Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
2005-07-14 20:09:00
  • Mood: sore
  • Music: Twelve Years Old - Kim Stockwood
Tomorrow is the big day, folks!

TITLE: I Heart Hogwarts (and I Spork Mary-Sues)
PERPETRATOR: DruChael

SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad)

FULL NAME: Kristin Chael and Taylor
SPECIES: human/witches (probably witches)
HAIR: Taylor has red hair.
EYES: Taylor's are 'jolly blue eyes'.
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: None mentioned.

ORIGIN: They are randomly attacked by Death Eaters in some woods and wake up at Hogwarts, where Kristin mistakes Snape for Alan Rickman.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: They only just got there. Give them time.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: none mentioned, but one of them says 'It’s in the laws of fantasy novels—you don’t get transported into an adventure unless you have some kind of special powers', which I find rather forboding.

NOTES: A fair amount of effort went into this one... unfortunately, it's still terribly cliche and dull.

SAMPLE:

My eyes opened slowly. It was still dark. My room was warm for once, but out of habit, I pulled the blankets closer to me and snuggled deeper into the bed. I wondered what time it was, but was far too lazy to look for a clock. I resolved to just let the time slip by and go back to sleep. It had just been a nightmare after all.

“We found them lying out there in the rain. They was freezing and neither one of them were breathing.”

I frowned into my pillow. Was this CSI or something? My mother watched that show on occasion, and I knew it came on late at night.

“Are they going to be all right?”

Of course not, I thought. They always die. That’s the way the plot works.

“They’ll be just fine. You got them here just in time.”

I rolled over. This couldn’t be CSI. I peered out from my warm solitude and saw the same darkness. So was someone in my room?

Upon sitting up, I noticed that there were curtains around my bed. This in itself was peculiar. I bit my lip and went to reach for the curtains, resolved to find out what was going on.

But as I reached out, the curtains swung back and I was blinded by a sudden light.

Gasping, I fell back on the bed, curling into a ball out of habit.

“Child, calm down!” came a kind voice.

I opened my eyes and blinked wildly, trying to get my eyes adjusted to the light. My vision cleared a bit, and I saw a rather ancient looking man sitting on the bed, a gentle smile on his face. I bolted up and looked out of the curtains, seeing a man with black hair and a rather harassed look on his face.

“What the--?” I rubbed my eyes and looked at the dark haired man again. “Alan Rickman?” I murmured. “No, that can’t be right…”

“Obviously she has sustained a large amount of trauma,” the dark haired man suggested.

“Woah, wait a minute,” I said. “What is going on? Where the hell am I? The last thing I remember is running away from someone, and then I fell and smashed my head open against something, I—“ I had reached up to prove the point, but there was no wound there. I frowned. “What…I…”

“Madam Pomfrey healed that nasty wound,” the kindly man said.

My jaw dropped. “Woah, wait a moment—“

“Perhaps you should lie back down,” the lady said, moving towards me, but I jumped up and ran a few steps away from the three of them.

“No, I do not want to lie back down. I want to know what’s going on! Why am I here? Where is here? Why is Alan Rickman staring at me like I have two heads?” I looked around wildly. “And why the hell does this look like some Harry Potter rip-off?”

The room went tense. The dark haired man took a step forward, the older man’s eyes widened, and the lady threw a hand over her mouth.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, catching sight of myself in the mirror. “Oh, bloody hell,” I whispered. I took a shaky step towards the mirror and blinked. “Oh, please, no! This is some really weird dream, isn’t it? Or have I really gone mental?” I rubbed my eyes and opened them again, but to my horror, I was right. I was staring at an eleven year old image of myself. “Oh my god…what the hell is going on?”

“Quite a mouth on that one,” muttered the dark haired man.

I spun. “Shut up Alan Rickman!”

The man frowned. “My name is not Alan Rickman,” he snarled.

“Calm down, Severus,” the elderly man said, standing at last and placing a hand out to stop the man from trying to kill me. “She’s obviously very distressed.” He studied me intently. “What’s your name?” he asked.

