The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

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Pancake!
pottersues
Sorry everyone about the past couple of days, I had too much Teachers' College stuff due at the same time.

I've decided to make it up to you with a wonderful "toxic" fic.

Thank you to Sora for sending in today's first Sue!


TITLE: An Elf at Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: DarkMistressSabrina
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Sabrina te Andraos IX
SPECIES: part-elf
HAIR: "Flowing dirty-blonde", it changes to "black and fazed to red at her shoulders" later.
EYES: "Garnett Red"
MARKINGS: "Elven ears" and a "natural, haunting, elvish glow" she also has a "tattoo of a rather fierce looking Hello Kitty". She has a "curvaceous" body. Earrings: "on one ear a chain weaving in and out of the piercings from top to bottom and on the other a bunch of small loop earrings and a large dragon fang on the bottom".
POSSESSIONS: "a black halter top, a black mini skirt, and her favorite lace-up leather kick-ass boots" with a cloak, a "big foot locker", a locket, a sketchbook, " Her top was the shade of her eyes and was made a soft, silky, elfish material. The skirt was made of the same material and was the color old gold (goldenrod more or less). Now the style of the top was what was shocking; it was a peasant shirt! (shocking because she didn't know she owned a peasant shirt... only preps wear peasant shirts... often...) The skirt was pretty short but was nice because it helped her to feel more comfortable on this hot day.", platform sandals, "a tight black tank top with the words "I'm one fucked up elf." on the front and continued onto the back saying ".if you have a problem with that, I'll normal you a knife in the head!"", "three big ball chain necklaces, a necklace with a metal bird skull on it and several other small metal bones, two spiked chocker necklaces, matching spiked bracelets, several rings, chains hanging in various places", "baggy black pants with many varying sized chains hanging off of various places, tight fitting black tees (Sabrina's had a red flame background with a cat's silhouette that said "Mess with me, deal with my neko oni")". Dress robes: "a beautiful shade of emerald green, complete with the shimmer the gem has; it was almost as if she were wearing a robe made of woven emerald. The sleeves and accents were gold and garnet to bring out the highlights in her hair and the garnet of her eyes. The robes were tight and form-fitting, needless to say, she wasn't wearing any clothing underneath (*she was wearing underwear and a bra! HENTAI!*)". A Sue-friend named Victoria le Asria who will be paired with Ron. Draco gives her a kitten, and she named it "Chaos" after the "dark lord" in her head.

ORIGIN: America. She is an elf-princess in her unnamed magical world.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Harry, Ron and Hermione sit in her compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Draco Malfoy barges into the compartment to insult Harry and hit on Sabrina. She is charmed by his smarminess at first, but is then disturbed. Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat have a chat about where to put her. They put her in Gryffindor because she needs to work on her courage. She is scared of Malfoy's lustful glances, and snuggles with Harry for comfort. Then he gets turned on and she doesn't care. Then her betrothed Brett de Alexandros shows up, but he's not really a threat. Then they put on a school production of West Side Story and Draco gets to play Tony. She goes goth when her parents tell her that they can't back out of her arranged marriage. She and Victoria are in a band called "Forsaken Angels" and they perform Evanescence songs. Then she finds out that Brett is cheating on her with a prep, and she tells her dad, and then goes and spends the night with Harry. Her dad refuses to cancel the arranged marriage and she has a "breakdown" and ends up in the Hospital Wing. Then she battles with her multiple personalities, and there is some sort of unclear plan. Then she discovers that she is pregnant, and she tells Harry, who says: "No, no... it was just very... unexpected... I brought that into the world and by God I will take care of it." And she replies, oh so deeply,
"I'm gonna go for a walk now...". Classic. Oh! "Vicci" is knocked up too, someone should have told her about the Weasleys' super-sperm. She lost in it an unfortunate Quidditch accident.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Because she is one quarter elf she tells us that: "I only live the mortal life span, but I have the other abilities of elves". She is beautiful. She is almost un-sortable. She is good at sketching. We learn that she has multiple personalities: "What is going on, you see, is that Sabrina has multiple personalities. When Sabrina went goth, her darker side took dominance over the good. Well, then all those feelings of rage were feeding her and causing the normal her to lose control over her (note the exploding punch glass at the ball). When Sabrina got angry over her father's idiocity (is that a word?), she completely lost it. This has never happened before, so that's why Sabrina had no idea what was going on, and none of them had ever seen this happen to someone before, once again why they had no clue. If you don't understand, just tell me and I shall gladly email you a more detailed explanation. It would over joy me to know someone would like to know what was going on in better detail in my story, it would reassure me that people were reading! ON WITH THE TALE!!!"

