Keep voting!

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's first Sue!

TITLE: A Heart That Beats for Two
PERPETRATOR: dracosluvr4eva20
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Jamie McGinnis
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long, sleek ebony hair that fell in waves and curls to the middle of her back"
EYES: "deep, ocean blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "strikingly beautiful" with "a heart-shaped face, slightly pouting, full lips" and "the cutest beauty mark on her right cheek". A "lean and toned" body with "curves were most certainly in the right places", "a fair sized bust", and "her waist was small and it led to her shapely hips, which tapered off to her long, tanned legs".
POSSESSIONS: No sense of propriety.

ORIGIN: Some AU world where Lily and James Potter are still alive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is friends with Harry Potter, and has a sibling-like relationship with him. Is hopelessly infatuated with her two former professors, Snape and Remus. They are bisexual, and are attracted to each other, AND to Jamie. Then they have a threesome. Mrs. Weasley and Ron try to to push her into a relationship, and then Remus shot them down. It then turned into some sort of Mrs. Weasley/Ron/Tonks hate-fest, and I stopped reading.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is not scared of werewolves; they make her hot. She is intelligent enough to interest Snape.

NOTES: I foresee a future OMGWTFBBQ nomination here. I was going to use the introduction in the first chapter as the sample but chapter two was so bad.

( I see you love to fantasize about making other females jealous with your sexual liaisons. )

Make sure you vote in the polls!


TITLE: Talk About Forbidden Love!
PERPETRATOR: Depp's-Still-Doll You have at least 5 different Mary-Sues spanning 4 fandoms.
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Serenity Gooding
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long platinum blond hair was as shiny as ever"
EYES: "gorgeous grey eyes glimmered in the candle light"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an "emerald green" snake, named Scythia and an egagement ring from Draco: "on either side of the diamond was a small moonstone".

ORIGIN: Has been going to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is friends with the Trio. Some one (Draco) grabs her and pulls her into the cupboard, where she resists momentarily, but then makes out with him when he kisses her the way she likes it. I really wish I was making that up. He continues to sexually harass her and she puts up a front and then enjoys it. They engage in some verbal sparring, to cover their attraction. Then Professor Slughorn pairs all of the class up with members of the opposite sex and makes them drink a plot device "Lust Potion". Serenity jumps Draco and they kiss "passionately", and then they have sex. They have sex all week until the potion wears off. When it does, again, she is angry and rejects him, but then gives in. Hermione is furious that her friend would go out with a racist asshole, and slaps Serenity. This is never resolved, and she just goes back to snogging Draco. While Draco is trying to kill Dumbledore, and failing, he asks Serenity to marry him at Christmas. She says "Yes!", and then asks him "Are these genuine?", and he responds "Only the best" which does not answer her question. They could be the best fakes.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her beauty "was at its peak". Can speak Parseltounge. She has "many of the qualities of all the houses, except for Slytherin". Can see into the future and/or lives in a vivid fantasy world.

NOTES: Wow, this should be an example for "Wish-fulfillment 101"

( I love that she leaves him hanging after he says he loves her. )

Get your votes in! The polls are up!

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!

TITLE: Azurian II : Royal Betrayal I'll sum up the prequel in the "Origin".
PERPETRATOR: CSAzurian
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Azure, princess of Azurian
SPECIES: Witch?
HAIR: "dark, cold brown eyes"
EYES: "her dark brown hair no longer flowed down her back, but is tied up in a traditional Chinese way that made her look like an adorable, irresistible little girl."
MARKINGS: a "perfect" face with "skin is paler than the moon".
POSSESSIONS: "a Chinese dress robe, it was bright red, very tight and quite short, and her matching red, high heel boots were up to her thigh, showing off her legs"

ORIGIN: CSA and Indigo of the planet Azurian, aka the alter-egos of the Suethor/Suethors.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is married to Draco Malfoy at the age of 14. Sings "Greensleeves" and "Romance De Amor" at the Christmas Ball, while Draco and the Suethors play guitar. Then some superstition declares that their love will end in betrayal so the "Creators" (Suethor self-inserts) send Azure to "Sapphirefall Castle". She will be gone for one month, until Chinese New Year, and then will return. Draco is heartbroken, but wants to kill her. Upon her return, he poisons her but regrets it.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Azure is the smartest,most unique, most royal, most beautiful creation in Azurian". She is an amazing singer.

