Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2008-12-13 20:03:00
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Current mood: worried
Current music:Me freaking out
Entry tags:draco-stu, hermione-sue, toxic

TITLE: Can we pull through this together?
PERPETRATOR: thenextcullenmember
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Magical Folk
HAIR: as per canon, I assume
EYES: as per canon, I assume
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Strange personalities.

ORIGIN: On Valentine's Day Blaise dressed up as Draco and made out with Pansy. Hermione, Draco's girlfriend, sees this and freaks out. Draco wants to win her back.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Claims to be Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can be completely OOC and bizarre!

NOTES: Please do not put emoticons in your prose to show emotion. That is what words are for. Someone should send this Suethor's summary to McTabby.


SAMPLE:

Part 1
DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH

"Draco! How the hell do you think I feel!" Hermione was yelling, "I mean I caught you with her on the day before Valentines Day!!!!"

"Who gives a shit! I was fuckin' drunk! What did you cook us some romantic candle-lit dinner that I was suppose to eat with you?" He was being sarcastic but it was true!

"As a matter-of-fact I did! But you, you dumb bastard, had to ruin that, didn't you?" Hermione didn't know it but she had tears slowly coming down her face.:'(

"Oh come on! You have to say it like that it sounds so fuckin' stupid! You know what I'm not gonna take this from you! I should be on that feild right now practicing with my stupid team! .\/. Not here with you listening to this shit!" Draco knew he crossed a line but he didn't seem to care.

He turned on his heel and stormed towards the feild.

Hermione couldn't believe what just happened!!! Did he just end it? No, no he didn't! But if he didn't then, why does it hurt so much...

DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH

When Hermione got back to the common room in tears, for the 4 time that week, Harry started getting a little mad and so did Ron.

"Oh, 'Mione he don't deserve you!" Ron put his hand on her back.

"Yeah you know you deserve better than that." Harry sat in front of her.

"I know you guys are right and all but I just can't let him go just yet. I know I haven't ran out of time...and this is NOT how he wants it to be." Hermione was sobbing into Ron's shoulder.

"Snap out of it 'Mione! I don't like to see you like this and you know that! I wanna see you being your old know-it-all self who didn't cry over some guy named Draco Malfoy! And she didn't get bad grades either." Ron thought that should cheer her up.

"You know what Ron? I haven't been getting the best grades now have I. You're right. I need you guys to start making sure I don't go ANYWHERE near him. Because everytime I do, we get into another argument ok? PLEASE????" Hermione made the puppy eyes.

"Of course we will 'Mione! We care and love you. As long as your happy about this." Harry reasured her

"Uh...we will?? I mean of course we will, yeah! What else do I love more than protecting one of my bestfriends from her phsco boyfriend!" He didn't mean to say like that though.

"You think he's phsco because he's my boyfriend:'O Ron!" She yelled and ran from the room.

Part 2:
DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH

"Ay, Blaise, can I have a word with you?" Draco asked his very close friend.

"Yeah, sure. What do you need?" Blaise was tieing his sneakers.

"Well, it's Hermione. You know when you decided to be me for Valentine's Day, and you were shagging Pansy? Yeah, well she saw you guys! Couldn't you have at least done something! I mean, now I can't give her her present because she might think I'm trying to buy her off!" Draco ran his fingers through his hair.

"She did! Well, I never saw her...I mean is that why you guys have been fighting so much?" Blaise was looking up at Draco now.

"Yeah, she honestly won't believe that I hate Parkingson (no offense Blaise) and that I would NEVER cheat on her because I love her." He sighed and look down at Blaise,"Need a hand budda?"

He bent down and offered Blaise a hand.

"You is the budda, budda!" and with that Blaise ran to the castle yelling "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!AHHHH...you caught me!"

They ran into the Grand Hall (or whatever that is) together looking VERY fruity (don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic) and Draco's face was finally full of color ever since last week.

"Told you I could beat you, budda!" Draco said bending down panting.

"Never said you couldn't!" Blaise doing the same, but laughing a little.




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(113 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]winterlarks
2008-12-16 01:29 am UTC (link)
Ugh. I cannot put into words how much I detest those "DHDSJKHSDKJLHSKDJHSDF" line breaks...