NOTES: Not a troll, I repeat, not a troll.


SAMPLE:

That day, Sabrina didn't go to lunch either. She was way too busy applying makeup and picking suitable outfits that looked good and Gothy. She first got dressed in a tight black tank top with the words "I'm one fucked up elf." on the front and continued onto the back saying ".if you have a problem with that, I'll normal you a knife in the head!" She laughed at the shirt since she herself created it, then put on some baggy black pants and her big, heavy boots. She continued by spending two hours doing her makeup. Victoria always had a saying "If you spend less than two hours doing your makeup, you just aren't trying." Next, she put on her accessories, which included three big ball chain necklaces, a necklace with a metal bird skull on it and several other small metal bones, two spiked chocker necklaces, matching spiked bracelets, several rings, chains hanging in various places, she had Madam Pomfrey pierce her ears as much as physically possible and now had on one ear a chain weaving in and out of the piercings from top to bottom and on the other a bunch of small loop earrings and a large dragon fang on the bottom, and to top the cake, she had Victoria come over and give her a tattoo of a rather fierce looking Hello Kitty (*she looked like she had rabies! AHHH!*).

She looked in the mirror having all this been done and smiled. "Oh, yeah. this is the BEST!!! WOOT! Wait. can't do that, must do that same thing with a tad more angst. and there was much rejoicing. yay." she waved a small black flag in the air and said the line as they did on Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (*which I do not own!*). She walked around in her room for a bit being followed by the sound of metal hitting metal and chains clinking and swinging about. She sat down feeling quite thoroughly bored and recited verses from various Poe poems. She had her back turned to the door and was standing in the mirror when Harry opened the door.

"Take thy form from my door and thy beak from thy heart!" Sabrina shouted, not realizing Harry was there.

"Err. sorry for intruding." Harry took a step out of the room and was ready to shut the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Harry! Please, do come in."

"Okay," Harry walked in and froze at the site of Sabrina's new look. He looked her up and down, and then smiled. "So, what inspired this sudden change?"

"Uh, nothing, well, at least nothing I could talk about right now too openly." her eyes aimed at the floor, suddenly turned glassy and her voice turned to a whisper.

"Sabrina, you can tell me anything, and I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Harry. Draco found out. about my ears."

Harry stood there for a while wondering what had happened, then realized the seriousness of the situation. "What happened then, Sabrina?"

She turned her head to the side and clenched her eyes shut as tightly as possible. "He stared at me for a bit with this look of horror and disgust in his eyes, and then stormed out without telling me why. I figured out why by myself, though, because I've seen that look before." Sabrina began to break down and started to softly sob.

Harry walked up to the shaking girl and tried to make her look at him, but she kept turning away and stormed out of the room. Harry stood there for a moment confused, and then he looked up to the sky and said, "Why is it always me?"

Ron sat in the common room for a while when he saw Victoria coming down the girls' staircase. Wait a sec. I thought she was a Slytherin! Victoria held a letter in her hand. He could see that it said in big words GUEST OF SABRINA te ANDRAOS and he smiled for some odd reason. Then he decided to welcome her and possibly walk her out through the portrait hole. (*now, in a part I was too lazy to write about, Sabrina told Victoria about Ron's love for her, so bear with me here!*) Victoria saw Ron stand up and begin to approach her; she smiled.

"So, you are the Ron Weasley Sabrina told me about," Victoria said. "My name is Victoria le Asria."