NOTES: Nothing beats Random Female Character Hate: “Bring me to the dungeon,” CSA said to a guard, “I got a new way to torture our slaves, I need to tell them just because Azure’s gone doesn’t mean they stand a chance against us.”

“How can you go torture Pansy and Astoria without me?” Indigo complained, “I’m always missing the fun.”

“If you want to torture Astoria or Pansy they are locked up in the dungeon 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including New Year, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, infact they will be they will be there their entire life.” CSA said as she stood up, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pierce a sharp needle deep down into Astoria’s skull and I’ll make sure she screams. Au revoir!”

I hear she left, leaving her bored twin next to my bed.

That is ridiculous and disturbing on so many levels.

( Ignore the prose please, as English is not the Suethors first language. )

I need more Golden Bubotubers nominations!


TITLE: Snape's Harem
PERPETRATOR: ANGELWINGZ1983
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Severus Snape
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a harem, magic mushroom soup that is an aphrodisiac. Surprisingly, no STDs.

ORIGIN: Fanon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Claims to be Severus Snape. Has a "harem" of girls from Hogwarts that he has lots of sex with, willingly.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is an amazing lover, has a voice like "silk and honey".

NOTES: This story is intended to be funny, but not a parody. It's a shame it's not a parody, then I would be less repulsed.

( Prepare for the laughing. )

Get your nominations in for the Golden Bubotubers!


TITLE: Catlike Green Eyes
PERPETRATOR: sakurayamakawa
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Catgirl/werecat
HAIR: "Long brown hair"
EYES: "glittering green orbs"
MARKINGS: retractable claws, "so sharp that they could slice glass".
POSSESSIONS: Remus' shirt

ORIGIN: Left over side effects from the Polyjuice Potion mistake leave Hermione as a catgirl.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Hermione Granger. Her parents are killed by Death eaters and after killing one of them, she runs from her house. A werewolf attacks. She wakes up at Lupin's house, where she discovers that she is not a normal werewolf, but a werecat. She also has a strong sexual attraction to Remus, who has a strong sexual attraction to her. But apparently it is the result of Hermione being in heat. They almost have sex, but then they are interrupted, and that's the end of the story as it hasn't been updated since 2005.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Retractable claws, excellent balance, great eyesight and sense of smell. After she was bit: super-healing powers, the ability to "speak werewolf". Goes into "heat'.

NOTES: This is a 10 chapter excuse to write porn, that is all.

( OOC Alert! )

Thanks to convolutedplots for today's second Sue!

TITLE: Just Me and the Bookworm
PERPETRATOR: Angelica Nicole
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Wizard, Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Hermione has "fantastic breasts" and her vagina is described as her "most valued possession"

ORIGIN: One day they just started having sex in the Trophy Room and never stopped.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Claims to be Hermione and Draco, yet they bare no resemblance to the canon-characters.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Don't seem to care about anything else except having sex. Willingly miss school to have sex all day.

NOTES: I had the hardest time who was the bigger stu/sue, so I just included them both.

( At least Draco isn't using purple prose? NSFW sample. )

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's second Sue!


TITLE: When Dragons Dance
PERPETRATOR: DracosxonexandxonlyxLioness
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Jane Granger aka "Maya" and "Mione"
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long- down past her shoulders-, silky, and slightly wavy light brown hair hair"
EYES: large "soft honey-brown eyes"
MARKINGS: 5'1", "a flashing white smile", "lean, fit, tanned, strong, and muscular but still feminine; long smooth legs, and slim arms; and- as most neighborhood guys noticed when she went walking- she had developed nice curves." A tattoo: "a beautiful dragon on her right shoulder that shimmered different colors, a lot of the times with her mood".
POSSESSIONS: New clothes: "she had chosen ones that fit and showed off her figure", "somewhat thin black shirt with silver designs that clung to her form and cleavage and showed off her nice flat stomach, her dark blue low-rise tight-fit jeans, and to go under her jeans her 3inch heel knee-high black leather boots", and make-up. An owl named Moon.

