TITLE: Fire in a Storm
PERPETRATOR: Of Crimson Moonlight
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Hedwig
SPECIES: owl/witch
HAIR: "black jet locks of hair streamed to the side of her face"
EYES: "dark eyes that resembled so much of the owl that had been caged"
MARKINGS: "the form of a young girl at the tender age of her late teens"
POSSESSIONS: "White apparel" and "a long white cloak that hung from her shoulders".

ORIGIN: Snape's dying owl used to be a human. He became an owl to help save people from Voldemort. As it is permanent, he can't switch back. Hedwig is sad that she can't carry letters for Harry. The old owl offers to turn her into a human, permanently, so she can help Harry, but on the condition that she keeps Snape company because he has no friends.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Hedwig. When she is transformed, Sirius, Remus and Ron catch her running from the owlery, thinking she is a spy. She jumps out the window to bring Harry Ron's hat, so he "can know his friends are okay." Then she ignores her injuries and bumps into Draco, who knows she is a transformed animal. He promises to help her find her way if she goes to the movies with him. She does, and then remembers that she is injured after the movie and blacks out.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Mute. Can understand "owl".

NOTES: This could have been handled well, with the learning how to be human bits, but it's just absurd!

( Why would Draco do this? )

And here they are!  The worst of the worst!  You guys did an awesome job voting!  The highest totals I've seen in a long time!

 

Last day to send in memorable quotes to pottersues@gmail.com or pottersues@hotmail.com


TITLE: What is Love??? Draco Malfoy
PERPETRATOR: babykay520
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Claudia Zambini aka you
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "shoulder length blond Hair"
EYES: blue?
MARKINGS: 5'2", "very thin with a few curves here and there!"
POSSESSIONS: An owl named Merdock, a stereo that plays "Gigi d’Agostino - La Passion", a house-elf named Speedy, "sun-cream" so you don't get burnt, "black and pink framed sun-glasses", just jeans and a T-shirt

ORIGIN: "You are Blaise Zambini’s cousin and you moving from America to England because your father has gotten premoted in whatever it is that he does." Let me just repeat that: whatever is it that he does. *cackles* Before you went to "Madam Maximes School of witchcraft", but you weren't friends with Fleur.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: You have been pen-pals with Hermione since the Triwizard Tournament. You don't really get a long with Blaise, but you enjoy the "sexy platinum headed boy staring at you". You go to your room, but three appears to be a mix up, and Flint is in there. He tries to rape you, and Draco walks in but you free yourself before Draco does anything. Then you go see Blaise, who doesn't believe you. Then the Suethor has a conversation with Blaise and tells him to go listen to Draco and Flint talking. He kicks Flint out and goes and makes up with his cousin. Then you overhear Draco and his father fighting about getting the Dark Mark. You walk in to "save" him. His dad leaves and you put a Crucioed Draco to bed. Then next day you go swimming and get into a tickle fight with Draco. Then you go to a party where Draco gets so drunk he makes out with Pansy. You give her the finger. Then Flint tries to force himself on your again, and Blaise punches him out. You tell Blaise why Draco wasn't with you, but you don't tell him that you have a huge crush on Draco. The next morning Draco apologizes and confesses that he thinks Pansy drugged him. Then he gives you a "sweet" kiss. By chapter 15 you finally arrive at Hogwarts, and you are sorted into Slytherin. Then I skipped 26 chapters, and it is now winter and you and Draco appear to be sleeping together. Draco is getting bruised from his dreams, and I'm sure your special healing powers will save him.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: You can heal people using wandless magic.

NOTES: There are a couple of banners that go with this story. They are randomally inserted into the chapters.

( I love the club scenes in fan fic. They make me giggle. )

Last day to send in memorable quotes to pottersues@gmail.com or pottersues@hotmail.com


TITLE: Your Journey Through The Hogwords School Of Witchcraft And Wisordtry==> And Your Encountors W\ Draco, Harry, ect.
PERPETRATOR: DracoHarryBoyLover420
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: aka You
SPECIES: "65% WITCH, 25% SLAYER, AND 10% VEELA"
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: An owl from dad.

