The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
Pancake!
pottersues

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

Tags:

4054: Oliver's Valentine - Aquila Valentine
Pancake!
pottersues
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Oliver’s Valentine
PERPETRATOR: CrazyRopeDragon
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: It's related to the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
SUMMARY:”Oliver Wood is determined to win the Quidditch House Cup before he leaves Hogwarts. Nothing will stand in his way. Not the Slytherins. Not a bludger. Not a pretty girl who helps him with his homework... He swears.”
FULL NAME: Aquila Valentine
SPECIES:
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS: “Pretty girl, great bone structure.”
POSSESSIONS: “Aquila had been serious about her 60s music, it would seem. He smiled nervously as Moon River played. He almost laughed with nervous energy. And then a figure in white appeared, walking slowly towards him. His heart leapt into his throat. Her dress was relatively simple, with details picked out in lace. The shiny silk hugged her hips, which swayed gently as she walked. She clutched a bouquet of purple dahlias. Her face was covered with a delicate lace veil. He couldn't breathe. It was happening. Here she was. The woman who would very soon be his wife. The world seemed to slow around him as he took in every detail of her. He felt as though he should fall on his knees before her. He had never felt so overwhelmed by the love he felt for her as he did now. She was so close now. He could just about make out the shape of her face beneath the veil, which was held in place with a sparkly diadem.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Wood gets injured practicing quidditch and runs into Miss Valentine, who conveniently ends up in the infirmary with a fake allergy and something I doubt would be a constant staple of the class. Soon she’s the new chaser for the team as well. Then there is a really badly written poem in chapter four which Aquilla gets from “P”. Then it gets canceled in chapter five. Yawn! We’ve got major plot-what-plot going on. Yet, despite the lack of character development for this girl, she is still ending up marrying Oliver in chapter twenty-eight.
ORIGIN: We’ve got another… I’m not sure what to say about this one. She’s convenitently pretty, conveniently smart, Wood convenitently needs tutoring, and she’s conveniently got a real fatal flaw which is majorly fake. (I mean, come on. Claiming an allergy to something that is venomous doesn’t work.)
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is supposedly allergic to the Venomous Tentacula, which is why she’s in the infirmary. To quote the Harry Potter wiki on this one, “Venomous Tentacula expels venom from its shoots, and its spikes are deadly. Its bite is highly poisonous and can prove fatal.” Me thinks allergies aren’t the issue here. Apparently this is enough for someone to advise her against taking herbology despite the fact the class is mandatory.

NOTES: One of the reviewers says in their review of chapter seventeen that “Excuse you for giving me not only OTP feels but FEELINGS OF PRIFE FOR MY NATION.” Sorry, but Aquila is an OC. There is thus no OTP here.

Last time I checked herbology was mandatory.Collapse )

4053: Working for a Weasley - Jade Valentine
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is , and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful. I’m not sure the writer realizes there is a difference between the original creator adding in a character, and other writers adding in a new character to an already existing canon.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Working for a Weasley
PERPETRATOR: The Long Lost Weasley Triplet
SUE-O-METER: awful
COVER/BANNER ART: none
SUMMARY:” When Jade Valentine is fired from her job at the Ministry, she ends up accidentally applying for a job at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Her dull life is then spiraled into one of excitement, with new friends, family, and more coming into play. With all the drama and changes, everything Jade once knew has been questioned, and her life might just turn for the unexpected.”
FULL NAME: Jade Valentine
SPECIES: She’s a Jerk Sue.
HAIR: “…very dark, almost black, hair…” Her boyfriend who will eventually be her ex has “messy blond hair”.
EYES: “…light blue eyes…” Her soon to be ex-boyfriend has “warm hazel eyes”.
MARKINGS: Her soon to be ex-boyfriend “was very attractive, complete with a nicely toned body and full height of 6’3, and Jade often wondered how she had snagged a guy like Chase when she was just her plain old self.” (She’s very much like Bella from Twilight, so I don’t by this whole “plain old self” bit.
POSSESSIONS: She and her soon to be ex-boyfriend live in “an apartment complex hidden in between the shops at Diagon Alley, going up to her apartment.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: She gets fired, shames an older worker and proceeds to throw fireworks at her previous boss. She then whines to her boyfriend Chase who offers to beat up the guy. There’s a claim that Jade and Chase didn’t know each other because he’s four years her senior and they were in different houses, which is believable. She seems rather bored with her boyfriend, and is looking around at Diagon Alley for a new job. We then jump to Fred and George who like the fact the newspaper says “WOMAN FIRED FROM MINISTRY DECIDES TO LEAVE IN A FLASHY MANOR” and decide to hire her. (I wouldn’t call that an accident that she’s hired, but I also doubt it would have made the newspaper, but Fred and George would have also questioned whether it was a prank like they pulled or someone just being an ass.) She also instantly accepts the job.
ORIGIN: The writer wanted to create a character to pair up with one of the twins.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She’s supposed to be an adult, but acts like a complete brat. She’s also dating a jerk to at the start of the series.

NOTES: The Sue is in the right when she is in the wrong. Joy.

