Potter Sue of the Day
24 May 2013 @ 08:23 pm
TITLE: Not Always Right
PERPETRATOR: Dark Mittens
SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad)
COVER/BANNER ARt: Their avatar, which is young Zangetsu from Bleach. Actually, it is a coloring from the Manga.
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: wtich
HAIR: canon
EYES: canon
MARKINGS: canon
POSSESSIONS: a bunch of boxes that Harry packed from their place back to hers
CONNECTION TO CANON: Harry goes to propose to Hermione and thinks he is breaking up with her so she breaks up with him. She then realizes he wasn't breaking up with her and tries to get back with him. He finally proposes to her at Christmas.
ORIGIN: They are the perfect couple and they started dating their seventh year in October.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Granger has a lack of intelligence.

NOTES: Personally, I don't think Harry should get back together with Hermione... well, the fake Hermione in this. On the positive side of things, the author has forty stories and most of them are complete. This is one of the complete ones.

With the way this is written, would you think the guy was breaking up with you?Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
23 May 2013 @ 07:41 pm
Here is day six.

TITLE: One Letter Difference
PERPETRATOR: Bibliophile219
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: None

FULL NAME: Maeline “Mae” Alice McKinnon
SPECIES: n/a
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: A sitser named Fiona and three brother's name Sean, Dylan and Conner.
CONNECTION TO CANON: We start off with her birth, "Ok, so not Maeve, but close. How about Maelene? Mae as in May. It is the first of May after all and May is the fifth month. The fifth month for our fifth child" For some reason the 'obliviate” spell works as a “Fidelius Charm” in this. They then find out she can turn invisible in chapter three. Her parents die in chapter four, which consists of very few words and then in chapter five is angst about their deaths. She's told to run to Hogwarts if something happens and Severus manages to find her. She's three at the time. Then we get chapter after chapter of little kid doing little kid stuff. It's all about her being a bouncy, annoying toddler in all her glory.
ORIGIN: “Meet Mae McKinnon: 5th child of Marlene and John McKinnon.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Sole survivor, saved by a Fidelius Charm and a rare, special gift: Invisibility.” Also known as “invisilous”. For some reason her parents placed a Fidelius Charm on her despite the fact there was no reason to do so compared to their other children.

NOTES: Fifteen chapters, less then ten thousand words. One of the chapters also happens to be an author's note talking about how they got a computer virus.

Wait... what? A real identity?Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
22 May 2013 @ 10:24 pm
Here is day six.

TITLE: A Look Into The Future
PERPETRATOR: A Look Into The Future
SUE-O-METER: TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: A clip of the first movie's cover art or movie poster with Black Potter scrawled over the top.

FULL NAME: Annabella Potter
SPECIES: She's Harry's supposed sister, but she is really Marlene and Sirius' child, or she's Regulas' and someone else's child.
HAIR: I DON'T CARE
EYES: I DON'T CARE
MARKINGS: I DON'T CARE
POSSESSIONS: I DON'T CARE
CONNECTION TO CANON: It's the canon MSTed and with the writer's OC added in despite the fact there is no reason to add a second child.
ORIGIN: Marlene and others gather to read the books. Yes... this is a Read the Books.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her parents also get killed by Voldemort. She then randomly shows up to see them in the second chapter.

NOTES: Suethor, I DON'T CARE about your tag along sue that has no business honestly being in the canon. Normally I don't want the stories to disappear, but feel free to report this one as it has copied quite a few lines from Rowling's books just like the other Read the Books have.

Lists... they're not fun to read.Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
21 May 2013 @ 08:05 pm
Here is day five.

TITLE: What if?
PERPETRATOR: pheonix99
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: A clip of their avatar, which is a very pink hibiscus like flower

FULL NAME: Lily Tulip Evans, Rose Daisy Evans, Marlene Mckinnon and Jessica Malfoy
SPECIES: Twee-hee-hee Sues.
HAIR: Lily has auburn hair.
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: So, the one and only chapter is Lily and Rose annoying their older sister. It doesn't get to where Jessica and Marlene are introduced.
ORIGIN: “What if Lily Evans had a twin sister called Rose evans. What if they made to great friends at Hogwarts called Marlene Mckinnon and Jessica Malfoy (Lucius Malfoys little sister) What if in the story Rose gets kidnaped by voldermort. What if lily, jess and marly asked the marauders to help save her. What if?”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: What if this isn't how “what if” stories are supposed to work?

