Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2008-12-25 17:43:00
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Current mood: pissed off
Current music:Monster Mash - Bobby (Boris) Pickett
Entry tags:bad, snape-stu

TITLE: The Christmas Shoes
PERPETRATOR: Istalksiriusonweekends Erm, Sirius is dead.
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Severus Snape
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: money for red shoes.

ORIGIN: "Harry is seven and he lives with the Dursleys (they still treat him bad and everything) because Lily got sick when he was five and is in the hospital." This is based off the song The Christmas Shoes.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape is going shopping for the Hogwarts Staff Secret Santa, and bumps into Harry trying to buy some shoes for his dying mother. He doesn't have enough money, so Snape pays for them, and then accompanies Harry to the hospital. He tells Lily how special Harry is, and then gives the privacy. A short time later, Lily dies, and Snape refuses to let Harry go live with mean Aunt Petunia.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Well...in Hogwarts they say that Snape's small heart grew three sizes that day!

NOTES: Of all the scenarios to create with this song, Snape helping Harry? Really?


SAMPLE:

"That is one great kid you have got there." I said, stepping into the room. She looked up at me, her eyes wide.

"What do you mean?" she asked, curiously with that hoarse whisper that I knew meant she was near death.

"I was in the line behind him in the store. He said that he wanted to buy you those shoes so that you would look beautiful if you met Jesus tonight." She let out a small gasp at that "He didn’t have enough money so I loaned him some. He was so happy when he saw. He just wanted to make you happy." I finished. Lily looked up at me.

"Thank you. You really made him happy…you made me happy too." She said, her voice seeming weaker by the minute. I made my excuses and turned out of the room. The pinched-faced lady glared at me from her place across the hall. I looked through the window where Harry had awoken and was talking to his Mama, who seemed unresponsive. I turned away from the window and leaned against it. He came out a few minutes later, looking happy yet sad.

"How is your Mama?" I asked, dreading the answer. He gave me a smile.

"She’s great." He said. Then he looked up " I hope Jesus likes her shoes." He tried to look happy but the tears clouding his eyes gave him away. I opened my arms and gathered him into them. He cried into my shoulder. The pinched-faced lady grabbed him from me and latched onto his arm.

"What are you doing? Do you even know him? Come on! We’re going home. Now that your mother is gone we are stuck with you!" She began dragging him down the hallway. He turned to me and waved but "Aunt Petunia" grasped his arm harder. I couldn’t stand for that. I went over to them and spoke to her face.

"Listen, the boys mother just died! Have some compassion! Have you no heart? I can’t believe he has to go live with you and your family! I will not allow it! I am taking him with me into our world where he belongs!" I was about to reach for him when her shrilly voice began yelling in my ear.

"You-you’re one of them?" She hissed.

"Yes, I am a wizard. I went to school with Lily and her husband, James and I am taking him, whether you like it or not!" That left her speechless. Good. I grabbed him and picked him up.

"Harry, how would you like to go far, far away and live with people who love you?" I asked him. He nodded his head excitedly. I apparated us away




(69 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]kushielsavatr
2008-12-26 11:08 pm UTC (link)
y'know it was bad enough when they turned the song into that made for tv movie starring Rob Lowe. But Snape as Rob Lowe? *shudders*

(Reply to this)


[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-26 11:26 pm UTC (link)
"Harry, how would you like to go far, far away and live with people who love you?" I asked him. He nodded his head excitedly. I apparated us away

How is this Snape, again?


Also:

The fic author is dead?? How did you find that out? D:

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pottersues
2008-12-26 11:33 pm UTC (link)
No, Sirius is dead. The Suethor's username is "I stalk Sirius on weekend". I'd like to know how they do that seeing how he's a dead fictional character.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bunnyinthemoon, 2008-12-26 11:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-27 01:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]laciemn, 2008-12-27 08:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bandazgeek, 2008-12-27 07:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-29 05:53 pm UTC

[info]darth_gojira
2008-12-27 09:07 pm UTC (link)
Here, let me fix it:

"Harry, how would you like to go far, far away and live with people who love you?" I asked him. He nodded his head excitedly

"Well, you can't! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed in his face, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-You're stuck here!"

He started to cry. I pointed and laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

The end.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]rodentfanatic
2008-12-26 11:40 pm UTC (link)
I saw one just like this, pretty much. That is, written along the lines of this same song, except that it was Uncle Vernon instead of Snape. Why is it always the least likely characters?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]lady_marna
2008-12-27 03:14 am UTC (link)
honestly, I could see Snape helping Harry if Lily was in the hospital or something. But this is still stretching it.

Plus, I hate that song.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]enchantedbob, 2008-12-27 04:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-29 05:54 pm UTC

[info]indierockbird
2008-12-26 11:46 pm UTC (link)
how is this not a troll? someone please explain to me how this isn't a troll.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pottersues
2008-12-27 12:16 am UTC (link)
Well, the Suethor has 15 stories, most of which are song fics, one Bible fic, and a self-insert. There are over 33 favourites which include more than one fandom, and the Suethor had several favourite authors.

