"Okay, I'll slay with you." doesn't quite fit into the context of two guys guarding a museum overnight.

"When that hot cleaver tongue licked the outer shell of his ear..."

I know what you meant, dear author. But in the middle of an otherwise steamy make-out scene, a typo like this brings up an entirely different and not-really-wanted mental image.

Maybe it's just a personal thing, but reading "hormones" in a summary makes me skip over it rather like I was playing hopscotch. Unless somehow it doesn't just sound like you're using it in place of...

Pheromones. Double the fleeing speed if the word pheromones is anywhere in the fic if we aren't talking furries or bestiality (in which case it would make rather much more sense, but I don't read furry-fic, or bestiality).

Why, ficcers? I know it applies to teenagers, but really, to me the use of it in the summary the way many authors do just makes the fic sound raunchy...

Also, I haven't been able to locate any new, good Sparrington. I can only reread the ones I've got for so long.../angst, wank, general asshattery

Whatever happened to fading gracefully to black whenever sex was about to happen? And no, I'm not complaining about finding smut on the internet. This is referring to a fic that I was reading, and the main characters finally admit they love each other, snuggling happens, then a two paragraph AN in the middle of the story about how the author isn't comfortable writing sex, so they're going to abstain. I understand not everyone is comfortable writing sex scenes--and really, I do appreciate it when someone who is uncomfortable writing them does abstain. There's nothing worse for me than reading an awkwardly written sex scene--different from awkward!sex, which can be very entertaining.

My problem comes down to this: when did we feel it required to write a long disclaimer in the middle of the fic to explain why there's no sex? I wasn't expecting sex when I started reading the fic. It's on FF.net, so technically there shouldn't be graphic sex in the fic. Really, I didn't need to know that you know nothing about sex and are uncomfortable writing it. So I ask again, whatever happened to just fading gracefully to black before continuing? You don't need to give a long apology about not having sex. We're okay with it, really.

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Folks, it's really unnecessary for two characters to declare their love every five paragraphs. Really. I'm in the middle of reading a long series, and I'm tempted to go back and count the "I love you's" but I don't have that kind of time!

And btw, Angel writers, if any of you are still out there, here's a tip about writing Lorne. Yes, Lorne uses pet names. Lots of them. However, he doesn't call a person by four or five different pet names in the course of one conversation. Honestly, he doesn't.

To paraphrase Angel: Stop calling the characters pastries!

Ran a low fever today, because apparently we are still on this. I'm spinning my wheels on New Moon between cough syrup-induced comas and not getting anything done. Outstanding. And tomorrow being Happy Eating Day, I doubt I'll get much else done then, either. God, I want my life back.

Hm. Well, I think what we need is some cute. If you are in the Homewood/Birmingham (AL) area, there is a three-month-old puppy at our vet's who is in need of a home. They have dubbed him "Snoopy," but obviously he could be renamed:





Also, here is Sam home fresh from his bath this morning:




Now to decide if I want to pass out again or not.



(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

You're posting this one again. I see you actually managed to get a complete chapter uploaded this time. That makes it no less painful than before though.

Could you please learn to use capital letters? I can't see a single one, anywhere in the chapter. It's rather... annoying to read. And you still can't spell squad. :(

WTF have you done to the command structures of the Divisions? Captain, Commander and Lieutenant? In every single Division? Er... okay. And you've put Yoruichi back in command of Second, Ichigo in charge of Third and... WHAT?! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!

Why are quite a few of Aizen's Arrancar in command positions of the Gotei 13? Why? And it's not even just the Espada! It's the Fraccion as well! Why? You haven't even attempted to explain it! They're just there.

Where did these extra Divisions come from? It's the Gotei 13, not the Gotei 16. And if this is set directly after the whole Aizen betrayal incident, wouldn't they have enough to do getting the Divisions they have back in order, rather than messing around creating three more?

Finally, the zanpakutou... WHY?! You gave Zaraki and Yachiru's zanpakutou names and releases! Part of their badassness is that they're the ranks they are without the advantages that a shikai and bankai would bring! Plus... Nejibana? Tachikaze? Tsunzakigarasu? Raika? Benishidare? Reppu? Kinshara? Shiden? Kubikiri Orochi? Tsuchinamazu? Nijigasumi? Tengumaru? Mirokumaru? Daichimaru? All of those zanpakutou have owners! I think they might object to them being given to other people. Who the fuck is 'rurilro kujaku' though? If it's meant to be 'Ruri'iro Kujaku', that's fail. Even more so that you listed Fuji Kujaku's release command with it.

*goes to headdesk for a bit*

While I do not think that you are obligated to know Latin, creating phrases in Latin when not knowing anything about it isn't the best option.
You see, I get that you think that it's witty and nice for Lucifer to talk in Latin, and if Sam understands it, great, really, I do think that Sam would know a lot about Latin.

Okay. But, you see, the Roman alphabet for Latin - because we can't type the old fashion Etruscan way - has only 23 letters. No J, U or W. And K, Y and Z were used only for writing words of Greek origin, so I guess Lucifer wouldn't care much about it, right?

The J was awful. You managed to put Js in almost every single word.
I wish I knew for sure if you used a tool like Translito for this amazing move.

TL;DR: when not knowing shit about Latin, write in English.

Unless the fandom is Trainspotting, I doubt the main character of your fic is the 'heroin'.

Similarly, I doubt the 'heroine' of your fic would appreciate you snorting her in nightclub toilets.

So I have recently fallen in love with a character. The trouble is that half of what I love about her appears to be my own interpretation, and therefore I can't actually find any fic about her that feels quite "right".

That's my personal problem. Fandom should not be expected to read my mind (wait, no, they should! READ MY MIND AND WRITE THE FIC I WANT, DAMMIT!!!!... okay, I have squashed my id back into my subconscious mind again. Carry on. :-)) But damn, I wish I could at least expect something *decent*. Even that, though, might be too much to ask.

( Cut for length )

Dear SGA author,

So far in your fic, four people are pregnant. Two of them are men, two are women. They all live in the Atlantis, and are in more or less the same amount of danger, and none of them want to go back to earth.

Why is this only surprising of the women? And why do you insist that it could only be because of their lovers, not, say, because they take their duty extremely seriously, or because it's fricking Atlantis and the danger will never, ever outweigh the sheer incredibleness of calling Atlantis their home?

PS: Dear person who ranted about the bizarre Mpreg/Fpreg device,

Yes, this is the same fic. No, it doesn't make any sense.