Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2009-03-01 23:17:00
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Current mood: sick
Current music:The "Days of the Week" song stuck in my aching head.
Entry tags:awful, related to the malfoys, speshul eyes

TITLE: Malfoy Gone Wrong Edited and re-posted: Here.
PERPETRATOR: GhostGirlMD
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Olivia Malfoy
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "shoulder length, thick strawberry blonde hair with bangs that hung perfectly above her eyes"
EYES: Colour changing
MARKINGS: 5'1", 120, "a large chest, a slim waist, and wide hips".
POSSESSIONS: Her own Hogwarts House!

ORIGIN: Lucius and Narcissa had thing thing. We didn't know about her in canon, cause really, they were just ashamed.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Malfoy's daughter. She gets her own House at Hogwarts. She is best friends with George and Fred, and likes pranking. She will be paired with Charlie.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is unsortable.

NOTES: I thought that Charlie was left single either because he was a) gay or b) liked working with dragons more than being in want of a wife. This sort of ruins that.


SAMPLE:

Olivia Malfoy had always known she was different. She didn't fit in with any person in her family. She didn't have blonde hair or blue eyes. She wasn't tall or remarkably beautiful. Her parents, mainly her father Lucius, would have loved for her to be like the rest of the family but the truth was, she was different from them in every way.

Olivia was 16. She was in fifth year. She had shoulder length, thick strawberry blonde hair with bangs that hung perfectly above her eyes. Her eyes. No one that she knew had eyes like hers. When she was happy, they were blue. When she was mad, they were green. Embarrassed or upset, they were gold. That wasn't the end of the rainbow that was her eyes but it was the main things that she felt. Except for when she was depressed, then they were brown.

She had a large chest, a slim waist, and wide hips. A very hourglass, womanly figure. She only reached a height of 5'1" and she was a little on the heavy side of that weight. Only by a little. She was around 120 lbs and she should have been 112 lbs. So what? All the weight was in her boobs and her ass. Something she wasn't proud of, but the guys liked it. Alot.

And then there were her views on Death Eaters. Unlike her father, she believed that blood purity wasn't important. It depended on whether you were a good person. Not that you should be killed if you were a jerk but people should get to know your personality and who you are before they start to judge you, which they shouldn't judge you even if they don't like you. Her views were a little bit hazy but all she knew was that you could be Muggle or Half-Blood or Pure Blood all day long and she wouldn't care. And as for the blood traitors, she was one. She loved Muggle things. Television, radio, pictures that didn't move. She liked it all.

And then there was the day she was sorted. She remembered it clearly. September 1st, 1989.........

Olivia had just gotten off of the boats that lead to Hogwarts castle. She was scared, of course, to be away from home for this long. But, with the help of Hagrid, she hadn't broken down yet.

All of the first years were led into the small holding room next to the Great Hall. A few minutes later Professor McGonagall led them into the Hall. All eyes were on them and Olivia's stomach felt tight. She was nervous, which meant her eyes were a mean shade of violet. She hated that color.

After the song was sang, McGonagall started naming off names. Around five minutes later it was Olivia's turn to get the Sorting Hat placed on her head. She walked up to the stool slowly and sat down. McGonagall placed the hat on her head and the hat started humming.

"What should we do with you Olivia? You're a Malfoy, eh? You don't seem like it. But never the less, Slyth..."

The hat stopped. Olivia's heart was beating quickly in her chest and she felt the beginning of a panic attach start. She felt her breath getting shorter and her head getting lighter. She wouldn't pass out but she would be a complete air head for a while.

"Ah yes. Huffle.." the hat stopped again.

Dumbledore looked at the patched old hat with a stern eye. He mouthed the word "Pick." The pointed part of the hat moved towards the older wizard. Olivia and Dumbledore were the only ones able to hear him.

"She's everything. She's brave like a Gryffindor, intelligent like a Ravenclaw, she's loyal like a Hufflepuff and she's sneaky like a Slytherin, no offense Olivia." he apologized.


"None taken." Olivia said quietly with a quiver in her voice.

"Don't cry sweetheart, everything is going to work out. Now, you need to pick." Dumbledore said.

The hat sighed, which pushed it down over Olivia's head more.

"Sorry." it mumbled. It looked at Dumbledore again. "Put her aside. I'll pick after everyone else."

"No!" Dumbledore snapped.


"It's fine Professor." Olivia lied. She was heartbroken. What is she wasn't picked at all?

"O.k. Darling, please go stand by Hagrid." Dumbledore lifted the hat off her head and she quietly made her way over to the gentle giant in the corner of the room.

Hagrid held her close to him, shielding her from the stares of the other students. After George Weasley was placed in Gryffindor, Dumbledore made his speech and quickly took Olivia away from Hagrid and brought her to his office.

