TITLE: The Sly Slytherin, Who Fell In Love With A Bird
PERPETRATOR: Fantasy Fire
SUE-O-METER: (toxic) It should be rated OMGWTFBBQ!

FULL NAME: Amortentia Snape
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long, black"
EYES: "violet. A ddep and royal purple".
MARKINGS: "Porcealin skin, almost marble lookinf. As if she were simply a living statue." She has a "tired look".
POSSESSIONS: A television and a nightgown.

ORIGIN: Voldemort almost catches Harry in Diagon Alley when he is distracted by Snape's beautiful teenage daughter.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She falls in love with Voldemort, "but will it last"? Snape isn't too pleased.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can see through Disillusionment Charms. She was tortured, but mysteriously killed the boy who did it. She doesn't remember doing so.

NOTES: This is amazingly creepy, and strange. Here is Voldemort's train of thought when he first sees her: "I'm standing here in Diagon Alley, invisible with a Disillusioment Charm. No one knows I'm here except Bellatrix and Lucius who are on either side of me. I see Potter and the blood under my skin boils. How I wish to get rid of him here right now. If only life were that easy. Potters out of sight now, but I do see Snape, coming out of the Apoctheary. He is unaware of my presence. Normally I let him know if I'm taking an excrusion into Diagon Alley, but this time I did not. I do so, simply to see if he acts diffrently when he thinks my eyes are not on him. So far he's doing the same but who is that with him? A young girl? Who is that? She has long, black hair, an a tired look about her, possibly fifteen or fourteen years old, Porcealin skin, almost marble lookinf. As if she were simply a living statue. What catches my attention is her eyes. There violet. A ddep and royal purple. They are... Captivating, for lack of a better word. Lucius and Bellatrix seem to notice Snape and the girl as well." How is this normal and not creepy?

Also, it is not a troll, that's why I didn't rate it "troll". Just felt like saying that now, before all of the "troll" comments start coming in. Yes, something can be complete crap without being a troll.

( Quick! Someone call Dateline! )

Thank you to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!

When sending in Sues, make sure you include your username so I know who to credit.

TITLE: The Impossible Dream
PERPETRATOR: Sailor Twilight Assasin
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Amaryllis "Amy" Byrd
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: pigtails
EYES: big and brown
MARKINGS: She is "tiny" and has a "spritely body". She has "elf" ears, freckles and "pouty" lips.
POSSESSIONS: "a hand-woven flower garland on her head", glasses.

ORIGIN: She went to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She sits with the Marauders on the Hogwarts Express in third year and they treat her like garbage, except Peter who has fallen for this sweet girl. She is the reason he begins to part from his friends. She is in Hufflepuff and idolizes Lily Evans. She has lots of friends that span the Houses (except Slytherin).
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is delicate. She is great at Charms and Arithmancy, she is "a painter, vegetarian, pianist, activist, and all-around flower child that loved Muggle culture yet wanted to grow up to be a wandmaker"

NOTES: I was going to rate this "okay", but she is just too perfect. It's sad because we don't see Sues destined for Peter very often.

( So perfect, such a Sue. )

TITLE: The Sorceress: Destines First Steps
PERPETRATOR: PlatinumPlayer
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Tessa Alexandria Stormweaver
SPECIES: Sorceress
HAIR: "Her hair, black like as night flowed over her, not resting as it refused the pull of gravity and it swayed like a ghostly mantle over her slender frame, the length of it equal to her height."
EYES: "pupil-less"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Magical clothes: "draped about her shimmering, shifting between spectrums of colors while at times appearing almost translucent or liquid. It was a magical gown, something alive yet not. In its current state one would assume it to be mimicking its owner’s feelings as it found grey to be its most favored color of the present moment."

ORIGIN: She is from "the Sect of the White Eye". She is one of the first Sorceresses to go to Hogwarts. The wizarding community and the sorcerers don't get along so well. "She like all her kind was born from the great fountain that rested at the center of their grand city; a city with no name, an existence unto itself which was so long ago removed from the world in the time of the great magical war."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She meets Harry and everyone on the Hogwarts Express in first year. She has been inserted into the story. She is introduced in the Great Hall, but she gets to skip the sorting and is automatically placed into Gryffindor.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: a "a distinct and elegant voice". She can sense moods. She knows a lot about magic before school even starts. She can sense "potent" magic.

