Current mood:	tired
Current music:	Olivia Newton John - Have You Never Been Mellow?
Entry tags:	hermione-sue, pepper-jack cheese, toxic

And now, boys and girls, we're going to bag ourselves one of the most dangerous of all Potter Sues... the 'Ermione Sue! This little shielah has enough venom in 'er to kill a man ten times over! Crikey! Ain't she a beaut?

TITLE: Punk Butt Hermione?
PERPETRATOR: Ice Bear

SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)

	WRITING:
	SUEAGE:
	WRONGNESS:

FULL NAME: Unknown
SPECIES: Teenage punk wannabe (I don't know about anybody else, but I tend to classify these as subhuman - along with sk8rs, teenyboppers, and anybody who speaks ebonics)
HAIR: "2 inch long pink hair with purple streaks in it." Later it magically (in the non-sarcastic sense of the word) goes back to being "long bushy brown hair." Has the real Hermione returned? Nah, I think the fake one was just worried Draco would see through her disguise.
EYES: Not described, but since she's managing to convince people she's Hermione, I guess they're brown.
MARKINGS: Pink and purple hair.
POSESSIONS: Pepper jack cheese and lacy lingerie.

ORIGIN: The deepest, darkest, smelliest pit of hell, by way of Hot Topic and HMV.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Pretending to be Hermione Granger.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Convincing people she's Hermione, making Draco completely forget his hatred of mudbloods.

NOTES: marysues sure had fun with this one.

As Steve explained above, what we have here is one of the nastiest subspecies of Potter Sue around; the Hermione Sue. This Sue sneaks into the Grangers' house, ties Hermione up, locks her in a closet and steals her stuff. Then the Sue happily heads off to Hogwarts for the year, all the while impersonating Hermione... badly. Deception spells must be among her fortes, since despite the fact that this statuesque goddess bears very little resemblance to the frizzy-haired, buck-toothed little witch we know and love, nobody ever seriously questions her identity.

Seduction spells are probably up there, too, since, like most sues, the Hermione Sue sleeps with everything that moves. Draco Malfoy tends to be high on the list. Now, I've known enough teenage boys to be aware of what hormones can do to the developing brain, but Draco's hatred of muggles and mudbloods is pretty ingrained. I have a hard time picturing it vanishing just because there's a Mary-Sue with a nice rack pretending she's Hermione.

Oh, and then there's the Pepper Jack Cheese. The Pepper Jack Cheese amuses me. This author likes Pepper Jack Cheese, so in her story, her Hermione Impersonator likes it, too. I think any remaining shreds of non-mary-sueage just went out the window.

Be sure to check out the 'Author's Note' in Chapter 3. In fact, here, I'll post it after the sample.

SAMPLE:

In the Slytherin Common Room.

"Ok stud-muffin, you look ready to knock her off her feet to position, he he." Draco said to him slef as he check to make sure he was a sexy beast (he always is, if he tries or not, hehehehehehe) "Stunning!" the mirror told him in a wheezy and sleepy voice before Draco left.

Now the North Tower.

"So you came" Hermione said as she backed out of the dark corner wearing g- string and a body bra thing, that hooks on to the g-string and the g-string hooked on to her lacey knee highs. ( I hope you get the idea. I don't know what those things are called if you know what I'm talking about lemme know)

"Yea, I did." The Slytherin said as he removed his robe to reveal his silky dark green boxers. 'Damn she'd look hot if it weren't for the hair. Maybe I can put a lil spell on it for the rest of the night to make it normal' he thought.

"Well, lets get started." Hermione said when she saw Draco's body ' I've changed my mind, omg, I didn't think I would do this. Wait, fuck I forgot my hair.' "Wait hold on, I'll be right back." Then she left for the nearest rest room.

A few minutes later she came back with her long bushy hair brown. "Were you wearing a wig?" Draco questioned when he saw her hair. "Uh, no. It's a simple spell I did. Well, where were we? Oh yea I remember now." She said muttered something under breath while pointing her wand at a desk. In an instant it turned in to a lovely bed. She grabbed Draco and started kissing him while pulling him on top of her on to the bed.

Chapter 3, in its entirety, is a pissed-off 'Author's Note'. Observe:

AN: First of all Irony-Chan, KittyKat589, and Maggie go suck your mom, quieph. Second of all thank you for all the lovely reviews. And NO Fricken Flamers or else I'm going to tell you to go suck your mom, or call you a quieph. Hermione would go punk because she is bored being a goody 2 shoes and she tired of being pushed around. Don't ya think? Also KityKat you don't know whats going to happen do you, noooooooo so S.T.F.U. Sry about my bad attitude today, but yea some lil hoe was trying to start a fight with me and got me suspend. I'm not too happy. I'm also grounded off the comp for a few weeks so don't expect anything new. Sorry, but it wasn't my fault. Once again please be nice in the reviews, this is my longest story ever and I'm sensitive.

SkySearcher, Pyro, Typically Chugging Tea, Sim, SecretDestiny, alexandergranger, pixie, Lizzy, and Belladonna. You peeps are awesome.

Laterz, Ice Bear