ORIGIN: You lived in the States with your mom, then you leave at the age of 15 to go live with your dad in England so you can go to Hogwarts. You are late starting because your sisters died when you were 11.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: I'm pretty sure your are Lupin's daughter, since dad has "scars all down his face" and this story was written around the time when the PoA came out. You meet Draco and Harry on the Hogwarts Express, and you get an eyeful of Draco when he changes into his robes, and you fall asleep in his lap. I know I like to fall asleep in strangers laps, especially on public transportation.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "A SLAYER IN THIS QUIZE IS DIFFERENT FROM A SLAYER IN LIKE THE SHOW BUFFY. IN THIS QUIZE SERIES, A SLAYER DOESN'T SLAY ALL VAMPIRES, MONSTERS, DEATH EATERS, ECT. WHAT A SLAYER SLAYS IN THIS QUIZE SERIES IS ONLY THE EVIL VAMPIRES, MONSTERS, DEATH EATERS, ECT. AND A SLAYER IN THESE QUIZZES STILL HAS ALL THAT SUPER STRENGTH, AND STILL IS A GIRL."

NOTES: It was difficult finding a good sample, but I loved how she told us how to pronounce "rapture", "serenity" and "trilogy".

( Why are you shouting at me? )

TITLE: Split Destiny
PERPETRATOR: JinxRomance
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Amarata "Amara"
SPECIES: muggle/squib/witch?
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: Voldemort's jinxed broom: "black, with golden brstiles mixed with the black". I wonder if he rode it side-saddle? The most amazing, special wand EVER: "It was black and stright. the handle was outlind by silver, the handle itself had markings on it". It is "one of a kind" with "dragons essentials. the tredded black dragon scals, Green dragons acid and red dragons intelligence", and "It is also made of unicorn blood and Phenox tears". It is called "Split Destiny" because the person who has it " can either be really good. Or really bad."

ORIGIN: She is attacked by Death Eaters and left to die. Remus Lupin finds her and brings her to Hogwarts, where she will learn "of magic and what she truly is...."
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Remus brings her on the Hogwarts Express, so she can meet Harry, Ron and Hermione. She does not like Hermione. Dumbledore wants her to learn Herbology, Transfiguration, DADA and Flying. He sends Remus to go shopping with her after his class the next day. For some reason "harry" and "Rom", and "hermione". Is going to be paired with Remus.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Can fight off the worst pain imaginable. She is a natural flyer.

NOTES: This is another Sue who should be in the running for "Most Annoying Character". She is supposed to be a 32-year-old woman, but talks and acts like she is a silly 14-year-old. Remus also "sounds" out-of-character when he "speaks".

( Someone should send you to some etiquette classes, as well. )

Keep sending in those quotes!


TITLE: A Cinderella Story of Sorts
PERPETRATOR: Bubbles5147
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Aractesia "Essie" Malfoy
SPECIES: Squib
HAIR: "long and dark"
EYES: "deep violet"
MARKINGS: "snow-like skin", a "scarred, yet somewhat beautiful face".
POSSESSIONS: a Hogwarts Letter

ORIGIN: Draco and Astoria's daughter. She is not really Draco's child, though. Some "muggleborn" with violet eyes apparently is.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco's "daughter". After being abused by Draco she gets to go to Hogwarts, and falls in love with Hugo Weasley.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Lots of maturity, wangst.

NOTES: The Suethor has one of the longest profiles I've ever seen, and she proclaims to hate child abuse. If this is the case, I wonder why she glorifies it as a plot device?

( If your attic is so dusty, why don't you clean it? )

TITLE: My dream
PERPETRATOR: krissie92
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: Kristina Riddle
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: not described
POSSESSIONS: Draco.