Ron nodded in acknowledgement as his face turned really red. "So. uhhh. what were you doing up there with Sabrina?"

"I was giving her a tattoo. It is of one freaky Hello Kitty, heh heh," she responded casually. (*maybe she's been smoking something. sounds like the person I modeled Victoria after!*)

"Ahhh. I see. so, why'd Sabrina want a tattoo?"

"She's all depressed and shit 'bout some guy, I think. He, like, found out about her secret and stormed off."

Sabrina runs down the stairs and out the portrait hole.

"O-there she is."

Sabrina was running as fast as she could with all the chains she was wearing weighing her down. She couldn't help it; the memory of last night made her want to just die. Harry wouldn't be able to understand how she felt since he never had real parents who made all his decisions and could control him like a puppet; he could runaway to the Weasley's if he had to. She, on the other hand, couldn't get out if she wanted to. If she ran away her father would find her and punish her severely. she could feel the sting of his words and the lashes she received. Then she remembered Harry's sympathy. He didn't care that she was an elf. she started to think of the prospects of having The Boy Who Lived as a boyfriend. She smiled and slipped into another fantasy world as her eyes glazed over.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE AUTHOR WAS GOING THROUGH BACK THEN YOU IMMORAL SATANIC SCUMBAGS! sHE SANK HER HEART SOUL AND BODY INTO HER WORKS AND FOREVER WILL DO SO BECAUSE HER FANS WILL REMEMBER HER!!!! wHEN HER BOOKS COME OUT SHELL BE BIGGER THAN HARRY POTTER AND POTTERSUES COMBINED TIMES FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND!!! nONE OF YOU HAVE THE DEPTH TO APPRECIATE THIS tHIS IS A GREET STORY ABOUT THE TRAGEDY OF AN ELF AND ANY REAL HUMAN BEING WOULD UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY HERE. ALL OF YOU ARE MORONS, SITTING HERE AND YELLING AT AUTHORS UNTIL THEIR STORIES GO DOWN BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BIG TO BE BITCHES!!! wELL YOU ALL FSILED BECAUSE SABRINA ROSE ABOVE THIS TO SOARE LIKE A PHOENIX AND SHE''L BE BACK ONE DAY WITH HER OWN FANS IN ENTOW!!!!! kEEP DOING WHAT YOU LOVE, sABS!!1 bE FREE AND LET LOOTS HELL ON THESE STUPID BITCHES!! hELL AND JUSTICE! JUSTICE! DO YOU ALL HEAR ME?! THE HOUR OF JUSTICE IS COMING FOR ALL BITCHES, THE HOUR OF TRUTH!!! GO SABRINA MY MISTRESS!!! GO!!! YEAH!!!!

sHE'LL BE BRINGING LAWYERS DOWN ON YOU, POTTERSUES. SLANDER IS A CRIME FOR WHICH YOU AND ALL YOUR MINIONS WILL BE TRIED. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OUTMATCHED YOU ARE. SURRENDER NOW OR FACE OUR WRATH!!!! GO!!!

Normally I don't respond to immature, CAPS LOCK riddled, misspelled, name calling, but you do address some points which I would like to address.

1. "wHEN HER BOOKS COME OUT SHELL BE BIGGER THAN HARRY POTTER AND POTTERSUES COMBINED TIMES FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND!!!" I'd like to know how she is going to do this, though, if she states herself that "I'm working on an original story right now, but I won't be sharing it, it's more of a "for my own enjoyment" type of project ...".

2. "YELLING AT AUTHORS UNTIL THEIR STORIES GO DOWN BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BIG TO BE BITCHES!!!" We don't "yell" at Suethors, we just don't like their Mary-Sues. Plus, I never want stories to be taken down, and I have said that several times. Everyone grows and develops as writers.

3. "wELL YOU ALL FSILED BECAUSE SABRINA ROSE ABOVE THIS TO SOARE LIKE A PHOENIX AND SHE''L BE BACK ONE DAY WITH HER OWN FANS IN ENTOW!!!!!" That's fabulous, it really is.