"Told you I could beat you, budda!" Draco said bending down panting.


Buddah's kinda fat, Draco. Not that big of an accomplishment.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]winterlarks
2008-12-16 01:31 am UTC (link)
Also, another Suethor who loves Twilight. I'm beginning to wonder if it's a requirement.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lizoko, 2008-12-16 01:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ridureyu, 2008-12-16 03:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]athens_minerva, 2008-12-16 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mornmeril, 2008-12-20 12:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]winterlarks, 2008-12-16 04:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]prolixe, 2008-12-16 04:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-16 02:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 03:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]winterlarks, 2008-12-16 04:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 04:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]quadrifons, 2008-12-16 05:18 am UTC

[info]lizoko
2008-12-16 01:37 am UTC (link)
"You is the budda, budda!" and with that Blaise ran to the castle yelling "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!AHHHH...you caught me!"

WTF. There are no words that can describe what is wrong with this line.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]lostmustard
2008-12-16 01:42 am UTC (link)
Don't worry it's not a slash! ;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-16 02:37 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-16 10:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 03:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]missblackheart7, 2008-12-16 02:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 07:50 am UTC

[info]das_unheimliche
2008-12-16 01:39 am UTC (link)
WHAT?! WHAT?>!??!

WJATYJAW:LRJMW? WHAT?!

(Reply to this)


[info]lostmustard
2008-12-16 01:40 am UTC (link)
Who gives a shit! I was fuckin' drunk!

Yes, that's exactly the right thing to say to your completely OOC girlfriend after she she's your 'budda' Blaise screwing her worst enemy dressed up as you.

Speaking of which, how did Blaise pull of fooling Hermione that well? I mean, he's black and Draco's a pale-ass white boy.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]lostmustard
2008-12-16 01:43 am UTC (link)
Oh yeah, emoticon reply to fit with the story's emoticon usage:

D:<

DO NOT WANT.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]lostmustard, 2008-12-16 01:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]winterlarks, 2008-12-16 01:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shmeiliarockie, 2008-12-16 05:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]winterlarks, 2008-12-16 01:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]little_masaouki, 2008-12-16 03:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 04:20 am UTC

[info]sailormac
2008-12-16 01:43 am UTC (link)
How do you pronounce those line breaks? DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]schroduck
2008-12-16 01:52 am UTC (link)
I think it means that this fic is available in HD.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]winterlarks, 2008-12-16 01:55 am UTC

[info]bellereve_
2008-12-16 01:53 am UTC (link)
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

Oh god, not the stupid obviously made-up statistics again. Why do people think these are cool, again?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]wittyilynamed
2008-12-16 01:55 am UTC (link)
Because it proves our speshulness! Duh! I'm totally nonconformist and awesome!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lostmustard, 2008-12-16 01:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bellereve_, 2008-12-16 02:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-16 02:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wittyilynamed, 2008-12-16 02:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]theeternalnoob, 2008-12-16 04:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bellereve_, 2008-12-16 04:18 am UTC

[info]wittyilynamed
2008-12-16 01:54 am UTC (link)
...Budda? What, is Draco Jamacian now?

Seriously? And why would Blaise be going on gingerbread man on Draco and Draco chase after him like a 6 year old?

A Jamacian 6 year old.

(Reply to this)


[info]schroduck
2008-12-16 01:56 am UTC (link)
They ran into the Grand Hall (or whatever that is) together looking VERY fruity (don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic) and Draco's face was finally full of color ever since last week.

Ignoring the myriad things wrong with this sentence (not knowing what the grand hall is, using bizarre tenses and odd sentence structure, sticking an AN mid-sentence), the first time I read it, I though it meant that Draco and Blaise were covered in brightly coloured fruit that coated Draco's face. Sadly, the truth was not nearly that funny.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bellereve_
2008-12-16 02:02 am UTC (link)
I personally pictured them in fruit hats, like the Chiquita Banana lady.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-16 02:23 am UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-16 03:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 04:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rowenaraven13, 2008-12-16 06:30 am UTC

[info]nixitall
2008-12-16 02:07 am UTC (link)
I've never been so glad to not be a teenager as I am after I read this for fear I might understand it.

