The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
Pancake!
pottersues

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

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3598: Forget Me Not, Keep Me In Your Memory - Haiden Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is What are the hallmarks of a good OC?.
- Flashback Sue

TITLE: Forget Me Not, and Keep Me In Your Memory
PERPETRATOR: Myari
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover for the first is of a black cat on a yellow background, and the second of a black cat on a starlit background.
SUMMARY:”Harry is a quiet boy, that is easily forgettable, sometimes even his own twin brother forgets about him. Dropped off at their relatives, the Dursleys, when they were only one year old, Harry and his twin grew up not knowing what love and friendship were.”, and ””
FULL NAME: Haiden Potter
SPECIES: He's Harry's Twin brother.
HAIR: He also has blue hair. (Yes, Haiden's hair is described as blue.)
EYES: He has ocean blue eyes.
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is the Vanishing Glass. The first difference is that Haiden becomes the protector, and at the end Harry ends up “under his twin's cot in their cuboard curled into a ball, tears silently slipping down his cheeks. He had messed up again and had ruined his brother's happiness.” On top of this, “Haiden was beginning to wonder if his twin was doing it on purpose.” Chapter two is :etters From No One. Difference, Haiden isn't as nice, and leaves Harry to do the chores by himself. Double checking the second story, it's the same thing. The writer just took the original story, and made minor edits to the plot so their Sue, or in this case, Stu, could steal the limelight.
ORIGIN: Please stop copying the original plot Suethors. It doesn't how much of a special snowflake you make your
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Harry's brother steals Ginny away so that Harry can be paired up with Draco, and they're only eleven to twelve in Forget Me not, and twelve to thirteen to Keep Me In Your Memory. Reading the first chapter, I am going to assume the writer is either addicted to Anime, or they turned Hairden into a metamorphmagus. He's also sacrificing everything for his poor twin brother, giving him the better socks. (Gag me.)

NOTES:

The twist, the twin is male instead of female.Collapse )

3597: Stand By Me - Beautie98
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is Mary Sue 101: How to Spot Her and How to STAY AWAY.
- Flashback Sue


TITLE: Stand By Me
PERPETRATOR: Beautie98
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART: Forgot to look.
SUMMARY:”Born in a world where magic exists Rhiannon Potter and her twin Harry survive an attack from Voldemort on All Hallows Eve, Harry Potter is given his prophecy to defeat the Dark Lord and Rhiannon is given her own. She is the soulmate to the most powerful wizard known to mankind and has a chance for happiness in this new life given to her. Non-Canon, AU”
FULL NAME: Rhiannon Potter
SPECIES: I'm not sure what words best describe this one.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: It's your typical Harry Potter twin, with the typical big plans Suethors have.
ORIGIN: The summary pretty much does it for this one.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sorry Suethor, but prophecies aren't for the self-centered gain of your Sue, like they are in your story.

NOTES: Cliche to the extreme. The writer is seventeen, but their account was created back in March, so I doubt they've got much fandom experience to know how old this one is.

Cry me a river, I won"t stand by this Sue.Collapse )

3596: Guardian Angel - Angel Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is How Not to write Bad Fanfic.
- Flashback Sue


TITLE: Guardian Angel
PERPETRATOR:
SUE-O-METER: Bad
COVER/BANNER ART: Feathers? With the Title underneath? It's pretty.
SUMMARY:”Angel Potter is more than what she seems – the 'angel' part? That's literal. Angel never was the twin sister of Harry Potter. She was a spirit, roaming the world, indebted to Lily Evans. Lily only asked one thing in return of this debt: the angel protect her child. When Lily died, the time to finally pay that debt was up. World, you'd better get ready. Harry isn't alone this time!”
FULL NAME: Angel Potter
SPECIES: angel
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: Petunia is yelling at the kids, and Harry and Angel decide they want to run away. They arrive at Godric's Hollow, and move back into the old Potter house. (Yeah, I don't see that possible.) They start moving things around despite being what, five to six years old if I remember correctly. Dumbledore is freaking out because they disappeared, and a dead body was found. (You know, this should be getting an awful rating at least, but this... this gets the story knocked down to the Bad rating. This writer's got a lot of potential, I just wish the concept was a little more, believable. I mean, little kids running away and surviving? No, just no. But Dumbledore actually not being turned evil, and being in character!”
ORIGIN: See summary.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Angel is supposed to have learned how to be human, which really doesn't make sense since she is aging like a normal human, and she's supposed to speak oddly for a child, but she really doesn't. She is though able to do things like fixing a broken door at the old Potter place.

