Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2009-06-26 22:35:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Current mood: hungry
Current music:The Lady Lovely Locks theme song.
Entry tags:hermione-sue, some form of royalty, troll

VOTE! It's the last day!

TITLE: A Royal Decision
PERPETRATOR: Queen Maleficent
SUE-O-METER: (troll)

FULL NAME: Princess Hermione of Ravenclaw.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "luscious honey-brown curls", "thick"
EYES: "deep blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "delicate hands",
POSSESSIONS: the "boldest" of stagecoaches with a four-post bed inside. The book "Ancient and Primordial Spells for the Advanced Mind", "a fleecy bathrobe", a "silver fringed comb", "her gown, a gift from Queen Lily, of rich emerald green silks embroidered with small beads and stones, which glittered in the candlelight. The bodice was charmed to hug her waist perfectly and the neckline was modest but not quaint. A stunning diamond necklace, which in fact was a Ravenclaw heirloom, was strung around her elegant neck with diamond studs in her ears to match."

ORIGIN: This is set in a magical kingdom. The houses are kingdoms. She is the daughter of King Richard and Queen Ella of Ravenclaw, and is the heir to the throne of Ravenclaw.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: "Lady Lavender" is her cousin. This might be the first fic where Lavender is ever connected to anything Ravenclaw. ;) There is a Prince Harry of Gryffindor, Prince Draco of Slytherin, and Prince Cedric of Hufflepuff. I hope he's a ghost. She meets many o the characters we know and love in their form and is going to meet Harry at a ball. Someone (probably Harry) sends her a love letter before the ball. She squeals in excitement.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Bares little resemblance to Hermione Granger, save for a love of reading.

NOTES: The plot is not set in stone. The Suethor is going to write what her reviewers want, "whether it be a dramione, harmony or any other sort of fic". How about canon?

Also reviewers going "I love the time-period you set this in" make me feel ill. This is not an actual "time-period", just some pseudo-medieval/early modern Europe tripe. It means there are *~princes~* and *~princesses~* and *~pretty dresses~* with *~carriages~* and *~manners~*.

Also, it's filled with purple prose.


SAMPLE:

Approaching the large doors of the grand ballroom, the princess smoothed her silken skirts and took her position as charge of the Ravenclaw court. The Gryffindor courtiers stood by its stately entrance while the Royal Council Chief, Lord Arthur Weasley, hurriedly rushed to their side so as to properly introduce the Ravenclaw nobility to the masses within.

Hermione smiled recognizing the red hair of the Council Chief immediately and was pleased to have found another Weasley kin within the palace walls. Lord Weasley bowed to the princess and after a brief introduction motioned for the trumpets to sound and for the great wooden doors to magically swing open.

The Princess stepped forward proudly, the Gryffindor knights near the entrance quickly kneeling in her presence. She smiled walking to where the King and Queen were seated in all their splendor.

As she made her way down the entrance stairs, Lord Weasley announced ostentatiously,

“Please welcome Princess Hermione and her court from the eastern lands of Ravenclaw!”

A generous applause filled the room, and Hermione felt the gaze of the crowds surround her, a tingling sensation filling her being. She smiled good-heartedly to those around her not noticing more than one set of appraising eyes lingering upon her presence.

The gracious brunette dropped into a curtsey before the Gryffindor monarchs once again, her movement marked by a sequence of elegant and well-practiced flourishes.

“Please,” Queen Lily began, signaling for the princess to rise, “have a seat with our other fine guests,” she requested motioning to a grand table by the royal throne already partially occupied by several Gryffindor aristocrats including a handful of dukes and barons. The princess swiftly scanned the table, noticing the absence of the King’s legendary companions, Lord Black and Baron Lupin, but dismissed the thought quickly as she focused away from her observation and back onto the present situation.

Hermione nodded to the Queen, curtseying once again in gratitude and taking a seat across from the Royal Gryffindor Advisor, Lord Kingsley Shacklebolt. She exchanged greetings with those seated in her midst whom looked upon the princess with kindness and high regard, mentioning how much she proved to be like her dear Father and Mother. Lord Lovegood too took residence nearby to her right and Lady Lavender to her immediate left.