"Professor McGonagall, please bring in the Sorting Hat again."

McGonagall nodded and brought in the Sorting Hat. Instead of placing it on Olivia's head, the hat was placed on Dumbledore's desk.

"You can't pick? Seriously?" Dumbledore asked.

"Seriously. The only way she's going to get a House is if you personally assign her one. Or give her her own one."

"I like the last idea. O.k. Olivia, your personalHouse will be Eximius. It's Latin for Extraordinary because you truly are an extraordinary young witch." Olivia blushed. "It's password will be Mirus, it means the same thing as Eximius. Don't tell anyone. It won't be finished tonight so you'll be staying in Gryffindor."

"O.k." Olivia said.




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(121 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]ix_tab
2009-03-03 04:59 am UTC (link)
NO. WRONG. AND BRIMMING OVER WITH WRONGABILITY.

I hate personal house sues more than any other kind.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]ix_tab
2009-03-03 05:00 am UTC (link)
Oh god, the rainbow eyes. I'm friends with a person who does have eyes that vary in colour. You know what makes the change, suethors? THE LIGHT SHE IS STANDING IN. >:(

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lostmustard, 2009-03-03 05:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ix_tab, 2009-03-03 05:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]thehappyberry, 2009-03-03 05:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_mercurial, 2009-03-03 08:30 am UTC

[info]lostmustard
2009-03-03 05:09 am UTC (link)
"O.k. Darling, please go stand by Hagrid."

Darling? Oh, Dumbledore, that is so totally Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

...Oh wait.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]flame_fall
2009-03-03 10:10 pm UTC (link)
My first thought was that Kevin Darling showed up.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]severedscythe
2009-03-03 05:10 am UTC (link)
....*howls with laughter*

Oh my god. Just WHAT.

and weren't all malfoys built like a long streak of pelican shit? Skinny, white and highly annoying?

(Reply to this)


[info]clockworktoast
2009-03-03 05:16 am UTC (link)
Self-insert senses...tingling! And what's with the entire paragraph defending the character's weight? Jeez, Suethor, if you're she's so self conscious then why not just say so.

Also, aside from the trippy eyes I don't think the whole Malfoy-relation thing was thought out very well. Why bother making a character part of a family, then having absolutely no physical or mental resemblance? At least give her the same hair color or something.

(Reply to this)


[info]gretchystretchy
2009-03-03 05:25 am UTC (link)
...WHAT.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-03-03 05:36 am UTC (link)
I was JUST about to recommend this story.

I flamed it and she got upset and deleted my review.
And then she put a whole paragraph about how people shouldn't leave insulting reviews on her profile.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pottersues
2009-03-03 05:53 am UTC (link)
Do not run off and flame the stories I post on here. I've said this time and time again.

I certainly hope that the flame on the story currently is not from a member here.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-03-03 06:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2009-03-03 06:21 am UTC
Anon - (Anonymous), 2009-03-03 06:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_mercurial, 2009-03-03 08:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2009-03-03 09:23 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-03-04 04:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]girl_curve, 2009-03-03 07:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-03-04 03:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]betwixtzelled, 2009-03-03 11:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jzygail, 2009-03-06 11:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]betwixtzelled, 2009-03-07 05:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]panalysis, 2009-03-16 04:32 pm UTC

[info]beacon80
2009-03-03 05:38 am UTC (link)
She fails at math. She's in the same year as the twins, which allegedly is the fifth year. It's also the Tri-Wizard Tournament, which means Harry's in his fourth year. Harry is two years behind the twins. See the problem?
Also, my guess is the reason why she's 16 in her 5th year (although if I'm right the author really wants her to be 17 in her 6th year) is so she'll be old enough to steal Cedric's spotlight as Hogwarts champion.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]catalinaormand
2009-03-03 12:50 pm UTC (link)
Maybe i'm mixing dates up, but didn't Harry get sorted in 1991? She got sorted in 1989. Should she really be in her 6th year, then, or should Harry be in his 3rd, ignoring canon altogether?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2009-03-03 05:34 pm UTC

[info]little_masaouki
2009-03-03 05:53 am UTC (link)
nondescript fic is nondescript.

So she's in her own house but she's not allowed to tell anybody. So what's the first thing she does? Tell people.

The sorting hat was a pain. Alberto doesn't whine to Dumbledore and get yelled at like a bad house elf. He fucking knows what to do.

Harry had all four traits and he still knew where to put him. Nobody could have all four traits in perfect equality.

"Olivia, your personal House will be Eximius. It's Latin for Extraordinary because you truly are an extraordinary young witch. Becaus that won't give everybody else an inferiority complex."

I know the joke has been done, but I'm still convinced this was a plot to get her out of the way.