NOTES: She wonders why she was sent to Hogwarts as an ambassador, and I wonder why too. She doesn't appear to be promoting Sorceress-Wizard relations, does she?

( Would it have killed you to use correct names? )

Sue #2!

Happy Independence Day to all of my American minions! I was thinking about having an American-Sue, but really, we have one of those a week.

So I found a lesbian-Sue instead!


TITLE: Dragon Heartstring
PERPETRATOR: Jezzabelle Just from reading the summaries I want to spork all of her stories.
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Ember Cree
SPECIES: part-dragon
HAIR: "short black hair with a forest green side-fringe"
EYES: "deep purple with silver flecks". She should go to an eyewash station to get all that metal out of her eyes.
MARKINGS: "very attractive", pale skin. She has three tatoos: "a rose on her left upper arm and two Celtic-style crucifixes on the insides of her wrists, the rose which grew, blossomed and died over twenty-four hours, and the crucifixes unmoving, done by a muggle tattooist", a "huge purple dragon that was splayed across her back, the head breathing fire at her shoulder blade and the tail twisting around on her left buttock [...] The fire periodically flew from the dragon’s nose, the wings flapped, and the tail writhed around wildly". She has "two huge, purple bat-like wings".
POSSESSIONS: "black short shorts", "tight black jeans under her big black boots featuring large buckles up the sides, and a black, low-cut sleeveless top with purple bats near the bottom", "a pair of green and black striped wool armwarmers", "a pair of leather pants under her big boots, with a black tank top featuring sparkling, dark red roses at the corner and a long black coat against the chill", "a short black short-sleeved button up dress with black armwarmers over a pair of camouflage-printed pants, which she wore under a set of heavy black combat boots", "a long-sleeved black hooded top and a pair of black jeans", a cigarette and cigarette holder.

ORIGIN: Australia. She is 17, and is attending Hogwarts for the first time because England needs her father's help to defeat Voldemort. She comes from a rich family, but doesn't depend on them. She works in a muggle book store.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is sorted into Ravenclaw. She and Steph, one of Ginny's Best Friends, are enemies. Ginny is intrigued by her, and tells her that she "wants to be like her". After some pestering, Ember concedes and befriends Ginny. She tries to teach her to be a unique and free-thinking person. Apparently the best way to do this is to hang out in the Forbidden Forest or London and give Ginny a makeover. She falls for Ginny, who at first just sees her as a friend. This crushes her, and Ginny apologizes and confesses her love. That's how real life works, don't ya know?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is part-dragon because her father "had received a dragon’s blood transfusion before she was conceived, and he had several powers that were not natural to regular wizards. She, however, just received the wings".

NOTES: I was quite bothered by the "makeover". Ginny went from one bulling group who required that you dressed a certain way, wanting to not care what "anyone will think of you. You don’t take any crap from anyone." to this "friend" who she looks to for approval in being "dark" and "goth". Plus, Ember is rude and trashes what Ginny chooses to wear, which is doing exactly what Ginny's old friends did. I don't see the change, except the change in style.

( Blood isn't one of those romantic descriptions. Ever. )

Sue #1!

TITLE: --<1>-- Draco Malfoys Whore --<1>-- [You can do some much better]
PERPETRATOR: FreakFromPluto
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Winter Jones
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: light blue eyeliner
POSSESSIONS: Various non-described pieces of clothing that Draco likes to remove. She has "a black tank top that said Witch in Training", "ripped jeans", converse shoes. Two necklaces, lockets. One has a D on it, the other has a H. For Christmas she got: "a jumper covered in butterflies from Mrs Weasley, a pack of different coloured quills from Harry and a ring with a ruby diamond, a box of sweets and a howler from Ron, the howler was all three of my friends screaming Happy Christmas. I got a book on famous wizards that did good for the wizarding world from Hermione. And from Draco I got a necklace that said my name across it."

