Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2008-12-15 10:46:00
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Current mood: cold
Current music:Silence
Entry tags:awful, pepper-jack cheese, related to the malfoys, speshul eyes, speshul hair

Sue #1!

TITLE: The Second Malfoy Child
PERPETRATOR: EOSVU4eva
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Talitha "Tali" Clarabelle Malfoy aka Mia Jones
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: colour changing. Currently brown.
EYES: "His daughters’ eyes were the most unique thing he had ever seen. They were as blue as clear ocean water with an undertone of deep green, flashing and sparkling with, what seemed to be, mischief and intelligence. She blinked and long, brown lashes brushed her cheeks, giving her the most angelic appearance". They are a "clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart". They change colour with her mood.
MARKINGS: "She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers". She has scars on her torso from "those bastards that took her" who turns out to be Dolohov.
POSSESSIONS: "cherry-smelling" shampoo and conditioner, "black tank and pyjama pants", "a long-sleeved dark purple top with tight black 3/4 jeans, which had a rolled up part at the bottom, about 3 inches wide", "a black and purple bra and panties set", "a thin purple headband", "a light blue strapless shirt", "a pair of white 3/4 jeans and a pair of white shoes, a slipper-like design with a strap going across the top of the foot", "a silver necklace, the pendant of a butterfly". Her room has a TV and DVD player. Her favourite book is Evil Genius by Catherine Jinks. A black cat named "Liquorice".

ORIGIN: Lucius' father, Abraxas, only beleives in having one child. When Narcissa finds out she is pregnant one month after Draco is born, she assumes that Abraxas will have the child killed. She and Lucius agree to send the child into hiding until she is 16. She attends Beauxbatons until it's time to go to Hogwarts.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is the first Malfoy daughter in 3 centuries. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Andromeda, Ted, Snape, and Grandma Malfoy all meet her as a baby. Dumbledore takes her away, and forgets about her. When he remembered where she was, he sends her to Hogwarts. He asks Lucius to be the DADA teacher and Narcissa to be Madame Pomfrey's assistant. ROFL! Like Narcissa would ever agree to that in canon. She gets to live in the Head Dorm with Draco and Hermione. She develops a crush on Snape. Blaise wants her. Sirius and his boyfriend Remus are pals with her. She gets along with Hermione. She is sorted into Slytherin. She is going to be paired with Italian!Blaise.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is a Metamorphmagus. She is an "exceptional" Quidditch Player. "Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person." Does random gymnastics in hallways, and wandless magic.

NOTES: This is one of the most wish-fulfilling fics I have ever seen.


SAMPLE:

Talitha Malfoy yawned and stretched in her comfortable wooden bed, eyes closed against the bright morning sun that was peaking its way through the floor-length window. Opening her eyes once her limbs had been replaced back on the bed, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It read 6:55 AM. Sighing happily, she jumped out of bed, grabbed the towel on the chair that was in front of her desk and strolled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Placing her towel on the marble vanity, she leant into the glass cubicle that was the shower and turned the taps on. Within a few seconds, the light-blue stained glass had fogged up with steam. After checking the water temperature, Talitha stripped off and stepped under the jets of pelting water. Ducking her head underwater to drench it, she grabbed her coconut bodywash and cleansing puff and poured some of the thick, white liquid onto it. She scrubbed it over her legs, chest, stomach, arms and back, enjoying the feeling as the deliciously warm water made it run off her slim figure.

After washing the puff off, she grabbed her cherry-smelling shampoo and lathered it into her dark-brown hair. Once she was satisfied with the foam falling onto her forehead, she washed it off and replaced it with conditioner, also cherry-smelling. Before she washed that off, however, she scrubbed her face with facial cleanser. After rinsing both her hair and face off, she flicked the taps off and grabbed a fluffy white towel and wrapped it around her dripping figure before stepping out.