ORIGIN: The Suethor's dreams. Literally. "OK this is based losely on a dream i had the other night. i loved my dream but it had lose holes in it where i couldn't remember what happened all i remember is me snogging Draco and enjoy." *smacks self in face* Oh sweet jebus.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Betrays the Trios trust, is revealed to be Voldemort's daughter, tells off Bellatrix, we learn that Flint forced her to have sex with him, Hermione changes sides and turns out to her her pureblood cousin, and then Ginny is her sister and not a Weasley? I'm not sure.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Backstabbing.

NOTES: I really should make a "Guide to Harry Potter Fan fiction". One of the rules will be, "Fan Fiction is not your dream diary." Another will be "Marcus Flint is not a rapist."

This cracked me up so bad: Ron jerked, trying to fight the pain. “Her-Mio-NEE” he called out.

“You have no right to say her name, you filthy blood traitor. Avada Kedavra” Draco hissed.

Ron’s body went limp. Ginny let out a little tear. “You bastard, you killed my brother!”

“Well, he deserved it” Draco replied.

“Why because he said Hermione’s name” Ginny hissed in reply.

“Ginny, you know what your bloody lucky my mate Blaise has a crush on you otherwise you would be in the same position as your dear brother right now” Draco informed her.

“Blaise likes me?” Ginny asked.

“DUH” Draco replied.

Ginny’s face lit up with joy.

( This makes no sense and is horrible. )

Don't forget to send in your "Most Memorable Quote" for my HBP T-Shirt! Email to pottersues@gmail.com or pottersues@hotmail.com. I only have two entries so far. Also, I forgot to check the "Spam" before I deleted it, so if you have not heard from me, send your entry again please.

Thanks to jennstarzzz who sent in today's Stu!

TITLE: Despising love
PERPETRATOR: Splish92
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: as per canon?
EYES: as per canon?
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: An infatuation for Hermione Granger.

ORIGIN: Claims to be Draco Malfoy.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Draco loves Hermione, and that's why he hates her. He kisses her once, calls her a mudblood and nothing ever comes out of it.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Crying.

NOTES: Reading the first chapter I couldn't help start singing Britney Spears, but changing the words of course: He's so lucky, he's a star but he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart, thinking if there's nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night". Ahhh, I'm a loser.

( Why are you crying? There's no crying in Slytherin! )

*trumpet sounding*

Ok here is the Announcement. I'm having a sort of "contest". A quick-and-dirty "contest" in fact, as HBP is coming out in theaters in 11 days we have 10 days to do this. What are we doing? Well, you have five days to find your favourite quote ever from a pottersue in this journal and send it into me. After 5 days I take ALL of the nominations and put them to a vote. The winner will be transferred to a T-shirt that I will wear when I go see HBP on the 15th. There will be pictures, but none of my face for obvious reasons. So what do you win? The glory of knowing that your nomination won the contest. ;) Note: Please no swears/nothing too indecent as I am going to see Harry Potter and I'm sure some parents are going to be miffed.



TITLE: The Fifth Marauder
PERPETRATOR: Khet Gemini
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Alivia Herezin
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a tie for her uniform

ORIGIN: The Missing Fifth Marauder!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Meets James Potter on her way to the Hogwarts Express. He shows her how to go through the barrier. Then she meets everyone else, impresses them with her cleverness, hates Peter right away, and the rest is Suethor AU history. She is going to be paired with Sirius.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Clithrophobia, a fear of enclosed spaces. She keeps calling it Claustrophobia. This is her "fault". She has "panic attacks" from them. As someone who has Claustrophobia, I find her reactions and logic completely ridiculous for someone who has that phobia. It is not a way to get attention, thanks.

NOTES: She calls Peter "rat-boy". This aggravates me to no end. He was their friend at Hogwarts! Argh!

( Who doesn't love random bolding? )

Thanks for your votes! The results will be posted shortly.