NOTES: I may feature some of their other stories later.

Short sampleCollapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
20 May 2013 @ 09:45 pm
Here is day four. It's late because I had a long day yesterday.

TITLE: Dreaming is Free
PERPETRATOR: Seesigh
SUE-O-METER: TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: A picture of a silhouette that has a gray background and a sparkly, star like effect on top.

FULL NAME: Marlene, Lily
SPECIES: For some strange reason the description used at the beginning of the first chapter reminds me of Desperate Housewives.
HAIR: Lily has “...thick dark red hair cascading across her petite shoulders...”
EYES: Lily has “...sparkling emerald eyes...”
MARKINGS: “Lily Evans was a stunning woman...” “But today Marlene thought she looked otherworldly, like a celestial goddess with a great arse.”
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: The story starts off with Marlene congratulating Lily about getting married before lobbing comment after comment about how beautiful she looks. The second chapter is about Marlene getting upset because she was unfit for Auror training because she didn't do well “on the Official Auror Character and Aptitude Test”. They tell her that “[they] do not believe that [she has] the required character to preserve as a auror in the long run” because “having the ability and desire to fight is simply not enough” and “under more extensive research of your marks, it came to our attention that your Transfiguration N.E.W.T only passed Exceed Expectations by three point,” which “strengthened [their] decision for [her] denial”. She then burst out into cursing you wouldn't expect of someone as old as she is. There are seventeen more chapters, but I find myself turned off by the first two big time.
ORIGIN: Marlene and Lily were best friends since they started school the same year. They are currently eighteen in the story.
SPECIAL ABILITIES:

NOTES: When your story starts off by rambling about the good looks of any character something is honestly wrong. The way the second chapter on the other hand... why is the reader supposed to like Marlene? She's... well, Desperate Housewives... I keep being reminded of it, and I don't think that is a good thing.

Way, way to fancy.Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
18 May 2013 @ 10:13 pm
Here is day three. The title is a mouthful.

TITLE: You Can't Change the Past but You Can Make a Better Future
PERPETRATOR: Lady Elizabeth of New York
SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad)
COVER/BANNER ART: A picture of a sign post for a street that is red with only the street part.

FULL NAME: Marlene and many others.
SPECIES: One big happy family.
HAIR: David has dark hair like his father. Both Marlene and her brother Matt have “their father's wavy brown hair”.
EYES: Davi has gray eyes like his father. Matt has “their mother's kind blow eyes rather than the brown eyes she inherited from their father.”
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Marlene decides to come back with her children and Dumbledore arranges for her to be a teacher at Hogwarts. We get a flash back to when she finds out she is pregnaunt with Caitlin and then we jump to her and Sirius meeting up again despite the fact Remus has advised against it and there is a lot of sugary talk. She then visits Frank and Alice.
ORIGIN: Marlene's two kids are Caitlin and David. Her brother is Matt and her sister-in-law is Jill. Her husband is of course Sirius. Caitlin was born from a teenage pregnancy. Not really a Mary Sue trait, but still notable.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: For some strange reason Marlene is alive in this. She then gets a teaching job at Hogwarts so she pretty much has a cover story for why she moved back. It is quite possible the DADA position. Also, from my calculations Caitlin would have been two years older then Harry roughly, so she is a year or two ahead of him. Add the thirteen years Sirius claims he hasn't seen them in she should be in her fifth or sixth year. However, it also should be more then thirteen years since he's seen his family as they've figured out that he's innocent, so she really should be in sixth or seventh. Molly also for some reason says it's been fifteen years since she's seen Marlene. If her mom's taking the DADA position, then she would either be in year seven or graduated as Moody being the teacher forth year is important. Also, it seems Caitlin is supposed to be paired with “the son of an enemy” and the only person I can think of is Draco. I'm not understanding how they could really get close when they're going to be in different years.