NOTES: Well, it's different. This is apparently a part of a challenge.

“AN: This story is being written for a challenge by The Phoenix Wraith. The challenge details and rules are below. […] Name (of challenge): Harry's Guardian […] Name of challenger (as in your name): The Phoenix Wraith (Or just Phoenix for short.) […] Due date (if applicable): N/A […] Pairings/characters: Author's discretion; preferably unique. […] Summary: Before her end at Voldemort's curse, Lily Potter signed a Magical Contract with a Sentinel, ancient spirits of the aether that are also known as Guardian Angels. How will Harry's life change with a Magical Spirit looking out for him? […] Other details: There are three ways I believe this to be done; […] Number One: The Sentinel takes the role of Harry's guardian, whether instead or after Dursleys is to the Authors Discretion. As Harry grows, the Sentinel teaches him various topics, ranging from studies, to fighting styles, to magic. Being bound to Harry, the Sentinel also follows him to Hogwarts over the years and serves to protect him. […] Number Two: The Sentinel takes the role of a twin sibling, always caring for Harry no matter what. The Sentinel, as a being of Magic, is registered on the Hogwarts charter and will aid Harry through the years. […] Number Three: The Sentinel takes the role of Harry's familiar, aiding him from the background. You don't have to replace Hedwig (Hell, you could even make Hedwig the familiar). […] The difference in these scenarios, is that the Guardian and Familiar Sentinel can either reveal their nature to Harry or keep it from him, whereas the Sibling Sentinel does whatever they can to keep it hidden as long as possible. […] In terms of pairings and/or bashings, Author's Discretion - though I do request for some variety for pairing, even OC's if you want; just make sure to not Mary/Gary Sue 'em. […] The Sentinel can be either gender, and any animal/creature if going the Familiar scenario, and if going the Guardian scenario any pairings are, again, to the Author's Discretion. […] Random Options for extra Challenges: Quote a line from any song by Metallica, Ozzy Osbourne, Three Days Grace or Linkin Park while keeping it within the current scene.”

No, it wouldn"t take her that long.Collapse )

3595: Angel of Magic - Liam Daemon
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is
Avoiding Mistakes in Fanfiction Writing: A Beginner's Guide
.
- Flashback Sue

Here is day six of Angel week, and a very late announcement that the blog officially became thirteen years old at the beginning of last month. I keep spacing out on that date, unlike the previous Pottersues.

TITLE: Angel of Magic
PERPETRATOR: tbhICantThinkOfAGoodUsername
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART: Their avatar is this black and white picture of an angel wielding duel swords. He's also shirtless, and his wings are really spiky. He's buffed up as well muscle wise.
SUMMARY:”I'm not good at summaries, but basically to save his girlfriend's soul from eternal damnation a young man agrees to become the guardian of a world. First chapter gives a much better idea of what the story is about. OC/Tonks. Slight to major universe messing with. Haven't decided on what all to change except for most of the stuff after Goblet Of Fire”
FULL NAME: Liam Daemon
SPECIES: dead human turned angel
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: He has a girlfriend named Leanne.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The plot really doesn't make sense. The summary gives you what happens in the first chapter, and then you have the character told he needs to go and find Harry Potter, but that he needs to wait to meet Harry Potter. He does meet Sirius briefly in the second chapter, but that felt very – empty
ORIGIN: “Warning, this fic has a somewhat passing relationship with Harry himself, but this is a Harry Potter fanfic. Also, contains mild religion like SPN, so, mind your disbelief.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Stealing the spotlight from the entire Harry Potter canon, but also stealing Tonks from Remus.

NOTES:The summary would be good for an original fiction piece, but this is fanfic. I then read the author's note, and asked why the writer didn't just write an original fiction piece, if they're having to justify that this is even a Harry Potter fanfic. I'm honestly expecting this is a poor attempt on the writers part to try and to squeeze an original fiction piece into the pit as a fanfic series, having gotten through the first two chapters, and suspecting there to be a ton of original material before Liam meets Harry Potter.

I'm not sure why the writer thinks they can get away with calling this a Harry Potter fanfic simply because there is a passing reference to one of the canon characters from Harry Potter. They don't get the fact simply claiming the story is a fanfic doesn't make the story a fanfic.

