A BRIEF HISTORY OF NOT-BOB
This is an addendum to the FAQ (which I have updated). Since we got a few requests last time around for an explanation of the whole Not-Bob thing, I figured I'd better put something in there a bit more complete than just 'my self-elected nemesis'. The whole story is kind of long, though, so I decided to give it its own page.

NOT-BOB IN GENERAL:

At this stage of the game, Not-Bob has become a concept as well as an individual... if you look in iheartnotbob (which I suppose one might describe as the official fan club), you'll see people telling buffysues that antibuffysues is her not-bob. hashire also refers to having a not-bob of her very own - a person on The Pit who calls herself I-hate-JadedRoses.

So a not-bob, a opposed to the Not-Bob, is a troll who attaches themselves to a specific individual whom they believe has done them some wrong, and sets out to get some kind of unspecified revenge. They are so wrapped up in this mission that they will often use a handle that is tied to that of the person they're trolling - hence antipottersues, antibuffysues, ihatepottersues, and I-hate-JadedRoses.

NOT-BOB IN SPECIFIC:

Not-Bob's first appearance was in late November of 2003. On the twenty-third of that month, our feature for the day was the indescribable Serenity Starbreeze. Two minions sent the author some criticism of the story, which was answered by somebody calling themselves 'Bob'. This was cause for some amusement, since, as somebody put it, 'Bob is like the fakest fake name ever'. The most likely idea seemed to be that 'Bob' was the author trying to defend herself... it's discussed here in some more detail.

It got better. The author finally decided to take down all her writing, claiming that the criticism had crushed her soul... as she explained in a poem. I originally posted the poem in the journal for my minions to savour, but decided to take it down; partly because posting it could be considered a violation of copyright, and partly because I realized I'd been a bit nastier than I should have. I resolved to henceforth save my nast for the Sues themselves. If you're really itching to read the poem, somebody on fandom_wank preserved it for posterity. My post of the poem was here, and here is where Not-Bob made her first appearance. We asked if she was the mysterious 'Bob' and she said she was not. fandom_wank then christened her 'Not-Bob', and it stuck.

Note please that Not-Bob is no relation to notbob, who seems to be quite a respectable person who happened to choose a rather unfortunate username.

I wanked back a bit here. Not-Bob took the bait. The saga then continued through several more sue posts (in which I also continue to do wanky things like install troll ground rules - hey, I never said I didn't sink to her level), fandom_wank having a field day the entire time, until Not-Bob vanished on vacation and didn't come back for several days. I hoped she was gone for good, but alas, no such luck.

I made the mistake of wondering where she'd gotten to, and lo - speak of the devil! By now, the joke was rather starting to wear thin, so I screened anonymous posts. Not-Bob's farewell, however, was so damn funny I let it through anyway. After that, she vanished into the wilds of cyberspace. I asked people to be a bit more careful about reviewing, in the hopes that we would never again be so drowning in wank. It was over.

Or so it appeared.

Then LJ - damn them all - got rid of codes, and in came antipottersues. When she first commented, I deleted said comment and banned her from further commenting - nice of her to get an account, so I could do that. She claimed her journal would be the 'Bitch of the Day', and featured both myself and tviokh before vanishing again. Amusingly, one of her posts was simply the word LESBIAN in very large letters, which she claimed was a test of something. iheartnotbob may still have some of this early stuff archived. The journal vanished after a couple of days, and recieved a lovely eulogy.

After that it came back a couple of times, possibly with a different person doing the typing... Not-Bob's II and III (somebody suggested that Not-Bob II ought to be called Not-Not-Bob, but that was a bit confusing, as Not-Not-Bob would be... well, Bob) were a bit stylistically different from the original. As far as I am able to reconstruct the chain of events from entries in iheartnotbob, Not-Bob II first claimed to be me getting in a laugh at my minions. Somebody tried to join her, and was mocked.