*hides under blankets*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bellereve_
2008-12-16 02:24 am UTC (link)
I don't think I would have understood this, even as a teenager.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]miss_mercurial, 2008-12-16 04:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]curlychikk, 2008-12-16 02:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]missblackheart7, 2008-12-16 01:54 pm UTC

[info]curlychikk
2008-12-16 02:24 am UTC (link)
"Told you I could beat you, budda!" Draco said bending down panting.

...what? "Budda"???

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-16 05:58 am UTC (link)
I think I figured out the "budda." It's some ghettoesque corruption of "butter."

Maybe it's like when they called Steve Martin's character "Milk" in Bringing Down the House? Or like "Butterball" (as in fat or out of shape)? Anyone? Now that I have it, I don't know where to go with it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-16 02:29 am UTC (link)
So "Lucious" runs into Dramione, and even though he doesn't know her and has to ask her name, the first thing out of his mouth is, "What are you doing with a Mudblood?"

Anyone else read Winter of Fire? D'you reckon in Sueland all the Mudbloods have brands on their foreheads? Or do they wear some variation on the yellow stars that Jewish people were forced to wear during WWII?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]bellereve_
2008-12-16 02:30 am UTC (link)
Or maybe purebloods can just sense them. Like Buffy can sense vampires.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 03:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]devoidofcontent, 2008-12-16 03:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hysteria_woman, 2009-01-23 11:24 pm UTC

[info]constellationed
2008-12-16 02:31 am UTC (link)
I love the DHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH. I read it as duhduhduhduhduhduhduhduhduh, like Jaws.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]sinfulx
2008-12-16 02:42 am UTC (link)
haha. Now that you mention it, that would be totally fitting; except the shark would have been extremely welcome while reading. I think I'd prefer getting ripped apart by a set of jagged-edged teeth than having to endure reading this Suefic [again].

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sinfulx
2008-12-16 02:35 am UTC (link)
Oh ... my ...

I'd like to press the following charges:
1) Raping my intelligence with the complete absurdity of this entire thing and excessive OOC-ness.
2) Raping the potterverse and ships. (Okay, I'll admit, I enjoy the shipping of Dramione HOWEVER it has to be realistic and this was FAR from that)
3) Using emoticons in prose. Since when was THAT acceptable?! (Right, in Suethorland, anything is acceptable.)
4) Abusing the right to make "dividers," whatever happened to a simple sequence of lines or asterisks??
5) "Parkingson, budda, tieing, Grand Hall, VERY fruity (don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic)" Need I say more?
6) Oh, and causing [permanent] damage to my retinas, occipital lobe, and pretty much all other areas of my brain.

That is all ... I think. Ugh.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]ridureyu
2008-12-16 02:51 am UTC (link)
Realistically, Draco and Hermione as a couple would only last until she jams a barbecue fork through his throat. In fact, that might be her entire motivation...

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sinfulx, 2008-12-16 02:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 04:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]redheadsarehot, 2008-12-16 03:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bandazgeek, 2008-12-16 04:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-16 09:36 pm UTC

[info]ridureyu
2008-12-16 02:49 am UTC (link)
So, was Blaise in whiteface?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]darth_gojira
2008-12-16 02:28 pm UTC (link)
A rare reverse Jolson! MAMMY!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-12-16 03:03 am UTC (link)
Emoticon story of my reaction:
'_'

>:/

'o'

>:O

XO

XP

The End.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]missblackheart7
2008-12-16 01:56 pm UTC (link)
Emoticon story of my reaction to your emoticon story of your reaction:

:)

:D

:'D

XD

XDDDD

The End

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]captainjulieif
2008-12-16 03:21 am UTC (link)
If you have ever supressed the urge to shout, "Anarchy! Revolution, justice screaming for solutions..." at political debates, copy this into your profile.

im the youngest,strongest democratic you'll ever meet.

"I have no fucking clue about politics, government, age, or anarchy." party of one.

Check, please.