ORIGIN: "I am a Slytherin in my last year of Hogwarts, you may think I'm with Draco, but I'm not. We wouldn't be caught dead together, he doesn't love me, he only uses me for sex. I'm like his whore, I guess you could say. At night when he needs a shag he comes to me, and you're probably wondering why do I do this to myself, because I love Draco. Even though he doesn't love, and it pains me everyday, I still love him. And I'm still hoping one day he'll discover he loves me too." Ohhhhhh my.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Regularly has sex with Draco because she loves him, and thinks that it will make him love her. She is friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. She is "with" Hermione and SPEW. Draco asks her to come to the Malfoy Manor with him over Christmas. Before she leaves Harry gives her a kiss good-bye. At the Manor, she sees Draco make-out with Pansy. Draco has feelings for Winter, but doesn't want to put her life in danger. After Lucius Malfoy beats her up, Draco tells her that he loves her, but has to marry Pansy. They decide to break up, and when she returns to Hogwarts she sets her sights on Harry. After Winter insults Pansy, Pansy Crucios her. Harry comforts Winter, and Draco wants to hurt Pansy. Then Pansy and Draco kidnap her to lure Harry into a trap. Some Dementors are going to come to give Winter "the kiss". Harry saves her, then they break up. After the break up, some chick named Gina shows up and tries to get Winter to go out with some random Slytherin named Gabe because Gina wants to date Harry. Then she is captured by Voldemort, who wants to lure Dumbledore and Harry into the Forbidden Forest. Voldemort tells her that he has impregnated her using magic, so she can carry on "the Dark Lords power". Harry and Dumbledore go to the Forest, where she jumps in between the crossfire of several spells, including Avada Kedavra. But they don't kill her, they hit her lockets. Then she goes to a "muggle city" to have an abortion. Harry, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey go with her. Then she moves out on her own, and rejects Draco at her doorstep for tricking her. Then she and Harry have a baby named Emma, and then Harry and Winter are killed in the exact same way that James and Lily were, and their daughter ends up with a lightning bolt scar.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is completely delusional. She has the "Inner Eye". Some sort of ancient protection magic protected her when she chose to save Harry's life by throwing herself in front of the spells.

NOTES: The ending was a complete crap-out. Apparently her computer died, so the last "chapter" was actually paragraph conclusions to all of the Suethor's stories.

( You mean to tell me that there isn't a magical way to have an abortion? )

TITLE: Cadence of His Cry
PERPETRATOR: PadfootBlack16
BANNER: You are not my Fenrir
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Fenrir Greyback. Well, I never thought I'd see this day.
SPECIES: werewolf
HAIR: brown, they have "lost all the light they had had when he was a teenager"
EYES: "chocolate irises"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an American prostitute, money to throw at her. He has a pair of "shapeless underpants".

ORIGIN: Fenrir's messed up because his "first" had her throat ripped out by the werewolf that bit him.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is some sick version of Fenrir Greyback.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is a great roll in the hay, literally. He loses his virginity in a barn.

NOTES: Right up there with emo-Voldemort. I can't see the connection between this Fenrir and the one in canon.

( You know, Remus Lupin doesn't go around killing people. It's your choice. )

Happy Canada Day to all my fellow Canadians!

Thank you to nashidesei for sending in today's Sue!

TITLE: Simply Charming
PERPETRATOR: GirlsGotRhythm-98
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Ophelia Percy
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long blond hair was flowing down carelessly"
EYES: "her crystal-clear blue eyes were entrancing"
MARKINGS: "really pretty"
POSSESSIONS: a Canadian accent. This is a big deal. She has a "light blue night gown", a magical alarm clock. Sue-friends named Leslie and Miley. I have a feeling Miley Cyrus and her best friend Leslie have something to do with this story.