TITLE: Harry Potter, Phoenix Black & the PoAzkaban
PERPETRATOR: Sirya Ebony Black
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Phoenix Chara Black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "ebony black hair"
EYES: "bright gray eyes sparkled with mischief"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: top school supplies

ORIGIN: She is the daughter of Sirius Black and Althea Sutherland. After Sirius went to Azkaban her mother moved to "a little magical town near Pembroke Ontario called Wolf Haven" to raise their daughter. She gets her Hogwarts letter and returns to Britain right when Sirius escapes Azkaban. She is a year or two below Harry.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Befriends Harry at the Leaky Cauldron. She is his guide to the wizarding world in Diagon Alley. Ginny hates her because she sees her as a rival for Harry's attention.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Excellent and helping Harry spend his money. Is amazing at Potions.

NOTES: "ROFL Pembroke!" is all I have to say. That alone deserves a pepper-jack cheese tag.

( This reeks of conceit. )

Poll time!!!

Only one category is full. If you don't see something you would have wanted to vote for, keep that in mind next time when nominations are being sent in. Don't assume someone else is going to nominate it!


x WORST TITLE x

x SILLIEST NAME x

x MOST IMPLAUSIBLE PREMISE x

x MOST RIDICULOUS POWERS x

x MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS x

x PURPLEST PROSE x

x WORST PROSE x

x MOST OOC CANON CHARACTER - FEMALE x

x MOST OOC CANON CHARACTER - MALE x

x MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER x

x WORST FANFIC x

x WORST AU/CROSSOVER x

x THE OMGLWTFWTPT?!1? AWARD x

x MOST QUOTEABLE LINE x

xSILLIEST USERNAME x

xSTUPIDEST POSSESSION x


The Polls will be open for seven days. After the seven days, I will post the results! I will be making a fun announcement at that time!

VOTE! Get your last minute votes in!

TITLE: Harry Potter and Voldormorts curse
PERPETRATOR: soon2bestephanie
SUE-O-METER: (toxic)

FULL NAME: selena black
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: "a scare, shaped like a lightning bolt, on my lower neck. with this scare he gave me most of his powers but also gave me stronger ones that he never has had or ever will have"
POSSESSIONS: "strawberry scented shower gel", "white leggings with blue flowers down the sides of them, i like the idea of having flowers on my clothes, and put on a light blue long top", this dress for the Ball, a magical invisible cottage.

ORIGIN: Voldemort killed her family and gave her some amazing powers.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is "Serious Black's" sister. Is best friends with Lily and James, and is Harry's godmother. She is at Gordic's Hallow when Voldemort kills them and trying to kill "three-year-old" Harry. Selena stops him because he starts talking to her about joining his side. She refuses and he runs away. Dumbledore, Hagrid and the Minister of Magic arrive and drag Selena and "Serious" off to "askaban". After 13 years they let she and "Serious" go, and the fly to Hogwarts together to find Harry. Then Peter and Voldemort show up at Hogwarts to kill Harry, but then vanish when they become outnumbered. Cedric "diggery" winks at her and she thinks he's hot. He puts his arms around her waist and such. Her "home" is a dance studio, all she is dancing ballet to Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now", and she transports to dinner where she learns that Harry is going to the ball with Rosalie Hale from Twilight shows up. Then they go to
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Has been 16 for over 50 years. Special powers: "1)never eat and never starve. 2)never sleep 3)warmth is my energy 4)click my fingers and i can be somewere else within a second. 5)not having to use a wand to do majic. 6)to be able to fly 7)basicly do whatever i want to do with the click of my fingers 8)see visions of the future." *[Bad username: pottersues"] drags her hands down her face in pain*

NOTES: This isn't a troll as much as it is movie-canon only + writing whatever I want.

( Please stick with one plot, thank you. )

VOTE! It's the last day!

TITLE: A Royal Decision
PERPETRATOR: Queen Maleficent
SUE-O-METER: (troll)

FULL NAME: Princess Hermione of Ravenclaw.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "luscious honey-brown curls", "thick"
EYES: "deep blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "delicate hands",
POSSESSIONS: the "boldest" of stagecoaches with a four-post bed inside. The book "Ancient and Primordial Spells for the Advanced Mind", "a fleecy bathrobe", a "silver fringed comb", "her gown, a gift from Queen Lily, of rich emerald green silks embroidered with small beads and stones, which glittered in the candlelight. The bodice was charmed to hug her waist perfectly and the neckline was modest but not quaint. A stunning diamond necklace, which in fact was a Ravenclaw heirloom, was strung around her elegant neck with diamond studs in her ears to match."

