The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
Pancake!
pottersues

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

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4115: when enemies become best friends - Harry and Draco
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: when enemies become best friends
Perpetrator: KaraRathaway
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary:Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have been enemies since they, but in 6th year they realize how alike they are, they become best friends, but one ends up falling in love with the other (drarry)
Full Name: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy
Species: A clone of the character with the angst factor notched up.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: We have another story where Harry has a ton of angst. First part of the first chapter, angst about how nobody gets him and how “he found ways to feel anything other than pain, cutting, smoking, drinking, and recently he started writing his problems, because no one would want to listen to his problems.” Yeah, and that’s not OoC. Then he has major angst over his birthday and asks what’s the point. For some reason when the school year starts, what happened at the end of third year comes up. Draco magically appears to comfort him, and Harry’s depression switches to “why is he being thoughtful and gentle to Malfoy” because he’s falling in love. Eventually, he breaks down in front of Draco, because after all Draco’s done, he is that trust worthy, and you instantly blab to your crush. (Yeah, maybe there’s no admitting that Harry is crushing on Draco yet, but I think you get the point. The first chapter ends with them instantly becoming friends because Draco is now willing to call Harry by his first name. Second chapter, we find out Draco is cutting as well, so he “gets” Harry while nobody else does. And how does this form a healthy relationship pray tell? I’m thinking in particular with how thigns are going to be portrayed in the fic. There is more bonding with the two.
Origin: At first, I wasn’t sure what to put with this one. There is a chance the writer is dealing with suicidal thoughts and projected them onto Harry. So, handle with care if you review, but I also don’t think the writer understands it is better to pick characters who are
Special Abilities: A magical moment happens where both Harry and Draco go OoC and are suddenly okay with each other despite the fact there is honest healing that needs to go on. They also magically forget that they’ve had previous interest in girls before this. Both are randomly suicidal and are into cutting themselves.

Notes: Did you know bisexuals don’t like being erased from fiction? That’s the first thought that came to mind. The second is to lay off the drama. I don’t for one moment believe Harry’s angst riddled ranting about how unloved he is, which is worse than in the books. And that is saying something I think.

Sample:
I don't believe the angst.Collapse )

4114: The Story Our Names Tell - Rose Thorn Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: The Story Our Names Tell
Perpetrator: Kokoo501
Sue-O-Meter: Bad
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: [Slytherin Fem!Harry] A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet and every Rose has her Thorn(s). For what's in a name? But the adventures we'll have, all the pain that we'll feel, and the love we'll find. That is in a name.
Full Name: Rose Thorn Potter
Species: Goo Gaa Gaa Baby
Hair: “messy dark red locks” … Is it just me, does anybody else think that switching up Harry’s looks so that they’re reversed in what he inherits from each parents really isn’t that imaginative?
Eyes: Probably green.
Markings:
Possessions:
Connection to Canon: The first scene in the first chapter is about Dudley being born, and the second is about Rose being born. Both are thought to be the perfect child, but each scene is practically a wall of text, but kind of annoying due to the sugary sweet attitude. The second chapter is about showing off their perfect little angel, but it’s only about the Potters.
Origin: So, the names we receive are indeed a big deal, but this writer makes an even bigger deal about it. The sample for today is actually a bunch of paragraphs scattered out through the birthing chapter before, between, and after Dudley and Rose being born.
Special Abilities: Not only is the name Rose overdone in the Potter universe even before it became the name of a canon character, but the middle name of “thorn” leaves a lot to be desired. Oh, and I featured another story with a Sue named Rose. The irony here is they both came from a list comprised of snagging every fic from the Just In section of the site, but there were two Rose Sues at least posted in one day.

Notes: Why’s this one a Sue? The reason this one gets the bad rating is because of where it is likely to be headed even though there are only two chapters. The sad thing is, most stories which focus on childhoods make the kids sickly sweet. However, we’ve also got the issue that the writer is trying to combine two AU ideas into one story. The first is female Harry. The second is Harry in Slytherin.