Hermione’s attention was once again snatched away as Lord Weasley’s booming voice filled the room resonantly, announcing the arrival of the Slytherin court. She moved her head slightly to gain a better view of the assembly, catching sight of a striking blonde haired man striding down the center of the room, his cloak, black as night, billowing impressively in his wake. The Prince’s chiseled face held the image of royal majesty, resembling that of the Grecian gods and his gray eyes possessed a certain aura about them. Dressed in a doublet of forest green and black with breeches to match, he confidently strode down towards the Gryffindor sovereigns, holding the crowds in a trance.

“Prince Draco,” King James greeted with a regal nod.

The Slytherin Prince bowed his head whilst dropping to one knee and then rose again after a moment, regaining his full proud six feet.

“It is a pleasure to have you here in court, please do take a seat with our other royal company,”

Draco bowed in accord and took his seat at the end of the table, a handful of spots down from Hermione. He looked up at her just as she moved to look away, catching her eye and smiled in greeting, his small gesture softly illuminating his already fine features.

“Good day princess,” he spoke with a slight brogue, his voice both affable and strong.

“Good day sire,” Hermione returned, their eyes locking and Hermione could not help but blush under his powerful gaze, attempting in a haste to disguise her raw emotion with a display of unaffected civility.

She was quickly saved by the introduction of the Hufflepuff court and soon found herself captivated once again, but this time by the young man who had just entered the room. His dark russet locks and enchanting soft caramel eyes drawing in the attention of the court as he passed. Bathed in the firelight, his doublet shined for all to see and the gold flecks deep within his eyes twinkled merrily with warmth.

Hermione sought a fleeting glimpse of the fine prince who had seated himself between his two advisers and onto the left of Draco and his royal counselor. She glanced back at Lavender who seemed to be melting in the mere presence of such charming characters and laughed softly in amusement at her cousin.

“I do not believe we have met, miss,” said a voice drawing her attention away from Lavender. She graced the prince who spoke to her with a kind smile as she replied, “I believe we haven’t, milord.” The Hufflepuff prince introduced himself taking her hand from his seat diagonal to that of hers, and kissed it softly, his breath as warm as his enchanting eyes.

Hermione felt her cheeks flush slightly again and a pair of eyes fixate on her. She glanced away from Cedric’s warm gaze to see Prince Draco watching their exchange, his face seemingly passive and unfazed.

She gently drew her hand back, as the trumpets sounded again, louder than before, and the multitudes stood as Prince Harry’s arrival was announced.

Flanked on either side by two men, he walked down the center aisle, a roguish grin forming on his handsome features. The crowd cheered deafeningly for their prince, and Queen Lily embraced her son after so many long years, softly kissing his forehead. King James smiled down at Harry, placing a hand on the Prince’s shoulder and giving it a light fatherly squeeze. The Gryffindor royal family proudly took their seats at the head of the table, as the crowd’s applause subsided, full of joy and cheer at their son’s advent following his lengthy absence. A man who was unmistakably a member of Lord Weasley’s family along with another gentleman by the name of Lord Thomas returned to Harry’s side as well as they took their seats beside him. Lord Weasley too joined them soon followed by his wife, Lady Weasley, a very pleasant woman by Hermione’s judgment.

The doe-eyed princess smiled to herself as she saw the young prince interact with his friends and kinfolk alike, far down at the head of the table. Laughter shone from his brilliant green eyes and his voice reflected the sheer happiness of his homecoming. Though now of age, his face still held the striking representation of boyish good looks, and his ruffled raven hair only added to his alluring charm. The Gryffindor Prince talked amicably with his family, not eating much during the feast as he stood to reunite with friends from across the land sharing a set of hearty jokes and reminiscing of memories from times past. Hermione hoped that she too could eventually meet the light-hearted prince and speak with him in such candor.




Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>

(80 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]redleigh86
2009-07-04 04:06 am UTC (link)
I have to admit I find the idea behind the story very interesting - as in, each house being a kingdom. And I'm always happy when the writing is better than quizilla quality, but ultra-violet prose are almost as difficult to read only because of the nausea it induces :P

Also: “Good day princess,” he spoke with a slight brogue, his voice both affable and strong.

Draco has a brogue? Brogue insinuates a strong regional accent, but the "slight" adjective contradicts that, leaving the only reasonable interpretation of Draco being Irish. Did I just not pay that close attention to the books or is that another part of the author's AU??

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]miss_mercurial
2009-07-04 04:34 am UTC (link)
No. You didn't miss anything-Draco is most assuredly not Irish in the books. I always thought a brogue was Scottish, but I could be wrong. Either way, there is no way canon Draco has a brogue, as he is decidedly English. I don't think the author knows what a brogue is...

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]convolutedplots, 2009-07-04 04:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hakojo, 2009-07-04 04:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]el_mcgruffle, 2009-07-04 09:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feiminn, 2009-07-04 02:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-07-04 01:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pottersues, 2009-07-04 03:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-07-05 01:41 pm UTC

[info]meepalicious
2009-07-04 04:07 am UTC (link)
I never really understood why, if they're were going to dump the entire universe of a story and just take character (and sometime place) names, they don't just write original stories.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]miss_mercurial
2009-07-04 04:41 am UTC (link)
I think it's because they know the HP name will draw people in; people will read fanfic of something popular over an original unknown quantity most of the time if they're reading on the internet. My bet is these kind of writers hope that people will start reading the story because "it's Harry Potter" and then stay because "well, the story's good*, even if it doesn't resemble HP very much- I want to know what happens." I think it's a sneaky way to get people to read original fic.
*Good, of course, being used very, very loosely

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]maximuski, 2009-07-04 05:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]meepalicious, 2009-07-04 05:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maximuski, 2009-07-04 07:32 pm UTC

[info]convolutedplots
2009-07-04 04:15 am UTC (link)
To be perfectly honest, I like the premise of this story: each of the Houses being a kingdom, and all that. It's just that...

The PROSE. It KILLS me!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]ell_de_gothia
2009-07-05 06:49 pm UTC (link)
My thoughts exactly.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]eye_ofthe_liger
2009-07-04 04:20 am UTC (link)
Ew.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]tinystarkitten
2009-07-04 06:57 am UTC (link)
your icon makes me grin.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]kh_mattie
2009-07-04 04:28 am UTC (link)
I would almost rather read a story with bad grammar than one with such terrible, purple prose. At least the people with the terrible grammar probably don't know any better. This just seems like potential talent going to waste. Maybe they'll learn? Or maybe I'm over thinking a Pottersue?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]maximuski
2009-07-04 05:06 am UTC (link)
I know girls who write like that (most of the "succesfull" writers at the Pit). They think it's teh awesome to use words of the 19th century because it automatically makes them more intelligent than the rest of us (???).

I blame Stephenie Meyer and those other purple novels authors.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]wolkenser, 2009-07-04 11:09 pm UTC

[info]miss_mercurial
2009-07-04 04:31 am UTC (link)
So...many...adjectives...can't...focus...
Seriously. This isn't a bad premise, but it raises the question- why not just write it as original fiction, since it has absolutely nothing in common with HP beyond the names? And, someone needs to get this girl a copy of Stephen King's "On Writing," stat. He specifically advises against this. I used to write like this when I was about twelve, then I realized how stupid it sounds and stopped. This girl may yet do the same; she has a lot of potential, it's just drowning in the purple.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]wolkenser
2009-07-04 11:13 pm UTC (link)
She probably goes to my high school. The motto of my school's English Literature program is "There is always room for more details" or some variation of that.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]clockworktoast, 2009-07-05 04:46 am UTC

[info]maximuski
2009-07-04 05:01 am UTC (link)
LOL. what the hell xD

so this is what those kingdom-fics are like... I hadn't read one until now.

Also, fuck you, Sue. I didn't understand half of the words there. Way to fuck up with the Spanish speakers(?). Seriously though, the purple prose is vomit-inducing, ew.