ORIGIN: This is set in a magical kingdom. The houses are kingdoms. She is the daughter of King Richard and Queen Ella of Ravenclaw, and is the heir to the throne of Ravenclaw.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: "Lady Lavender" is her cousin. This might be the first fic where Lavender is ever connected to anything Ravenclaw. ;) There is a Prince Harry of Gryffindor, Prince Draco of Slytherin, and Prince Cedric of Hufflepuff. I hope he's a ghost. She meets many o the characters we know and love in their form and is going to meet Harry at a ball. Someone (probably Harry) sends her a love letter before the ball. She squeals in excitement.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Bares little resemblance to Hermione Granger, save for a love of reading.

NOTES: The plot is not set in stone. The Suethor is going to write what her reviewers want, "whether it be a dramione, harmony or any other sort of fic". How about canon?

Also reviewers going "I love the time-period you set this in" make me feel ill. This is not an actual "time-period", just some pseudo-medieval/early modern Europe tripe. It means there are *~princes~* and *~princesses~* and *~pretty dresses~* with *~carriages~* and *~manners~*.

Also, it's filled with purple prose.

( Why is there only one Princess? Oh yeah, because everyone has to want her. )

Keep voting!

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's first Sue!

TITLE: A Heart That Beats for Two
PERPETRATOR: dracosluvr4eva20
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Jamie McGinnis
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long, sleek ebony hair that fell in waves and curls to the middle of her back"
EYES: "deep, ocean blue eyes"
MARKINGS: "strikingly beautiful" with "a heart-shaped face, slightly pouting, full lips" and "the cutest beauty mark on her right cheek". A "lean and toned" body with "curves were most certainly in the right places", "a fair sized bust", and "her waist was small and it led to her shapely hips, which tapered off to her long, tanned legs".
POSSESSIONS: No sense of propriety.

ORIGIN: Some AU world where Lily and James Potter are still alive.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is friends with Harry Potter, and has a sibling-like relationship with him. Is hopelessly infatuated with her two former professors, Snape and Remus. They are bisexual, and are attracted to each other, AND to Jamie. Then they have a threesome. Mrs. Weasley and Ron try to to push her into a relationship, and then Remus shot them down. It then turned into some sort of Mrs. Weasley/Ron/Tonks hate-fest, and I stopped reading.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is not scared of werewolves; they make her hot. She is intelligent enough to interest Snape.

NOTES: I foresee a future OMGWTFBBQ nomination here. I was going to use the introduction in the first chapter as the sample but chapter two was so bad.

( I see you love to fantasize about making other females jealous with your sexual liaisons. )

Make sure you vote in the polls!


TITLE: Talk About Forbidden Love!
PERPETRATOR: Depp's-Still-Doll You have at least 5 different Mary-Sues spanning 4 fandoms.
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Serenity Gooding
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long platinum blond hair was as shiny as ever"
EYES: "gorgeous grey eyes glimmered in the candle light"
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: an "emerald green" snake, named Scythia and an egagement ring from Draco: "on either side of the diamond was a small moonstone".

ORIGIN: Has been going to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is friends with the Trio. Some one (Draco) grabs her and pulls her into the cupboard, where she resists momentarily, but then makes out with him when he kisses her the way she likes it. I really wish I was making that up. He continues to sexually harass her and she puts up a front and then enjoys it. They engage in some verbal sparring, to cover their attraction. Then Professor Slughorn pairs all of the class up with members of the opposite sex and makes them drink a plot device "Lust Potion". Serenity jumps Draco and they kiss "passionately", and then they have sex. They have sex all week until the potion wears off. When it does, again, she is angry and rejects him, but then gives in. Hermione is furious that her friend would go out with a racist asshole, and slaps Serenity. This is never resolved, and she just goes back to snogging Draco. While Draco is trying to kill Dumbledore, and failing, he asks Serenity to marry him at Christmas. She says "Yes!", and then asks him "Are these genuine?", and he responds "Only the best" which does not answer her question. They could be the best fakes.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Her beauty "was at its peak". Can speak Parseltounge. She has "many of the qualities of all the houses, except for Slytherin". Can see into the future and/or lives in a vivid fantasy world.