Trolls don't do that. Trolls tend to be obvious.

I know it has become en vogue on [info]pottersues to claim that every feature has to be a troll because no one could actually be serious about writing this or that, but it is good to keep in mind that sometimes it's just crap, yes it's real, and if I thought it was a troll I would have rated it one.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]emeryboard, 2008-12-27 12:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]indierockbird, 2008-12-27 12:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-27 12:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pottersues, 2008-12-27 12:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iluvthecheat, 2008-12-27 03:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]emeryboard, 2008-12-27 12:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-27 01:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]schroduck, 2008-12-27 01:32 pm UTC

[info]clichealert
2008-12-27 12:00 am UTC (link)
No. This is not Snape. At least the Dursleys are in character this time.

(Reply to this)


[info]btyrhrtout
2008-12-27 12:08 am UTC (link)
It amuses me that pottersues is listening to "Monster Mash." It better be a good eleven months before I hear "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree."



I despise everything about "The Christmas Shoes," just like I hate the Santa visits a soldier poem that everyone tries to forward to me. They're overwrought and cheesy and are so saccharine-sweet I could go into insulin shock. Snape and Harry are a slight improvement, but still, booooo!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-27 01:40 am UTC (link)
Just once, I'd like to get an email with a poem like:

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all 'cross Iraq
All the soldiers were thinking they'd never get back.
Hey, I fell for it, too: There was ass to be kicked!
An attack not a soul had foreseen to predict!
There'd been rumors of terror and stored yellowcake,
Except . . . whoops! We attacked the wrong place by mistake.
Well, be that as it may, let us stifle our sighs
Maybe Santa will bring them a Christmas surprise!
Except Santa can't come; no, the sleigh didn't crash . . .
Turns out Madoff was managing all Santa's cash.
This is fresh off the press, just this hour exposed:
All the elves were laid off when the workshop foreclosed.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-27 02:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wissiemeissie, 2008-12-27 03:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2008-12-27 04:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]morriganscrow, 2008-12-29 06:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]panalysis, 2009-01-01 02:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2009-01-01 06:28 pm UTC

[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-27 01:03 am UTC (link)
This is not a song-fic but I do take many lines from the song and this fic is based on the song.

But it's not a songfic. Well, okay. Halloween III is based on the idea of Halloween and numbered itself so as to fall sequentially into the series. But it is not part of the series. So whatever.

This just hurt to read. "Mama," indeed. Not to mention, WTF, Snape walks into the hospital room and Lily doesn't even know who he is? His isn't a face that one forgets easily.

(Reply to this)


[info]malinbe
2008-12-27 02:23 am UTC (link)
Ugh. I know Snape was redeemed, but that does not mean he is actually all hugs and rainbows under that pale, greasy face.

What happened was that the night when Voldemort attacked, everything happened the same except that Lily lived.
If Lily couldn't sacrifice herself, how did Harry survive? Suppose that Peter asked Voldemort to spare James, and he did the love thingy, if Lily lived, how come she didn't explain the bluff with Peter? If she did, then Sirius and Remus are still around, and she surely would've left Harry with one or both of them.

I hate it when AUs make no sense. If you are going to write an AU, at least think it through.

(Reply to this)


[info]morde
2008-12-27 02:42 am UTC (link)
Snape is going shopping for the Hogwarts Staff Secret Santa, and bumps into Harry trying to buy some shoes for his dying mother.

This made me laugh. ...I feel kind of bad for that, actually.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]schroduck
2008-12-27 01:36 pm UTC (link)
That sentence reads like something out of a game of Harry Potter madlibs. Other, rejected versions, include:

Snape is going to Barbados for Christmas and bumps into Harry trying to sing raunchy versions of famous Christmas carols for Dumbledore.

Snape is going to Azkaban for dancing naked through the halls of Hogwarts and bumps into Harry trying to use the invisibility cloak for sneaking into the kitchens and stealing their food.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2008-12-27 09:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]piss_in_a_cup, 2009-05-30 04:09 am UTC

[info]fallenidol_453
2008-12-27 03:36 am UTC (link)
*Sputters* Replacing Les Miserables characters with the Harry Potter characters?! *Tears hair out*

I saw that among the author's stories...

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-27 04:25 pm UTC (link)
I saw that too. *shudder*
Please, suethors, it's bad enough when you have to screw up one story, but two of them in one swoop? Especially something as classic as Le Mis? Just stop now, please.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]curlychikk, 2008-12-27 06:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]fallenidol_453, 2008-12-27 07:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]curlychikk, 2008-12-27 10:35 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2008-12-27 04:08 am UTC (link)
Hmm, let's take the tackiest and most disturbing song in the history of Christmas songs and put it to Harry Potter? Sure, THAT makes sense. And Snape washes his underwear every day.