I would never like this even if it was original fiction. It's just I hate the whole idea of kingdoms, kings, queens, princesses, etc; I hate how, even in this century, there's people who worship royalty. Humans are born equals, there's no "superiority" of blood, lineage, or any of that shit.

Oh, and LOL @ "Lord Black". Sirius would rolf with laughter at that.

(Reply to this)


[info]hakojo
2009-07-04 05:18 am UTC (link)
Sal strikes again, I see...

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 05:34 am UTC (link)
One of the things that bugged me the most about this was the Ravenclaw!Hermione. Ok, she likes books so that means she must be the Ravenclaw princess. I do kind of like the idea of this fic for a AU, and I'm tempted to write on where Herminoe isn't a sparkley princess who falls in love with super special prince but uses her intelligence to challenge the established fedual system. Also the Slytherin princess would be Millicent.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]theorclair
2009-07-04 03:55 pm UTC (link)
I actually found myself most upset that "Prince Cedric" has "caramel" eyes and not gray ones.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]maeve_79, 2009-07-04 11:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]theorclair, 2009-07-05 09:22 pm UTC

[info]rodentfanatic
2009-07-04 06:20 am UTC (link)
This is not any period. It really fucking isn't.

(Reply to this)


[info]kilo112205
2009-07-04 06:51 am UTC (link)
Russet locks, someone has been reading twilight a little bit too much. Still, at least the vocabulary and grammar is better then some fanfic writers.

The whole thing was boring, get to the damn point suethor. Too much purple prose, it's all filler.

(Reply to this)


[info]tinystarkitten
2009-07-04 07:03 am UTC (link)
Hermione's constant blushing made me headdesk. Though I think it could be redeemable if 1.) she found out "Prince Draco" was an asshat and started hating him properly and 2.) if she fell in love with whatever incarnation of Ron exists in this AU.

...Then again, she's the Princess of Ravenclaw... :/

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]lady_marna
2009-07-04 01:12 pm UTC (link)
OooOooo! How about if Ron was Captain of the Guard or something like that?

But I think what would make this even better is if Luna was the rather odd princess of Ravenclaw, and Hermione was the poor relation of one of the nobles of Gryffindor and is sent to live with her wealthier relations and somehow meets Ron, but thinks he's arrogant and it turns out he's actually engaged to Lavender....

Sorry. Too much Jane Austin.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-07-04 01:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_marna, 2009-07-04 03:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-07-04 07:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_marna, 2009-07-04 07:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tinystarkitten, 2009-07-05 09:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_marna, 2009-07-05 12:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-07-05 01:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ell_de_gothia, 2009-07-05 06:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wolkenser, 2009-07-05 12:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]theorclair, 2009-07-04 03:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_marna, 2009-07-04 04:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]turtle_yurippe, 2009-07-04 04:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]devoidofcontent, 2009-07-04 09:51 pm UTC

[info]eatmyphotons
2009-07-04 07:15 am UTC (link)
Bathed in the firelight, his doublet shined for all to see

HA HA HA

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]cyniconvention
2009-07-04 11:57 am UTC (link)
It must have been made of pure gold, or something xD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 08:06 am UTC (link)
Her username is Queen Maleficent. What does that say about her personality?

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 08:59 am UTC (link)
Her username is Queen Maleficent. What does that say about her personality?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 09:01 am UTC (link)
Whoops. Double post...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 10:22 am UTC (link)
Well, she isn't the Slytherin princess and Draco's soulmate (yet?).
I really don't know why couldn't the Suethor choose someone who really is in Ravenclaw? Like... Luna, Cho, Penelope Clearwater, Marietta Edgecombe, Padma or...
(No Suethor can write Luna properly so it's better that the Suethor didn't choose her, Cho isn't that 'interesting', 'LOL Who is Penelope? Ew, she likes Percy that's so lame', Marietta is a 'traitor so she can't be a princess' and Padma... because her identical twin sister in in Gryffindor of course she can't be a Ravenclaw princess.)
But still, Hermione? She is smart and probably more studious than many Ravenclaw student, but why did the Sorting Hat sort her to Gryffindor if she is the PRINCESS of Ravenclaw?
Damn, she should have made an OC!
Damn, she should have made an original story!
I don't like the writing, but it isn't THAT horrible and with an own world and a 'little' different style it could be good. Uhm... Maybe?