Depositing of her black tank and pyjama pants in the laundry disposal, Talitha strolled back into her bedroom, watching the steam float from the bathroom to in front of her window, creating pretty patterns in the sunlight. Glancing at the clock again, she saw that it now read 7:15 AM. Knowing her foster mum, who was always one for a set routine, she didn’t expect breakfast until 8:00. Sighing lightly, the teen got up from her spot on the soft bed and headed to her wardrobe. After flicking through it for ten minutes or so, Talitha decided on a long-sleeved dark purple top with tight black 3/4 jeans, which had a rolled up part at the bottom, about 3 inches wide.

Grabbing a black and purple bra and panties set, she dumped her clothes on the bed and proceeded to get dressed. When she was finished, Talitha walked into her now steam-free bathroom, twirling her wand in her right hand as she contemplated a hairstyle in the mirror. With no idea after 5 minutes, she decided that she didn’t really give a toss, and waved her wand around her head. Her wet hair instantly dried into perfect, soft, sweet-smelling curls that cascaded an inch or two below her shoulders. Placing a thin purple headband on her head, keeping the rest of her hair back, but allowing her fringe to fall around her face, she stared at her reflection.

Sighing as she tucked her fringe behind her ears, Tali observed herself. Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it. She had beautiful hair and eyes, yes, but that was the only thing she could recognise. She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers, or her brains and beautiful personality. Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.

Her favourite part of her body was her eyes. Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart. They radiated her knowledge, and mischievousness. But, they were also the gateway to her soul. Tali’s eyes would change colour, depending on her mood. So would her hair, but that was the perils of being an Metamorphmagus. When she was angry, her eyes and hair would gain a red tinge, the more intense the anger, the brighter the red. When she felt love and admiration, the green undertone to her eyes would become more prominent, and her usually dark hair would get a blonde tinge.

Deciding to start reading Hogwarts: A History before she started school there in a week. Merlin only knew why Mr. and Mrs. Jones wanted to send her to do her 7th year. They could’ve just sent me there from my first year, sighed the teen to herself as she sat down at her desk and grabbed the book lying a foot in front of her. After reading the first few pages, Talitha became so entranced by the book that she totally forgot about the world around her. For a while, anyway.




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(86 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]parcel_ribbon
2008-12-17 04:35 pm UTC (link)
Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.
Need we say anymore?
Also was that a deliberate biblical reference there or an accidental one?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]parcel_ribbon
2008-12-17 04:39 pm UTC (link)
Scratch that last bit, it seems to be part of a constellation...is that a vague relation to canon there? /questions

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sexyscholar
2008-12-17 04:54 pm UTC (link)
LOL WHAT

(Reply to this)


[info]historyblitz
2008-12-17 05:06 pm UTC (link)
This is just. Wow.

(Reply to this)


[info]ladybootstrap
2008-12-17 05:19 pm UTC (link)
Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart.

Uh... No. Just no.

Satan has no heart, and would blast this sue away in a millisecond. Even he wouldn't create anything this horrifying...

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-17 05:24 pm UTC (link)
Icon love! <3

But I dunno, Mary-sues seem pretty hellish to me. I think he would keep them away from himself, but use them to torture everyone else.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ladybootstrap, 2008-12-17 05:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nightleo, 2008-12-17 07:18 pm UTC

[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-17 05:22 pm UTC (link)
I'm so glad she took the time to give us every single detail of her shower. That was vital information that has a lot to do with the rest of the story.
It seems more like step-by-step instructions of "How to take a shower", but in story form.

She scrubbed it over her legs, chest, stomach, arms and back
You forgot your lady bits! :O

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]boozooka
2008-12-17 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Some people don't wash their lady bits because they are pure and wonderful.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]girl_curve, 2008-12-17 09:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]boozooka, 2008-12-17 09:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]girl_curve, 2008-12-17 09:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]boozooka, 2008-12-17 10:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cal_dbz, 2008-12-18 01:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-18 07:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bunnyinthemoon, 2008-12-20 12:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-20 02:56 am UTC

[info]bookish_brownie
2008-12-17 05:49 pm UTC (link)
Ugh. There is no need for us to know her entire shower ritual (or her breast size).