And finally, why bother making her a Malfoy. She doesn't act like a Malfoy, look like a Malfoy, and chances are this will have zero impact on the fic. And anybody with Strawberry blonde (which is a type of redhead) in the Malfoy family, who hasn't figured out they're adopted, does not have the intelligence for a Ravenclaw.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]midoriri
2009-03-03 07:02 am UTC (link)
So I guess it's safe to assume that Alberto is the new Sorting Hat fan-nickname? ;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]little_masaouki, 2009-03-03 11:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lovely_joy, 2009-03-03 07:15 pm UTC
Puffy
(Anonymous)
2009-03-03 06:20 am UTC (link)
You can't pick? Seriously?" Dumbledore asked.

Damn you TeenageGirl!Dumbledore, like, GTFOMFG@!Q@

haha

classic

(Reply to this)


[info]im_weird_people
2009-03-03 07:09 am UTC (link)
at least she'll end up a hunchback, what with all her weight being in her chest and all. that cannot be beneficial to good posture.

(Reply to this)


[info]sandkitty
2009-03-03 07:41 am UTC (link)
5'1", 120, "a large chest, a slim waist, and wide hips".

...no

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]malinbe
2009-03-03 02:58 pm UTC (link)
I think she's a Barbie. Has anyone checked her feet?

Oh, wait, she's not blonde, 'cause that's too Malfoyish. So she's Barbie doll's red-headed friend.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sandkitty, 2009-03-03 08:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]betwixtzelled, 2009-03-03 10:49 pm UTC

[info]miss_mercurial
2009-03-03 08:22 am UTC (link)
You know, with the whole "eximus" thing- I do not think that word means what she thinks it means.

Body image issues much? If you feel like you've got an extra eight pounds, GhostGirlMD...er, Olivia, just go on a diet or start exercising. Don't wangst about it to the world in your fanfic. We really don't have to know her exact weight. There's this lovely thing real writers use, it's called "showing, not telling." If her figure type is really that important to the story (and usually, it really isn't, or at least it shouldn't be) find another way to tell us, like having her express exasperation that it is hard to find pants that fit in the waist AND the hips. I have a small waist and large hips (wow, I could be the Sue, 'cept for the whole large chest thing! OMG we are so alike we could be sistahs or sumtings! LOL!!11!), and that's a difficulty I have. If the Suethor had done something like that, it might have even provoked a little flash of understanding and empathy with the character, created a connection. As it was, it just came off to me that the main character is one of those annoying bitchy people who try to make their positive traits sound negative (in this case, an hourglass figure=OMG!FATT!) in order to weasel compliments. I much prefer self-confident characters (and people, for that matter) to totally insecure ones.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


(Anonymous)
2009-03-03 05:32 pm UTC (link)
Thank you! That's exactly my problem with most of fics, too much information.

And I'm with you on the pants problem, I rearly get to buy something that actually fits. I know, we should start a small waist, large hips, not big in the chest department, anti-sue league, just because we can.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]schroduck
2009-03-03 10:40 am UTC (link)
I'm going to LOL when it comes to the Quidditch tournaments and the House Cup. The only "extraordinary" thing about the house will be its unbeaten losing streak.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]little_masaouki
2009-03-03 07:44 pm UTC (link)
Olivia: "Yay! I caught the snitch! I get 150 points."

Lee Jordan: "And the game ends. Olivia 150 poitns. Gryffindor 4,985 points.

Olivia: "How'd you score so many points?"

Wood: "You don't have a team. You just play seeker, so we can pretty much score without fail."

Olivia: "Well, at least I beat Harry Potter. That counts for something, right?

Wood: "Not really. I mean, he pretty much let you win. So did Fred and George, since otherwise you'd be facing two bludgers constantly. They all just felt sorry for you and let you catch the snitch because we'd win anyway.

Olivia: "You're just saying that."

Wood: "No, I'm really not. Harry's been playing Sudoku all match, see" Points to Harry still on a broom, working an a puzzle in the Prophet. "And George has been hitting on Angelina." Points to George laughing with Angelina. "And Fred... Fred didn't show up at all. He felt it was more worth his time to stealth wedgie Draco."

Draco: "Hey, Potter. Heard you couldn't- Aaaaggggghhhh!"

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosalius_belle, 2009-03-03 08:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_marna, 2009-03-03 09:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]messiah_noire, 2009-03-03 11:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]schroduck, 2009-03-04 12:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]missblackheart7, 2009-03-04 02:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puzzled_anwen, 2009-07-18 04:22 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2009-03-03 11:16 am UTC (link)
this annoys me alot more then it should but--

Why are all her Harry Potter quotes on her profile from the movies?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2009-03-03 03:01 pm UTC (link)
Because, according to Mr. Wormwood in the movie version of Matilda, "There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster."