I don’t know why I trusted those eyes so much, but before I could stop myself, I muttered out my nickname. “Kristin, Kristin Chael.”

“Well, Miss Chael,” the man said, taking a few more steps forward. “I don’t understand why you can’t remember anything, but we’d like to keep you here over night. We’ll contact your parents, and they can—“

“I don’t have any parents,” I muttered, looking down at the floor.

The room became silent. I swallowed and turned away, trying not to cry. I had been in the foster home for three days when those men came after me. I tried to rub the throbbing sensation out of my head.

“Bloody hell, what’s going on?” I whispered in desperation, clutching my head
Tags: bad

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch

    Your IP address will be recorded 

     
    Help
  • 150 comments
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →

[info]eyesofavictim

July 14 2005, 19:20:49 UTC 6 years ago

“Bloody hell, what’s going on?” I whispered in desperation, clutching my head

My thoughts exactly.

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 20:02:50 UTC 6 years ago

I have to say, your avatar is making me giggle for some odd reason

[info]eyesofavictim

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]frappygoddess

July 14 2005, 19:21:01 UTC 6 years ago

It's quite sad when a parody fic fails.

[info]ruination

July 14 2005, 19:22:54 UTC 6 years ago

Kristin mistakes Snape for Alan Rickman.

*laughs* Wait....wait for it....waaaaaaaait.....*falls over laughing*


[info]beansomatic

July 14 2005, 19:23:10 UTC 6 years ago

was the title a vain attempt to copy the very funny and awesome movie I Heart Huckabees? Because it failed. Dismally so.

[info]vadadaca

July 14 2005, 21:22:23 UTC 6 years ago

Icon love! I shall miss the countdown and 7-16-05 icons once HBP comes out.

[info]rapierice

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]dozy_cow

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]handlet

July 14 2005, 19:31:04 UTC 6 years ago

Was this CSI or something?

Not only do real human voices sound different from the noise of the TV, there aren't any British people on CSI!

[info]benpanced

July 14 2005, 19:40:41 UTC 6 years ago

Sure, there are! It's a new part of the franchise. You know: CSI, CSINY, CSI Miami, CSI London, CSI Adu Dhabi, CSI Moscow, CSI Helsinki, CSI Toronto, CSI International Space Station, CSI Babies...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]benpanced

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]tabbyclaw

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]vadadaca

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]gildedmuse

6 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 12 more comments... from [info]inathunderstorm, [info]handlet, [info]ruination… Expand

[info]gaulish

July 14 2005, 19:31:06 UTC 6 years ago

Quite a mouth on that one,” muttered the dark haired man.

I spun. “Shut up Alan Rickman!”

The man frowned. “My name is not Alan Rickman,” he snarled.


OMG, THAT IS HILARIOUS. I'M LAUGHING SO HARD INSIDE.


Wtf. Its not even funny. Yay for you. You know the actor's name. WHOOPIE. I sincerely doubt any damn wizard would know who the hell Alan Rickman is considering the actors who are muggles and wizards live in seperate worlds. Yeeeah, did you know that a bunch of wizard children flock t to see "Die Hard"? Yeah, I know...

SHUT UP NOW.

[info]remedies

July 14 2005, 19:40:18 UTC 6 years ago

“Shut up Alan Rickman!”

Agreed. That is the best line EVER.

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 19:33:00 UTC 6 years ago

please, please, Sorting Hat

Drop the sword on their heads and kill them.
Kill them dead.

[info]gaulish

July 14 2005, 19:34:22 UTC 6 years ago

Word.

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]gaulish

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]gildedmuse

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]benpanced

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mad_mediocrity

July 14 2005, 19:34:36 UTC 6 years ago

Bad Suethor! No meta for you!

[info]ozeterrier

July 14 2005, 19:35:02 UTC 6 years ago

...is this supposed to be funny?

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 20:58:03 UTC 6 years ago

if it is - I'm not laughing

[info]marzipanbaklava

July 14 2005, 19:38:14 UTC 6 years ago

I actually think this is more annoying than yesterday's Sues.