ORIGIN: Lupin's niece gets to attend Hogwarts for seventh year. Where did she go before? "Sommerville Society... it's in Canada... It's on an Island". Harry, Ron and Hermione are all done their magical education. In this story, Sirius is alive, Snape is alive, and Dumbledore retired and died shortly afterwards.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Lupin's niece. She arrives first at Grimmauld Place, where she meets Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and not!dead Sirius. Ron talks with his mouth open and sprays food on her new robes. Harry is physically attracted to her. The new headmistress Evalynn Sherwood, shows up with the Sorting Hat to sort her in private. After much debate, she is sorted into Gryffindor. On the Hogwarts Express she meets Leslie and Miley and they decide to start a band called "Simply Charming". Then at the Welcoming Feast she meets and befriends Ginny. I'm sure Ginny will join her band. She writes letters to Harry, and then some Slytherin's decide that they want to beat her up.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "She's incredibly shy and can seem a bit stuck up when she first meets people, but believe me. Once she trusts you and starts to give you a chance, she'll loosen up."

NOTES: This is a new fan fiction archive, and the only Harry Potter story on here is this Sue. Pity.

( Text-block-of-DOOM tag? Y/N? )

Sue #2

TITLE: Never Saw Her Coming
PERPETRATOR: You're A Tease
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Kelsey Culyer
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "hair that hit the middle of her back. To describe her hair colour as dark brown would not do it justice, it was a chestnut colour with very subtle blond highlights thanks to those lazy summer days spent lying out in the sun beside her pool. Her hair was very finely layered and she had side swept bangs just long enough to cover one eye."
EYES: "a very light brown, almost like melted topaz and she had long eyelashes that were complimented by the black MAC mascara she was wearing"
MARKINGS: "just taller than the average height for a 17 year old girl". "Her skin was naturally tanned thanks to her half Portuguese background and she had perfectly straight teeth a reward for two years of being a brace face. She had thin pinkish lips that were accompanied by the only other makeup she was wearing, her glossy Kiehl’s #1 lip balm."
POSSESSIONS: "black Steve Madden open toe heels", brand name make-up, "a simple white v neck t-shirt and a black high-waisted skirt from American Apparel and a splash of colour with some colourful bangles", "a pair of tinted aviator sunglasses with electric blue frames that she bought from Urban Outfitters", an iPhone, a "mini multi print TNA bag". pottersues would like to say that she hates TNA. She also has "huge all black Guess luggage", a "bright pink 2nd generation iPod nano", a "black thick-rimmed Chanel glasses",

ORIGIN: She shows up at Hogwarts after the war is over in Harry's repeat 7th year. She's from Toronto, which makes me ashamed at first, bring Canadian, but then I accept it since she is from Toronto. ;)
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: McGonagall speaks to this things. She's going to be pair with Draco. Their vapidness is so romantic.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Fast typing text messaging skills. Yes, the Suethor did say this was a skill.

NOTES: I must be getting old, I find this Sue's "stylish" fashion to be God awful.

( You shame my country. )

Sue #1

TITLE: There She Goes
PERPETRATOR: Catherine Bartholomew
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Nyxandriana "Nyx" Brisk
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "Even her hair was unpredictable. It was dark brown on the underside and blonde on top due to the amount of time she spent in the sun, so it varied according to how she wore it. Right now it was in a messy bun on the top of her head and was very brown. She had several quills and a muggle pencil stuck into it." Yes, brown and blond are very unpredictable and strange. *blank look* I was expecting some crazy colours.
EYES: hazel
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Quills and pencils to stick in her hair.

ORIGIN: An abusive home.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: The whole school thinks she is strange, and her Ravenclaw classmates are ashamed of her. She is smarter than Lily Evans. She secretly idolizes the Marauders and pulls pranks as well. They get blamed for some of her pranks. They learn one full moon that she is an Animagus, so they become friends. She is going to be paired with Sirius Black.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "unpredictable". "She was almost unnaturally poised, and had the best grades in the year." Likes to quote Shakespeare at people. "She had become an Animagus in third year, when she had stumbled upon it in one of her books. She had taken to it quite easily, and was now a snow-white kitten."

NOTES: Same ol' Marauders fic, but at least this one has a crazy name!

( You're trying to hard to be unique. You're not Luna, deal with it. )

Thank you NightScribe for sending in today's Sue!

