pottersues:

Potter Sue of the Day (

pottersues) wrote,
2004-01-07 20:08:00

Mood: bored
Music: Dancing on My Own Ground - Lawrence Gowan

Apparently I am still not worthy of BNF-dom. Angst. Woe. Generalized wretchedness.

Ah, well. I've got other things on my personal list of Stuff To Do Before I Die. Let's see... I still need to throw a pie at an important political figure, ride the 'Drop of Fear', go to Mardi Gras, appear on American Idol, and have a sex sandwich with Gerard Butler and David Wendham.

So much to do, so little time...

If you need a laugh, check out the Book 6 Rumor Page at hogwartsheir.com. The Green Flame Torch is back, and then it isn't, and then everybody dies!

And now, for the conclusion of Reader-Sue week. My apologies to all those whose Sues I did not get to.

TITLE: A Change of Heart
PERPETRATOR: Lost In Shadow (formerly 'Legolasina' according to her profile. Sigh.)

SUE-O-METER:

(bad)

FULL NAME: Eleanor (Ellie) Johnson and Jessica (Jess) Knowles, as the author's note says.
SPECIES: human/witches
HAIR: Ellie has 'raven black (dyed, as her natural colour was a dishwater blonde), layered shoulder-length hair ' Jess' is 'elbow-length wavy brown hair'
EYES: Ellie's eyes are 'still the same blue, but there was something that Jess could not place behind those eyes... Something colder, something more sinister.' Jess' 'dark green eyes were less carefree and innocent than at the end of last term'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Jess is Muggle-born and Ellie's parents are wizards. The two are best friends and apparently have one brain-cell between them, which is from the 'boysandmakeupanddatingandcheerleadingliketotallyOMG!' section of the brain. The war in the wizarding world is making them 'grow apart', but the author needs to explain this to us, because their actual interaction makes them sound exactly like teenybopper best friends do normally.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: They appear to be best friends with Susan Bones. At least it's not Hermione or Ginny. Draco seems to find them worthy of paying attention to, for some reason I cannot fathom.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned

NOTES: This pair are like that Cheese Weasley we had a while back - they make me grind my teeth, for absolutely no specific reason. They're actually better developed than a lot of Sues... they're just... not at all likeable.

Nothing wrong in priciple with un-likeable characters, of course. The reader detests, say, Iago from Othello, and yet he's absolutely fascinating. But these two are not un-likeable in the Iago way. They're un-likeable in the Anakin Skywalker way; the one that makes you want to shout, "SHUT UP, ALREADY!" and then throw things at them.

SAMPLE:

A Change of Heart

Hey everyone! This is my first Harry Potter Fic (I've written LotR ones before) so CC is very much appreciated, especially when it comes to characterisation and things like that. I don't actually think personally that this is a Mary Sue, but I supposed it depends on what your definition of one is. This may not be apparent in this chapter, but there are more to my characters than boys, fashion, make up etc. You'll see this more later. I know this chapter isn't yet including speech from the canon characters, but the next one will I promise!

I really hope this is ok, so please review and give me feedback! Thanks!

DISCLAIMER: Eleanor (Ellie) Johnson and Jessica (Jess) Knowles are my creations, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, so please do not steal them without my permission (although why you'd want to is beyond me). Everything else belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, I am not worthy to lick her boots. I hope she doesn't sue me for this... although all she'd get is my Fawkes the Phoenix poster. It may look nice on her wall :D

Chapter 1- A Reunion

"Ellie, Jess's here!"

Sixteen-year-old Eleanor Johnson rushed down the stairs towards the sound of her mother's voice. She rushed past her smiling mother and straight to the person standing in the doorway.

"Jess," she squealed in excitement, "It's so good to see you!"

The two girls embraced. Jessica Knowles, the older of the two girls at sixteen and a half, stepped back and took a better look at her best friend. They hadn't seen each other all summer, and their reunion was a happy one.

Ellie's raven black (dyed, as her natural colour was a dishwater blonde), layered shoulder-length hair had not changed much from last year, neither had her eyes; still the same blue, but there was something that Jess could not place behind those eyes... Something colder, something more sinister. But then, she was sure that her own eyes reflected the same emotions. It was hard to be permanently optimistic in these dark times.

"Your hair's different... You let it grow!" Ellie finally noticed Jess' new hairstyle.

"I know," Jess grinned happily, swishing her elbow-length wavy brown hair from side to side, letting Ellie see the full effect of her new-look hair- do.

Ellie's blue eyes sparkled as she looked at the girl (or young woman) standing in front of her. Jess had changed quite a lot, but in a good way: she had never been a stunning girl and it would be unfair to say that she stood out particularly from the crowd of teenage girls at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, even just those from their own house, Ravenclaw, but she was classically pretty. After the long summer break this was even more pronounced, although her dark green eyes were less carefree and innocent than at the end of last term. Of course by this time the news of Lord Voldemort's return, the fact that it wasn't just some stupid lie, had had time to sink in and the strain showed in Jess's eyes. Jess was a muggle after all, and therefore more worried than Ellie whose parents, Peter and Samantha Johnson, were parts of a prominent wizarding family of the age.

That didn't mean, however, that Eleanor Johnson was not worried. On the contrary, she was concerned both for her own welfare and the welfare of her friends and family and also for the welfare of the wizarding community in general. Ellie was perceptive and she knew that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's coming could spoil everything that wizards had worked for in the eleven years that Voldemort had been in hiding, and also during the five uncertain years when no one knew what was happening. No one, that is, except Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, those Gryffindors in Ellie and Jess's year. They knew, but they kept silent, although no one was sure why.