The suethor's profile is annoying, too. It doesn't say how old she is, but I would guess around 12-14. One thing that she notes is: "Of my 4 closest friends, only one is white. The other three are African, Vietnamese and Indian."

Why did we need to know that? That statement strikes me as very self-righteous.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]choclytgremlins
2008-12-17 06:32 pm UTC (link)
Because we need to know how very speshul she is for having such a diverse group of friends!

And of course we need to know the Sue's breast size. We always do; it's one of our greatest curiosities. Watchoo talkin' bout?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bookish_brownie, 2008-12-17 06:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wittyilynamed, 2008-12-17 10:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-17 10:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-17 11:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bunnyinthemoon, 2008-12-20 12:33 am UTC

[info]lostmustard
2008-12-17 06:05 pm UTC (link)
thick, white liquid

*snerk*

Yes, I am five years old. Why do you ask?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]wittyilynamed
2008-12-17 10:25 pm UTC (link)
*giggles hysterically* I didn't notice that until just now.

That's priceless.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]lizoko, 2008-12-17 11:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]silverember, 2008-12-18 04:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]exiledtoelba, 2008-12-18 08:01 pm UTC

[info]choclytgremlins
2008-12-17 06:29 pm UTC (link)
Talitha "Tali" Clarabelle Malfoy

This becomes much more bearable if you recall that Clarabel was the name of the mute clown that ran around attacking people with a squirt gun on The Howdy Doody Show.

Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person a screaming neon Mary Sue.

Fixed!

And I don't know about any of you, but when I was 17, I never sighed happily when I saw that it was 6:55 AM.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]felicie4
2008-12-17 07:17 pm UTC (link)
I'm 17, and I do sigh happily when I see it's 6.15am, but only because it means I can go back to sleep. x)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mondayagain, 2008-12-17 11:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]felicie4, 2008-12-18 03:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]choclytgremlins, 2008-12-18 07:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ryttu3k, 2008-12-18 12:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rainbowjehan, 2008-12-19 06:21 am UTC

[info]schroduck
2008-12-17 07:01 pm UTC (link)
We can all stop searching now. This is the perfect example of a Mary Sue. Admittedly, she's not (yet) an animagus, but everything else fits perfectly. Oh, she's too modest to see that she's the most beautiful, wonderful, eye-colour-changing happy-smiley-perfect-miss-perfect ever to walk the Earth. Seriously, how could she be any more of a sue?

And why would a Malfoy have a DVD player? Leaving aside for a second the old "electricity doesn't work in presence of magic" issue, DVD players are for muggles. A pureblood-fanatic like Lucius would never ever ever ever let his daughter own one of those things.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]felicie4
2008-12-17 07:17 pm UTC (link)
She even has "cascading" hair! Thank you, suethors. I have now come to loathe the word "cascading".

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]malinbe
2008-12-17 07:06 pm UTC (link)
Brutus, Abraxas, Lucius, Draco, Scorpius... Somehow, a biblical, aramaic name like Talitha doesn't fit. (Is there somebody else singing Talitha Kum in their heads or is it just me?)

She and Lucius agree to send the child into hiding until she is 16. Didn't Abraxas died in, like, book 2 or something? Why would they hide her when he is already dead?

Dumbledore, McGonagall, Andromeda and Ted meet her as a baby? Which part of "they hated each other's guts" you didn't get?

Dumbledore takes her away, and forgets about her.
Oooh, so THAT'S why Lucius insists on Dumbledore being senile... :D

He asks Lucius to be the DADA teacher and Narcissa to be Madame Pomfrey's assistant
THE MALFOYS?? WORKING LIKE PLEBEIANS? TEH SHAME!