ORIGIN: A bizarre characterization of Hermione Granger.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione's parents go out of town, leaving her with her abusive uncle Paul, who beats and rapes her repeatedly. She sends a letter for help using a pseudonym, "Mystery". Draco receives it and replies using the pen name "Silence". After that an Epic Love will ensue, but not before Draco spies her at a club dancing trying to pick up after being violated by her uncle.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Despite all of the abuse she endures, she works out and wants to be a "different girl" from the "shy bookworm" that everyone knows her as. She's a great dancer.

NOTES: A weird plot. One minute it's angsty and depressing and the next Draco and Hermione are grinding in a club turning each other on, and don't recognize each other. I don't get how both sides to this story flow. Pick one cliche and stick with it.

( The owl should have sent it to her parents... )

In case you are wondering, I know we are past-Due for the Golden Bubotubers but once I calculate the stats and post them I will post the nominations announcement. In the meantime peruse the appropriate Suechive for ideas.


TITLE: A New Destiny
PERPETRATOR: Lauren Graham
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Aurora "Rory" Idande
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: green
MARKINGS: not described
POSSESSIONS: a CD player filled with music from 2002. This is why you don't put your favourite bands in fan fic, 7 years later it looks silly.

ORIGIN: Accepted to Hogwarts at the age of 15. Over the summer she gets a "crash course" to make up for the first 4 years of magical school she missed.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Meets Harry Potter and friends at King's Cross Station. Shows Ron what a CD Player is. After some difficulty deciding and veiled comments the Sorting Hat sorts her into Gryffindor. On September 11, she is very outward with her grief and remembering to the point where Dumbledore talks to the school about it, and allows her to say a piece of remembrance to the school. Malfoy and the Slytherins don't care about her sadness, and is rude to her. She performs her patriotic duty and kicks Malfoy in the balls, making her the "hero" to all of the other Houses, and welcomed into the Trio. On Halloween she has a dream where the Potters tell her to protect "the light" aka Harry. Then she has a late night conversation with Harry where she encourages him not to lose heart, and to not be afraid. They fall asleep together, and are destined to be together.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Says "Um" and "Er" at the beginning of all of her sentences, which is a giant pet peeve of mine. Has some sort of unnamed reason to "protect" Harry.

NOTES: I find the amount of references to 9/11 bizarre as a writer and fascinating as a historian. It makes me wonder how many older works of fan fiction reference other current events, and insert them into the story.

Fascination aside, Suethors shouldn't be using 9/11 as a way to explain character traits or garner reader sympathy or admiration.

Also, I never thought I's use the 9/11 tag again, but I guess one should never assume anything in fan fiction.

( It's like I opened someone's time capsule! )

TITLE: Teach Me Perfection
PERPETRATOR: x.Kaley.x
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: brown
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "thin and tiny"
POSSESSIONS: a notebook, "an oversized tee-shirt", "a black silk top [...] It had pink Japanese flowers on it."

ORIGIN: Claims to be the same Hermione Granger we are all familiar with from Harry Potter. Bares little resemblance.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ginny wants to learn how to be anorexic. Draco's love will save Hermione from anorexia and bulimia.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Teaches other how to starve themselves.

NOTES: Stories like this create a ton of rage inside. Eating disorders aren't something you can "teach" or "perfect". They can't be cured by a cute boy telling you that you are "already perfect".

( Argh! )

Thanks to Lauren for sending in today's third Sue!

TITLE: A Life With You
PERPETRATOR: Hate Fairy 666
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: "silver blonde"
EYES: silver
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Ginny Weasley.

ORIGIN: Some sort of pod-creature pretending to be Draco Malfoy.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Loves Ginny Weasley. He is her "baby daddy". Yes that phrase was used in the story. Snape and McGonagall watch them from the shadows and gush about Draco and Ginny's love. Ron handles the "big reveal" very poorly, as always. We find out, as well, that Molly and Arthur knew about this romance the whole time. After some intimidation, all of the brothers and Draco get along. Awww.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is a thoughtful, loving, caring human being.

NOTES: The OOC-level is high in this one!