<3 IF

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]nightleo
2008-12-16 07:12 am UTC (link)
No, see, she forgot a word: she's the youngest, strongest democratic country. Her entire country's population consists of OOC canon characters. It is horribly run.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]feuillu, 2008-12-16 10:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]captainjulieif, 2008-12-16 11:09 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2008-12-16 03:29 am UTC (link)
Oh, God. One of her stories is "Twilight the Musical". It's like the two worst, most irritatingly popular, teenybopper obsessions combined. Thankfully I don't think it's actually a crossover, but really.

Way to kill a little piece of my soul, Suethor.

(Reply to this)


[info]little_masaouki
2008-12-16 03:57 am UTC (link)
That fic was a non-stop stream of fail.

1) Hermione and Draco are alreay a relationship? That kind of needs to be explained
2) Ginny going "Gawd" all the time made me read her as if she was a New York J.A.P. (which would actually be funny, to see one at Hogwarts)
3) Worst "let's make it so Draco's not really the bad guy" cop out ever. Blaise is randomly masquerading as Pansy. What? Does she have some sort of fetish? Or is she still in love with Draco, in which case Blaise really shouldn't be encouraging this.
4) The story has massive ADD. It can't get half way through an event without something else happening.
5) Worst "Snape excuse to take off Gryffindor points ever." If Snape could take off Gryffindor points to punish a Slytherin, Draco would pants him everyday.

Ther's more, but my brain is shutting down. The one thing I will say is that it gets very minor points for establishing that the relationship is destructive. They're always fighting and Hermione's grads are slipping. That being said, if Hermione's grads slipped, she'd be freaking out and probably dumping him. Also, all of this is dealt with as if it's background noise, because once Draco proves himself innocent, they'll ride off into the sunset and everybody will forget that they had OTHER problems before this.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]deathnotesues08
2008-12-16 01:28 pm UTC (link)
Blaise is randomly masquerading as Pansy.

Best. Typo. Ever. XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Anonymous)
2008-12-16 04:13 am UTC (link)
Oh God....

"i really like someone who'll never like me back.

Also, "family and franns is my life."

Is that meant to say "friends"?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]grammarfreak16
2008-12-16 05:46 am UTC (link)
No. Clearly this suethor has an unnatural obsession with people named Frann.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]deathnotesues08, 2008-12-16 01:28 pm UTC

[info]lovehateapathy
2008-12-16 04:21 am UTC (link)
I. Um. I just. Uh.

I have a migraine now.

(Reply to this)


[info]miss_mercurial
2008-12-16 04:36 am UTC (link)
No. This is beyond epic fail. This is like... help me out here, people. Biblical fail? Millenial fail? Apocalyptic fail?
I have no words. None of those seem quite big enough. This makes me want to cry and stab something at the same time.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]rowenaraven13
2008-12-16 05:49 am UTC (link)
Brobdingnagian fail. Brought to you by a lilliputian brain.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]beacon80, 2008-12-16 07:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mornmeril, 2008-12-20 01:36 am UTC

[info]shmeiliarockie
2008-12-16 05:26 am UTC (link)
SO VAPID.

Just write original fiction already, Suethor. You're not fooling anyone.

(Reply to this)


[info]grammarfreak16
2008-12-16 05:49 am UTC (link)
"Who gives a shit! I was fuckin' drunk! What did you cook us some romantic candle-lit dinner that I was suppose to eat with you?" He was being sarcastic but it was true!

But I thought that you were Blaise? Were you drunk and Blaise? Was Blaise drunk and you? I'm confused... 8\ (<--- This killed me a little inside)

Also: First Budda sue...?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]beacon80
2008-12-16 07:54 am UTC (link)
My guess is, she realized that there wasn't any real excuse for Draco's behavior, so in order to save it, she had it actually be Blaise instead. The entire thing reeks of retcon. Draco's behavior and lines in chapter one don't make any sense if it wasn't actually him.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]benzophenium
2008-12-16 08:22 am UTC (link)


"It's like budda."

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_megalomanic
2008-12-16 01:44 pm UTC (link)
haha! awesome! XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]kariosis, 2009-01-08 11:45 am UTC

[info]feuillu
2008-12-16 10:08 am UTC (link)
:\

:O

D:

(Reply to this)


(113 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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