Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
@ 2006-12-30 20:51:00
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Current mood: mischievous
Current music:footsteps

Thanks to [info]fitchersvogel for today's fic!

TITLE: I WANT TO HAVE VOLDEMORTS BABY !
PERPETRATOR: IamAPoet
SUE-O-METER: (TROLL)

FULL NAME: Ginny Weasley
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: golden-red that "shimmered down to her waist."
EYES:
MARKINGS: "tanned freckled legs. She had enhanced her boobs to get bigger"
POSSESSIONS: "a tight pink dress with frills at the plunging neckline." A bedroom full of picture of Lord Voldemort.

ORIGIN: One day Ginny Weasley fell in love ... with Tom Riddle.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Ginny Weasley. Falls in love with Tom Riddle. Calls him Tommy. Sticks up for him against the OotP. Shows up at Voldemort's doorstep and professes her love. They must flee and Ginny goes home to pout, and then runs off again. Ginny gets to call him "Mort". He tries to sex her up, but fails to turn her on. Eventually he succeeds. Harry and Dumbledore try to rescue her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can show complete disregard for logic and other people's feelings. Can draw charcoal drawings and embroider pillows.

NOTES: I highly recommed the minions to read all of this one. It's well worth it!


SAMPLE:

Ginnys bedroom was every girls dream. A gigantic, pillow-filled dark pink four-poster bed stood in the middle of six walls (It was a hexagonal room) which were pale lilac and covered with moving pictures of Lord Voldemort. In the centre of a large golden heart there was a handmade charcoal painting of Ginnys the way she remembered Tom Riddle aged 16. It didn’t matter at all that his left eye was a bit further up than the other one – it was made with pure and tender love. Under each of the five windows stood something, a golden desk, a powder blue cupboard, a pirates chest, a large plant called Valadorum Voldemortia which was pretty ugly but of course bought because of its name. Under the fifth window stood something I will keep secret for the moment, but it is going to be important later on. Ginny walked into the room and threw herself on the fluffy bed crying herself to sleep.

The next day, Harry and Hermione were discussing Ginny over breakfast. “Where has she been? You dont think she met Big V?” Hermione whispered. “And lived? I dont think so. Whats got into her head? I mean, if all this Avadra Kedavra business isnt putting her off she certainly HAS to notice that he’s four times her age, has a screeching voice and snakes eyes!” “Well you know Harry, looks dont matter if youre in love,” Hermione scolded him “But of course hes evil,” she added as an afterthought. “I hate him. He’s my mortal enemy! Imaging the wedding feast! Me and Voldemort at one table... noooo, wont happen!”
At that moment Ginny entered the room, wearing a dreamy expression and humming a sweet love tume under her breath. She took no notice of Harrys and Hermiones frozen expression and continued embroidering the shocking pink pillowcase she was working on. So far the words “Ginevra Molly Ri” were stitched onto it with silvery-white yarn. At the corners she had put little dark marks with hearts for the eyes.
”Ginny?” Harry started, when the WWN radio station broadcasted the news.

You-know-who narrowly escaped ministry officials yesterday evening. He and his gang of deatheaters disapparated in the nick of time to who-knows-where. Reliable sources assume hes hiding in a cave near Bournemouth, but we are not sure. Constant vigilance!

Ginnys eyes widened at the news. Before anybody could utter a word, she threw her pillow on the floor and ran out of the house, grabbing her overnight-kit as she went (never leave without your makeup!).




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(78 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]jedilora
2006-12-31 01:53 am UTC (link)
As a fabric store worker, all I can think of is 'man, it would be a bitch to decorate a hexagonal room. LOTS of fabric. Dude.'

(Reply to this)


[info]lemony_purple
2006-12-31 01:55 am UTC (link)
"Big V"?

(off to read the rest of it. I got stuck on that.)

(Reply to this) (Thread)


(Anonymous)
2006-12-31 02:53 am UTC (link)
Maybe it's secretly a crossover with Jackie Chan Adventures?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]morde, 2006-12-31 04:31 am UTC
Valmont - [info]rodentfanatic, 2006-12-31 06:37 am UTC

[info]chrismactaggart
2006-12-31 01:57 am UTC (link)
is it just my computer but... where's the links?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pottersues
2006-12-31 01:58 am UTC (link)
That was my fault. I forgot them! They are added now.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chrismactaggart, 2006-12-31 02:01 am UTC

[info]jetamors
2006-12-31 01:57 am UTC (link)
She took no notice of Harrys and Hermiones frozen expression and continued embroidering the shocking pink pillowcase she was working on. So far the words “Ginevra Molly Ri” were stitched onto it with silvery-white yarn. At the corners she had put little dark marks with hearts for the eyes.

Okay, I officially love this fic just for this.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]deliciouspear
2006-12-31 02:16 am UTC (link)
"At the corners she had put little dark marks with hearts for the eyes."

I want that pillow almost as mush as I want a plush ringwraith doll.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bienegold, 2006-12-31 03:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]karma_monster, 2007-01-01 12:06 am UTC
Do you mean
[info]dakiwiboid
2006-12-31 01:59 am UTC (link)
Hermione's comment about the wedding feast?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Do you mean
[info]iluvthecheat
2006-12-31 02:06 am UTC (link)
No, it was Harry, just the bad paragraphing didn't let you know that.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]lostieborden
2006-12-31 02:03 am UTC (link)
Bwahhaha, awesome!