[info]frappygoddess

July 14 2005, 19:40:31 UTC 6 years ago

Ugh, yes. These Sues are trying too hard to be funny. It's coming off as painful, with a side of annoying.

[info]teruhiko

July 14 2005, 19:40:21 UTC 6 years ago

Well written yes, but man I hate it when people try so hard to be funny.

[info]teruhiko

July 14 2005, 19:47:05 UTC 6 years ago

I don’t have any parents,” I muttered, looking down at the floor.

The room became silent. I swallowed and turned away, trying not to cry. I had been in the foster home for three days when those men came after me.

WOE. Because the Hogwarts professors are so unused to dealing with kids in such situations!

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]oh_fine

July 14 2005, 19:41:16 UTC 6 years ago

What's the point of this? I can't even bear to read past the first sentence.

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 19:45:21 UTC 6 years ago

Sues from our world fall into the Harry Potter world

been there, read that, got a lousy teeshirt
(besides, the LotR Sues killed that idea dead)

[info]mad_mediocrity

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]gildedmuse

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]perhaps_i_am

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]handlet

July 14 2005, 19:46:50 UTC 6 years ago

Wait, her nickname is Kristin Chael? So what's her real name? Kristinaliana Chaelsworthington?

Crap, there's an IM conversation in the first chapter:

DracosGirl80: Hey!

ThePhelpsGirl: Hey there.

DracosGirl80: What r u up 2?

ThePhelpsGirl: Nothing. Just fought with Katherine again. Apparently dear little Allen isn’t competent.

DracosGirl80: LOL! Btw, Happy Birthday!

ThePhelpsGirl: ty

DracosGirl80: U know I thought about coming to see you this weekend.

ThePhelpsGirl: YOU SHOULD!

Simply riveting. Those names make me a little queasy, and really wondering why there was the need to put "The" in front of "PhelpsGirl."

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 19:55:28 UTC 6 years ago

ugh, that means one is going after Draco, the other is going after one of the Twins

::ugh::

[info]handlet

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]handlet

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]handlet

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]fatesarchitect

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 3 more comments... from [info]gildedmuse, [info]linwenilid, [info]handlet Expand

[info]emiweebee

July 14 2005, 19:47:03 UTC 6 years ago

Will pottersues take a brief hiatus for the new book?

[info]vadadaca

July 14 2005, 21:30:58 UTC 6 years ago

I was wondering the same thing. *sits on edge of seat*

[info]dozy_cow

July 14 2005, 19:47:46 UTC 6 years ago

How is Chael pronounced?

[info]vadadaca

July 14 2005, 21:31:51 UTC 6 years ago

No one knows it's impossible to hear it said with all of the heads colliding with desks and tables in the background.

[info]dozy_cow

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]koshiroryuu

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]legolaspop

July 14 2005, 19:49:41 UTC 6 years ago

If I randomly saw Alan Rickman, I think I'd ask for his autograph. I wouldn't tell him to shut up when he calls me on my need for profanity.

[info]dozy_cow

July 14 2005, 21:36:21 UTC 6 years ago

I think I would, too. Or be reduced to a wobbling pile of fangirl.

[info]legolaspop

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]dozy_cow

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]m_ho

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]jaded_lady

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]seaghostsoaring

July 14 2005, 19:52:43 UTC 6 years ago

Taylor? Holy crap, I knew there was something off about this...

HANSON GOES TO HOGWARTS D:

[info]tradgicyouth

July 14 2005, 20:49:17 UTC 6 years ago

OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!!!!11!1!!!

Nah, there's no Issac or Zac...yet.

[info]orenji_shadowix

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]legolaspop

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kniob

July 14 2005, 20:12:36 UTC 6 years ago

o_o My name...it's even spelled with an "I"... *cries*

Although, my name is pretty common, so I should have seen it coming...but still...