Yawn... I want Harry PotterCollapse )

3594: Fire Ascending - Harry Potter and company
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is Writing Likeable Original Characters in Fanfiction.
- Flashback Sue

Here is day five of angel week, although I don't know if this one involves a real angel either, but the summary caught my attention.

TITLE: Fire Ascending
PERPETRATOR: Black Krypton
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: They've got flames on their cover, but nothing that jumps out.
SUMMARY:”Fire burns hot, and fire burns fierce. But fire burns true. At the end of third year, an over-exposure to dementors causes the Horcrux inside Harry's head to implode, flooding Harry's mind with Thomas Riddle's memories. It sets Harry down a path. An Angel dies, and a demon is spawned. A fire is born. Harry/Hermione Harry/Multi”
FULL NAME: Harry, Hermione, Anaiah Malfoy
SPECIES:
HAIR:
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS:
CONNECTION TO CANON: I believe, as I read the first chapter, that Harry and Hermione helped Sirius to get away. It then jumps to Hermione stammering before Harry goes to sleep, and starts having nightmares about the Basilisk, and his cupboard. “He often woke up sweating during those dreams, and it was sometime later that he would fall asleep again.” We get a ton of angst ridden dreams. He wakes up with a headache that Pomfrey needs to help him with. (Please stop butchering the Harry Potter canon just to get your angst ridden kicks.” Then he dreams of, or has a vision of a banyan tree, and there is a mention of the prophesy. (So, when does this actually happen?) He shouldn't know this if it is his third year.) Slaps forehead. Oh yeah, the writer did mention the fact Harry is fifteen in their authors note, but the opening says something else. He does know that there are “the Dark Lord's remains inside his head”, which he shouldn't know yet. At the end of the chapter he is pronounced as having Dementia, which gets the name from being exposed to long to Dementors. (No, no and more no. Harry does NOT have senility.) I'm not reading past this chapter. Thankfully one of the readers pointed out the fact naming it Dementia wasn't exactly tactful.
ORIGIN: “1. For my own convenience, I have made a slight change in the ages of the characters. In my story, the Hogwarts letter arrives when you are twelve. That means when the story begins, Harry is fifteen years old. […] 2. Secondly, it came to my notice that the idea has been attempted countless of times, but I still wanted to try it. Also, many things are in common with other fanfics I have read, but that feels unavoidable. Wherever deserved, I have given credit, and have otherwise have tried my level best to keep the story as original as a fanfic can be. […] 3. There are some original characters in the story, but the most important of them all is Anaiah Malfoy, introduced in chapter 2. She is Draco's sister who is a Beauxbatons sixth year student”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Anaiah is sent to Beauxbatons despite the reason for Draco not going to Durmstrang. (Shouldn't it also apply to her as well?) Something that didn't give canon Harry Potter nightmares now gives him nightmares in this fic. Ron isn't going to be a friend, and as one reviewer points out this is a fanon characterization.

NOTES: One of the reviewers says “its great that you skipped to the relevant part quickly”, but I'm not sure how true this is, or if it is a good thing. I personally don't feel any reason to continue a story where the writer didn't do enough research to know dementia is a real life illness. On the positive side, the writer is a shipper of Harry and Hermione, but not a rabid shipper. I've got to give them that amount of credit.

Hermione stammering is out of character.Collapse )

3593: Your Snarky Guardian Angel - You-Sue
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is Andrew's Little (Ranma) Fanfic Guide. “So, writing OOC isn't bad in itself. It's whether or not it's intentional, and if so, if there's adequate reason that a character is OOC in your story.” I wish some of the Suethors would get this.
- Flashback Sue. Someone asked why we don't link Suethors here, and this is one of the reasons. Some really are this immature.

Here is day four, where angel is used in a different sense.

TITLE: Your Snarky Guardian Angel
PERPETRATOR: Story Please
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer used an Anime Avatar creator to create their cover.
SUMMARY:”You've been captured by Death Eaters and taken to Voldemort. All seems lost. But wait, who is this come to save you? Will he risk everything for the one he loves or sell you out in the name of the Greater Good?”
FULL NAME: you
SPECIES: you-sue
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: I want to make a snarky joke, but nothing came to mind.
CONNECTION TO CANON: We've got a you-sue waiting to be rescued by Severus Snape
ORIGIN: “Voldemort doesn't keep prisoners, not really […] terrible things that their master will allow them to do to you once you have served your purpose.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The Sue is the one that Snape loves. (Suethors, what don't you get about the fact Lily Evans was Severus Snape's love, not your OC?) She ends up making out at him at the end. (Face palm time.)

