The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
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Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

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News!
Pancake!
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Apparently I wasn't able to get my computer fixed like I wanted to do, so it will be a few days until I can do more entries as right now I am posting and checking PMs from a different computer then norm. I thought I'd give you guys a heads up as remind you that the contest starts tomorrow!

3278: Princess of the Blacks - Silently Watches
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Today's entry was sent in by another anon... and it is a dozy.
- Two more days until fanfic contest starts.
- The link of the day is old, but here you go. Really wasn't expecting to find this one.
- And... Flashback Sue!

TITLE: Princess of the Blacks
PERPETRATOR: Silently Watches
SUE-O-METER: TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Sirius searches for his goddaughter and finds her in one of the least expected and worst possible locations and lifestyles. DARK and NOT for children. fem!bisexual!Harry, minor fem!Harry/Viktor, eventual fem!Harry/Luna, powerful!Harry, James and Lily are alive, twin is BWL, year 4, less cliched than it sounds” (Actually... it is as cliched as it sounds.)
FULL NAME: Jennifer Potter/Black
SPECIES: So not a female version of Harry Potter despite the fact she is meant to be.
HAIR: “Her black hair was filled with curls and tangles and pulled into a ponytail that came to the middle of her back.”
EYES: “His attention was drawn to her eyes, which he knew would be the same emerald green as her mother's if they weren't hidden behind a thick red blindfold.”
MARKINGS: Nothing specific.
POSSESSIONS: “She was, like the others, wearing a revealing outfit: a midriff-bearing red tee shirt with a scooped neckline and a tight black miniskirt. She wore no jewelry, and the only cosmetics she had used was some pink lipstick. Sirius, however, noticed none of this.” “Two shirts, a jacket, her skirt, and a strappy set of heels, along with the third shirt, jeans, and trainers she was currently wearing. “
CONNECTION TO CANON: James and Lily lived and raise Daniel, the “Boy-Who-Lived” and got rid of their daughter Jennifer because she is a squib only to be tossed out by them because they maimed her. She then ends up prostituted under the name Mama Jen at a child brothel. Sirius of course goes and rescues her. She's given the option of being adopted into the Black family despite the fact she is a minor and he could legally have her removed from said situation. She wouldn't have a choice. She pretty much now sells drinks. She of course decides to go home with him and then begins mooning over the idea of having more clothes.
ORIGIN: To quote the writer, “... this story began developing in my head almost two years ago from an intellectual exercise over the following question: Harry was abused for ten years without any noticeable effect on his morality, so what would it take to actually break him? This train of thought had a snowball effect, and the tale of the Black Queen was born.” I can't remember which minion mentioned the fact the abuse Harry went through was not physical or sexual, but that explains why “Break the Cutie” didn't occur.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Apparently she's “blind”. Oh... and despite being only thirteen, fourteen she's allowed to make major choices in her life like staying at Candyland... the child brothel. She's allowed to remain a hooker. Oh... and couldn't the Potter's have testified on Sirius' behalf as he wasn't no longer their secret keeper. “The club provided all the kids working there with free room and board, but after paying for utilities and groceries, there wasn't enough profit left for anyone to have a decent wage to purchase personal items. Not even clothes were something they could depend on receiving since the owner took his cut from the gross income. In his mind, why should they have new clothing when they earned money while out of them? Thank goodness for cleaning charms.” Yeah... these kids are actually going to get wages. This is where I decided to just skip on reading anymore and look through the reviews. Only to find one of the reviewers complementing the writer with the line, “...as for Jen, yo are doing an incredible job of portraying a 'well adjusted' girl who's grown up in a very bad place.” WTF... she shouldn't be 'well adjusted' for crying out loud.

