The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

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4048: Moving Mountains - Hermione Granger and Bella Swan
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: Moving Mountains
PERPETRATOR: Azucena17
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: It’s a pick of Hermione and Harry in sepia tones.
SUMMARY:”Bella has kept a secret from the Cullens. One that is about to break down everything that they've come to know to the very foundation. She has a twin sister. One that was given to an aunt to raise. What happens when the war in England has damaged Hermione so much so, that she chooses to return to the people who threw her away? Read and find out. Will be Harry/Hermione pairing”
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger, Bella Swan
SPECIES: Twin sisters
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Bella’s mad Hermione’s coming home. Apparently getting sent to live with your aunt and uncle because they can’t have children of their own and really want one is equivalent to being thrown away. Bella then remembers Hermione using magic, and plays her up as freaky child. Second chapter, Hermione lands in the plane with Harry. Bella convinces her dad in chapter three to leave Hermione at the airport, because she must not be coming because she’s an impatient little brat. Harry and Hermione are flirting with each other. Teddy is of course coming with them. Chapter four is breakfast at the Potters, and randomly out of place. It then gets very painful from there, and dives into plot, what plot.
ORIGIN: So, we have another story where Hermione runs away from everything. However, this one is unique in the fact she first ran away from America to England because her family threw her away. Then, she’s damaged and decides to rn back to them.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: So, Bella’s in character. Sort of. Yes, she’s whiny like ever, but there’s something wrong when Bella, from her own POV says, “I whined, sounding exactly like a 4 year-old.” She wouldn’t be aware of this, and it sounds like a major exaggeration of the truth.

NOTES: On one side, the story does merit the Toxic writing. On the other hand, the actual writing is a lot better than most Twilight fics.


SAMPLE:

Bella Swan's POV~

I had the feeling all day long that something was going to happen today. At that moment I was sitting at Edward's house watching as Jasper and Emmett played Grand Theft Auto 5, when my phone began to ring. Knowing that anyone else who would call on that thing was either a sleep due to the time difference, or already being in the same house. I assumed it was probably Charlie, and he would soon be the bearer of bad , even though I didn't want to hear anything bad, I was extremely curious.

"Hey, Dad," I said, as I touched the phone's screen to answer it.

"Hey, Bells. I just wanted to tell you right away that I just got off the phone with your Aunt." He said, which left me in a stupor. As far as I know, I only have one Aunt, and nobody's heard from her since I was eleven. Charlie had been an only child, while Renee's sister lived somewhere in Great Britain.

"Aunt Jeanie?" I questioned, just wanting to assure myself that is who we were talking about.

"Yes, Jean. Anyways, she informed me that your sister is moving to Forks. She is to arrive at the airport in the morning. Now seeing as I have to work, I want you to go and meet her there. She will also be attending Forks High, so you need to take her to get registered at the school." He informed me. As soon as he mentioned Her I knew this year was to be doomed. She always found a way to ruin everything. I did something that I never would have, except She was involved.

"But, Dad! She will ruin my senior year! I can't stand to even talk to her, let alone live with and go to school with her!" I whined, sounding exactly like a 4 year-old.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Charlie yelled, which shocked me, he never raised his tone, even when I ran away to Voltura. "You will do as I say and I won't hear another word against it, is that clear?" I didn't answer him, I just hung up my phone.

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