(Reply to this)


[info]azuresky001
2009-07-04 11:11 am UTC (link)
Oh God. Why not just make an original story? Or use less purple prose? And the textblocks of doom in which adjectives are abused made my head spin. But this writer at least has hope.

And am I the only one who thinks this girl's a Twilight fan? Because Cedric was described as having black hair and grey eyes...while he has russet locks and whatever else in this fic. This made me hate Twilight even more, if that's possible.

(Reply to this)


[info]cyniconvention
2009-07-04 11:54 am UTC (link)
That's not a time period, that just happens to be some part of Earth--probably in a different dimension--that has houses as Royalty.

Cool premise, but I can't see for forest for the lavender-tinted trees.

(Reply to this)

Who's Line is it Anyways?
[info]cyniconvention
2009-07-04 12:03 pm UTC (link)
It's stories like this that make me afraid that I have written a Mary-Sue when people tell me that it's really good.

Mind, I only use the setting, and no, It's not HP fan fiction.

Though I have written original stories and people have told me they're pretty good too.

but THIS LINE....

Hermione stood frozen to the spot, two caramel orbs widening in humiliation and shame as the prince stood before her, their eyes still locked in a trance.

I must be a little influenced by the past few Sues, I thought she had taken her shirt off.

(Reply to this)


[info]darth_gojira
2009-07-04 01:46 pm UTC (link)
Can I vote for Sir Neville? How about the black plague?

Who made her the Princess of Ravenclaw? I didn't vote for her

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]malinbe
2009-07-04 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Oh, YES, a plague is just what this fic needs. They need SWINE FLU. Pig snouts for everyone!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-07-04 05:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wolkenser, 2009-07-05 12:35 am UTC

[info]malinbe
2009-07-04 03:36 pm UTC (link)
MY GOD THE PURPLE, I need googles.

Really, just GO ORIGINAL. A bit of hard work on research, character building and improving the prose and she's set.

Though that sounds like a lot of hard work, but still.

(Reply to this)


[info]l00nyboy
2009-07-04 03:46 pm UTC (link)
I smell a troll. Really.

(Reply to this)


[info]turtle_yurippe
2009-07-04 04:04 pm UTC (link)
Oooooo-kay. Has anyone read beyond this and knows if something actually happens?

I must say, the idea sounds promising, but the prose, oh, the prose! Plus, I don't get why she put people in the wrong houses. And where is the conflict?

Plus, if I hear Draco being called the Slytherin Prince one more time, I swear I'll... !!!

Does anyone beside me think the only country Mr. Weasly would like to rule would be Muggletopia?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]l00nyboy
2009-07-04 04:26 pm UTC (link)
Like I said, I smell a troll.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]turtle_yurippe, 2009-07-04 04:32 pm UTC
I've been thinking...
(Anonymous)
2009-07-04 05:41 pm UTC (link)
You know, a story like this COULD work. But only if for instance, it's Ron telling a bedtime story to Rose, if it sticks to canon, and has everyone in character, and much much much more magic, and less purple.

Ugh, now I have urge to write something like that, if only I had enough skill and better knowledge of English grammar...

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: I've been thinking...
[info]meshpets
2009-07-04 10:47 pm UTC (link)
Well, that DOES sound very good ... :)
I quite like the idea.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: I've been thinking... - [info]theorclair, 2009-07-05 09:24 pm UTC
Re: I've been thinking... - [info]riennahawkes, 2009-07-14 06:31 am UTC

[info]calendair
2009-07-04 09:05 pm UTC (link)
All I can think of is her dropping into a curtsey with a "sequence of elegant and well-practiced flourishes."

It just makes me think she's having some kind of spasm.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


(Anonymous)
2009-07-05 09:09 pm UTC (link)
At least it's an elegant spasm.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(80 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…