NOTES: Wow, this should be an example for "Wish-fulfillment 101"

( I love that she leaves him hanging after he says he loves her. )

Get your votes in! The polls are up!

Thanks to the anonymous minion who sent in today's Sue!

TITLE: Azurian II : Royal Betrayal I'll sum up the prequel in the "Origin".
PERPETRATOR: CSAzurian
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Azure, princess of Azurian
SPECIES: Witch?
HAIR: "dark, cold brown eyes"
EYES: "her dark brown hair no longer flowed down her back, but is tied up in a traditional Chinese way that made her look like an adorable, irresistible little girl."
MARKINGS: a "perfect" face with "skin is paler than the moon".
POSSESSIONS: "a Chinese dress robe, it was bright red, very tight and quite short, and her matching red, high heel boots were up to her thigh, showing off her legs"

ORIGIN: CSA and Indigo of the planet Azurian, aka the alter-egos of the Suethor/Suethors.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is married to Draco Malfoy at the age of 14. Sings "Greensleeves" and "Romance De Amor" at the Christmas Ball, while Draco and the Suethors play guitar. Then some superstition declares that their love will end in betrayal so the "Creators" (Suethor self-inserts) send Azure to "Sapphirefall Castle". She will be gone for one month, until Chinese New Year, and then will return. Draco is heartbroken, but wants to kill her. Upon her return, he poisons her but regrets it.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Azure is the smartest,most unique, most royal, most beautiful creation in Azurian". She is an amazing singer.

NOTES: Nothing beats Random Female Character Hate: “Bring me to the dungeon,” CSA said to a guard, “I got a new way to torture our slaves, I need to tell them just because Azure’s gone doesn’t mean they stand a chance against us.”

“How can you go torture Pansy and Astoria without me?” Indigo complained, “I’m always missing the fun.”

“If you want to torture Astoria or Pansy they are locked up in the dungeon 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including New Year, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, infact they will be they will be there their entire life.” CSA said as she stood up, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pierce a sharp needle deep down into Astoria’s skull and I’ll make sure she screams. Au revoir!”

I hear she left, leaving her bored twin next to my bed.

That is ridiculous and disturbing on so many levels.

( Ignore the prose please, as English is not the Suethors first language. )

I need more Golden Bubotubers nominations!


TITLE: Snape's Harem
PERPETRATOR: ANGELWINGZ1983
SUE-O-METER: (awful)

FULL NAME: Severus Snape
SPECIES: Wizard
HAIR: not described
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: a harem, magic mushroom soup that is an aphrodisiac. Surprisingly, no STDs.

ORIGIN: Fanon.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Claims to be Severus Snape. Has a "harem" of girls from Hogwarts that he has lots of sex with, willingly.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is an amazing lover, has a voice like "silk and honey".

NOTES: This story is intended to be funny, but not a parody. It's a shame it's not a parody, then I would be less repulsed.

( Prepare for the laughing. )

Four more days to get your nominations in for the Golden Bubotubers!


TITLE: Selfish
PERPETRATOR: Gaia
SUE-O-METER: (bad)

FULL NAME: Luna Anastasia Lovegood
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "long pale hair"
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: none described
POSSESSIONS: "a red bead bracelet", "a thick lavender towel", "plain pink panties", "a large Chudley Cannon Quidditch jersey". A horrible bridesmaid dress: " a dark emerald corset-style with a simple sheath skirt that hugged her hips before falling straight down" with "A black velvet choker and Muggle rhinestone drop earrings". Good job Ginny!