Sample:

A name means so much ... including indicating a Mary Sue.Collapse )

4113: Harry's Sex and Love Life - Harry and company
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Harry's Sex and Love Life
Perpetrator: SexandLoveBooksandAnimeManga
Sue-O-Meter: Troll
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Harry fucks Hermione, Ginny and Lavender, at the end he fucks them all together bcuz they are lesbians”
Full Name: Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Cho, Lavender, Parvati, Angelina
Species: Not the canon characters.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n.a
Connection to Canon: Only one chapter is up, and it’s all about Harry and Lavender. Thankfully it hasn’t gotten to the other supposed lesbian females enjoying their time with a guy. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Origin: I believe this one is explained in the summary.
Special Abilities: The canon characters are turned into puppets for the

Notes: For those wondering why this one is featured, it’s just the characters having sex, you might want to check out the Lemon Stu trope page.

Sample:

Harry was walking to his Occlumency lesson, thinking about all the girls he has liked as friends and something more: Hermione, Ginny, Cho, Lavender, Parvati, and Angelina.

He was thinking of Lavender and how good it would feel to fuck her huge boobs, Harry thought she would not accept. Then out of nothing, Harry crashed into Lavender, accidentally kissed her lips, felt her tits against his chest, and his cock touched Lavender's pussy through their clothes. Harry felt very awkward: "Sorry Lav I didn't see you coming."

4112: Is Something Wrong - Hermione Granger
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Is Something Wrong
Perpetrator: Piggy04
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: The cover is of Hermione and Fred hugging.
Summary:*Complete*The war is over, and everyone is happy, and with their loved ones. Except Hermione. Her boyfriend Ron abuses her, and makes her feel worthless. Who will be her savior, when her knight turns dark? (Warning, Graphic Violence-Please don't read if this offends you)
Full Name: Hermione Granger
Species: She’s supposed to be the canon character.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: She has a box of razors next to the body wash in the bath of the dorm she and Fred for some reason share.
Connection to Canon: Hermione is not her strong self, putting up with Ron abusing her despite the fact she’s not the type to let it get that far. She then threatens Ginny by saying they won’t be friends anymore when she finds out. He rapes her again in chapter two, and decides to cut herself, possibly commit suicide. In the mean time, Ginny is upset about Hermione’s situation and claims “she had made a mistake. She had made Draco take the Unbreakable Vow but not me.” Except, Draco wasn’t even there. Then, it within that one paragraph moves to Ginny noting she is falling for Draco. Then we’re back to her cutting herself and Fred conveniently coming to her rescue. The next chapter is Fred getting her to the hospital. Ginny is awoken from her sleep by George.
Origin: We’re supposed to believe that after only a week that Hermione and Ron’s relationship has gotten to the point he is able to rape her, let alone that he would ever do that.
Special Abilities: Hermione is not Hermione, but then neither is Ron.

Notes: First, I suspect a young writer. The first chapter is a list of pairings, and the forth is an update. One of the anonymous reviewers accuses this writer of plagiarizing Hermione's Secret. This is a case where two people have similar ideas, nothing more. The accuser says “that’s why the chapters aren’t that long”, but that’s not at all true.

Sample:

He tried to lift me back to my feet when he said,"Got Damn your as heavy as a cow!" " If I see you eat as much as one bite tonight you will be sorry." Get your ugly ass downstairs."Dinner went on uneventful. When Ron took me upstairs there was more to come and I knew it. He raped me for five minutes after casting a silencing charm on my room. He had just finished putting both of our clothes on and performing a pregnancy prevention spell on me when the bruises came in. He walked out as Ginny walked in. She saw the bruises. " What- Ron!" she was really upset. "Please don't tell anyone." I begged her. She wanted me to tell someone. But I told her if she did anything as to at least bring up the subject I would never be her friend again. The rest of the summer was rather uneventful just a few punchings and kicks put in here or there.




                                 

4110: Diary of a muggle which - Cory Dursly
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Diary of a muggle which
Perpetrator: Princess cat 67
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: The writer’s avatar is a stuffed animal which is a bunny.
Summary:Cory Dursly gets accepted into hogwarts and gets taken in buy her aunt and uncle”
Full Name: Cory Dursly
Species: n/a
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: She has a brother named Richard. She also gets from her grandmother, “it was this diary a red cover with an orange spine,” for her birthday. She has a “favorite white shir with an eagle on it ,a denim skirt and my red high tops.” Lily has “a big pink bow, blue dress and red Mary Jame shoes. That is Lily alright she is so girly she always finds an excuse to dress up.” Harry has a flying car. Lily got a pink pygmy puff and Cory got a Doverman puppy. (Um, okay.) The dogs name is Calypso.
Connection to Canon: She gets her letter, is kicked out of the Dursley house, buys a wand of “10 inch pine with a unicorn hair” from a goblin.” She constantly whines through the two posted chapter about how Dudley said she wasn’t his daughter, but it doesn’t help chapter three repeats chapter two. Then she gets on the train, and the girl she met at Diagon Alley is Sophie Malfoy, and she has a rabbit.
Origin: The writer completely forgot that the Dursley family got along better with Harry after the end, yet the Sue is still called a freak by Dudley. Letters also don’t arrive on birthdays.
Special Abilities: The existence of the character makes Dudley regress back to the bully he was at the start of the first books.