Sirius and his boyfriend Remus are pals with her. Can somebody tell me HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? I mean, Sirius and Remus are adults. Let's say this is an AU where the Malfoys are not on Voldemort's side (so they can get Dumbledore's help, and their horrible biblical spawn can meet Andromeda, Ted and Sirius), but Sirius and Remus can only be something like cool uncles for her, not PALS. They are (I assume) twenty years older than she is! And she's only a teenager!

Not to mention all the other crap. This is just so stupid in so many levels!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]malinbe
2008-12-17 07:21 pm UTC (link)
Iota Ursae Majoris is a star system in the constellation Ursa Major. It is approximately 47.7 light years from Earth. It has the traditional names Talitha,

Er, sorry, my bad. I suppose I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]spacefragments, 2008-12-17 07:53 pm UTC

[info]feiminn
2008-12-17 07:58 pm UTC (link)
... what.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]mondayagain
2008-12-17 11:25 pm UTC (link)
lolz icon love

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]spacefragments
2008-12-17 08:02 pm UTC (link)
Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart.

BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!


where is tonks anyway? did the sue kill her and take her place as resident metamorphmagus of the potterverse?

(Reply to this)


[info]clockworktoast
2008-12-17 08:11 pm UTC (link)
"Sighing as she tucked her fringe behind her ears, Tali observed herself. Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it."

Sigh. I can't even get annoyed at this, it's happened so many times before. "I can't be beautiful, I'm too SPESCHUL!!1!!!1!" Really, Suethor? Really?

In other news, this is the first time I've seen a Sue with a cup size a)smaller than mine and b)even somewhat proportional to her frame. So minor props for that, but -1,000,000,000 for being unoriginal and just plain boring. I say Sparklypoo for this monstrosity.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


(Anonymous)
2008-12-18 05:32 am UTC (link)
This fic makes me sad. Yes it does and for one main reason: my D-cup breasts on a size 8 figure (Australian size that is) are apparently no longer the envy of the world.

:( now I'll have to get a boob reduction.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

The Redunancy Department of Redundancy has been called.
(Anonymous)
2008-12-17 08:26 pm UTC (link)
What the HELL is wrong with her name? No offense to anyone who has/likes that name, but, to me, it's one of the stupidest things I've ever read.

"Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person."

I'm pretty sure "funny," "smart," "witty," and "sarcastic" are all close enough to be considered APPROXIMATELY the same thing. Ditto for "loving" and "caring."

Am I the only one who thought of Carmelita Spats while reading this?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: The Redunancy Department of Redundancy has been called.
(Anonymous)
2008-12-17 10:06 pm UTC (link)
So true.
It sounds like dialogue right from the book. XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: The Redunancy Department of Redundancy has been called. - [info]mondayagain, 2008-12-17 11:23 pm UTC
Re: The Redunancy Department of Redundancy has been called. - (Anonymous), 2008-12-18 10:21 pm UTC

[info]catsrae
2008-12-17 08:53 pm UTC (link)
What stood out the most to me is that her hair's brown. Now, I know Draco and Lucius both have nearly white-blond hair, and I think I remember Narcissa's hair being blond, too. I know it's possible for two blond people to have a brown-haired kid, but it just kinda seems strange, especially since Draco's blond. Anybody else notice this, or am I just crazy?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]clockworktoast
2008-12-17 10:24 pm UTC (link)
I'm almost 100% sure that brown hair is always dominant genetically...she's an metamorphagus!Sue, though, so maybe she changed it. Not that logic generally has anything to do with Sues. They won't return its calls, doncha know.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-17 10:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]shmeiliarockie, 2008-12-17 11:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hushpiper, 2008-12-18 07:25 pm UTC

[info]jade_winchester
2008-12-17 09:35 pm UTC (link)
Argh! What is up with the Sues have solid good reviews latly?! The last couple have gotten nothing but praise and it annoys me cause they suck! >:(

(Reply to this)


[info]btyrhrtout
2008-12-17 09:52 pm UTC (link)
See, this is the problem with the internet age. We have to describe everything to the most insignificant detail for ebay item descriptions and cybersex that it translates over into one of the last places where imagination is required-- fiction!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]mondayagain
2008-12-17 11:22 pm UTC (link)
Everything has to be well-described on ebay so the Suethors can put the links in their stories so we know what the Sue is wearing. Obv.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-17 11:37 pm UTC

[info]morde
2008-12-17 10:03 pm UTC (link)
Oh my goodness no. It's so painful.