NOTES: The writer says, “...this story will mention and discuss extreme child abuse, rape, torture, human sacrifice, pedophilia, prostitution, and the effects this can have on children and teenagers. There are main characters who will perform horrendous acts and get away with it. I AM IN NO WAY PROMOTING OR CONDONING THE DEPRAVITIES THAT THIS STORY DEPICTS! All sexual activities will be "off-screen" or non-graphic; even if the admins allowed lemons, I am just NOT comfortable visualizing these actions to the degree I would need to write the scenes in any detail.”

Not. On top of the writer not doing their research they have Jennifer act like an adult despite all of the abuse she went through. Apparently the writer's definition of breaking a character is to give them a bad girl attitude. I think what really bothered me about this one is the fact I've seen all these news reports and interviewed with these rescued girls who were in the exact same situation as Jennifer, only to read the last part of the first chapter and fill a lot of anger at how unrealistic this whole thing is.

Yeah... to get the plot to work... they're all practically OoC. And canon's busted.Collapse )

(no subject)
Pancake!
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I had to deal with some computer issues. I got back and realized that I should be moving from regular Special Pet week to Teacher's Pet week and decided to go and do the two fanfics that have been sent in to my g-mail. Both are anons... and not the same person.
- Three days left until fanfic contest starts.
- I almost went without a Flashback Sue since it took me so long to get my computer fixed... and I've likely done this one before, but... here...
- No link of day today...

TITLE: The Outcome
PERPETRATOR: TheGirlOnFirexx
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: A clip of their avatar... guess what fandom it's from. :D
SUMMARY:”What happens when Lucius Malfoy and Lily Evans have a child? Two years before James and Narcissa. When Lucius and Lily meet it ends with a little girl being born. Lyra Lily Malfoy. Will anyone find out who her mother is? Sorry if summary sucks.”
FULL NAME: Lyra Lily Malfoy
SPECIES: She is the daughter of Lily Evans and Lucius Malfoy!
HAIR: “light blonde hair”
EYES: “almond shaped emerald eyes”
MARKINGS: I've not a clue how old this chick is. Oh... older.
POSSESSIONS: Her boyfriend Fred, her “best friend […] a half-blood called Sapphire Mayhew.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Bellatrix is running around not getting along with her instead of trying to kill her. And this seems to be at a point when Harry can write his sister. There is a lot of fluff that just doesn't belong. And they're the same year... which... how can she take care of Draco if they're that close in age. Fred's her boyfriend. She's in Gryfindor. She gets sorted a day early... so... she might be a different age. (I'm honestly not at all sure.) For some reason she's sending letters to Harry.
ORIGIN: Somehow Lily and Lucius could stand each other to not only have a baby with each other but for Lyra to have nice memories of both set of parents and even help with Draco. (Umm... no.)
SPECIAL ABILITIES: James is fine with Lily having a baby with Lucius of all people.

NOTES: I never, ever thought I would see a child for these two again. Does anyone know if there is any other Sues that have been featured that aren't the Flashback Sue? This one is bloody confusing.

It's not important that people know your middle name, so why bring it up that only family knows?Collapse )

3277: Spirit of Fear: The Misguides Fox - Chey McGonnagal
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Today's entry is a longer entry, so there is a chance that I may not get through all of it. Today is also the sixth day of Special Pet week. Scratch that. I am definitly not getting through all of the fic. I couldn't get past the second chapter with all the masculine ego stroking of the Gary Stu.
- There are twenty three days left until fanfic contest starts.
- I tried looking up a Gary Stu rant and got this
- Today's Flashback Stu is Luke Pendragon.

Look at me! Look at me!Collapse )

3276: My Darling Panthera - Cole and Harry Potter
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pottersues
Here is day six.
- Eight days until the fanfic contest starts.
- This popped up on my news thread. Entitled teenagers.
- Kasami is the Flashback Sue for today.