Never respond this way to your employer when they let you go.Collapse )

4052: dracoissohot - you sue
Pancake!
pottersues
So, I’ve been on vacation for a bit taking care of some business. I’m back with a new entry.

TITLE: dracoissohot
PERPETRATOR: dobbyissohot
SUE-O-METER: troll
COVER/BANNER ART: A really bad picture of Dobby blushing.
SUMMARY:”ONE SHOT SELF INSERT OC X READER LOL X DRACVO MAIGV BAGANGO”
FULL NAME: you/sue
SPECIES: troll!sue, but not the creature kind of troll!sue
HAIR: your hair color
EYES: your eye color
MARKINGS: your markings
POSSESSIONS: your items
CONNECTION TO CANON: you are now in canon!
ORIGIN: you are being trolled
SPECIAL ABILITIES: you are draco malfoy’s sex toy.

NOTES: The writer says they’re twelve on their profile, but I’m thinking it is far more likely a troll poking fun of younger writers. It’s more like what a troll would write, MA content included.
I’mCollapse )

4051: Not This Time - Hermione J. Granger
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: Not This Time
PERPETRATOR: Drago Dormiens
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer’s avatar is from an Anime, but I’m not sure which one.
SUMMARY:”Hermione J. Granger only wanted to go back in time to help certain events from happening. But time is a fickle thing, therefore would rather she change time by being apart of it. Meet Hermione D. Potter, twin sister to James C. Potter. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters. All rights go to J.K. Rowling.”
FULL NAME: Hermione J. Granger
SPECIES: timetravel!sue
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hermione travels back in time despite the fact she doesn’t need to in canon just to become Harry’s twin sister. The story didn’t get past her being reborn in the first chapter. In fact, this one starts off with a letter from Hermione about how things can go wrong before getting into the
ORIGIN: Another story which breaks the canon rules of time travel.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Breaking the rules of canon.

NOTES: Why give this a toxic rating despite the fact there is less than four-hundred words? The small part packed in a lot.

Read more...Collapse )

4050: The Midnight Moon - Haruhi Fjioka/Harry Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: The Midnight Moon
PERPETRATOR: sisterdeath1
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Haruhi and his twin sister are not what they appear. What will the Host Club do when they meet them and discover their world? Ouran High School Host Club/Harry Potter/Avengers Tamaki, Ron, Hermione, Molly, Dumbledore bashing Twins Hitachiin; twins Haru/Haruhi English underlined Japanese normal”
FULL NAME: Haruhi Fujioka/(see future note)
SPECIES: Um….
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Haruhi gets in trouble by breaking an expensive item like in the original series. Second chapter, very confusing. Third through eleventh – just the second chapter repeated, and never gets to the Hary Potter stuff. Except… I finally got the connection because of a review. Haruhi and Harry are supposed to be the same character. (Face palms…)
ORIGIN: So, what I think is going on is this. The writer wanted to take Haruhi’s character and make her a real boy instead of a girl crossdressing as a boy, but because they couldn’t quite reconcile that fact, Haruhi suddenly also has a female twin who is there at the beginning of the story, but then disappears because she is in a different class and the writer couldn’t be bothered to give her a name. So, it might as well just be Haruhi moved to another class, yet this guy is also supposed to be Haruhi. But makybe she’s this Ranka person?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Uh…

NOTES: So, when you post something online, you really should make sure that what you’ve written is clear and concise. Other writers shouldn’t have to decipher what you’re trying to do for other readers. Also, don’t have two characters with the same name running around unless it is a senior and junior, or two canon characters from two different fandoms.

The prose should not leave the reader confused.Collapse )

4049: Love, Secrets, and potions - Eleanor Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: Love, Secrets, and potions
PERPETRATOR:
SUE-O-METER: Bad
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer’s avatar is of Lily and Snape, with “Love, secrets and potions”.
SUMMARY:”Harry, and his sister Eleanor are going to Hogwarts along Ron, and Hermione, where they're going to figure out secrets from their parents, teachers, and school. They thought that it would be a normal year, but they're wrong. SS/LE, HG/DM, HP/LL”
FULL NAME: Eleanor Potter
SPECIES:
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: The Potters are living where the Dursley family did.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The entire story is super sugar sweet in tone, where nothing can go wrong. Eleanor gets her letter in chapter one. Then chapter two has Lily talking to Molly about a new Weasley baby. Then there is weird angst from Lily. She wants to be in Gryffindor to, and gets into an argument with the hat. Stories pretty much plot, what plot and fluff.
ORIGIN: Not only are Lily and James alive, she’s cheating on James with Severus. Why on the first part, I don’t know other than because the writer can.
SPECIAL ABILITIES:

NOTES: I suspect a very young writer on this one.