( How long has Snape and McGongall been hiding there. )

Thanks to maximuski for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Ew It's Sirius Black!
PERPETRATOR: Aurore Day
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Aria Colette
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: blond/golden. It's "curly and falls to about my waist".
EYES: "can’t decide if they are blue or purple". Change colour depending on magic use and if she is lying. Why any one would want this, I don't know.
MARKINGS: 5'1", "rosy pale" skin with "golden freckles across my nose". Trust a Sue to make freckles sound glam. "pretty thin and very curvy" "voluptuous". In Sue-speak this means she has very large boobs and small everything else. She has a "birth mark. But it looks like a scar. It’s ice white and about an inch thick. It starts at the nape of my neck and wraps around to my collarbone."
POSSESSIONS: a collection of friends with super-heroesque names.

ORIGIN: The "only child of Christiana Malfoy and Arc Colette". Is a pure-blood. Has been going to Hogwarts all along with the Marauders.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is not close with cousin Lucius, but is friends with Narcissa despite being in different houses. The Sue is in Gryffindor. Is friends with Lily Evans. Hates Sirius Black, but they are going to end up In Love Forever in the end.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is generally "amazing": "super" popular, "wicked" at "snogging", "sneaky", good at transfiguration.

NOTES: Sometimes reading the amazing and unique talents of a Sue strike me speechless. While nothing here is extra-special, there is a whole tone to it that makes Aria even more Sueish.

( I do like stories that start out with a plot, thank you very much! )

TITLE: The Rare One
PERPETRATOR: DakotaCullen
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Dakota Shane
SPECIES: White Spirit
HAIR: dark
EYES: golden?
MARKINGS: scars on her neck
POSSESSIONS: a " thick Maine accent", "a white spaghettie-strap tank top and black carpis", "bright blue bra", "A robe with dragon scales layering on the arms, shoulders, and back; a black, fire proof tee shirt; black, dragon scaled jeans; and black hikers"

ORIGIN: Normally I don't post the summary, but really, "A chemical reaction with a vampire and magic makes one seventeen year old girl into an immortal, rare species called the “White Spirit”. The accident happened 6,282 years ago and she returns to Hogwarts with a destiny for a boy. What happens when the two meet? Can she save him from death? Can she keep her secret from others? Cedric Diggory is alive in this." I don't have
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is a new "student/professor" at Hogwarts. Has to protect her soul mate, Cedric. This includes watching him sleep. Protects him during the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can read minds. Is a "animegas": a wolf with golden eyes and bangs.

NOTES: Who doesn't love a good dose of Cedward?

( Could you do a bit more explaining? Thanks. )

TITLE: The other side of Tom
PERPETRATOR: Babyshel
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: michelle riddle, nee Croft.
SPECIES: Poden
HAIR: "long curly blonde hair"
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: 5'5", "slim body to slim if you ask me and with a baby face so i've always looked younger then my years anyways"
POSSESSIONS: a muggle home,

ORIGIN: Is bitten by a Poden one evening and wakes up in a park. Leaves her husband to keep him safe. 14 years after Voldemort's "death" (5th year) she decides to go back to Hogwarts to see if Dumbledore can help restore her humanity.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is married to Tom Riddle. Was a Gryffindor in chapter 1, and a Ravenclaw in chapter 2, but the hat re-sorts her into Gryffindor. Wants to go by her married name, but is going to keep it a secret that she is married to Voldemort.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: A Poden: "they will bit any one and drink there blood but unlike vampires they do not kill there victim they only stop there victim from aging and there victim could live for ever but they will never grow old they will freeze at the age in which bitten out." But women can do "something" to start aging again, but men can not. She does not need to feed on blood, either.

NOTES: harrypotterfanfiction.com has validators right? Stories have to be approved by someone don't they? Shouldn't the validator behind the aproval of this one get re-trained?

( If you are no danger to people, why did you exile yourself? )

So I was archiving all of the entries since the last GB's, and I realized I missed a Sue! Damn you March for having 31 days! :p This means you get two Sues today.