4. "sHE'LL BE BRINGING LAWYERS DOWN ON YOU, POTTERSUES. SLANDER IS A CRIME FOR WHICH YOU AND ALL YOUR MINIONS WILL BE TRIED."

Ahem. Slander according to the law: defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc. I'm not slandering anyone because I'm saying that I don't like their character. That's is a review and an opinion and when you publish your work for the public domain you open yourself up to criticism. Not everyone has to like someone's work, and they are allowed their opinion. There is nothing wrong or illegal about it.

OH NOES!!!

You're getting intryweb sued!!!

heh heh SUED.

Accidental double entendre for the WIN!

She sounds like Jerry Falwell. Creepy.

""wELL YOU ALL FSILED"

Dood, I'm dylexic and even I can't figure out what the heck that means.

YOWZA. That one was some kinda special.

CAPSLOCK: Cruise control for cool.

You should tag the ones the authors respond to.

Also, this is epic. I am so fucking jealous of you right now.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! D:

Yeah, I'm sure she's terrified of a 12-year-old who writes bad fics.

Pah, I know I am. Intensely fangirl-y 12-year-olds are terrifying. XD

Oh my God, this can't possibly be real. IT's too perfect.

wELL YOU ALL FSILED BECAUSE SABRINA ROSE ABOVE THIS TO SOARE LIKE A PHOENIX

IT'S HER LIFE!!!!!!1

....as she soars through the open window and out over the lake...

GO SABRINA MY MISTRESS!!!

Remember that half-life from Doctor Who who worshiped Cassandra? Yeah, strange likeness.

I bet he types all in caps too. :)

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
Oh dear. Sweetie, you need to cut back on the decaf. Little girls aren't suppose to be drinking coffee anyway. Now go back to your little friends and learn how to write and respect canon.

Dear Angry anonymous person,
If someone puts up their writing on the internet, where everyone can see it, and people who see it decide to discuss their opinions about it, that's NOT a crime. It's freedom of speech.
Also, you should probably seek help to deal with your anger issues. I mean it, I think you're seriously a bit off.

All seriousness aside: please don't loots hell on us, it gets rather messy! And I didn't know hell and justice went together! I kinda thought the opposite, actually. I should know, I'm apparently a "Satanic Scumbag" as you so eloquently put it. :)

(Deleted comment)
Hmmm. Your ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


wELL YOU ALL FSILED

Is that like "fizzailed"? Is pottersues being trolled by Snoop Dog?

tHIS IS A GREET STORY ABOUT THE TRAGEDY OF AN ELF AND ANY REAL HUMAN BEING WOULD UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY HERE.

Yes. Any real human being would understand a tragedy about an elf. Look at all the great authors in our literary canon who touch on that daring, cutting edge, and politically relevant subject.

Oh, wait...

GO SABRINA MY MISTRESS!!! GO!!! YEAH!!!!

FISH FROM THE SEA EVERY DAY! WE TAKES IT FOR USSSS!

I totally called troll when I read this line.

sHE'LL BE BRINGING LAWYERS DOWN ON YOU, POTTERSUES. SLANDER IS A CRIME FOR WHICH YOU AND ALL YOUR MINIONS WILL BE TRIED. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OUTMATCHED YOU ARE. SURRENDER NOW OR FACE OUR WRATH!!!! GO!!!

It always amuses me how these anony-twats don't ever understand what freedom of speech is. There should be some underlying clause saying that if you don't understand it, you don't get to use it. I think it would cut back on a lot of things like this.

Aww, no lesbian references? I feel kind of unloved. :C

How does mocking bad fanfic make one satanic? Are there rituals that I am not getting invited to?

Oh man. I can't stop laughing.

ANY REAL HUMAN BEING WOULD UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY HERE.

Curses! I thought my disguise was indistinguishable from your species' puny meat bodies, only to be brought low by this damnable Turing test. And I would have got away with it, if not for you damn kids!

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand

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