TITLE: My Darling Panthera
PERPETRATOR: BlackRain88
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: None
SUMMARY:”Harry is saved by the Dursleys' abuse from a beautiful Panthera named Cole. Cole has vowed to protect his new Master at all costs, and becomes Harry's new pet. SLASH”
FULL NAME: Cole and Harry
SPECIES: Panthera
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: Harry pretty much ends up with his own place.
CONNECTION TO CANON: See summary. He pretty much comes and kidnaps Harry from the Dursley family because he is supposedly rescuing him. It's from the park. He then is free from the horrible abuse and then Harry is free to send letters to Hermione. Then again... the abuse was so bad he doesn't realize he is being groomed. Hermione gets. Cole's personality turns out to be that of a child.
ORIGIN: Cole's mother's master was a wizard who got her pregnant. This was Cole and when Cole was old enough to fend for himself he was thrown to the street.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Supposedly he is “pure” bred. (Not.)

NOTES:

Toxic prose...Collapse )

3275: A Snake on the Move - Zelena Snape/Prince
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Here is day five.
-Nine full days until the fanfic contest. starts.
-I've possibly posted this before.
- For our Flash Back Sue we have Trinity Snape.

TITLE: A Snake on the Move
PERPETRATOR:
SUE-O-METER:
COVER/BANNER ART: It is a clip of their avatar, which happens to be a gaming controler.
SUMMARY:”"Look at the teachers pet everyone!" "More like teachers pest." Zelena Snape is starting Hogwarts. Her father is a professor at the school, and over the years, she has an unlikely set of events that make her end up with Draco Malfoy. Spoilers! Draco Malfoy X OC ”
FULL NAME: Zelena Snape/Prince. To quote the writer.... “ chose the name 'Zelena' because it means; green (for Slytherin). I know it's the name of the witch from OUAT, but I really liked the name because it sounded so beautiful for the character I wanted her to be.”
SPECIES: She's Snape's daughter.
HAIR: See possessions...
EYES: See possessions...
MARKINGS: See possessions...
POSSESSIONS: Zelena has “a yellow python, a rare breed like Zelena”. She of course gets special treatement because of who her father is and is able to take her snake to school. “Zelena was wearing a translucent black shirt with a black singlet underneath. She was wearing black denim genes with grey ankle boots, which matched her grey scarf she was wearing. Her white skin was glistening under the light of the chandelier in the foyer. Her red hair was up in a Half-Dutch braid. She was wearing a silver locket witch had an emerald stone along the join of the chain which matched her blue eyes.” (Why is this eleven to twelve year old dressed to the nines?” She gets a wand that is “black Walnut with Unicorn core, 10 ½ inches supple”. She has a song book. Also... when they go to the lake for swimming, here is Draco's description. “I caught up with the guys, Pansy and Zelena to go to the lake. I came out with three brooms. Grabble was wearing a shirt and board shorts. So was Goyle. Pansy was wearing a skimpy low cut top (no surprise there) with small cut denim shorts with her hair in a high ponytail. Zelena, however was wearing something completely different. I've never seen her wear swimmers before. She had her hair up in a braid. She wore a black long-sleeved top with black denim pants. It was so plain, plainer than anything she ever wore before.” Then Zelena's point of view. “I took my top off. Underneath I was wearing a black ROXY bikini top. I also took off my pants. I just had normal bikini bottoms on.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Zelena is going to go and spend the night over at the Malfoy's because in this world Lucious is her Godfather and Draco is her best friend. She then meets Hermione, helps her find Neville's toad. After meeting Ron and Harry... Hermione tells everybody to change into their robes. She still gets sorted into Slytherin. She then steals Hermione's line about Wolfsbane and Monks hood and then tops it. Wolfsbane and Monkshood are the same plant. The botanical name of this plant is Aconitum. There is a wide variety of this plant, and is known by many names. Aconite, Devil's Hood, Blue Rocket and Leopard's Bane is just a few of them. It comes in many colors such as blue, purple, yellow, white and pink. There are over 250 species of this plant, belonging to the buttercup family."Zelena has her song book stolen by Pansey and read out loud. (The songs Zelena claims as hers actually belong to other people. Why do writers think they can disclaim songs and then claim in the story that the songs are their characters? They've not the rights to do so.) They then go swimming in the lake
ORIGIN: “She had never met her real mother, from what she remembered. She was brought into this world to restore justice, and she knew what her father has been doing with Dumbledore. She was faithful to her father before anyone else.” To hide whose daughter she is she goes by the last name of Prince.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The existence of Snape's daughter is always as questionable as the daughters of Voldemort. Mind you... there is a way for them to have children, but Suethors tend not to think that far ahead. This particular writer claims Zelena came into existence to restore balance which makes it worse, not better. I'd also like to note that it sounds like Zelena and Draco were raised together like they were siblings... aka knowing each other since they were toddlers. The writer is planning on moving the relationship to the romantic kind though. The sorting hat says, “I've never seen a mind quite like yours. Not in a long time. I see, you are a very clever girl. Hmm yes, yes. I must say there is only one house for you. Slytherin!” She writes songs too.., actually... they belong to someone else.