NOTES: It jumped out at me. The writer says on their profile that “I mostly write usng my own personal experiences with life to help make my stories more realistic and impact upon the reader what exactly is at stake.” In some cases the stories have nothing to do with the writers real life, and other times the stories they write are just them interjecting their pepper jack cheese onto the canon characters. (There is one summary that says, “I love cribbage and I like to imagine that Severus Snape also enjoys it as well.) Like, really? I think the writer may want to actually think about doing actual research, instead of just relying on their own life experiences.

I also shudder at this sentence, “you ask, your eyes wide and guileless”. Please avoid making your characters Purity Sues. I've no reason to believe that a Sue caught by Voldemort is “innocent”, because if they're needed in anyway they either have some Mary Sue reason for being needed, or they're able to kick butt. The latter is not innocent, but the first one... that leads to toxic rated material.

...Collapse )

3592: Angelsong - Azriel
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is One Piece OC? You're doing it wrong!.
- Flashback Sue

Here is day three of angel week.

TITLE: Angelsong
PERPETRATOR: Stargold
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: Nothing special. It has the title, which is yellow on black, plus “the tale of Azriel”.
SUMMARY:”The half-angel half-demon Azriel finds herself caught up in the plans of Dumbledore to destroy the Death Eaters, and assembles a crew of elite student hitmen to achieve their goals.”
FULL NAME: Azriel
SPECIES: She's an angel “born to the demon lrod Apollyon and archangel Gabriel.” So, the angel has two father's?
HAIR:
EYES: “Right now, my eyes were glowing angel gold, although when I was more demon than angel they glowed demon-blood red.)
MARKINGS: “I had two wings on my shoulders- one gray and one mechaical because the jerks at my orphanage had cut it off, somehow, even though my magic was covering it I had shar, venomous fangs (from my dad). […] I was also very beautiful.”
POSSESSIONS: A dragon spirit, who was killed off by a dragon hunter. Tat would be Shaede, and Lyte is a Unicorn spirit.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is Azriel talking to her spirits Lyte and Shaede about how hot Harry is. Suddenly she's boding with Harry when “five hundred points from Gryffindor for you, Azriel, and two hundred for you Potter!” (Yeah right.) They both get sent to the headmaster's office. Second chapter has a mention of a spy, and it turns out to be Hermione Granger. (Really? Toxic rating definitely.) They form of hitman. (I can't read past the second chapter.
ORIGIN: We've got another Suethor shoving in extra stuff into the Harry Potter plot despite the fact these things aren't needed.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She exists to destroy the Death Eaters. The fact she is half-breed makes her powerful, which is why she's powerful.

NOTES: What is the point of adding in all these extras when the plot just isn't there, or barely is.

Angels aren"t needed in the world of Harry Potter, but more specifically Angels that drool over the hawt main character.Collapse )

3591: Elemental Angels - Evangeline/Taylor
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is Original Characters.
- Flashback Sue