Not-Bob III showed up in early June, saying this time that I was harrassing her on AIM. She was mocked, commemorated with t-shirts, and vanished again.

Long about the middle of the month, Not-Bob IV arrived as ihatepottersues. Once again she commented and I banned her, and she wandered off to rant in her own journal again while iheartnotbob celebrated. Sadly, this one turned out to be a particularly disappointing incarnation, as she quit after only one days' trolling. Too bad, things were just getting interesting.

Matters were very quiet until late January 2005, when pottersuesucks arrived. Like the previous incarnations, she was promptly banned. She continued to whine anonymously and in her own journal for a while, so I turned on IP logging and traced her back to Truckee Meadows Community College. I notified the appropriate authorities, and got an email back saying they'd found the culprit and had taken disciplinary action.

Pwned. For the time being, anyway. Not-Bob VI, in the form of trueantipsues, showed up in May 2005 and announced that she was so far above us all that she wasn't going to bother about us anymore... except, of course, by telling us that, naming her journal after me, and ranting away in said journal about how horrible we all are. She also claims that she and she alone is the original Not-Bob, that ihatepottersues and pottersuesucks are imposters, as is somebody named bitchoftheday. It took me a couple of days to ban these two due to them showing up while I was away at a convention, but I did.

After a while bitchoftheday got TOSed. She came back as toomanybitches, and ho_ofthe_day but those accounts vanished, too, and she seemed to be gone for good. The community dedicated to mocking her, botd_comm, was also suspended.

In mid-June 2005, theactualtruth arrived and claimed to be the real real antipottersues and that trueantipsues was another imposter. Oh, the drama! More twists and turns than a John Grisham novel! I swooped down on wings of modness and banned her before anybody could even reply. Go, me. She continued to rant and rave in her own journal, and trueantipsues, not to be outdone, showed up to argue with her over who was the real Not-Bob! We put it to a vote and concluded that they're both the same person, crying out for attention.

When theactualtruth noticed I'd deleted her comment and banned her, she sent me a rather rude (and, of course, capslocked) email via a hotmail account. I will absolutely NOT be giving out her address to anybody, but I forwarded the email to abuse@hotmail.com and then googled the address. It turned up in three places: giving a gushing (capslocked) review of a Christian website belonging to somebody named Pastor John (anybody who calls themselves Pastor John has got to be a child molester), and on two different copies of somebody's list of 'emails of people I don't like.'

I don't think any of these people are the same person as taco_lover, who is probably also fu_deleterius and likes to spam communities she/he/it/whatever doesn't like by posting a taco colourbar.

And ptrsuesisnazi is almost certainly a reader trying to be funny and failing quite badly.

In late September 2006, mscommstucks started trolling avatarsues because avatarsues 'Sued their story. They were a plague for a few entries and then decided to take on all the Sueing journals. Pottersues was her next target. On October 7, they left a couple of comments mostly relating the usual Death Wish, as well as calling me a Witch (not bitch), and "amoral" slutty ho and exclaiming that "FINALLY I FUCKIN FOUND U INFAMOUS POTTERSUES!!!!!!...". Their comments were deleted and they were banned. Minions from all the journals that were attacked went over to mscommstucks to prod the troll. After being banned from both Pottersues and avatarsues they stopped trolling.

Near the end of December 2006, Pottersues was stuck by another troll. On December 26, 2006 satanssexygurlx started trolling in entries saying that we were just jealous of the Suethor's writing abilities. They also started replying to all the comments with the word "MEOW" written over and over again. Their comments were deleted and they were banned. I believe that they just wanted their troll of a fanfic to be pottersued. On December 27, 2006 they wrote an entry in their livejournal stating that they have "discovered" pottersues, that pottersues and its minions are lesbians and that they plan on writing a fic about pottersues where I die. Later on December 27, 2006, the fic, entitled: Poter Sues was posted. In it she went to Hogwarts at the age of 17, and because no one likes her, she runs away to be a "cowgurl" where she falls inlove with a horse, who ends up bucking her off out of hate. Whatever, I'm not a big fan of horses either. Then Hagrid's mom arrives and the giants eat "Poter Sues". A second fic was written, and then satanssexygurlx gave up.