NOTES: Zelena means “moon goddess” in the Greek language. The language it means “green” in is Bosnian. Snape picking this name for his daughter for the reasons the writer gives is as likely as him having a daughter considering his infatuation with Harry's mother. The other thing that stood out to me was the fact the writer seems to want the readers to know how special Zelena is supposed to be right off the bat and then begins to rub it in.

This also said... I suspect a young writer who just joined the site at the beginning of the year so you know the rules if you choose to review. Oh! And every one of her other stories happens to be a canon character paired with an OC. Cute. Unfortunately, cute only goes so far.

Oh... and that special pet mentioned in the first chapter? Never heard from again.

For some reason Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic popped into my head as I read this.Collapse )

3274: Pandora's Box of Hearts: Pandora Newark and Nagiri
Pancake!
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Here is the next day.
- Two weeks left until the fanfic contest starts. No other links for today's entry. Still recovering from the stupid summer cold.

TITLE: Pandora's Box of Hearts
PERPETRATOR: Isabelle.LeMaster
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART: Don't care... their likely is one. But today... I just don't care.
SUMMARY:”It's not surprising that if Voldemort had a daughter he would abandon her. He has left Pandora to be raised in the system. Ppl fear her and her pet snake whom she shares a strange conection with. Sirius Black has nothing but pranking spells and looking out the windows to keep him entertained. Until he sees a girl running down the street past number 12 Grimmuald Place.”
FULL NAME: Pandora Newark and Nagiri
SPECIES: She is Voldemort's daughter.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: She has a snake.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Pandora has a pet snake that she sick on the orphanage lady killing her. Actually... the snake attacks the lady because Pandora is upset and then when she gets upset about killing the lady despite the fact she says not to. The snake pretty much tells her she isn't as good enough as Voldemort to talk to.
ORIGIN: I'm not sure what the writer is thinking.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can talks to snakes. Nagiri knows who Voldemort is.

NOTES: This one never got past the second chapter.

Nagini... Nagiri... original.Collapse )

3273: Parrot My Heart - Hero and Remus
Pancake!
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Here is day four of special pet week. I found the summary amusing, but not so much the story.
- About two weeks till the fanfic contest starts.
- Today's reminded me of Alicorn, so that is our Flashback Sue of the day.
- Today's link of the day is from TvTropes. Believe me... it fits today's entry

