Potter Sue of the Day ([info]pottersues) wrote,
2003-04-08 07:46:00
  • Mood: tired
  • Music: Olivia Newton John - Have You Never Been Mellow?
And now, boys and girls, we're going to bag ourselves one of the most dangerous of all Potter Sues... the 'Ermione Sue! This little shielah has enough venom in 'er to kill a man ten times over! Crikey! Ain't she a beaut?

TITLE: Punk Butt Hermione?
PERPETRATOR: Ice Bear

SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
 WRITING:****_
 SUEAGE:*****
 WRONGNESS:*****

FULL NAME: Unknown
SPECIES: Teenage punk wannabe (I don't know about anybody else, but I tend to classify these as subhuman - along with sk8rs, teenyboppers, and anybody who speaks ebonics)
HAIR: "2 inch long pink hair with purple streaks in it." Later it magically (in the non-sarcastic sense of the word) goes back to being "long bushy brown hair." Has the real Hermione returned? Nah, I think the fake one was just worried Draco would see through her disguise.
EYES: Not described, but since she's managing to convince people she's Hermione, I guess they're brown.
MARKINGS: Pink and purple hair.
POSESSIONS: Pepper jack cheese and lacy lingerie.

ORIGIN: The deepest, darkest, smelliest pit of hell, by way of Hot Topic and HMV.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Pretending to be Hermione Granger.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Convincing people she's Hermione, making Draco completely forget his hatred of mudbloods.

NOTES: [info]marysues sure had fun with this one.

As Steve explained above, what we have here is one of the nastiest subspecies of Potter Sue around; the Hermione Sue. This Sue sneaks into the Grangers' house, ties Hermione up, locks her in a closet and steals her stuff. Then the Sue happily heads off to Hogwarts for the year, all the while impersonating Hermione... badly. Deception spells must be among her fortes, since despite the fact that this statuesque goddess bears very little resemblance to the frizzy-haired, buck-toothed little witch we know and love, nobody ever seriously questions her identity.

Seduction spells are probably up there, too, since, like most sues, the Hermione Sue sleeps with everything that moves. Draco Malfoy tends to be high on the list. Now, I've known enough teenage boys to be aware of what hormones can do to the developing brain, but Draco's hatred of muggles and mudbloods is pretty ingrained. I have a hard time picturing it vanishing just because there's a Mary-Sue with a nice rack pretending she's Hermione.

Oh, and then there's the Pepper Jack Cheese. The Pepper Jack Cheese amuses me. This author likes Pepper Jack Cheese, so in her story, her Hermione Impersonator likes it, too. I think any remaining shreds of non-mary-sueage just went out the window.

Be sure to check out the 'Author's Note' in Chapter 3. In fact, here, I'll post it after the sample.

SAMPLE:

In the Slytherin Common Room.

"Ok stud-muffin, you look ready to knock her off her feet to position, he he." Draco said to him slef as he check to make sure he was a sexy beast (he always is, if he tries or not, hehehehehehe) "Stunning!" the mirror told him in a wheezy and sleepy voice before Draco left.

Now the North Tower.

"So you came" Hermione said as she backed out of the dark corner wearing g- string and a body bra thing, that hooks on to the g-string and the g-string hooked on to her lacey knee highs. ( I hope you get the idea. I don't know what those things are called if you know what I'm talking about lemme know)

"Yea, I did." The Slytherin said as he removed his robe to reveal his silky dark green boxers. 'Damn she'd look hot if it weren't for the hair. Maybe I can put a lil spell on it for the rest of the night to make it normal' he thought.

"Well, lets get started." Hermione said when she saw Draco's body ' I've changed my mind, omg, I didn't think I would do this. Wait, fuck I forgot my hair.' "Wait hold on, I'll be right back." Then she left for the nearest rest room.

A few minutes later she came back with her long bushy hair brown. "Were you wearing a wig?" Draco questioned when he saw her hair. "Uh, no. It's a simple spell I did. Well, where were we? Oh yea I remember now." She said muttered something under breath while pointing her wand at a desk. In an instant it turned in to a lovely bed. She grabbed Draco and started kissing him while pulling him on top of her on to the bed.

Chapter 3, in its entirety, is a pissed-off 'Author's Note'. Observe:

AN: First of all Irony-Chan, KittyKat589, and Maggie go suck your mom, quieph. Second of all thank you for all the lovely reviews. And NO Fricken Flamers or else I'm going to tell you to go suck your mom, or call you a quieph. Hermione would go punk because she is bored being a goody 2 shoes and she tired of being pushed around. Don't ya think? Also KityKat you don't know whats going to happen do you, noooooooo so S.T.F.U. Sry about my bad attitude today, but yea some lil hoe was trying to start a fight with me and got me suspend. I'm not too happy. I'm also grounded off the comp for a few weeks so don't expect anything new. Sorry, but it wasn't my fault. Once again please be nice in the reviews, this is my longest story ever and I'm sensitive.