Notes: I suspect another young writer here, maybe a troll

Sample:

Grandpa's face turned turned purple grandma fainted. Mum told me and Lily to go to my room for a adult talk. Dad stormed into my room " CORY I KNEW YOU WERE A FREAK YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE DURSLEY NAME GET PACK A BAG GET OUT NOW I DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER " dad screamed at the top of his lungs. I packed a pillow case and went into my aunt and uncles car the ride took three hours.

4109: The Lost Black - See entry.
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: The Lost Black
Perpetrator: The Griffindor Hatstall
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: A picture of Hermione and Draco is their avatar.
Summary:A life destroyed, a family torn apart. A hidden heir will change everything. Not great at summaries, but this one is worth it!
Full Name: Nevaeh Shacklebolt-Black and Hermione Granger/Cassie Shacklebolt-Black (or so I thought – see connection to canon)
Species: We’re supposed to believe that Hermione is the daughter of Sirius Black and someone related to Shacklebolt.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: She gets a necklace from Sirius that “every pureblooded woman in the room will be incredibly jealous not only of your brains, and beauty but now you have the jewels.”
Connection to Canon: Nevaeh senses the wards in the other homes – Potter and Longbottom – going away. We later on find out that Reginald Granger is a single parent. Hermione is acting like your typical rebellious teen as is angry he won’t let her go see Krum for the summer. He says no, only for her to talk him into letting her go. Tonks and Sirius talk about the safe room, and how they no longer use a fidelous because of what happened. Suddenly, Narcissa shows up in the safe house with Draco who is protecting a girl. Reginald Granger is upset because of “Cassi”. Only, it gets even more confusing. Regulus is the father of Cassiopeia. I went back and checked, and can’t find any mention of these two being separate, but Regulus is suddenly alive and well.
Origin: I’m not sure how to explain this, but for some reason Voldemort wanted to attack Sirius’ kid as well despite the fact the prophesy clearly says boys. Peter is also OoC. Yes Suethors, he did betray the Potters, but he was not made the secret keeper of the Longbottoms, so why would he be the secret keeper of the Shacklebolt-Black family.
Special Abilities: Nevaeh has a name that wasn’t popular let alone well known until 2000, yet she’s supposed to be old enough to be Hermione’s mother. Hermione speaks in a manner which is nothing like canon Hermione. Hermione is also to be paired with Harry. It might be that Hermione is, as of the reveal in chapter two the product of a slash pairing between to guys.

Notes: On one side I worry that the writer forgot that Shaklebolt is of African descent. On the other side, the writer may be playing into the idea of Hermione being of mixed ethnicity. However, their avatar shows a very white Hermione, one with the palest skin ever, so I have my doubts. Then I found out some stuff during second chapter, and the story went from awful to toxic rating wise. If you can find something I missed in the first chapter regarding Hermione and Cassie not being the same person, let me know.

Sample:
Who seems to be Hermione's parents from the sample?Collapse )

4108: Last Minute Declaration - Hermione, Harry, Ron
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: Last Minute Declaration
Perpetrator: bikermo
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: Their avatar is a Loony Toon.
Summary:Hermione loves Harry but lets her fear of him dying lead her to chase Ron instead. After the war and Harry survives she decides to tell him. My first attempt at a somewhat longer (for me) one shot.
Full Name: Hermione, Ron and Harry
Species: OCs the writer is having pretend to be Harry and Hermione.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: The summary pretty much says it all in this one, except Ron is character bashed.
Origin: The writer honestly wants us to believe that Hermione is not a strong character.
Special Abilities: Does anybody actually know of any series where a character actually lets their fear of someone dying prevent them from pursing a romantic interest? By this I don’t mean conjectured guesses by fans, but actual characters thinking this way. Because honestly, I can’t think of a single one.