NOTES: The writing is actually pretty good, but the math is making my head spin as well as the stuff that isn't explained. (Marlene being alive rather then dead. The writer doesn't list this as being an AU even.) Also, where Sirius and Marlene meet again... it doesn't feel like the kind of conversation two people would have after being separated as long as they have. It feels more like a conversation people would have if it had been a couple of weeks, maybe a month. Perhaps that is just me.

According to Dumbledore she needs a cover story for moving back when she did. I'm not so sure.Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
17 May 2013 @ 04:56 pm
Here is day two!

TITLE: Blackinnon Love (Rule of thumb here, don't title your story with the ship name.)
PERPETRATOR: PatronusIsAMokingjay3
SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad) Mostly because the story is hard to follow.
COVER/BANNER ART: The logo to the Hunger Games series.

FULL NAME: Marlene “Marls” McKinnon
SPECIES: Sirius Black's girlfriend...
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: The prolog is about them playing Snog Spin and the two kissing. We then jump to them getting on the train and her having major angst because her parents promised they would see her off. Apparently James is dating a Ravenclaw named Leah and she and Lily are gossiping about the girl with Emmy (Leah's use to be friend) as well as Hestia and Mary. She then says that Leah is just a flirt and bets Lily that “James asks [her] out by the end of the day”. And then he walks up and asks her and Lily finds herself having to give Marlene three Galleons. We then have them doing homework and talking about some Truth or Dare game involving Sirius. It then rambles.
ORIGIN: Well, she is a canon character.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I'm not sure if having your romantic pairing kiss in the first chapter is a good way to start off your story, and I also don't really see Lily as the type to enjoy gossiping about people. And saying that a girl is a flirt isn't much of an insult or a reason for a boy to break up with a girl.

NOTES: Here is a quote from the writer's profile. “Hey! It's PIAM here! Well, umm... As you can probably tell, I'm a Harry Potter lover, a Hunger Games lover, as well as a Gallagher Girl, a Time Lord and a Dragon Rider. Yeah, I'm pretty busy saving the world and all. :P” I'm surprised she doesn't have an OC self insert, but maybe we have a young writer who gets a few things. Actually, despite being overly cliché the writer does have quite a bit of potential.

Kiss, kiss, fall in love...Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
16 May 2013 @ 07:44 pm
Live Journal decided to act up so I wasn't able to post this entry yesterday like I wanted to.

One of the minions asked me why I didn't tag one of the Sues from ABC User names as being related to Marlene McKinnon. The story was written before Marlene was introduced into the series though. That said, I decided we should have a Rarely Sued Canon Character week. I'm not going to guarantee that all the sues will be Marlene, but each story will be connected to her. So here is day one.

TITLE: Heiress of the House of Black
PERPETRATOR: WeasleyTheAgent
SUE-O-METER:TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: A clip of her avatar, which has a person holding a book and “i'm a bookworm” splattered over the picture along with something I can't read.”

FULL NAME: Marlene McKinnon and Zoe Black
SPECIES: Zoe is the daughter of Marlene as well as Sirius.
HAIR: n/a The formatting stinks, so I'm not digging this one out. Actually, be forewarned that if you want to read the entry that you may get a headache as the story's hard to read.
EYES: See above.
MARKINGS: See above.
POSSESSIONS: There is a photo album of Sirius' memories at Hogwarts. She also has a black dog stuffed animal. She also has a broom.
CONNECTION TO CANON: We start off with the birth of the sue with a lot of Angst. We then have Sirius taking his daughter to see new born Harry. Marlene doesn't show up in the second chapter and in the third chapter she leaves Zoe at the Weasley family before taking off and getting herself killed. Chapter four is about the Halloween when James and Lily died and how sad they are about Marlene's death. We then skip to Zoe and Zoe's POV of her being woken up forth year and going to school. She gets onto the train, talks to the twins about how Sirius has escaped and then passes out.
ORIGIN: She's the daughter of two people who aren't married. I say they aren't married due to the fact Remus is also her Godfather and ends up being taken care of him. She was born on April 18th, 1979. By the time she's sixteen months (which according to the writer is “nearly 2”, “Zoe already hated the colour pink, she liked blue better”. When she passes out we get this description. “I sat there in shock and was shaking widely that I properly looked like a cold hairless cat, I was instantly meet by horrible nightmares , horrible memories , that I started screaming, though it I wasn't screaming...there was screaming in the back of my head , that and flash of green was the last thing I saw before everything went black.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Ms. Weasley is really good friends with Marlene and is there for the birth of Zoe, but you would think that she would be busy with her own kids. She speaks in full sentences with baby words by the time she is sixteen months. Actually, saying full sentences isn't the full ability. She's saying full sentences like this. " In this Photo album called " Hwogwarts Memwoies...Daddy who is the other boy then?" She's also good friends with Hermione and is the chaser on the Gryffindor team. (The role's already taken.) Apparently the reason she got sought out is because “The Dementor must of Recognized your fathers DNA on you..”