ORIGIN: Is Luna Lovegood. She is now "a successful magical naturalist".
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ron "dumps" his fiancee and Luna "swoops" in. She is good friends with Ginny and Hermione.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Is boring and negative.

NOTES: I see very little here that resembles Luna. Why not create an OC? There were enough mentioned in this story anyways.

( Stop calling it 'bridal style'! )

GOLDEN BUBOTUBER AWARDS FOR POTTERSUE FIC!



The old minions know how this works by now... but for the new ones: the Golden Bubotubers are the once-per-hundred awards for the worst fics we've seen in the last 100 days. These Awards cover Sues #2101 to 2200 only. If you would like to make nominations, they will be open for one week: please send your choices in to pottersues@gmail.com or pottersues@hotmail.com. You don't have to nominate for every category, just as many as you can think of contenders for. Only the first ten nominations for each category will make it into the final vote. Nominations must be done by email - any made in the comments for this entry will be ignored.

If you have a favorite, be sure to send it in! Your nomination may make the difference between a Sue being eligible in the poll or not.

When you nominate, please include four pieces of information:

1) The category(ies) you are nominating for.
2) The name(s) of the Sue(s). Since this is how Sues are recorded in the Suechives, this is very important.
3) The title(s) of the fic(s). This is very important for Canon-Sues, I need to know which Hermione-Sue it is.
and
4) What about the story(ies) deserves the award, if this has not already been stated (EG: if you're nominating Hermione-Sue for 'most OOC canon character', that's covered in #2. If you're nominating some other Mary-Sue who happened to get Professor McGonagall way OOC, then a note should be made).

The last 100 Sues, if you need to browse them, are archived here Suechives - 2101-2200.   Note:  This round of GBs is LATE.  This means you can not nominate Sues/Stus from a few days ago.  Make sure they are in the appropriate Suechive.   I'm looking at all of you ready to nominate Merman!Snape.  Save it for the next round.

The categories are:

× WORST TITLE: bad titles can be many things... lame, nonsensical, boring, stolen, or even big, blinking signs that say HELLO! THIS IS A MARY-SUE!

× SILLIEST NAME: Serenas, Selenes, and Serenities are not eligible for this category.

× MOST RIDICULOUS POWERS: for the most impressive (or eye-rollingly absurd) list of Special Sue Abilities.

× MOST IMPLAUSIBLE PREMISE: for the most ridiculous explanation of where Mary-Sue came from, how this crossover happened, or how this AU is different from the standard Potterverse.

× PURPLEST PROSE: 'purple prose' is flowery, over-written dreck - Anne Rice is famous for it.

× WORST PROSE: the 'OMG I r such a gud riter!' award.

× MOST OOC CANON CHARACTER - MALE: self-explanatory... if Draco turns into a dashing romantic hero, or Ron inexplicably becomes a Death Eater, the fic qualifies for this one.

× MOST OOC CANON CHARACTER - FEMALE: see above, only apply to goth!Ginny, makeover!Hermione, hot-for-student!McGonagall or whoever else, at need.

× WORST ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OR CROSSOVER: for those fics in which Harry doesn't exist and Mary-Sue is the Girl Who Lived. Or Buffy Summers is Voldemort's daughter and marries Draco. Or Dumbledore summons up Jesus to help fight Voldemort. And yes, we've seen examples of all three.

× MOST ANNOYING OC: self-explanatory - for that one Mary-Sue that you just wanted to reach into your monitor and strangle.

× WORST FANFIC: all of the above. No talent, no spellchecker, no plot, no clue.

× THE OMGLWTFWTPT?!1? AWARD: as in 'Oh, My God, Like What The Fuck Was This Person Thinking?!1?'. For the fics that get that reaction specifically.

× MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS: Ever seen one of those movies that was so awful it was actually really, really funny? This is for fics like that.

× STUPIDEST POSSESSIONS: A diary made of Severus Snape's skin? An amulet that can transform your gender? Why would people own these things? Sues featured here have owned these items.

× SILLIEST USERNAME: Crazybiachchick? *x*xdracos*x*xmudbloooodd*? What user name makes you want to cringe?