In early February 2007, a disgruntled Suethor, unjustbecky left some whiny comments and sent some hatemail. They were banned before the problem escalates.

At the end of October 2007, pottersues was plagued with another troll. This time the Suethor replied to her sporking ranting about how I should have told her, instead of posting this online. She then went on to call us bastards. A day later, a sock-puppet for the Suethor or the Suethor writing on a different computer (Different IP Addresses), told us that we don't know anything about the story, and that it isn't about incest. I find this strange because I didn't mention incest in my summary.

Mid-November 2007, I received an anonymous comment from a Suethor/Sock puppet, telling us that if we can't say something nice and stop "liabling" people, then we should "just f***ing die!". I do not think that the Suethor/Sock puppet sees the hypocrisy in their comment. The minions replied several times, sporking the troll.


Near the end of February 2008, a disgruntled Suethor (xX1MiStAkEn1Xx) discovered that her masterpiece,||Pregnant With A Malfoy|| [[ In Love With A Weasley ]] had been featured back in December of 2007. She left several messages voicing their displeasure and threating to call the internet police on me. They also confessed that they had never read the books. I replied, and then let the minions know. They responded to the Suethor, and the Suethor showed us many times that she had no clue about how to respond to a specific commenter.

Two days later, we had another troll. This time a sockpuppet came to rage at me for sporking their favourite Suethor. The Suethor deleted the story, and the Suethor decided to come over here and complain. She called the minions and myself "IMMORAL SATANIC SCUMBAGS". We relish in the title. Again I told the minions, and they responded to the sockpuppet.

On March 31, 2008 we had an attack from another troll. The troll left many CAPS-LOCK comments calling the minions "CONFORMISTS" and "ATTENTION WHORES". The troll, who said they aren't "NOT BOOB" and that their father is a lawyer who will take me down. Then they let me know that they had found Jesus. The peace did not last long, though, as they arrived again and told us that we can't recognize good writing when we see it. then they had a conversation with themselves. I called them on it, and was promptly called a bitch. On May 10, I received another comment from the troll containing gems such as:
POOTTERSUES!! I'M CALLING YOU OUT YOU STUPID BITCH!!! ... FAIL. FAIL OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. BACK DOWN FROM YOUR NO LONGER WANTED JOB. ALL YOU DO IS ANNOY AND HURT FANFIC WRITERS. THAT'S IT!!!! ANYONE CAN BE ANNOYING YET YOU'RE TRYING TO GET FAMOUS OFF OF IT. WHY? YOU MAKE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER AND I'VE HAD IT! WE'VE ALL HAD IT!!! AS OF NOW, THE WAR IS ON. DELETE YOUR JOURNAL OF ANNOYINGNESS OR I'LL BE FORCED TO TAKE LEGAL ACTION - SLANDER, HARRASSMENT, THE WORKS. YES I MAY NOT WIN THE CASE, BUT ONCE LJ GETS WIND OF OUR COURT CASE YOU WILL BE DELETED TO SPARE THEM THE EMBARRASSMENT!! THE EMBARRASSMENT OF HAVING SPAWNED YOU!!! BE PREPARED TO FIGHT OR DIE, BITCH!!! YOUR ERA OF HURTING PEOPLE AND LAUGHING IT UP IS OVER. OVER I SAY!!!!
and
THIS JOURNAL IS NAZI GERMANY AND I ALONG WITH EVERY HURT AUTHOR YOU'VE ABUSED - WE ARE THE ALLIED FORCES. PREPARE TO BE DEMOLISHED WITH OUR TANK!!! A TANK MADE OF JUSTICE AND REVENGE AGAINST YOUR ABUSE!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ON THE USA POTTERSUES. USA!!!! USA!!! USA

Other comments lead me to believe that this troll is a former minion of pottersues who is displeased with the job I have been doing.

