The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

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0005: Butterflies - Alexandra Skipper
Pancake!
pottersues
Okay... Trinity Snape was pretty bad. I think we both deserve something a little easier to stomach today, so here's a nice, mild one.

TITLE: Butterflies
PERPETRATOR: Selene

SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: *
SUEAGE: ***
WRONGNESS: **

FULL NAME: Alexandra Skipper
SPECIES: Human/Muggle
HAIR: Brown hair
EYES: Blue eyes
MARKINGS: None mentioned
POSESSIONS: The world's biggest collection of butterfly stuff

ORIGIN: Some Muggle or other.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Remus Lupin is falling for her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Amazingly Mary-Sue levels of kindness and compassion, making Remus fall in love with her, making Sirius black act like a five year old on a cotton candy high.

NOTES: Alexandra here isn't horribly Sue-ish, and this story is better written than most. What I really object to about it are (a) a very, very contrived setup, and (b) more character bastardization.

At the beginning of the story, Professor Lupin is on his way back from delivering a package to Harry, but it's That Time of the Month and he's not feeling very well. (You realize I just had to say that, right? Okay, good. Moving on.) He passes out on the sidewalk, a girl finds him and brings him inside until he comes to, then lends him some money so he can take a taxi home.

Why, I would like to know, was Remus the one delivering the package when the story makes it quite clear that not only is he recovering from a rough night with the full Moon, but this is a universe in which Sirius' name has been cleared and he and Remus are living together (the amount of S/R slash out there, by the way, makes this situation in a Remus/OC romance very amusing to me). The author simply needed an excuse to have Remus wandering around Little Whinging in Muggle clothes, and couldn't think of a better one.

(This fic, by the way, has more annoying over-use of the word 'Muggle', sometimes twice or three times in a sentence, than anything else I ever read.)

Then there's Miss Skipper. As I mentioned, she hasn't got quite such a horrible case of Sueage as some my other features this past week... but she does show an absolutely ridiculous level of kindness towards a complete stranger. Girls in the audience, what would you do if you found a strange man unconscious in front of your house? Check his pulse? Definitely. Bring water out to sprinkle on his face? Sure. Call an ambulance? If he didn't get up in a while, naturally. Bring him inside and do stuff for him like he's your best friend? Sorry, not in this world we're living in.

In chapter two, Remus and Alexandra have their first date, on which Alexandra confesses that despite being 22 years old, she's always believed utterly in magic and fairies. *rolls eyes* Not the kind of thing I would tell a guy on a first date, thank you very much. She also has a butterfly obsession which is either supposed to be cute or represents another instance of Pepper Jack Cheese. Hey, I like that... from now on, any obvious gratuitous insertion of something the author of a fic likes, I will refer to as a Pepper Jack Cheese.

My real beef, however, on top of all this, is what she did with Sirius. Sure, any guy will tease his best friend if that friend insists he's 'not dating' despite having asked a pretty girl to have a drink with him next week. But who, over the age of maybe six, is going to chant "Remus and Alexandra, sittin' in a tree!"

She would also have us believe that Sirius does not know what 'coffee' is or even how to pronounce the word. And I only got up to Chapter Two. Ugh.

Oh, one other thing. I mentioned that Alexandra is 22 years old... well, the author makes a note of both this and the fact that Remus is 34. I dated a guy 12 years older than me once... and someday when I can think about it without wanting to scream, I'll tell you how it worked out.

SAMPLE:

"Hey Remus! Where have you been? You should be home hours ago!" Sirius demanded when Remus stepped into his house later that night.

"I fainted on the street." Remus said flatly.

Sirius' eyes widened with shock. "On a Muggle street?!"

Remus nodded. "After I delivered the book to Harry." He said and dropped down on his chair.

"Geez, maybe I shouldn't let you to deliver that book for me. Are you all right?" Sirius asked in concern and went to the kitchen to get something for Remus.

"I'm all right." Remus said.

"So what happened then?" Sirius asked, handing Remus a glass of cold water and a bar of chocolate.

"Thanks. Anyway, when I woke up, I was lying in a living room." Remus paused, taking a sip from his drink. "That belongs to a Muggle. She's pretty nice, she even called a cab to bring me home and gave me some Muggle money for the ride."

"Wait, did you just say "she"?" Sirius asked.

Remus took a bite from his chocolate. "Yeah. She's a young pretty Muggle. Her name is Alexandra. I asked her out next week to pay her back the money."

"Asked her out?" Sirius echoed.

"Yes. Hey, don't get any wrong idea all right? I just want to pay her back the money." Remus said quickly when he saw Sirius grinning.

"Uh huh." Sirius said and nodded slowly, not convinced. He put his hands behind his back and started to sing: "Remus and Alexandra sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First.."

Remus responded by pretending to throw his chocolate bar at him and Sirius ran upstairs, laughing as loud as he could.

>>"I fainted on the street." Remus said flatly.
Sirius' eyes widened with shock. "On a Muggle street?!"
Remus nodded. "After I delivered the book to Harry." He said and dropped down on his chair.>>

The real response would be:

Sirus: On a Muggle street?

Remus: No a street in the Dimension of Pain! Yes a Muggle street! Last time I checked that's where Harry lived.

Sirus: I figured that if this was anything like CANON Harry would live with us.


Icz

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