TITLE: Parrot My Heart
PERPETRATOR: Hanajima-Senpai
SUE-O-METER:
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Like any other girl, Hero is in love with Remus. Though every girl has a chance with him, but her. For she's stuck in her animagus form. To him, she's just his pet Parrot.”
FULL NAME: Hero (Hero is not a girls name)... Remus
SPECIES: She is an animagus. She's from Brazil. Remus is a pansy that gives in to his stalker way to easily.
HAIR: She has” a hue of dark red in her hair”.
EYES: She has “apple green eyes”. You know... the eyes I've seen that I would call apple green are all photo shopped.
MARKINGS: “She pictured her body shrinking, her bones becoming smaller, narrower and hollow, her ears shrunk into her head, bright, pale green feathers began to sprout from every pore of her back, arms, head, and tail, and a strong gold feathers sprouted from her chest. In her place was no longer a sixteen year old girl, but a blue and gold Macaw parrot in her place. She spread her wings and took flight into the air, flapping her powerful wings as fast as she could.” “If Hero was human right now, her whole copper colored body would be dark with a blush. She never been so close to a man before.” We then get this description from chapter three. “When Hero was human she was very beautiful. Her skin was a light golden tone due to her Hispanic heritage, her apple green eyes were something she inherited from her French father, her curvy body from her Brazilin mother, and her hair was a mixture of her parents' love. Hero had thick, curly, brown from her mother with red undertones like her father.”
POSSESSIONS: Brazilian fighting skills of course.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hero is being chased by Death Eaters and changes to her parrot form. She then somehow ends up at Hogwarts and chased by the students. James and company show up at Hagrid's hut. Peter pulls Hero's tail and she calls him the B word. When Remus ask if she's Hagrid's she says “hey baby” and James teases Remus about getting a girlfriend. Later she says “wait up Baby” and then says “sleep over” when Remus realizes she wants to stay with him. She's afeaid of the dark and then lets them know she is actually human. A third year who is upset with what they did to his sister then catches her and squeezes her. (His last name McCabe.) She eats chicken, so she is a cannibal. Instead of getting her help Remus confesses in chapter three that he is a werewolf. (A bit sudden I think...) Later on she gets jealous and “attacked the girl that Remus was crushing on.” (I know the writer meant this to be funny, but it is not. We then get an inner rant from Hero about how Remus belongs to her and not Hero. (The story was kind of cute at first, but this... not cute, not funny... makes me dislike Hero and feel she shouldn't end up paired with Remus with her possessive, stalkerish behavior.) Also... it passes into fall and she doesn't even try to become human. (Yeah... no.) She drops an itching bomb on various students and Remus uses the word “shit”. Then... “Hero was half way to Remus when there was a shout and a spell hit her thin body, suddenly her muscles seized up and she fell from the air and crashed harshly into the marble floor.” So they decide to take her to Harid. But... before they can Remus is attacked by a student and a curse used on him that causes him pain. “I'm HUMAN! Hero felt a shiver run through her body and suddenly her wings became slender arms; her talons lengthen into thin, slim, legs. She wrapped her legs around Nott's waist and before the boy could voice his surprise, all of the training and lessons that were vigorously burned into her brain from Brazil kicked it. Like muscle memory, her hands braced themselves onto both sides of his jaw and with a quick, rough twist, she snapped his neck. The Slytherin collapsed to the ground and Hero shakily stood up. She was still dressed in what she wore months ago, a skimpy night gown. Hero gapped at her hands amazed that there was five fingers in front of her with human skin instead of feathered wings. A groaned broke her out of her trance and she knelt down next to Remus and quickly pulled him into her lap. She ignored the icy, bite of snow on her revealing flesh. (WTF! She just killed another student! Yeah... I know he was attacking Remus, but that shouldn't have happened on school grounds!) Remus is upset and tries to get away, but poor Remus is too out of it from the curse so she gets to nurse him. In the next chapter it pretty much gets brushed aside because she killed for Remus and the guy was going to kill him. (Um... except the whole getting cursed like Remus was shouldn't have been happening.)
ORIGIN: I think it is best to say the writer didn't think things through on this one... what with a sixteen year old witch running from Death Eaters and not being at Hogwarts during school hours. From chapter three... “When Hero was human, she avidly fought against the pureblood propaganda along with her family and friends in Brazil. Though they weren't peace makers like most that fought against the Dark Arts; no—when Hero was human she used guerilla tactics, black mail, kidnap, and murder to fight the Dark side.” In typical stalker behavior Hero goes on about how much she knows him and loves him. (Sorry... this isn't love.) He's then announcing that Hero is human, something I thought they already figured out. The guys are then like “we know nothing” and “hope to fucken Merlin this works”. She's then talking about how she will protect Remus.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is able to turn into a parrot. Well... her animagus form is that of a parrot. She actually can't change back. Also... she for some reason has a run in with the Death Eaters. Because she is conveniently a parrot she can also “talk”. Seems she has also graduated from school as well. She also acts like an animal... aka as if she has an animal level of intelligence. I mean... she steals food from Lily's plate without thinking twice.” “Hero wasn't the brightest when she was human; a bit of an air-head, but what she lacked intellectually she made up with ambition. She craved to do the best even if her best was adequate at best. When Hero was human she was fun, care free, mischievous, but lazy, impatient, and moody.” (Actually... if the way she acts as a parrot is any indicator it's not an issue of her being an air-head. There is some other issue going on.) "I did. I tried very hard; every day! I just couldn't. My body would not allow me." (Baloney...)

