EYES: "the most gorgeous hazel eyes"
MARKINGS: "a smile that will light up the room even on a cloudy day"
POSSESSIONS: Lots and lots of dresses. The most hilarious accessories ever: "‘Cedric’s Forever’ necklace, a bracelet that said ‘Forever and Always’ that Cedric got me for a fourth year together", "I had the promise and engagement rings on…engagement on my left and the promise ring on my right just like Cedric’s is", "my belly bar that had ‘C’ for Cedric the I put in a diamond pair of earring that Cedric also got me". I GET IT YOU LIKE CEDRIC.

ORIGIN: A fan-fic based on a Suethor's fantsaies with Robert Pattinson's "characters" (Cedric and Edward only, of course). She says she didn't use her own name "because I don’t want to sound to obsessive with Robert".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is "THE" Cedric Diggory's girlfriend. Incorrectly believes he is Head Boy. She is a Ravenclaw. They met at the age of eleven, and in second year he saves her from being embarassed by Fred and George. Six months later he asks her out and they've been dating ever since. Girls hate her because she's dating him. They get engaged before the last task. Then they have sex in the Room of Requirement on their fifth aniversary (dating). They have sex to Bryan Adams "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)". She's hoping to get pregnant.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Phrophetic dreams.

NOTES: She is so excited to have sex with Cedric that she says "“Cedric…I just want you to make love to me…no foreplay” I said…to him. I smiled at him once I saw that he smiled to me first." That made me laugh like crazy. Silly, silly girl.

( Your virginity is not a gift. It can not be returned and exchanged for an iPod. )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in this Sue!

TITLE: Use to Feeling [☪] So Alone [A Hogwarts Story, 1st Year]
PERPETRATOR: konpeito
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Harumi De W. Kaguya
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long black hair that was wavy that went to my butt which irritated me in the morning"
EYES: dark brown
MARKINGS: "tan skin",
POSSESSIONS: a maid named Sue, a private bathroom, huge walk-in closet, a laptop, a cell phone, Clothes: "A white blouse with black leggings, then putting a red and black checkered like dress that had a black bow on it", "grey shorts that went to my mid-thigh, and a regular red t-shirt. Putting on knee high white shocks with red nike's",

ORIGIN: Her mother wold not let her go to school until she was eleven. Until that time she had private tutors.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is related to Dumbledore. He wants her to go to Hogwarts so she does. Will probably be in a love triangle with Harry and Draco.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is very smart, and is an amazing fighter. She can create fire with her hands.

NOTES: OH MY DEAR GOD! A QUIZILLA SUE WITH PICTURES! I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MY SHOCK!

( Even though you are eleven, don't get pregnant! )

TITLE: Why do i need you?
PERPETRATOR: babes93
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Marie Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "darker and wavy", "Wavy brunette hair that in the sunlight had a glow about it".
EYES: "Her eyes were like sapphires. A beautiful blue, grey shade"
MARKINGS: "I was ridiculously pale white skin that never burned or tanned. Under his t-shirt". You are skin? Skin only? Like a blob of skin that creeps around? Apparently she is attractive: "She was something guys would stare at and picture naked and with them." My, that was eloquent. She has piercings: "I’ve got my ear lobes done three times, industrial bar in my right ear. And a cartilage piercing in my left ear." and her belly button.
POSSESSIONS: a guitar, an ipod that plays Paramour, "ripped blue boot cut jeans", black converse, and "A white light simple tank top. Matched with my dark brown Ed Hardy wh20 love kills slowlyChocoate jacket". Hahahaha! You know who wears tacky-ass Ed Hardy? Jon Gosslin, famous for being a father of eight. Have fun being cool! She has a cat named Dagger: "He’s a black and brown Tabby with a black face and a brown dragger shaped patch on his right eye".

ORIGIN: Hermione's older sister, who has existed all along, that we just learn of now. She is a "rebel" and has been kicked out of every school she has attended. Now she gets to go to Hogwarts. I don't know why these writers think this is desirable behaviour. This takes place during Harry's fourth year, or should I say, the fourth movie.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione's sister. Is going to be wooed by Edward Cedric.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Is the complete opposite of Hermione". So this or this?

NOTES: The last line from the last chapter is one of the worst lines to be plagerized out of Twilight: "And I’m unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." *head-desk and rubs eyes*

( Take the cheesiness of Twilight and times it by a million. )