TITLE: Untitled
PERPETRATOR: beth-huggles
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Beatrix "Bea" Potter. HAHAHAHAHA!
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "copper hair it was dyed of course naturally she was brunette", "styled her hair by giving her layers extra texture with wax".
EYES: green
MARKINGS: make-up. She prefers to put on make-up "the muggle way". She also prefers to wax using "the muggle way". Her "curvaceous size 14 figure looked sexy and her breasts were huge but what did she expect with being a G cup but they held the dress up perfectly as it was strapless". You know, if you get the right size, most strapless dresses can "stay up", even if you have smaller breasts.
POSSESSIONS: "a green tartan puffball dress, she quickly pulled it on and looked for some shoes, she found a pair of black low cut ankle boot stilettos that had a green bottle top print on, she had a pair on every colour they did", "a bold pink and black striped playsuit she pulled it out and got out her bold pink heels with the large black flower on", "lingerie that matched her playsuit", "a black frilly tutu to be accompanied by a bright turquoise t-shirt and a silver waistcoat", "a turquoise pair of low cut stiletto ankle boots which had a silver butterfly on that was defined in black, they were perfect they combined all the colours in the outfit and were still quirky". A "mobile", an Ipod", "moisturizer which it was but she had added lavender oil", raspberry body wash, "GHDs" that she uses to straighten her hair.

ORIGIN: A lovely AU, where the Potters aren't dead, and they have sired a sister for Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Harry Potter's sister. She texts Dean Thomas, and joins Bill, Charlie and Fleur on the train from Gordic's Hallow. She flirts with Charlie, and then cries silently when she thinks he is asleep. She is in 5th or 6th year at Hogwarts and is taking "life skills". She catches Ginny pleasuring herself, while rooming with her at Grimmauld Place. The next morning she starts making out with Charlie, and James Potter punches him in the face. She fixes Charlie up, then has a shower, where Charlie walks in on her by accident. Then they decide to go on a date, so she prepares by waxing herself hairless in front of Hermione. Charlie gets to teach "Care of magical creatures, so of course they have to get Dumbledore's permission to date. She cries over lunch (with her parents and Charlie present), and goes to cry in the hallway. Charlie comes to see her and "kisses her tears away". Then he "carries" her "up into her room and placed her upon her bed, he sat next to her and watched as she sat up and looked at him fully with those green eyes that were so enticing, she flung herself at him and drew him into a hug she held onto him as though she didn’t want to let go, she did though and he left her but not before placing a kiss on those inviting lips."
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Mad first aid skillz, which she uses on Charlie Weasley. A unique sense of style, not like Hermione and Ginny. She is very smart.

NOTES: Something about this makes me want to call "Troll", but I can't prove it. It's just bad, and pepper-jack cheesy.

( The paragraph before all of this was about Charlie's wet dream. )

TITLE: I Kissed A Girl
PERPETRATOR: GurlOfTheNight
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Maya Jewel aka Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "teased, and left to lay were it wants"
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "red lips",
POSSESSIONS: "a black skirt, a red bustier, and a pair of red boots that went up to her knees", "black, and white Bermuda shorts, and a white tank top", Jack Daniels.

ORIGIN: An over hyped # 1 hit song.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Hermione is singing in a muggle bar, kissing the female patrons while she sings, and Severus watches from a dark corner. Obviously he starts making out with her in the bar.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can sing and dance.

NOTES: Everyone is so smooth and sly, and very out of character. Why would Hermione be parading around on stage? Why would Snape have the urge to make out with her? Why? These questions need answers!

( Something about this made me want to use the 'pepper-jack cheese' tag. )

TITLE: My Love is Dead That would be a great Valentine's Day card.
PERPETRATOR: Claudia Vai
BANNER: Oooo, the vampire is like looking into my soul, ONLY IT'S TOTALLY NOT!
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Isabel
SPECIES: vampire
HAIR: "long, curly black", "her long, curly black hair fell around her pale face and her bangs hung in her blue eyes."
EYES: "pale, almost transparent, blue". They "glow".
MARKINGS: "thick pink lips"
POSSESSIONS: "a dark, royal green cloak that was fitted and barely touched the ground", "a long shirt with a low neck, tight pants, snow boots and a warm jacket".