[info]vadadaca

July 14 2005, 21:32:45 UTC 6 years ago

Icon love! XD

[info]rapierice

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]gildedmuse

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]legolaspop

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]serenity_winner

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kniob

6 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 3 more comments... from [info]xothe_last_kiss, [info]xyla82, Anonymous Expand

[info]inathunderstorm

July 14 2005, 20:14:08 UTC 6 years ago

CSI isn't on that late. It's not like, 1 am.

[info]minoukatze

July 14 2005, 20:26:25 UTC 6 years ago

SNAPE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ALAN RICKMAN. As much as I love Alan Rickman, for some reason people automatically assuming Snape looks exactly like him just because of the movies annoys me for some reason.

[info]benpanced

July 14 2005, 20:35:31 UTC 6 years ago

I was just going to ask the same question. The way I imagined the characters in the books is completely different from the actors in the movies.

[info]legolaspop

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]bibliogrrl

July 14 2005, 20:36:51 UTC 6 years ago

Please don't remind me about tomorrow...

... and keep all of the us poor, beleagured booksellers in your thoughts tomorrow.

It is going to be mayhem.

[info]chrismactaggart

July 14 2005, 20:57:39 UTC 6 years ago

Re: Please don't remind me about tomorrow...

woof
I know one of the B&N's in my neck of the woods is having *both* fire department and police department standing by for security

(although, I want to know why they need the fire department. What are they going to do, turn the fire hose on unruly customers?)

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]vadadaca

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]vadadaca

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]benpanced

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]dozy_cow

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]soso

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]killa_vanilla

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]bibliogrrl

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chrismactaggart

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]jaded_lady

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]bibliogrrl

6 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 11 more comments... from [info]dozy_cow, [info]lunarkitten, [info]polyurethane… Expand

[info]plasticfucktard

July 14 2005, 20:53:36 UTC 6 years ago

When she woke up confused and grabbed her head, I thought that she had woken up AS Harry Potter and she was grasping at the scar. ...That might actually be interesting to see, except not with Sues. Maybe the old cliche of 'a potion goes horribly wrong! Oh noes!' and somehow bodies get switched and either the switchees have to hide it until they return to normal/find a cure or no one believes them and they get sent to St. Mungo's and they have to try and cure themselves while they're in the psych ward. Hmm... Would anyone read that if I wrote it? 'Cause it actually kind of interests me...

[info]frappygoddess

July 14 2005, 21:38:05 UTC 6 years ago

You're icon is so cute.

[info]falco_conlon

July 14 2005, 21:03:19 UTC 6 years ago

“And why the hell does this look like some Harry Potter rip-off?”


Because it is my darling suethor. You make baby JK Rowling cry.

Jolly blue eyes? Is she...santa clause?

[info]jaded_lady

July 14 2005, 21:10:05 UTC 6 years ago

Honestly..the author isn't a bad writer. She's not spectacular, but she has potential to write non-crap. give her a few years to figure out it's OK to not ass-rape canon for story purposes.

sorry gang, there's no spite in me tonight. Why, you ask?

Dur, tomarrow (today, technichally..yay!) is the final showdown between good and evil..thats right..Canon vs. Sue!Authors. That's right. As of tomarrow, dreams of gothic!hermione, slutty!hermione, taco!show!harry, manveela!ron, sue!hedwig, vampire!ginny, and, my personal favorite--sexgod!malfoy--will be relics of the past. rejoice, fellow lesbian minions.

relief is in sight.

[info]leikomgwtfbbq

July 14 2005, 21:17:56 UTC 6 years ago

What's happening tomorrow? *LOST*

[info]jaded_lady

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]leikomgwtfbbq

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]vadadaca

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]falco_conlon

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]vadadaca

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]_the_colonel

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]jaded_lady

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]leikomgwtfbbq

July 14 2005, 21:17:23 UTC 6 years ago

The Hippie disapproves, and deems this fic to be, "LIKE A TOTAL DRAG, MAN."

[info]_stfuplzkthx_

July 14 2005, 21:18:27 UTC 6 years ago

WTF? CSI?

*headdesk*

In other news, I love you.

[info]leikomgwtfbbq

6 years ago

  • Loading...
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →
Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Facebook Twitter More login options
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…