TITLE: With Matching Green Eyes (A Harry Potter Love Story)
PERPETRATOR: PurpleGumDrop47
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Aysia Meli Maxena (pronounced Asia Melee Max-n-uh) aka You
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "shoulder-length and very layered dark reddish-brown hair and sort of emo jagged side-swept bangs"
EYES: "startling emerald green eyes"
MARKINGS: 5'6", size 2-4, B-cup "(smallish)", "model-esque bone structure", "creamy" skin with a "light tan" in the summer. "Three piercings in each ear: One has your average double piercing as well as the top of the lobe pierced, while the other has three regular piercings. You generally keep an emerald green, a royal purple, and a cerulean blue sparkling gemstone stud in each ear." An owl named Snitch.
POSSESSIONS: "a pair of very chic rectangular black-rimmed glasses when you dont feel like wearing your contacts", "dark wash non-skinny jeans (you hate skinny jeans), brightly colored or printed shoes, t-shirts with witty phrases, and lots of crazy accessories"

ORIGIN: Pureblood, her parents are "Summer and Nathan Maxena". Her parents are spys for the Order and the Ministry. She is 16.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Expelled from Beauxbatons, goes to a smaller French school. Her family gets transferred to England, so they move next door to Harry. You and Harry have a dramatic love affair.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Goes against the grain, is "preppy, emo and punk" all at once. Guys can't stay away from you. Excellent at Quidditch, music, charms and potions.

NOTES: I must say, Quizilla authors sure are dedicated.

( *facepalm* )

Thanks to cloudytm for sending in today's first Sue!


TITLE: Torn Between Love
PERPETRATOR: I_Came4The_Cookies But all I got was a Mary-Sue.
BANNER: Ah Cedders.
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Aurora Lestrange
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: bright red panties, a "famous sarcastic tone", Cedric's daughter named Phoenix.

ORIGIN: The daughter of Rudolphus Lestrange and Li Chang (Cho's mom). Is 14.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She has been "secretly dating" (having sex with) Draco and Cedric, who is dating her half-sister Cho. She's commited to Draco because she trusts him more; Cedric is an passionate lover to her, but doesn't give her the same amount of love and respect. Excuse me? We're talking about Draco and Cedric. She becomes pregnant, and Cedric does not die. She leaves Cedric and goes with Draco. Cedric doesn't like that and disguises himself as Draco to steal his daughter away from Aurora. Also, she hates Hermione and excludes Pansy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: When Draco has sex with any other girl, he considers it "fucking", but when he's in the closet at Blaise's house party having sex with Aurora, it's "making love".

NOTES: A Tootsietramp + Movie Canon + canon relatives? Is it Christmas?

( Parents, lock up your sons! )

Sal: If you are going to be a troll I clearly can't stop you. It's clear from your comments that you just want to deeply hurt Suethors as well as annoy me and the minions. I'm not too sure what your goal is, but your disgusting comments certainly won't lead me to change how this journal is run. I will deal with the Suethors as they arrive, and explain to them that it is not me or any honest reader of this journal who are looking to hurt them, it just some angry internet troll looking to be a catalyst.


TITLE: Harry Potter got hots 4 u
PERPETRATOR: m1clumsychck17
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: *******/marey aka You/U
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "brown wavy hair which you straighten"
EYES: "beautiful brown"
MARKINGS: light brown skin
POSSESSIONS: a sister named Trisha, a cell phone and a "bunch of money!!!!"

ORIGIN: You're 16. "You dont know that you are a witch but you arent an ordinary witch you are a witch destined to defeat voldomore with Harry Potter!You are an average teenager and you love music you can sing and dance and your on the path of becoming a singer. You're dad left you and your mother year". I assume that "Voldormore" is the practice Voldemort?
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: You meet Harry, Ron and Hermione on the Hogwarts Express, where you play Truth or Dare. You make out with Harry and then when you get to school Dumbledore tells you that your destinies are entwined like soul mates. This "allows" you to spend the night together, and later the next day you get a nasty letter from your dad. Harry comforts you because he "loves" you "so much".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Singing and dancing. Maybe she will sing at "Voldomore" and he will die.

NOTES: I love how Quizzila's formatting was messed up, but I could still figure out what was happening, and it was nothing important. Where does the defeating "Voldomore" come in?

( I kind of wish I could read the whole thing! )

Thankfully the author of Stars and the Moon is far more level-headed and thick-skinned than her readers. I tip my hat to you.

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!