The disturbances stopped until June 2, when Not-Boob returned again. This time they left us an Epic Poem of Woe:
A thousand words pierce through me
As a million demons laugh
All they want is to kill me
All I want is to walk upon my path

I wish to write tales of girls
With power and personality
But in their olden day world
Only ugly morons are reality

You think you can bring us down
But fanfic authoresses are here to stay
Though we may to ask around
We'll improve beyond you some day

For we don't waste our time being emo on LJ
And crying overdone tears
We look to those who gave us REAL concrit and say
It's not too late for us, my dears

But it is for you, Pottersues
You lack any sense of humor
No jokes, no fun, as you lose
The ability to do anything but start rumors

As you all mope
Unable to think of fandom as fun
We 'suethors' still have hope
And will keep writing till we're done

Your lives are gloomy complaints
Ours are optimistic smiles
And at the end of the day we have no restraints
We'll go that extra mile

You can call us Suethors all you wish
Never offering genuine help
We're stronger, for our feelings are at risk
And we have to help ourselves

Your mockery does not succeed
For REAL authors give us concrit
As you lay back, smoking emo weed
We pick our pens up, we'll never quit

One day, maybe, you'll see that emo tears
Are worthless as shit
And while you rant about Sues to your peers
We've moved on from it

Fanfic is not such srs business
Plz to be growing up now
For whether a Suethor likes Madonna of Limp Bizkit
They're still more realistic than you. (Holy cow!)

Then the minions tore the poem apart, and Not-Boob crawled back into their cave of loserdom. It was not last, though, as they returned on June 14, 2009 predending to be a religious troll. I pointed out their faulty disguise.

On February 11, 2009 a troll named youresick decided to spam the journal, attacking myself and the minions.


Asshole >:(

Wow. I bet you think you're real big huh? You can make fun of some story!!! Just because it's not your taste? WOW YEA YOU'RE SOOOO BIG AND COOL!

Only....not!

All you're really accomplishing here is making yourself look like a bitch and asshole. You really need to knock this off. I know you like masturbating to the idea of hurting people but all that proves is what a FUCKING BITCH you are!!

You have 24 hours to take this community down OR I will be reporting you to LiveJournal abuse.

They also stated that they were going to "report you for harassment and being an asstarded little fuck baby". This is the eloquent prose of a college student, my minions.

They were promptly banned from the journal, and in response they posted in their journal that they are not going to wait the twenty-four hours now, and will report me immediate. As it's two days later, and I'm still here, I guess it didn't work.

On June 8th, 2009 an anonymous person using the name "Sal" started alerting Suethors that their stories have been posted here. Some of Sal's "alerts" were vile and crude (scroll to "Sal"), and other were more demure.

Some Suethor's came to the journal to complain, sockpuppet and troll. twistedXlittleXme then decided to start alerting Suethors as well. It didn't take, so then they, or rather their sockpuppet, asks for help from antipottersues. It goes without action or replied. I find it interesting that the sockpuppet says their email can be found in the sporking of the "sister's" story, when there is no email, just an actual link to the Suethor's profile. Clearly it is difficult to maintain a disguise. Also, why anyone cares about her maiden name is beyond me.


On June 18, 2009 a troll from Seattle came by. First they posted anonymously: "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is BULLSHIT that you need to build yourselfs up by tearing others down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Then they registered with the username fuckyoupsues, and posted more comments: "you only WISH that you could be half so talented as the writers you make fun of on this pathetic site!!!!!!!!!!! what a waste!!!!!!! this is pointless!!!!!! this is a waste of time and energy u could write ur OWN stories with!!!!!!!!!!!!", "but will you? no your cowards!!!!!!!!!!!" and my favourite: "in conclussion fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!". They were promptly banned and their comments deleted.


Further bulletins as events warrant.

Suggestions, additions, and questions welcome.