Notes: I don’t buy the concept at all. If you’re afraid to loose someone, wouldn’t you want to cherish every moment?

These are not the characters I came to love.Collapse )

4107: You Have To & He Says Save Me Save Me - Eavan
Pancake!
pottersues
Title: You Have To and He Says Save Me Save Me
Perpetrator: MidEvilLight1882
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: The cover art for You Have To is a picture of Draco.
Summary:On a Harry Potter kick lately and I got this idea while watching DH P1 for the eighth time. I have an actual story in mind for this so for now I'm leaving this as a Oneshot. I hope you enjoy! An unexpected fourth person is brought to the Manor with the Potter gang who has innocent history with Draco Malfoy. Will he make the right decision or face moral consequences?” and “Eavan is a muggle born Witch. Eavan is also a Mutant. After receiving a letter all the way from Hogwarts to America, Eavan is now apart of another world she never dreamed of being real. At Fifteen years old she is discovering friends, enemies and a war that is brewing that she is just as much apart of, no matter how much she wishes she wasn't. DracoXOC
Full Name: Eavan
Species: She’s a Muggleborn Mutant
Hair: Her hair is red. Specifically, “hidden deep within the middle of the Muggle’s hair, thick white strands mingled in with the dark red tresses.” Apparently this is “very unusual for a girl her age and she obviously could tell that she was no Metamorphmagus.” And yet, it doesn’t make the Sue “special” like the Suethor wants us to think.
Eyes: Her eyes are green.
Markings: She has streaks in her hair.
Possessions: She has a dog, but a letter to Hogwarts despite being from America. This fact is sadly used in the first chapter to make her even more special. She has an owl, who was “a giant jerk to her for two years; dropped her mail mid-flight before reaching Hogwarts, bit her, screeched in her ear and ignored her every word but she still admired him. (Suethor, giving your Sue a pet that misbehaves does not count as a personal flaw!)
Connection to Canon: Eavan is captured with Harry, Hermione and Ron, then left with Bellatrix with Hermione as well. Eventually Bellatrix blurts out upon seeing Eavan’s special hair, “Once we found out about you, our lord has wanted you second to Potter, did you know that? What an honor it truly is and what honor I will have when I deliver you to him.” Then they escape with Dobby, but not without Draco heroically tossing her to Potter. The other fic starts off with six-year old Eavan saying goodbye to her dog because it was attacked by a coyote. Only, she brings him back to life “just as a strand of her hair bled to white.” Second chapter has Jean asking if Eavan has everything, to which she blows a raspberry which only adds to my dislike of this character. Charles is helping her over the death of one of her friends, Cedric Diggory. (Is she really two years younger than Harry Potter? Why is she friends with Diggory, let alone Harry, Hermione and Ron. Things just keep getting worse and worse for this one.) One of her flaws is being upset that he died and blaming herself. Seems convenient though.
Origin: The writer watched the first part of Deathly Hallows and “got an idea”, but said idea is just lifting the plot from the scene mentioned in the summary and dropping an OC in. We get more of her origin in the next piece posted, where at age six she had a run-in with a wild coyote where her dog Baylordied. (It I wasn’t going to give this the toxic rating before, I am now.) Despite the fact she is from America, she is getting to go to Hogwarts. As to why, “Unfortunately that is an answer I cannot give for I do not know but … an Acceptance letter IS an Acceptance letter and Eavan is now, with your permission, a Hogwarts student,” says the minister of magic. (Sorry, but this is a load of bull, not to mention the fact nobody from the school is involved. Add to this, Charles is made completely aware of the anomaly, yet is fine with her going.
Special Abilities: She is a part of the existing plot for no good reason, nor does she add anything to the plot. She’s in Ravenclaw, but manages to be friends with Draco when Hermione couldn’t be. “They were just kids trying to make good grades, be healthy, have friendships and just live.” She can bring things back to life. That is her mutant power. At eleven she is able to say this about her powers. “A small bit of my life is given to bring someone back. When a deceased takes the breath of life I have given back to them, a strand of my hair bleeds to white and I become lethargic for a few hours.” Not only would Xavier have no way of confirming that the process takes away from her life, this isn’t how eleven-year-olds speak. Actually, it is also odd for a six-year-old to develop powers as well. Most are preteens or teens. Also, Cedric asked her to the Yule Ball. She’s two years younger than Harry from what I’ve read! She then goes back to Hogwarts.
Notes: Seems I found another Suethor who thinks lifting from the original content is okay when it is not. As a reader, if I want to read or watch the original series, I would go and read or watch the original series, not an edited version of the story by someone who’s not the original creator. At least the second part is original content, but the story does so many things wrong.
Sample:

The sample is from the second work rather than the first one.