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]laciemn, 2009-03-03 04:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-03-04 03:48 pm UTC

[info]thelovesupreme
2009-03-03 11:35 am UTC (link)
her new house name should be latin for "Pain in the Ass," because THAT is what she really is.

(Reply to this)


[info]iman00b
2009-03-03 11:50 am UTC (link)
"Seriously?" Dumbledore asked.

"NO!" Canon replied.

(Reply to this)


[info]hecate_12
2009-03-03 12:02 pm UTC (link)
I couldn't get past the colour changing eyes. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd hate people to know what I was feeling by looking at the colour of my eyes. Some things should be kept personal.

There I go again though, with that crazy Earth Logic.

(Reply to this)


[info]catalinaormand
2009-03-03 12:55 pm UTC (link)
"She's everything. She's brave like a Gryffindor, intelligent like a Ravenclaw, she's loyal like a Hufflepuff and she's sneaky like a Slytherin, no offense Olivia."

I read "She's everything" and... just... *points to icon* After that the story is just on a steady descent downhill, and at that last part it just goes up in flames.

(Reply to this)


[info]missblackheart7
2009-03-03 01:38 pm UTC (link)
So wait, She didn't have blonde hair or blue eyes.

But then, in the next paragraph:

She had shoulder length, thick strawberry blonde hair with bangs

Uh, continuity, much?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]beacon80
2009-03-03 07:47 pm UTC (link)
Arguably a strawberry blonde is a red-head, not an actual blonde.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Fail, fail, utter fail.
(Anonymous)
2009-03-03 01:54 pm UTC (link)
Olivia was 16. She was in fifth year. She had shoulder length, thick strawberry blonde hair with bangs that hung perfectly above her eyes.</>

She is also a Mary Sue that deserves a black eye from somebody so that she will wake up. D:

Has the world always been like this and I've just been hiding behind my colour changing glasses, or did something happen to make it like this?

- Sha

(Reply to this)


[info]rowenaraven13
2009-03-03 02:55 pm UTC (link)
Unsortable

Unsortable, that's how you are
Unsortable and uniquely bizarre
With your speshul eyes and pranking ways
In all the Sorting Hat's countless days
Never before has a Sue been more

Unsortable in every way
In Eximius is where you'll stay
So, Miss Malfoy, it's incredible
That a Sue so damn exceptional
Still deems Charlie to be worthy of you

(Original "Unforgettable" lyrics):

Unforgettable, thats what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, thats how youll stay
Thats why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too


Edited at 2009-03-03 02:56 pm UTC

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]shikishinobi
2009-03-03 06:15 pm UTC (link)
*applauds*

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2009-03-08 02:40 am UTC

[info]brookolas
2009-03-03 04:09 pm UTC (link)
I looked at her profile as well and I quote:

"I love Harry Potter. I've watched all the movies that have come out and I have written alotof Harry Potter based fics."

Movies do not equate to books...

(Reply to this)


[info]wickedcooljul
2009-03-03 04:10 pm UTC (link)
I don't understand why Suethors fail to grasp the basic idea of proportions.
If you are 5'1" and 120 pounds, the odds are pretty slim that you'll have "a large chest" or "wide hips".
As a person with that height and weight, I speak from experience.
Also, who the hell cares what your character weighs, anyway. Oh well, at least she didn't write "she had curves in all the right places"

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]fallenidol_453
2009-03-03 08:19 pm UTC (link)
WORD.

*Speaks from experiance as well*

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]betwixtzelled, 2009-03-03 10:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]messiah_noire, 2009-03-03 11:45 pm UTC

[info]darth_gojira
2009-03-03 04:25 pm UTC (link)
A Malfoy gone wrong is like a 4-point grand slam-it's kind of inherent in the premise.

It'd be great if her own house turned out to be a latrine behind the castle.

(Reply to this)


[info]exiledtoelba
2009-03-03 06:53 pm UTC (link)
My goodness, self-insert much?

Oh noes!!! 120 pounds!! Horrible! You're supposed to weight 45, didn't you know that????
/sarcasm

Also, did you all look at her other stories? There's a Twilight sex!fic, and a Snape fic with a character named Danzella Panterra. Panterra. She could have at least tried to be awesome and named her Sue "Dimebag"

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]little_masaouki
2009-03-03 10:02 pm UTC (link)
at least she's not 7 feet tall and only ways 100 pounds.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2009-03-04 01:09 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-03-04 07:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]little_masaouki, 2009-03-04 01:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]alteration_duck, 2009-03-04 11:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]little_masaouki, 2009-03-04 11:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]alteration_duck, 2009-03-05 03:18 am UTC

(121 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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