Thanks to an anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue! Remember if you want to be credited to let me know, I don't always reply to your submissions. Also, if you want to submit a Sue/Stu to send it to pottersues@gmail.com. Do not send them via LJ messages. LJ deletes them after two weeks.
TITLE: Vampires and Valkyries
PERPETRATOR: IWantALLtheIceCreamFlavours
SUE-O-METER: 
(troll)
FULL NAME: Odette Ivanjilinah Envy Neveah- Miko Valencia aka Ivan ("Ee-vaahn")
SPECIES: part vampire, part Valkyrie, half veela
HAIR: "Caramel bronze coloured hair with strawberry blonde highlights and blonde tipped tresses was in fat encircling ringlets". It goes down to her legs. "her large, ringletty caramel hair dancing sexily and seductively in the blustery weather".
EYES: "caramelicious"
MARKINGS: She's 5'8", willowy, long legged, 110 lbs. Her skin is full of "lightness and purity".
POSSESSIONS: a "empire waist gown bodice-corset, which was bursting of red, luxurious lace", "7 inch diamond heels made of rubies and gold in the soles", "a brilliant silver dagger encrusted with rubies and silver letters that didn’t say anything, they were just letters"
ORIGIN: Was attacked and raped in her home in "Norseway" and wakes up in Hogwarts.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry saves her from her attempted suicide. They automatically love each other and after knowing each other for one day they make love. Harry's penis of healing heals her. While they are "having the best sex of their lives", she turns into a mermaid. Harry decides to steal "Gillymerweed" from Snape so they can be together.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is a vampire and half Veela. And some sort of elemental called a Valkyrie. "She can control air, earth, fire, water, and nuclear weapons except she can only control one of these each day and she never knows which one it will be. If she summons enough strength to use two powers at once, she gets a whole new power, and she won’t know what that is either. Her powers rule her life."
NOTES: This troll made me laugh a lot. Way better than all the My Immortal trolls. I think it's funny that it has two flames/negative reviews when it's such an obvious parody.
SAMPLE:
All of a sudden she awoke savagely from her sleep. She placed her hand on her check, and another on her painful small waist and her face was icy, full of wet tears of shame, self hate, and regret and loss of self.
The top part of her lace dress was a little undone, and her skirt was lifted up to her willowy thighs.
“Even in my dreams I am haunted by it all!” she wailed loudly to herself. She ran to the window. The highest window of the tower. And stood up on the ledge, her face facing the interrogative moon. It’s laughing face ridiculing her in all her terrible shame. She stood on the ledge, and leant over, slowly hoping gravity would do its business for her…
Harry was flying his Dart (the new broom of the season sent by Sirius in sixth year). He was doing back flips and twirls and he was prancing happily in the air away from Hogwarts. He was getting sick of it, with its teachers and classes. He wanted freedom, so he grabbed his Dart, flew out of those grounds and here he was, somewhere over some snowy lands. He didn’t know where, and he didn’t even care, because the wind was flipping gallantly through his hair and this was a moment he couldn’t bare share with anyone. He lifted his arms out to the sides and closed his eyes, like when he was riding Buckbeake. All of a sudden, he heared a beautiful voice of a girl in the distance, sobbing, crying. He was a brilliant flash of red in the window of a tower, and was entranced by it, and like a dart to a dartboard, a bull to a red cloth, he valiantly darted his broom in that direction.
Ivan stood on the edge. The tips of her razor-sharp heels edging edgily closer to the edge of the sill.
Should I do it?
Shoud I end it?
No one would care! My father wouldn’t care! That cruel Fjord would laugh! Let him have his eternal happiness!
I just wan to die!”
She drew her dagger, that she had getten from the caves of Norseway made by dwarves. It was a brilliant silver dagger encrusted with rubies and silver letters that didn’t say anything, they were just letters. She then grabbed it in a great fist and in a fit, she dug the tip into her wrist, and slashed sideways, over and over and over and over. She then got to work on the other arm, slashing side ways over and over and over until the blood was dripping down her voluminous crimson lace gown down to her ankles it dripped. Then, in a sudden dash, she lifted the knife high the air to the knife sky. Glaring at the moon, as if it were a person, she aimed the dagger at her neck, and sliced a deep cut against her protruding chest that represented self hate and despair of the soul. She gasped a tiny, baby like gasp, suddenly, realising that she wanted to kill herself over and over, but didn’t want to die. She would never be able to kill herself again once she was dead. She saw black fading over into her vision, and knew no more after that.
Harry was flying closer and closer and he saw the lady in red falling, with red specks of her blood behind her! She was bleeding!
“I have no choice!” He yelled definitely.
“I must safe her life!”
He flew over and caught her several feet from the ground, his strong Quiddich toned arm grasping itself strongly around her brittle waist like a jungle vine tapering around a lean tree deep in the amazon.
Without a moments hesitation, he suddenly stared at the bundle of red flowing lace he had saved from death in his arm. What a beautiful fair, moonlit face she had! Those crimson stained lips, parting ever so gently in the moonlight, her flowing hair, enveloping them both, gently in the breeze like a veil. It smelled astonishing. He grabbed a handful and stroked it against his face. He could smell many wonderful things. He glared at her swan like neck and at her chest, which was going up and down very very slowly. And then he saw the blood. The blood! He had to fly to the hospital wing on his Dart this second to save this mysterious strangers life before it was too late!
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