SkySearcher, Pyro, Typically Chugging Tea, Sim, SecretDestiny, alexandergranger, pixie, Lizzy, and Belladonna. You peeps are awesome.

Laterz, Ice Bear
Tags: hermione-sue, pepper-jack cheese, toxic

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  • 37 comments

Anonymous

April 8 2003, 08:37:59 UTC 9 years ago

Hoohoo! That's a riot

this is my longest story ever and I'm sensitive.

Oh sweet JEEBUS, she claims to start a fight with some chick and gets suspended, takes a bullshit attitude to all the flamers of her story, and then claims she's SENSITIVE?!

Punk Butt Princess here needs to sort out her shit.

Docda Jones

[info]snarky_snape

April 8 2003, 09:40:02 UTC 9 years ago

Ok stud-muffin, you look ready to knock her off her feet to position, he he." Draco said to him slef as he check to make sure he was a sexy beast (he always is, if he tries or not, hehehehehehe) "Stunning!" the mirror told him in a wheezy and sleepy voice before Draco left.


Stud-muffin... *laughs*

Sexy beast... Well, maybe a cute ferret.

Poor Draco. Mary Sues tend to always torture him or Snape. My Suewarts character might do that as well. Mwa ha ha!

We should really start a compaign. S³ - "Save Slytherin from Sues"

[info]pottersues

April 8 2003, 10:02:07 UTC 9 years ago

Your icon is amusing in the extreme. ^_^

[info]snarky_snape

9 years ago

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[info]blithesea

9 years ago

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[info]angeluszion

8 years ago

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[info]jadexyzow

3 years ago

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[info]katmillia

April 8 2003, 15:00:02 UTC 9 years ago

^^

I too, will admit to being strangely drawn towards the Slytherin house. Oh humph.

Actually, to prove my love for the Green and White, I had my mother's friend knit me a scarf that closely resembles the ones used in the movie- in Slytherin colors. Yay! My friend and one of her other friends both have Gryffindor scarves (made in the same fashion as mine)

Yay Slytherin!

[info]pandoras_closet

May 12 2003, 12:49:51 UTC 9 years ago

Its the parenthsied comments that turn me off.

Furthermore, while I can see Hermey decidng to change her image and going totally oppisite, I can't see her setting her cap for Draco. Ron or Harry or hell, even Neville, but Draco? He's done way to much to hurt her and her friends.

Rule of thumb told to me once; If the author's name is or includes canon names, like Angelina Potter, for example, its probably a Mary Sue.

[info]loweko

May 14 2003, 12:15:00 UTC 9 years ago

Stupid question.

What's a "quieph" ?

Anonymous

July 21 2003, 13:06:57 UTC 8 years ago

This baffled me for a long, long time, but I think she was trying to phonetically (?) spell "queef." (Stupid chick-magazine speak for passing gas through the female parts) I could most certainly be wrong, though.

Now I wanna know what the Quiephs said about her story... :)

Erin
http://www.journalfen.com/users/oddplaces

[info]gehayi

August 31 2003, 12:29:45 UTC 8 years ago

I was curious to know what the reviewers said too, but I just clicked on the link and...STORY NOT FOUND.

::sigh::

Anonymous

October 24 2003, 07:06:12 UTC 8 years ago

I did too...

I did that too, but apparently the author has gotten the point...or maybe not...who knows? This as actually happens to me alot when I click on the stories that've been posted...no matter how much they deny it, I think these authors really DO care...*shakes head* poor people...I mean really, I actually think getting flames would be kind of fun (though I've never gotten one).

Anonymous

November 9 2003, 17:38:34 UTC 8 years ago

This is really funny. People should realize that their writing is no good. Also, I went to click on the story, and like you said, it's not there. So I searched for the author, and he/she's not there anymore, either. Maybe she really did get the hint...

Anonymous

February 9 2004, 01:46:04 UTC 8 years ago

Re:

Yeah, that happens. Once I offered some well-written CC to a Mary-Sue author, and the next time I looked, the ficcie I'd reviewed had been taken down.

Anonymous

November 14 2003, 21:01:36 UTC 8 years ago

Pepper Jack cheese?

What IS Pepper Jack cheese? As far as I know, you can't buy it in England, so Hermione couldn't eat it even if she wanted to.
Re Internet usage of phrase: Would it be pepper-jack-cheesey of me to mention Luna Lovegood listening to Kate Bush music? It's weird enough for her to like it, and just because she's not Muggle-born doesn't mean she can't listen to Muggle music. Of course, it'd have to be a magical tape or CD player, but would that be acceptable as long as I kept her IC otherwise?

[info]manycolored

December 23 2003, 18:16:56 UTC 8 years ago

Re: Pepper Jack cheese?