ORIGIN: When her parents die, she moves into Hogwarts to live with her uncle. She meets the Marauders and Lily "......on a full moon". Oh puke!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Dumbledore's niece. The Marauders and Lily are all intrigued by her. She shows up in the middle of dinner, and gets to sit with the teachers. The Dumbledore tells them that she isn't being sorted, but wants to stay with the Gryffindors. This makes sense, because most people don't go where they should when they are sorted, anyways. She makes Sirius "horny", then again, a gentle breeze wafting in his bedroom does that to fanon!Sirius. Remus is "hypnotized" by her "glowing" eyes. It probably means they will be paired together, as they are "animals", and will have the most boring sex ever because they are "animals".
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can fly? She figures out that Remus is a werewolf right after meeting him.

NOTES: Blah! Marauder!Sue, Vampire!Sue, and related to Dumbledore, and yet so boring!

( Did you fly or jump to the forest? )

TITLE: Juniper Rose Potter: Pranksers
PERPETRATOR: Lord of the Phoenix
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Juniper "June" Rose Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long blonde hair down to the small of her back, her hair was kind of strange as it has dark red strands intertwined in the fringe and down the sides over her ears. Her hair tied back tight in a triple plate with a blue ribbon tying the tip of her hair, her fringe loose and sticking out, up and down at odd angles, and long tufts running down passed her ears that looked neatly messy."
EYES: "her beautiful teal eyes sparkled with joy"
MARKINGS: "cursed scar is on the back of her right shoulder blade out of sight so no one should know who she is unless she introduces herself". You can't pick and choose where your scars end up.
POSSESSIONS: "some cute dark blue combat trousers held up with her belt, a blue form hugging small sleeved top that revealed her tight, small and slightly toned stomach, black trainers and socks, and a blue hoody with three red strips down each arm left undone. On her right hip attached to her belt a small removable pocket of yellow-brown suede, up her left sleeve attached to her left forearm a wand holster with her wand snugly secure." She has "loads of muggle things at home, like a computer, TV, DVD player, I-POD, a stereo and a bicycle and plenty of other things."

ORIGIN: Harry doesn't exist. Juniper is the "Girl Who Lived", also James and Lily Potter are alive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Ginny's age, and they befriend each other on the train. They pull pranks on people, specifically Draco Malfoy. They are soul mates and magically promise themselves to each other on the train, as well. They have to keep in constant contact with each other. The force of such a deep bond is felt by the Professors at Hogwarts. They are not friends with Ron or Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can make a timid Ginny more confident. She "leak[s] an aura of kindness". She is the "cutest, sweetest person [Ginny] had ever met".

NOTES: In this story, Ron and Hermione claim to have saved the "Philosopher's" stone the year before. I would love to know how they did this, seeing how Voldemort could touch Ron and Hermione.

( You're 11, why are you making bonds like this? )

TITLE: Lynae B Dean !
PERPETRATOR: Cocopups123
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Lynae/Lynnae "Lyn" B Dean. Are you surprised?
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long brown hair with natural red highlights"
EYES: "big bluish/green"
MARKINGS: "some freckles scattered across her face"
POSSESSIONS: a "tattered old blanket a lumpy pillow and a tiny first aid kit". How responsible!

ORIGIN: America. She shows up at the age of 10 at Mrs. Figg's doorstep. She gets to go to school with ickle!Harry, who is also 10.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Lives with Mrs. Figg, Harry and Dudley take her to school on her first day. "Amazingly", she and Harry have all the same classes on this first day. She bandages up his injured ankle.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is capable and competent at first aid. Amazing gymnastics skillz.

NOTES: I don't think you can use the excuse "I'm busy with school" on the crap fanfic you wrote and posted today. If school isn't already over for you, it's over this week. There is no excuse. Well, actually, if you are busy with summer school, I could believe this. I've read several stories by Grade 3s that are better than this.

( Has your American P.E. teacher never heard of co-operative games? They are the way to go! )

TITLE: You and Draco: Your parents wishes (gurlz only...)
PERPETRATOR: DracosLover13
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: "Sirus" aka You
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "nicely rounded"
POSSESSIONS: "a pair of old, tight black jeans and a blood red halter", "bams", a bra.

ORIGIN: Her parents are named Fred and Izabella. I don't believe there is any sort of canon connection besides being friends with the Malfoys.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco has the hots for her. This is very fortunate because their parents want them to be together at the ripe ol' age of 16. She and Draco have surprise!sex the first time they meet.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Uses underage magic and doesn't get in trouble for it.