Eavan, only six years old, twisted her hands together at the sight. Green eyes welled with tears as she took a step but then stopped, her hands continue to twist and the first sound left her lips. A small whimper fell past her teeth, her feet finally moving; shuffling to the side of her dog that lay limp on the well mowed grass of her front yard.

"Baylor?" She whispered as she let her fingers ghost through his blue hued fur, her fingernails stopping over a large black spot that rested above his left hind leg.

The dog didn't move nor flinch at her voice or touch, he just laid there motionless with his tongue lapped through his teeth and eyes half lidded. Blood began to seep from his body and pool around him in the grass, darkening the lush green to a muddy brown. Tears spilled from her eyes and down her chin as she wrapped her arms around his thick neck, pulling the limp body to her lap and holding on to his dead weight against her chest.

Peering down to the canine in her arms she stroked his brow and his pert ears that were now relaxed, petting him with a force and begging silently that he would wake up but from the injuries that littered his body; she knew he couldn't.


Only feet away another canine body lay amongst the grass limp but still struggling for breath, a large Coyote that had wandered out of the forest that surrounded her home. She was playing on the porch when she first noticed the growling and looked up just in time to see the feral dog bound toward her and leap. Her eyes never shut, she just watched in paralyzed fear as the animal was leaping up the four small steps that lead to where the little girl sat but before it could cause damage, a bolt of blue intercepted and knocked the Coyote back into the yard; a brutal and snarling fight in full swing.

Now here she sat with her best friend dead in her arms and the other animal trying to pathetically crawl back toward the woods but she couldn't feel hate for it; not when she could only feel sorrow.

"Baylor. . ." She whimpered and pulled the dog's head closer until he was nestled just under her chin. "You need to come back now, okay? Please?" She prayed and rocked the dog softly and unlike anything she has felt before; she felt a pulling sensation just beneath her pounding heart.

It felt like the tiniest of hands was gently poking the flesh of her chest as if to get her attention. Softly placing Baylor back on the grass holding his snout in the palm of her hand, she leaned forward and kissed the edge of his black nose, a small breath falling past her lips from a chocked hiccup. Eavan leaned away from her best friend, her tiny hand still stroking the fur of his neck, and went to call out for her babysitter but a flutter startled her. Quickly snatching her hand back she watched in choked amazement as Baylor's nostrils flared with a breath and his brown eyes opened just as a strand of her hair bled to white.
He came back!

4106: Year 1 - Evan Oxtan
Pancake!
pottersues

I tried testing out the new manner in which to post entries that is in Beta right now, as it should hopefully prevent the HTML coding issues I’ve had every so often because I get one single part off. What's the point of said feature when you can't copy and paste as is? I mean, I don't mind loosing the feature which allows one to select one's font choice wise, but the fact it doesn't keep the bold, the links, let alone not having a space between certain lines, it's not very useful to me. I can't even hide the text yet via cut, but to hide it under a spoiler doesn't work. I thought the eye button was to put it under a cut, but then realized that was actually for putting it under a spoiler. Oh well, it is still in the Beta stages.

Title: Year 1
Perpetrator: Pengulum96
Sue-O-Meter: Okay
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary:This story is only the first year of this new character and a very short story. I will make the next stories longer. This is just an idea of what the next stories will be.
Full Name: Evan Oxtan
Species: new student
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Possessions: “My wand was a 10 inches long and was made from spruce wood and had an ancient dragon tear inside of it.” They also have a friend named Crystal.
Connection to Canon: None. This is the writer’s self-insert, hopefully not the writer themselves.
Origin: I believe this to be the self-insert of a very young writer. I suspect they possibly shouldn't have an account even.
Special Abilities: He transformed a snail into an electronic race car, but has a “vast intellect at a young age”.

Notes: The sample today is very short as I found myself with an entry which is less than three hundred words.

Sample:

I got Ravenclaw which I expected because of my vast intellect at a young age and Crystal got Huffelpuff. The first day we both had so much fun together because I was casting spells my parents taught me as a kid. She was watching me as I turned a snail into a race car and we both watched it drive around the hallways.


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