TITLE: Our First Year Of Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: icecream401
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Emily Fosen and Haley Marie Grant
SPECIES: Witches
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: Emily has a scar.
POSSESSIONS: Emily: a Hogwarts letter. Haley: a "lame'o journal", Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

ORIGIN: Emily was orphaned the same night Harry was. Haley appears to a crossover from the muggle world. They live with Harry and his "stupid" family. Believed to be crack!fic.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Haley thinks Harry is stupid, he kisses her on the cheeks. Tonks and Remus collect the three of them to take them to Hogwarts. It is Haley and Emily's first year there. They are sorted into Gryffindor and both have feelings for Harry. Then Harry and Emily plummet from the tower, but they'll be ok. Then she witnesses the birth of Tonks and Lupin's child.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Emily has a beautiful singing voice. Haley makes predictions.

NOTES: I really have no idea what's going on in this story. Although, there is a hilarious "birth scene" in Chapter 17. It contains gems such as: "I watched Tonks trying to push the baby out of her, but I got bored of that." and "The healer wasn’t there. Apparently, the healer just left the Lupin and Tonks family, because the previous mother had an experience. So, the previous mother would help her daughter have the baby, and if there was a problem, then, the healer would come back.". LOL WUT?!

( Brb, crying with laughter. )

If I find out which one of you alerted this Suethor to the journal, I will ban you. No joke. I have told you all time and time again not to run off to the stories to let the Suethors know. I'm tired of dealing with the fallout, and I'm tired of seeing your flames. Maybe banning will make you realize that I'm serious.


TITLE: The Crown Jewel of Slytherin
PERPETRATOR: Queen_of_Two_Worlds
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Kiame "Kia" Lestrange
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black with white bangs.
EYES: emerald green "shot" with silver
MARKINGS: not described
POSSESSIONS: a "black-covered three-foot-high" bed, "four-inch wedge heels",

ORIGIN: 900 years ago a prophesy was made saying that she would be the true heir to Slytherin. Set in the Marauder's Era.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Bellatrix's sister. I assume she's Narcissa and Andromeda's sister, too. Gryffindor friends, such as Lily and the Marauders. She is Remus' girlfriend. She is friends with Snape as well, and he is her male "Silver Snake" counterpart in the "Secret Circle of Hogwarts".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "one of the most powerful witches to ever live was telepathy". Told to us by the third paragraph. She is a "a wine connoseiur".

NOTES: Castles a thousand years ago were very basic and the Tudors would never base their castles on them. Try researching next time, thanks.


( Castille? That's not English. )

Thanks to Jenni for sending in today's first Sue!

TITLE: Neville gets an O
PERPETRATOR: Feefola
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: brunette
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "bouncy". Trust me, this goes under the "markings" heading.
POSSESSIONS: A "tight" uniform, silk underpants, her virginity until Snape ravishes her.

ORIGIN: Neville messes up a potion, it explodes and causes Snape and Hermione to be "forced" to act out all of the sexual tension that we seemed to have missed while reading canon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Claims to be Hermione Granger. Must be someone in using Polyjuice Potion because Hermione would never act like this. Gloats about bedding the "infamous Potions Master" and Snape just screws her harder.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is amazing in bed.

NOTES: I love how Snape just dismisses class, and then spends the day or forever in bed with Hermione. If that really happened, the other professor would wonder why students are out of class, and go check on Snape and stop the improper behavior in an instant. But this is fan fiction, where we don't use logical reactions.

( Snape =/= Capt'n Jack Sparrow )

TITLE: The Forgotten Marauder
PERPETRATOR: ice.cold.vampire
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Selena Black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: black and "silky"
EYES: "silver and had a glint in them"
MARKINGS: Looks exactly like Bellatrix. She has a "chime-like voice". "I was skinny where I wasn’t too skinny but I wasn’t big either, and I had a light skin tone."
POSSESSIONS: a prank book.

ORIGIN: Good ol' Walburga popped out an heir and a useless daughter at the same time.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sirius' twin sister. Everyone who sees her in her true form thinks she is going to be Bellatrix V. 2.0. So she decides to change how she looks all of the time to mess with people. She is sorted into Gryffindor.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is a "metamorphagous", which is the special Sue breed of metamorphagus.

NOTES: Why do girls think it would be "awesome" to be the only girl hanging out with the Marauders? They are silly boys, and it would be grating on the nerves.


( I get it you're special. )