"He’s my mortal enemy! Imaging the wedding feast!" TOTALLY getting nominated for best quote. It's even better taken out of context.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2006-12-31 02:05 am UTC (link)
I usually hate trolls, but the embrodering? I LOVED it. I gotta read the rest.
(love Harry's comment about the wedding, too!)

(Reply to this)


[info]deliciouspear
2006-12-31 02:15 am UTC (link)
"Ginnys bedroom was every girls dream."


Well, at least she didn't say it was a GOOD dream.

I'd type more but I threw up in my mouth and need to go brush my teeth.

(Reply to this)


[info]megome
2006-12-31 02:15 am UTC (link)
no. no no no. this was the best story i've ever read. obviously crafted by a person to be a parody. best troll ever.

god i love trolls. they make life so much better.

(Reply to this)


[info]deliciouspear
2006-12-31 02:17 am UTC (link)
"a sweet love tume"

Does she mean "TUNE" or "TOME?!?"

*snicker*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]anivad
2006-12-31 07:20 am UTC (link)
Ah, the plot thickens...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]mizzytizzy
2006-12-31 02:25 am UTC (link)
I think I need to take up embroidery.

(Reply to this)


[info]calliopepurple
2006-12-31 02:28 am UTC (link)
If you read the whole story, you find this glorious tidbit - "Voldemort snuggled into his fluffy pillow". Best image ever, although the best quote has to be "He’s my mortal enemy! Imaging the wedding feast!"

Hooray for idiots! They put humor into my life.

(Reply to this)


[info]xtinethepirate
2006-12-31 02:29 am UTC (link)
Big.... V. And Dark Marks with hearts for eyes.

*snorfle*

(Reply to this)


[info]benpanced
2006-12-31 02:38 am UTC (link)
Aw, when you're in love you can overlook the slightest character flaw. Even if that "flaw" is heartless evil. <3 <3 <3 @-->--- @-->--- @-->--- and shit like that there.

(Reply to this)


[info]ohlily
2006-12-31 02:38 am UTC (link)
Best troll all week BY FAR. This is so excellent. Very clearly a parody, and the exclusion of apostrophes is subtle enough not to make my eyes bleed too much.

(Reply to this)


[info]anawkwardturtle
2006-12-31 02:40 am UTC (link)
I love how Harry is forgiving about the killing people, but not about the ugliness. Poor guy... he got dumped for some old snake eyed guy without a complete soul!

(Reply to this)


[info]bienegold
2006-12-31 02:45 am UTC (link)
Oh my god. My new fav fic. I don't care if it's a troll! Solid gold. Everyone! I command you to read the entire thing.

Hehe. Fluffy pillow.

(Reply to this)


[info]moonwitch
2006-12-31 02:47 am UTC (link)
THERE ARE NO FREAKING APOSTROPHES WHATTTTT

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]laminacourt
2006-12-31 03:03 am UTC (link)
Penny Arcade icon love!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]moonwitch, 2006-12-31 03:05 am UTC

(Anonymous)
2006-12-31 02:48 am UTC (link)
Oh goodness...so many quotable lines. I love it. XD

(Reply to this)


[info]laminacourt
2006-12-31 02:58 am UTC (link)
-sigh-

I know they're trolls and all... but having freckly, red-headed people tanned is just a huge pet peeve for me.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]24o_clock
2006-12-31 07:37 am UTC (link)
Drive-by icon love! xD Family Guy ftw.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]clytem
2006-12-31 03:02 am UTC (link)
This needs to be the title of a Jerry Springer episode on Slytherins and the women who love them.

(Reply to this)


[info]ryttu3k
2006-12-31 03:18 am UTC (link)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

And as a Real Live Interior Design Student, I think I can safely say that Ginny's dream room is NOT MY DREAM ROOM. (Mine is yellow. With red and orange trimming.)

Also... this is supposed to be Ginny's room at the Burrow? You'd think someone'd notice.

Dear god. This is hilarious XD

(Reply to this)


[info]dobie87
2006-12-31 03:22 am UTC (link)
OH LORD, YESSSSS
BIG FAT STEAMING PILE OF YES
It's hilarious! It's perfect! It's "every girl's dream!"
This should be the model by which we judge all other trolls.


lolz

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]dru_plus_spike
2006-12-31 03:40 am UTC (link)
Just noticed this, are those really Ralphe Fiennes's teeth? The top ones are kind of scary....

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]dobie87, 2006-12-31 03:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dru_plus_spike, 2006-12-31 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]raingirl3179, 2006-12-31 04:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]choclytgremlins, 2007-01-02 07:30 pm UTC

[info]psychodeathwish
2006-12-31 03:32 am UTC (link)
Oh god. I think I'm getting stuck on Ginny/Voldemort ((took me two tries to write Ginny there. Got stuck on "Draco" and "Hermione")).
i love the wedding comment too. That would be a funny meal.

(Reply to this)


[info]dru_plus_spike
2006-12-31 03:42 am UTC (link)
So far the words “Ginevra Molly Ri” were stitched onto it with silvery-white yarn.
She can't be that good at embroidery, she doesn't know that you use embroidery thread, not yarn.

(Reply to this)


(78 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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