The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

Hi, I just read The Odyssey!!!111
And "Aeaea" is beyond me, so "Eaia" it is!

I hate Odysseus. I want to smack him in the face.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(Deleted comment)

It's my biggest pet peeve. I can't stand seeing her name spelled like that.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(Deleted comment)
As I read this, I just kept saying "what the fuck" out loud over and over.

Words fail me.

(But clearly they didn't fail the Suethor.)

No no. They failed the Suethor. That's why this exists.

Odd. I didn't think we sporked stories from Fiction Press. I mean, this must be from Fiction Press if it's an original story, and it must be an original story, because it has nothing in common with any existing fandom I've heard or seen. Weird coincidence how two of the characters have names from the Harry Potter series.

Weird coincidence how two of the characters have names from the Harry Potter series.

Four, don't forget Lucius and Narcissa. ;)

Seriously... that's SOME wave.

I like the fact that he's on a sandy beach, yet she conveniently lands on a part that's full of jagged rocks.

She knew that the ruling house of the Serpent Isles had fair hair like coral and knew that the Lion lands had rulers with Jet black hair.

Useful information. If I see a person with black hair, I'll know they are royalty.

Also "fair like coral"? They only time I see coral in connection with a color is coral pink.

My best friend has black hair. I'd better not tell her that she's royalty. I'll be scrubbing floors for eternity.

Wait a sec. . .how is this, in any way shape or form, related to HP? I mean, sure, she stole a couple of names, but hell.

I confess myself. . . disappointed.

Because the Suethor says so. Duh.

Haha! Love your icon! :D :D :D

See, I actually approve of this sample, because it makes it sound like mermaid!Hermione is going to die a painful death, which...yes, please!

I have so much more respect, also, for purple prose when it's actually spelled correctly. GORGEOUS. PHYSIQUE. INEVITABLE.

Ya know, I see the problem with this.

The Suethor decided she should write an (awful) original fic, but could NOT come up with names for the characters. Then, she saw one of the Harry Potter movies on ABC Family, and decided, "Hey! Draco and Hermione! What great names!" and used them in her (awful) story without any regard for Harry Potter whatsoever. Then, when it came time to post her (awful) story, the only place she knew of was But, her (awful) story is an (awful) original story. What to do?!? Oh! She used some names from Harry Potter in her (awful) original story, so that qualifies it as a Harry Potter fanfic, right? So, she posted it on under Harry Potter, where it lies in wait for any unsuspecting reader to discover it (insert 'Jaws' theme music here)...

Anybody else figure that's what happened?

By Jove, Holmes! I do believe you've solved it!


Say with me now.



Ew. Just...ew.

Can't we just make it so that any fanfic written by smitten pre-teen Disney Princess fanatics is outlawed in fandom? Pleeeeeease?

But then would be an empty barren place.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
He was gorgeos!

I thought spelling and grammar (besides the consistent misspelling of Hermione) was okay until I read this line.

And then I lost all hope.

"a pair of large intelligent brown eyes that shone with flecks of honey when in the grip of a strong emotion".

I say it every time I post, WTF IS WITH THE WEIRD EYES?! Has anyone ever seen a person who's eyes change dramatically with the 'grip of emotion'?

With any luck, emotion has a grip on her throat.

"More like super-stinky toxic sludge that will stink forever and ever."

It's the fic equivalent of the Bog of Eternal Stench, then!

He had taught Draco that the water nymphs had mud instead of blood running through their veins and that meant that they were inferior to the ‘Pure blooded’ humans of the Isles.


Yeah, I rolled my eyes at that.

ALthough she gets (minor) props for realizing that having magical creature ancestors means you are NOT pureblooded. Unlike most fics out there, (Particularly that recent Harry Stu)

What is this? A Harry Potter / Little Mermaid crossover?

And more importantly, why would anyone want to write / read that?

I, uh...I don't even...I just...


I admit that fic looks rather nasty
Since when is she a mermaid not a witch?
But I just shrug and laugh,
since it's just a bunch of chaff
Or I'll be miserable, lonely and depressed.

Poor unfortunate prose
The pain! The need!
This one looking for some canon
this one looking for sense
Is there any? Not a chance

That poor unfortunate prose
It's bad, not true
In the service of Dramione
It's a disaster to be hold
And I mock them
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
There's a fic that's rather nice,
but it's never a Draco-centric fic
Their canon is so faint
That the fandom needs a saint
For the poor unfortunate prose!

These fics are just a lot of blabber
Purple prose is always such a bore
Hermione's made a bitch, with no resemblance to the witch
And she's always acts just like a whore

Come on, these fics just worship Draco
Good readers avoid him when they can
But the Sues dote and swoon and fawn
That their senses are withdrawn
So write up a story for their "man"

Come on, the poor unfortunate prose!
It's crap!
Without taste!
I'm write all my own fanfic since the selection's such a farce
Why go search?
It's a waste!

The poor unfortunate prose
It's sad
But true!
It's used by teenage fangirls
to anoint a git that's gross
They use a bunch of flowery language
But there's more thorns than a rose
It's enough to cause insanity
I'm bleeding by the nose!
That poor unfortunate prose!

Ooops. Missed a verse. I'll just make it up by having Ursula strangle the Jonas Brothers.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
(Deleted comment)
Gorge-os! They're Draco-licious!

I would like to take this chance to use my icon.
Also, it took me a little while to work out who was saying the “Help! Oh please help me! Anyone!” line.
Skimming makes the whole thing more amusing. First I heard 'Draco' character-who-is-unconected-to-HP-in-any-way-1 saying it, then changed my mind + heard 'Hermione' character-who-is-unconected-to-HP-in-any-way-2 say it. It swapped several times as my brain tried to process this...thing.

"long satiny dark hair streaming behind her in its own sunkissed chestnut wave"

Wow, just wow. Is there something wrong with saying she has brown hair?

Yes, it's only two syllables. That's about 5 syllables under par.

(Deleted comment)
"And thus, with eyes as sharp as a hawk, did wickedcooljul perceive the deceitful actions of the suethor, and did proclaim them false, save for a glimmering thread of truth, tied into the most literal of translations. And wickedcooljul, her voice as beautiful as one thousand angels, did call out the suethor and call her false!""

How's that?

The ocean certainly had the right idea when it tried to kill the Hermione-Sue.


Log in