*rolls eyes* Where is this shit coming from, seriously? Like I didn't hate this song enough* . . .

*No offense to those who like it. I don't.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]choclytgremlins
2008-12-28 04:42 am UTC (link)
I am happy to know that other people hate this song, because all of my relatives start cooing and turn up the volume whenever it comes on the radio. Thank you for brightening my holiday season.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]jade_winchester
2008-12-27 04:26 am UTC (link)
Huh. I remember watching this on TV a looong time ago. And then, too, I thought 'This is too depressing for a Christmas movie.' And now it's just sadder cause my Snape has been replaced with....this guy. :'(

And to whoever wrote the 'Night before x-mas' poem....you are awesomeness! I love it!!!!!

(Reply to this)


[info]leikomgwtfbbq
2008-12-27 04:40 am UTC (link)
I hate the Christmas Shoes song with a furious passion.

...

Is it weird that when I pictured Snape giving Harry the shoes, he'd throw it at Harry's head?

...probably.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-27 05:39 am UTC (link)
Considering what just happened recently, I'm not surprised.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]darth_gojira, 2008-12-27 04:40 pm UTC

[info]tinystarkitten
2008-12-27 08:59 am UTC (link)
Like Snape wouldn't already know that Lily was in the hospital and be by her side at every available moment :T

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-27 04:31 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, especially with James out of the way.
(Pretty sure if James died, Snape would jump right back into trying to get into Lily's pants again.)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]whichcraft, 2008-12-28 03:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bunnyinthemoon, 2008-12-28 04:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]piss_in_a_cup, 2009-05-30 04:16 am UTC

[info]kaltes_lied
2008-12-27 09:17 am UTC (link)
Reiterating what many people have said: God I hate that song. I just can't take it seriously; maybe it's the guy who sings it. It's horrible, but every time I hear this song I crack up because it's just. too. ridiculous.

Snape. I am imagining Snape with the singer's voice. D: Now I'm just scared...

(Reply to this)


[info]darth_gojira
2008-12-27 04:40 pm UTC (link)
Watching happy Christmas Snape is just plain scary.

Wait, if Lily lived...so did Voldemort...and Snape's changed sides....so Harry and Snape are now pretty much Voldie-meat.

(Reply to this)


[info]curlychikk
2008-12-27 06:17 pm UTC (link)
THIS IS NOT SNAPE, kthxbai.

(Reply to this)


[info]sandkitty
2008-12-27 10:27 pm UTC (link)
"I was in the line behind him in the store. He said that he wanted to buy you those shoes so that you would look beautiful if you met Jesus tonight."

BA HA HA

You'd think this was a troll, but it isn't. Madness.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]curlychikk
2008-12-27 10:36 pm UTC (link)
Not only is it madness, it's downright fucking scary. How can people seriously want to write things like this?! WHERE HAS ALL THE GOOD WRITING GONE?!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]choclytgremlins
2008-12-28 04:44 am UTC (link)
"She’s great." He said. Then he looked up " I hope Jesus likes her shoes." He tried to look happy but the tears clouding his eyes gave him away. I opened my arms and gathered him into them.

I quit.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-29 09:11 pm UTC (link)
I know the song is oh-so-sweet and powerful, but really, from one angle you have to wonder why Jesus cares about the dress code.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]icecreamempress, 2008-12-29 10:33 pm UTC

[info]midoriri
2008-12-28 09:06 pm UTC (link)
Get away from the first Christmas song to make me cry, Suethor! D:

(Reply to this)


[info]ryahhime
2008-12-29 04:21 am UTC (link)
"Harry, how would you like to go far, far away and live with people who love you?" I asked him.
And then they went far, far away, where Snape returned to his normal self, and dumped "that whiny little brat" back at the Dursley's where Snape was certain he belonged.
...She desperately hoped for canon's sake...

(Reply to this)


[info]miss_mercurial
2008-12-29 09:34 pm UTC (link)
Gaahhhh... this song, like High School Musical and The Brady Bunch, makes my teeth hurt with its sheer sugary sappiness. 1st person fic is always bad, songfic is always bad, (if anyone has an example of a good songfic I would like to see it because I am genuinely curious as to whether or not such a thing exists), and goodhappynice!Snape is ALWAYS bad. Seriously, why would Lilly want red shoes if she was dying? Why would there be a Hogwarts Secret Santa? And if there was such a thing, would the Snape we all know and love from canon not definitely refuse to participate? *head asplodes from the nonsensicalness of it all*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]panalysis
2009-01-01 03:19 pm UTC (link)
Twilight must kill you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]miss_mercurial, 2009-01-03 03:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]panalysis, 2009-01-04 02:40 pm UTC
And then...
[info]piss_in_a_cup
2009-05-30 04:02 am UTC (link)
They walked away, and Snape was revealed to be a rather sadistic atheist, and told Harry how the Bible was a lie and Jesus never existed, all the while wearing a grin the size of his newly inflated heart.

(Reply to this)


(69 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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