(Reply to this)


[info]boozooka
2008-12-17 10:09 pm UTC (link)
Boobs!

(Reply to this)


[info]wittyilynamed
2008-12-17 10:21 pm UTC (link)
Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it. She had beautiful hair and eyes, yes, but that was the only thing she could recognise. She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers, or her brains and beautiful personality. Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.

I hate, HATE, HATE, HATE when authors have their characters be beautiful, gorgeous angels. But of course the character is humble and doesn't think they're attractive! Oh no, they have an annoyingly low level of self esteem that the dashing, witty love interest will always be there to assuage the fear that they really AREN'T as speshul as they say.

(Reply to this)


[info]thelittlebudgie
2008-12-17 11:20 pm UTC (link)
I loathe characters that are gorgeous and cannot see it. I'm willing to make an exception (if that's the only irritating thing) for ones that weren't always pretty and just have a hard time thinking of themselves as otherwise, or who were raised to believe that they honestly aren't (since that's hard to get over), but the rest of them just make me want to play whack-a-mole with them.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]mondayagain
2008-12-17 11:21 pm UTC (link)
a-fucking-men.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-18 08:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rainbowjehan, 2008-12-19 06:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rainbowjehan, 2008-12-19 06:30 am UTC

[info]mondayagain
2008-12-17 11:20 pm UTC (link)
Thanks, Suethor. I wasn't exactly sure how to shower.

I don't understand these girls. I don't have matching bra and panties sets. I kind of just scrounge around for something vaguely clean. Like, when are we going to see a character that's as grungy as people actually are?

And what the hell is it with the "SHE WAS SOOOOO BEAUTYFOOOL BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE IT EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE SAID SHE WAS!!!!" shit???

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-17 11:36 pm UTC (link)
I kind of just scrounge around for something vaguely clean. Like, when are we going to see a character that's as grungy as people actually are?

I have a better idea. Why can't we just be told that she showered and dressed, and leave it at that? The only time I want to hear the details is as a buildup to the crisis of the story, say if she was showering and her house suddenly came under attack like in The Strangers.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mondayagain, 2008-12-18 04:42 am UTC

[info]deathnotesues08
2008-12-17 11:23 pm UTC (link)
Um, what? Why do we need to know all this random crap?

(Reply to this)

Waaaaiiit..
(Anonymous)
2008-12-17 11:27 pm UTC (link)
Mia Jones.. as in DEGRASSI Mia Jones?
*shudders*

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Waaaaiiit..
[info]das_unheimliche
2008-12-19 02:22 am UTC (link)
WHERES ISABELLA>?!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]shmeiliarockie
2008-12-17 11:55 pm UTC (link)
Sighing as she tucked her fringe behind her ears, Tali observed herself. Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it. She had beautiful hair and eyes, yes, but that was the only thing she could recognise. She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers, or her brains and beautiful personality. Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.

But enough about me. What do you think about me?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

How the rest of that conversation would go
[info]bunnyinthemoon
2008-12-20 12:53 am UTC (link)
"Well I actually think you're kind of-"
"Oh no, no, you don't have to compliment me! I know you think I'm absolutely stunningly beautiful, but really, I don't know what you mean! I just don't see it at all!"
"I wasn't going to say that, I was trying to say I think that-"
"Please, you're very kind, but you flatter me too much!"
"What? I didn't even-"
"Hey, I never noticed my perfectly slim figure or the fact that I have B-cup breasts. Did you?"
"I give up."

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(86 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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