TITLE: Elemental Angels
PERPETRATOR:
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: None
SUMMARY:”Evangeline has known she was different since she was three, when she accidentally made it start snowing on the hottest day Ireland had seen in years. But when Evangeline and her mom are kidnapped, she discovers she's actually an angel and is destined to either plunge the world into darkness or light. Will Evangeline and the other elemental angels save the world or end it?”
FULL NAME: Evangeline/Taylor
SPECIES: She's an angel.
HAIR: I believe Evangeline has a “pixie-haired bruenette” hair cut. (You know, do any of these writers know what a pixie cut looks like, or do they pick it out because it sounds cute? I mean, Evangeline is able to braid her hair. Maybe the writer means Mary Anne has a pixie cut?) Marlene has raven colored hair
EYES:
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: She has a friend named Mary Anme, Marlene, and May. There is also a Taylor, only for us to find out her name is really Evangeline. (Please stop with the cliches already!) “My favorite striped top with a flannel over it with ripped jeans and Converse. And I swear to god, I'll kill somebody if my fedora or choker gets wet.” She also has a mother named Catherine. Her room is orange, and “I walk over to the cot I've been sleeping on- why bother getting a bed?”
CONNECTION TO CANON: Evangeline and her friends are playing dare, and she's dared to jump into the pool. She doesn't want to jump in, and they tease her about being a witch. For some reason they decided to dunk her in the pool to find out, and May slips and lands in the pool. Instead of jumping in, she waves her hand to rescue her, and then she says “Marcy, get your daughter before I lose control.” (She's not acting like a fifteen year old.) There is a complaint about her room being orange because she didn't choose to paint it, and how “most normal girls my age have walls painted a color they like, a large desk and computer, an actual bed. Most normal girls have a phone, friends to keep in touch with, a life.” She and her mother leave, and a bunch of OCs are asking if she's the one. There is more “elemental stuff”. She's bullied by a bunch of other OCs. We finally get to Harry Potter which is her seeing through a vision what is happening to Harry Potter. She sees the dementors showing up. Then nothing happens, Harry Potter wise, and then we hear “Dark Angels are attacking For Atkins.”
ORIGIN: The writer created a Classic Sue with an angst ridden past. She goes off to fight. (Sixth chapter by the way.) It's “Light Angels and Dark Angels”.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “... She's actually an angel and is destined to either plunge the world into darkness or light.” Suethors, please stop giving OCs these grand destinies, and by this I mean OCs for any fandom. That in itself screams “I'm here to steal the spotlight from the canon characters. I'm so special, look at me!” How about the fact she doesn't talk like a fifteen year old, and has powers far better than any canon character in Harry Potter, to the point she can control water. The sue claims “I love reading. I'm a stereotypical nerd.” (No, Sue, you're not. There is more to being a nerd than just enjoying reading.)

NOTES: The writer's profile says “I used to be under the username XxDarknessInsideMexX, but I deleted that accoutn to use this one, so don't think I stole my stories! […] My co-writer is JustSydx, my cousin and best friend. […] My Polyvore is LukeHammingsIsBabe if you'd like to check out the outfits I've designed.” I tried finding their account, and instead found out they used to go by that name on their fanfic account on the pit.

This said, the summary screams out to me, “the writer really needs to go and write original fiction.” This has nothing to do with Harry Potter, and it's not a crossover. In fact, seven chapters into the story, and the only actual connection is her having a vision at one point of the Dementors going after Harry over the summer.

Dear god, I don"t want to read about your OCs playing Truth and Dare! Where are the Harry Potter characters, and the canon places!Collapse )

3590: A Stain in Time - Hermione Granger
Pancake!
pottersues
- The link of the day is How to avoid creating a Mary Sue. This was actually pretty good.
- Flashback Sue

Here is day one of Angel week. I decided to start off with a Supernatural crossover with the angel Castiel as one of the main characters.

TITLE:
PERPETRATOR: Comic Critic
SUE-O-METER:
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Hermione did it. She had escaped. What did she escape to though? She was the brightest witch of her age. A survivor of war. Or, was she just a stain in another time?”
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: She's an OC in an mental institute who thinks she is Hermione from Harry Potter, and sees Castiel from Supernatural. (Not really, but the story is that bad.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: I'm not sure how to put this one. Hermione's captured, the writer goes into great lengths talking about how this experience powers her up, she escapes, and runs into Castiel and he gives her an angel blade. There is no real flow to the story. Next chapter she's in the mental institute, and... I can't read anymore. “Hermione twitched violently and the lady's pudding exploded. It went everywhere.” That's how I feel the direction of this story is going, and there doesn't seem to be any planning involved.
ORIGIN: One of the reviewers summed it up well.
“Only Hermione can severus snape anyone lol
and the chweet lomance btw the angel and the witch, stuffs cutesy fairtales are made of.
this was THE bobby crowley kiss episode. That was jst rolf.
And death hugging someone. That gave me the creeps as well as aww”
Me, the review makes me cringe.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's “tragically broken”. She knows “wandless magic” and “mind arts”, one that is caleld mindscape

NOTES: I'm in a very strange mood, and can't stop laughing. I get the fact Suethors and their readers love having the angst piled on, but these writers really need to hold back This will need the Sue What Plot tag.

If you break away from canon, sometimes the readers are left wondering if you"ve actually watched or read the series, or if the writers only ever read fanfiction for the given series.Collapse )

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