"Are you going to leave Jess standing in the hall?" Ellie's mother, Samantha Johnson, inquired, smiling.

"Nope," grinned Ellie, "Come on Jess."

She grabbed Jess's arm and dragged her upstairs.

"But my trunk...my broomstick..." Jess trailed off.

"My dad will bring it up," Ellie grinned.

Jess shrugged, "Ok," she said, and followed Ellie to her bedroom.

They collapsed at opposite ends of the bed, panting. Seeing as all either of them had done during the summer holidays was do homework, sleep, eat (mainly chocolate) and shop, maybe occasionally venturing out to the odd party but certainly not thinking about exercise, this was not surprising.

"I really need to lose weight," Jess sighed, patting her stomach, which had not grown significantly during the six weeks that they had been apart, but then again, Jess was always moaning about her weight. It was a constant issue with her, but not, it seemed, with anyone else. In fact in many people's view Jess was slim, and in the rest's she was curvy, but she had never been described as fat (apart from a few times as a child, as she had been particularly chubby until she had grown a good few inches). It was only Jess's own insecurities as a teenager that meant she was worrying constantly about something or other.

"No you don't," Ellie said; while in the process of pinching her own stomach, which was considerably larger than Jess's. She grimaced, "But I do. Too many chocolate frogs."

Jess smiled, "I keep forgetting you don't go back to a muggle house in the holidays. You don't have Galaxy!"

"I'm better off without it," Ellie protested, "I eat too much as it is!"

Jess shrugged. This was undeniable.

Jess was staying with Ellie for the last week of the holidays as she herself lived outside of London in Kent, and this made it difficult to travel to Diagon Alley because her muggle house was not fixed up to the Floo Network. Therefore Jess came to Ellie's wizarding household and they went to Diagon Alley together; it was more fun with a friend anyway.

Jess and Ellie gossiped the whole evening, exchanging summer news (a whole twenty minutes of this particular conversation was dedicated to Jess's now ex-boyfriend Charlie, who had made the grave mistake of hitting on a friend of hers who had finally let Jess know that he was not worth keeping) and now they were contemplating how different their sixth year at Hogwarts would be with Voldemort's official, now undeniable, return. At the end of their fourth year, although they may not have believed it, they could deny his return for they had no proof save Dumbledore's word, although they trusted this beyond many other hard facts. But they could deny it then. There was no denying it now.

"So what do you think about Harry Potter?" Jess smiled, knowing Ellie's soft spot for the Gryffindor all too well.

"I knew he was telling the truth all along," she replied defiantly, "And I do not like him in that way. He is definitely Cho's."

"I thought she'd broken up with him," Jess shrugged, "But I like Terry anyway, so what do I care?"

Ellie scoffed, "The whole year knows you like Seamus. You don't exactly hide it so well..."

"Anyway, back to Harry," Jess changed the subject, "Do you think he's all right... in the head, y'know?"

"Of course," Ellie answered with no hesitation.

"Cos I think he needs some help... I mean, that weird fit he had in the History of Magic OWL? And the one Lavender mentioned when he went funny in Divination, remember? What were they about?" Jess mused.

"He's defeated Voldemort time and time again, give him a break..." Ellie said defensively.

"Hey, I'm not attacking him, he's ok when he's not having a fit," Here Ellie tried to defend Harry, but Jess carried on before she could cut in, "It's just that he's different. Like, different to everyone else I mean."

"I was talking to his best friend Hermione, y'know that bushy haired Gryffindor girl?" Ellie said.

Jess nodded, and Ellie carried on, "Well, she didn't really want to talk about it obviously, all she really wanted to ask me was if I'd done the Arithmancy homework, but she said that Harry was fine."

"Well, she would know," Jess shrugged.

"Dinner!" Mrs. Johnson called.

"Come on, let's go down," Ellie called to her best friend, already halfway down the stairs.

~~**~~

Okay, that was chapter 1. Feedback (Compliments, CC, Flames...) appreciated!

~Legolasina xx >.<

Tags: bad, reader-sue week

Post a new comment
Error
We will log you in after post

We will log you in after post

We will log you in after post

We will log you in after post

We will log you in after post

Anonymously

switch

LiveJournal

Facebook

Twitter

OpenId

Google

MailRu

VKontakte

Anonymously

Insert Bold

Insert Italic

Insert Underline

Insert Strikethrough

Insert Link

Insert LJ User

Insert Photo

Insert Video

Your IP address will be recorded
Help
192 comments

melloniel

January 8 2004, 03:28:53 UTC 8 years ago

"So what do you think about Harry Potter?" Jess smiled, knowing Ellie's soft spot for the Gryffindor all too well.

"I knew he was telling the truth all along," she replied defiantly, "And I do not like him in that way. He is definitely Cho's."

"I thought she'd broken up with him," Jess shrugged, "But I like Terry anyway, so what do I care?"

Ellie scoffed, "The whole year knows you like Seamus. You don't exactly hide it so well..."

"Anyway, back to Harry," Jess changed the subject, "Do you think he's all right... in the head, y'know?"

Who likes who?

*whimpers*

I'm confused...

Username:		Create an Account Forgot your login or password? OpenID Google Mail.Ru VKontakte
Password:
	Remember Me
	English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…

Error

Predictions page

Re: Predictions page

About

Help

Get Involved

Legal

LJ Labs

Store