The fluff is painful!Collapse )

4048: Moving Mountains - Hermione Granger and Bella Swan
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: Moving Mountains
PERPETRATOR: Azucena17
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: It’s a pick of Hermione and Harry in sepia tones.
SUMMARY:”Bella has kept a secret from the Cullens. One that is about to break down everything that they've come to know to the very foundation. She has a twin sister. One that was given to an aunt to raise. What happens when the war in England has damaged Hermione so much so, that she chooses to return to the people who threw her away? Read and find out. Will be Harry/Hermione pairing”
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger, Bella Swan
SPECIES: Twin sisters
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Bella’s mad Hermione’s coming home. Apparently getting sent to live with your aunt and uncle because they can’t have children of their own and really want one is equivalent to being thrown away. Bella then remembers Hermione using magic, and plays her up as freaky child. Second chapter, Hermione lands in the plane with Harry. Bella convinces her dad in chapter three to leave Hermione at the airport, because she must not be coming because she’s an impatient little brat. Harry and Hermione are flirting with each other. Teddy is of course coming with them. Chapter four is breakfast at the Potters, and randomly out of place. It then gets very painful from there, and dives into plot, what plot.
ORIGIN: So, we have another story where Hermione runs away from everything. However, this one is unique in the fact she first ran away from America to England because her family threw her away. Then, she’s damaged and decides to rn back to them.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: So, Bella’s in character. Sort of. Yes, she’s whiny like ever, but there’s something wrong when Bella, from her own POV says, “I whined, sounding exactly like a 4 year-old.” She wouldn’t be aware of this, and it sounds like a major exaggeration of the truth.

NOTES: On one side, the story does merit the Toxic writing. On the other hand, the actual writing is a lot better than most Twilight fics.

Read more...Collapse )

4047: Moments Of Bliss - Pandora Granger, Sophia Rose, Draco and Raven Malfoy
Pancake!
pottersues
TITLE: Moments Of Bliss
PERPETRATOR: BrodieCaffee
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: Lucius
SUMMARY:” Pandora is the pureblood sister of Hermione Granger, Pandora is also involved with another Pureblood…”
FULL NAME: Pandora Granger, Sophia Rose Malfoy
SPECIES: Hermione’s older sister, and future wife of Lucius Malfoy, but the other Sue is Pandora’s daughter
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: “Pandora and Lucius Malfoy were now married and very happy together, Lucius gave Pandora a present, she opened it to find a silver necklace with their names inside a heart…” They have a daughter named Sophie Rose
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is how she got adopted, Hermione’s the angel child, she meets Lucius and plans on marrying him after Hogwarts. She doesn’t want to see her family, and by the end of the first chapter is marrying him. (What the hell happened to Narcissa?) Chapter two she get a special necklace. IT is also about how perfect their life is, and how happy they are. Chapter three is about trying for a baby. Lucius tells her she’s supper pretty with their unborn baby. More about the growing baby in chapter four. Then their baby is born. Their life is super special, to the point Pandora gets to snub Hermione while carrying her Marry Sue baby in Diagon Alley because it’s all Hermione’s fault. (No, it isn’t.) Draco’s finally mentioned as their baby boy. A third baby Raven is born in the third and final chapter.
ORIGIN: Hermione’s now a Pureblood. Why, and why the sugar coated nothing wrong happens plot? Hermione’s only mentioned when Granger comes up on Pandora’s adoption papers and is forgotten later on. That is until chapter eight.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her parents got upset they had a Pureblood, adopted her out, but decided to keep Hermione when they had her. However, in chapter four she suddenly becomes a half-sister.

NOTES: I’d suspect the writer to be very young, and yet the account for this one is four years.

Hermione’s not a PurebloodCollapse )

4046: Shadow - Evangelina Granger, Beatrice Gale, Tracy
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is Avoiding Mistakes in Fanfiction Writing: A Beginner’s Guide, and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Shadow
PERPETRATOR: xWintra
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART: Nothing of interest.
SUMMARY:” Evangelina Granger has always lived in the shadow of her talented and kind older sister, Hermione. When they both turn out to be witches and are off to Hogwarts, Evangelina believes it'll be a fresh start and a place to finally prove herself. But with dangers around every corner and snakes that refuse to leave Evangelina alone, escaping Hermione's shadow becomes her last problem.”
FULL NAME: Evangelina Granger, Beatrice Gale, Tracy
SPECIES: Hermione’s sister, and the woman who introduces them to the wizarding world, and friend Evangelina makes
HAIR: dark
EYES: hazel-green
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: It’s your typical oh, woe is me, I’m not as good as Hermione story. There is major plot, what plot is going on, and despite the claim that this girl is living in her sister’s shadow, I don’t buy it.
ORIGIN: She’s another sister of Hermione whose “different” in a lousy way. “This is an eventual (because they’re only 11) Draco/OC story, which starts in the Philospher’s (or Sorcerer’s) Stone. This story will take elements from both the books and the movies.) That typically means plagiarism, but I doubt the writers claim that only eleven such stories exist.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Supposidly she’s Hermione’s woe be me sister, but in reality the story is so plot, what plot heavy that one questions why this story even exists. Oh, and “she’s the first muggle-born Slytherin in decades.”

NOTES: The fact the reader thinks there are only eleven such stories tells me she really needs to read more fanfic. On the positive side, while the story is plot-what-plot, there is no plagiarism in this one.

Oh woe is me, I can’t live up to Hermione Granger!Collapse )

?

Log in