NOTES: How many stories have been featured where it starts off with the Sue being born? I think it's been four or five since I took over if not more. The writer has a character named Zoe Brant in her other Harry Potter series.

Another story that starts with the birth of the main Sue.Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
14 May 2013 @ 07:06 pm
There are so many different weeks I can do... but right now I'll take a break from Pottersues Weeks and do another entry sent in. This one is sent in by maniacaleddddd.

TITLE: Who Is Voldemort's Dad: The Tales of Vernon Dursly
PERPETRATOR: D'arkYagam'i
SUE-O-METER: (troll)
COVER/BANNER ART:

FULL NAME: Voldemort and Vernon Dursley. On top of this we have Dumbledore and a bunch of other characters who are OoC.
SPECIES: Well, they aren't in a romantic relationship. I'm not sure if that is more bizarre then the relationship they do have or not.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Voldemort shows up and says he's Vernon's son. They then blow up Dumbledore. Vernon finds out then that he has a grand nephew from Harry and Ginny. It gets weirder.
ORIGIN: None.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Dumbledore's yelling about the force

NOTES: I decided to label this one as a troll because I found this page.

Completely illogical.Collapse )
 
 
Potter Sue of the Day
13 May 2013 @ 10:39 pm
Here is day Z

TITLE: The Story of Liz Bower, the rewrite The Story of Liz Bower and the second rewrite .
PERPETRATOR:
Zociac
SUE-O-METER: BAD (bad)
COVER/BANNER ART: None.

FULL NAME: Liz Bower
SPECIES: A Mary Sue... of course.
HAIR: She has “sandy blonde hair”
EYES: She has “smokey blue eyes”
MARKINGS: She's “a fifteen-year-old girl”. In the second Ron becomes “awestruck at the sight of Liz. Never before in his life had he ever seen anyone more gorgeous.”
POSSESSIONS:An “Aunt Manaly, who Liz loved deeply” as well as a flat. In the second attempt she gets “Hogwarts, A History” from Hermione. In the third she has a wand she buy's for seven Galleons that is “maple, phoenix feather, thirteen inches”. She also gets the books “Charms, Protection of All Forms, “Secretive charms of the Ancient Times” and almost buy's “The Complete Volume of Counter Curses”.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first attempt had Voldemort kill off the entire Malfoy family because they refused to kill their son so he kills all of them. The writer also says, “why Voldemort wanted Draco dead was a mystery. Such a powerful wizard worrying about not even a fully trained wizard was a mystery to all”. She's pretty much at “The Tree Broomsticks” before heading to her flat to see her auntie. The second attempt involves her meeting Harry and company in Diagon Alley. She seems to be new to school and needing them tell her a bit more and gets a book from Hermione. The third story has her asking for a new wand because it got broken in class by another student. She then meets Harry in the robe shop. Harry tells her good-bye, she should be in Gryffindor before she goes off and gets herself an ice pop with her aunt.
ORIGIN: She's the writer's self insert.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The first attempt she's just a plain old OC. In the second fanfic we find her already knowing she's pretty much going to have certain people “play a major role in her future” as soon as she met them.

NOTES: Focus...

At least they're actual rewrites. The writer's lack of confidence is rather sad.Collapse )