Pepper Jack is Monteray Jack (which I believe is a west coast American variety. It's sort of like a slightly soft, really mild cheddar, but it melts nicer.) with pieces of jalapeno peppers in it to make it slightly zesty. It's very good on eggs...

But, no... I don't think it's English at all.

Anonymous

8 years ago

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[info]hopefulnebula

7 years ago

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[info]dramaphile

7 years ago

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[info]_geektanic

5 years ago

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[info]ambrosia_1

3 years ago

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Anonymous

2 years ago

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[info]sushinase

May 19 2005, 13:45:06 UTC 7 years ago

"Ok stud-muffin, you look ready to knock her off her feet to position, he he." Draco said to him slef as he check to make sure he was a sexy beast (he always is, if he tries or not, hehehehehehe) "Stunning!" the mirror told him in a wheezy and sleepy voice before Draco left.

*reads* .. *rubs eyes* .. *reads again* .. oh God.. this is.. *falls off chair*

"Well, lets get started." Hermione said when she saw Draco's body ' I've changed my mind, omg, I didn't think I would do this. Wait, fuck I forgot my hair.' "Wait hold on, I'll be right back." Then she left for the nearest rest room.

uhm.. what?

[info]bellereve_

August 3 2005, 23:47:52 UTC 6 years ago

Since when has Hermione been pushed around?

[info]sirena_lune

January 9 2006, 10:15:49 UTC 6 years ago

Can *breath* I *laugh* have that *breath* I-icon...

*dies laughing* (At least I died a happy death)

---

I've always wondered...

Do authors FEEl cannon rape?

Anonymous

September 10 2005, 02:13:37 UTC 6 years ago

STUD MUFFIN???

I'd give you a genuine comment and an lol, but I'm still gone on stud muffin.

[info]sosaith

April 3 2007, 05:05:15 UTC 5 years ago

i that story was about some boy band rather than harry potter, i would swear that author's note was written by my little sister.

[info]vestige_reverie

July 5 2007, 13:22:48 UTC 4 years ago

"Ok stud-muffin, you look ready to knock her off her feet to position, he he." Draco said to him slef as he check to make sure he was a sexy beast (he always is, if he tries or not, hehehehehehe) "Stunning!" the mirror told him in a wheezy and sleepy voice before Draco left.

This is... Well, I cannot think of words bad enough to describe it...

Anonymous

August 23 2007, 00:25:20 UTC 4 years ago

"So you came" Hermione said as she backed out of the dark corner wearing g- string and a body bra thing, that hooks on to the g-string and the g-string hooked on to her lacey knee highs.

... So Hermione's a prostitute now?

'Damn she'd look hot if it weren't for the hair. Maybe I can put a lil spell on it for the rest of the night to make it normal' he thought.

Every time Draco finds Hermione attractive, a puppy dies. Next thing you know, he'll be playing a friendly game of Wizard Chess with Ron, right after he and Harry kick back a couple of butterbeers together. Pfft, ignorant Suethors.

[info]yemi_hikari

September 28 2010, 18:33:28 UTC 1 year ago

While it isn't impossible for him to find her attractive... he was taken aback once in the forth book, his prejudices would get in the way.

What gets me is, every one of us knows Hermione would never dress that way, except maybe once she was married. Then again, she married Ron, so even then, that might be a bit iffy.

[info]ripplepaw_wind

December 23 2007, 00:33:43 UTC 4 years ago

Why are all the Sues after Harry or Draco? It's annoying because neither Draco or Harry are considered 'hot' or 'sexy' in canon. But I think Suethors write their Sues with Harry or Draco is because Dan Radcliffe and Tom Felton are good looking and they get the actors confused with the actual characters...

Why can't they have their Sues go after a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw?

Oh yes, the 'stud muffin' comment in the story was HILARIUOS. Who would have thought...Draco Malfoy the amazing bouncing ferrett, a STUD MUFFIN.

*laughs hysterically at the mental image.*

[info]yemi_hikari

September 28 2010, 18:35:19 UTC 1 year ago

I think it has to do with the fact that out of all the male canon characters that are shown, the main ones are in G/S not R/H. Out of all those characters, truth be told, Harry and Draco are the only ones that happen to have rather likable qualities. Though, Draco could have a lot to do with Tom Felton. Harry, less so.

[info]madreamschaotic

June 5 2008, 22:23:17 UTC 3 years ago

Two words: cheese sticks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2089857/1/Soiling_her_Bathroom

[info]thelosttimelady

December 17 2009, 06:37:09 UTC 2 years ago

I...

There are no words. I saw Steve's bit and something in my brain shriveled. Hermione!Sues didn't hurt me this badly before I actually got off my arse and bothered to start reading the books... Now...

...ohRassilonithurts.

[info]darth_gojira

January 25 2010, 01:56:09 UTC 2 years ago

Holy fuck

Anonymous

May 22 2012, 17:33:37 UTC 3 days ago

You know... I just came for the sues, but your comments are hilarious.
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