NOTES: You know, if some guy friend barged into my bedroom, I wouldn't try to lock him out and then change my mind and have sex with him. It doesn't work that way. Stop trying to make your character "not a slut" by making her have two completely opposite reactions to Draco's advances. Either she wants him, or she doesn't, making her feel both ways is just cliched and degrading.

( This is almost as funny as 'POUND POUND THRUST THRUST'. NSFW. )

TITLE: The World Isn't Yours
PERPETRATOR: JayceeMasen
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Medya
SPECIES: half-vampire
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an attitude, cockiness, pride.

ORIGIN: She is a half-vampire assign, part of a secret revolutionary group. She is 15, as well.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Likes to kill Aurors.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can kill easily and quickly.

NOTES: Worst. Summary. Ever. "Medya never fit in. Then again, you wouldn't think many half vampire assasins would be invited to parties." No, really? I wouldn't assume that she would be a giant buzz-kill. No frackin' way.

( I'm finding it hard to identify with you. )

TITLE: Baby Steps
PERPETRATOR: LadyLovegood
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Sirius Potter
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a baby in her womb.

ORIGIN: A fangirl who thinks that neither Rose/Scorpius or Albus Severus/Scorpius is canon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Albus Severus' twin sister. At the age of 16 she gets knocked up by Scorpius. Ginny is forcing her daughter to marry Malfoy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She must have the Weasley fertile gene. She claims to be throwing up more than a regular pregnant woman.

NOTES: You see, the Suethor made an assumption that Harry would continue to name his children after dead adults who were in his life, regardless of their gender.

( LOL, what is Uncle Ron going to say? )

Sue # 1!

TITLE: Me for Me
PERPETRATOR: Smile for Life
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Isabella Awningway
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "curly, jet-black"
EYES: "sparkling, velvet, violet colored eyes"
MARKINGS: "He paid no attention to my torso, as most males would have. Nor did he pay attention to my clear, utterly spotless skin."
POSSESSIONS: a dark cloak.

ORIGIN: The Suethor thought her just posted one-shot should be expanded into a real story. Bad idea.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sirius sees through her beauty, which she tries to hide, and sees the amazing person that she is. *barf* The rest of Gryffindor hates her (because she's beautiful?).
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Wangsts a lot about her beauty.

NOTES: Honestly, I bet Sirius only approached her because A) she's beautiful or B) the Marauders dared him to go after her.

( Sirius Black? Why am I not surprised. )

TITLE: Whiskey Lullaby
PERPETRATOR: Redneck626
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Jenna Johnson
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: A bottle of Firewhiskey and a gun.

ORIGIN: She used her friend's OC to write this short, melodramatic songfic.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She worked with Tonnks, and went to school with the Marauders. She used to be Remus' girlfriend, and now that he and Tonks are dead Jenna has gone to cry for herself at their funeral. She decides to kill herself that night.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her self-proclaimed OTP's death spurs her to end her life?

NOTES: Instead of thinking about the loss that Teddy is going to have, she just goes on about the fact that "at least Tonks was able to give him a child." What The Hell?

( Thanks, I did like that song. Now I'm just going to think of this crappy story. )

Sue #2! All caught up!


TITLE: My Secret Side - Lucius's Story - One-Shot
PERPETRATOR: sweetwater822
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Lucius Malfoy aka Lucious Malfoy
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described, blond?
EYES: not described, grey?
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: A heart.

ORIGIN: Lucius wants to tell us about his secret side, the one we don't really see in canon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Lucius is forced to be a Death Eater, and makes excuses for his actions when he was a teenager. he claims that if he wasn't a good pureblood, that he would have been beaten. Again, I don't see the Malfoys beating Draco, so I don't know where the idea that all Malfoys = abusers comes from.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: He was going to be sorted into Ravenclaw, but he demands to go into Slytherin or else he'd be killed. Honestly, is anyone sorted into their "correct" House anymore? He is mushy and sentimental.

NOTES: This is almost as bad as that Voldemort-regret-fic, almost

( I'm just going to blame your crazy talk on the dementors. )