Current mood:	quixotic
Current music:	A Spaceman Came Travelling - Chris DeBurgh
Entry tags:	features jesus, god, jesus-stu, toxic

I had a Sue picked out for tonight... but then this showed up on marysues. That's right... I had the NSync Goes to Hogwarts fic up for one day, and somebody already topped it.

Do Bible fics count as RPF? I mean, just a question...

...anyway, you might wanna take advantage of that back button. Like NOW.

TITLE: Jesus goes to Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: undercover goon

SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Jesus Christ
SPECIES: Umm... human/incarnate deity/wizard? Perhaps someone more religious than I can help me here.
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned

ORIGIN: Born of a Virgin, has a sky-high midichlorion count and is prophesized to bring balance to the F... OW! Enough with the thunderbolts, already! Sheesh, you'd think a supposedly benevolent god would have a sense of humour. Myah. He's Jesus, okay? And Dumbledore travels back in time to get him so that he can fight Voldemort, who is the incarnation of Satan. There, now go aim your lightning at the author of the fic.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: er...
SPECIAL ABILITIES: you mean in addition to being the son of god and all?

NOTES: Look on the bright side: maybe he'll smite the NSync guys. Hey, anybody wanna write a HP/Bible crossover in which Jesus smites the Mary-Sues?

OW! Dammit, I worked hard on this hairstyle!

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure this is a parody... but gawdayum. Oh, and the author has the legendary DBZ/Anne Frank Crossover on her favourites list.

SAMPLE:

Young Jesus was sitting by the side of the road, feeling gloomy. It had been a bad day. He tried preaching in the marketplace, but no one would listen. Then his father came and dragged him back to the workshop. Jesus hated carpentering, but he worked dutifully until his father told him he could leave. Now he was tired and in a bad mood.

"Hello there, boy," a deep voice said.

Jesus looked up, startled. A tall, thin man with a long, white beard and a long, crooked nose stood in front of him. The man was wearing purple robes embroidered with silver moons and stars.

"Who are you?" Jesus asked, staring at the man.

"I am Albus Dumbledore," the old man said, beaming at Jesus. "I've come to rescue you!"

"Rescue me?" Jesus said blankly. "What do you mean?"

The old man smiled. "Well, Jesus, you're a pretty unhappy young man, aren't you? According to our intelligence, you're the only boy with magic in these parts."

"M-Magic?" Jesus stammered. "I don't have magic. Magic is a tool of the Devil!"

"Nonsense!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Of course you have magic. And at Hogwarts we'll teach you how to use it!"

"But-"

"Come on!" Dumbledore shouted, grabbing Jesus's arm. Before Jesus could tear away, he felt a yank behind his navel and the world was dissolving in a whirl of color.