NOTES: I know the writer wants us to believe with the lines... “but she was sill practicing. She wasn't that good at being animagai. She only manage to fully transform twice and even than it was very hard for Hero to do so”... that Hero is just not good at animagus transformation, but what I understand from canon is that if you're able to transform at least once you don't really have problems after that. I also don't think the process going wrong includes getting stuck in animal form.

Those were my initial thoughts when I started into this story. I also thought the story started off kind of cute despite the above issue and other issues.

However, as it progressed into the third chapter Hero started to become annoying and then bam... turns out she is a psychopath. The writer even tosses in an event to show off her killer moves and try to justify her character killing another person... but the problem comes down to the fact said incident shouldn't have been occurring on school grounds. Nott would have known wizarding law and known that a dead or even badly injured student would have meant trouble for him.

And then Hero goes into how much she “loves” Remus. Sorry... but the way she speaks to him. No... she's a stalker and a possessive little b-witch who needs to be sent to Azkaban. The term air-head is not a good description of her either. Actually... if she was a true air-head things wouldn't have gone down the way they did.

Anyways... this story progressed from a possible bad to awful rating to a toxic one. I'm also tagging it with the b swanitis tag... not for the sue mind you but in this particular case Remus.

Convenient really...Collapse )

3272: My forever - Capri Cassiopia Black and Remus Lupin
Pancake!
pottersues
I decided to change out the stories I was going to feature... and despite cutting the ones I had left... I've managed to add a new week. Well, maybe. We'll see when we get to Teacher's Pet week.
- There are just over a couple of weeks left until fanfic contest starts. (Got tired of trying to calculate the days. I think I got one wrong...)
- I almost featured this again.
- A rant about fanfic warnings. I was actually looking for a rant about soul bonding or soul mates. Found this one instead. Just be forewarned... its a fanfic rant called “One Warning is Not the Same as Another Warning” for a reason.

TITLE: My forever
PERPETRATOR: She-Has-A-Cat
SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad)
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”A Remus Lupin one-shot. At age eleven Remus Lupin found his mate, in a pet shop, with his mum. Read to find out what happens when the shy, chocolate loving, twelve year old Marauder finds his forever.”
FULL NAME: Capri Cassiopeia Black and Remus
SPECIES: She's the forth Black sister.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: “small person's waist”
POSSESSIONS: She has an older sister named Andromeda.
CONNECTION TO CANON: She's a non-existent mess. That's the best way to describe her. Remis imprints on her and they go have ice cream. It ends there.
ORIGIN: Twilight? The writer has fanfic for Twilight under their favorites.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Imprinting...

NOTES: Pokes at the link for the contest. Pokes again. Anyways... to bad this kiddo didn't write a few Twilight fics. Her stories got plot.

Disturbing...Collapse )

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