And

× MOST QUOTABLE LINE: For the line you just wish you had on an icon/t-shirt/mug/whatever.

Note: Fics rated "TROLL" are only allowed to be nominated for "MOST QUOTABLE LINE".

Be sure you get your nominations in. I want to see all the categories filled!  Next Saturday I will post the polls.

Here are the stats for the last 2200 Sues/Stus!

Of the last 2200 Sues,

23 were rated 'good' (1.0 %)
100 were rated 'okay' (4.5 %)
701 were rated 'bad' (31.8 %)
717 were rated 'awful' (32.5 %)
625 were rated 'toxic' (28.4 %)
34 were rated 'troll' (1.5%)

581 turned a canon character into a Sue/Stu (26.4 %)
5 were Cho-Sues (00.2 %)
4 were Narcissa-Sues (00.1 %)
54 were Ginny-Sues (2.4 %)
227 were Hermione-Sues (10.3 %)
2 were Hermione-Stus (00.09 %)
52 were Lily Evans-Sues (2.3 %)
10 were Blaise-Sues/Stus (00.4 %)
5 were Pansy-Sues (00.2 %)
3 were Lavender-Sues (00.1 %)
4 were Luna-Sues (00.1 %)
2 were Tonks-Sues (00.09 %)
1 was a Katie-Sue (00.04 %)
1 was a Merope-Sue (00.04 %)
3 were Minerva-Sues (00.1 %)
1 was a Nagini-Sue (00.04 %)
3 were Bellatrix-Sues (00.1 %)
2 were Eloise-Sues (00.09 %)
3 were Fleur-Sues (00.1 %)
1 was a Rowena-Sue (00.04 %)
1 was a Penelope-Sue (00.04 %)
1 was a Hegla-Sue (00.04 %)
2 were Rose-Sues (00.09 %)
1 was a Druella-sue (00.04 %)
1 was a Lily Luna-Sue (00.04 %)

107 were Harry-Stus (4.8 %)
42 were Draco-Stus (1.9 %)
7 were Ron-Stus (00.3 %)
1 was a Fred-Stu (00.04 %)
3 were Sirius-Stus (00.1 %)
4 were Lupin-Stus (00.1 %)
1 was a Peter-Stu (00.04 %)
16 were Snape-Stus (00.7 %)
3 were Voldemort-Stus (00.1 %)
3 were Lucius-Stus (00.1 %)
1 was a James-Stu (00.04 %)
2 were Scorpius-Stus (00.09 %)
1 was a Crookshanks-Stu (00.04 %)
1 was a Fenrir-Stu (00.04 %)
1 was a James Sirius-Stu (00.04 %)
2 were Cedric-Stus (00.09 %)
1 was an Oliver-Stu (00.04 %)
1 was an Albus-Stu (00.04 %)

65 were Taco Shows (2.9 %)
4 were Magic Sticks (00.1 %)

106 were Harry's Sister Sues (4.8 %)
102 were related to Snape (4.6 %)
92 were related to Voldemort (4.1 %)
88 were Malfoys of some description (4.0 %)
21 were Weasleys of some description (00.9 %)

76 were named Serena or something like it (3.4 %)
63 were Muggles or Squibs, rather than witches (2.8 %)
113 were some form of royalty (5.1 %)
2 were Jesus-Stus (00.09 %)
1 was a Pottersues-Sue (00.04 %)
1 was a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry-Sue (00.04 %)

36 featured lesbians/bisexuals (1.6 %)
32 were Stus instead of Sues (1.4 %)
4 mentioned a BMW (00.1 %)
27 had Ipods (1.2 %)
1 had a USB Memory drive (00.04 %)
2 have a Mp3 playing cell phone (00.09 %)
1 had a lightsabre (00.04 %)
51 were You-Sues (2.3 %)
1 had a four-some (00.04 %)
1 had a Golem (00.04 %)

54 were elves (2.4 %)
41 were some part veela (1.8 %)
69 were vampires (3.1 %)
30 were werewolves (1.3 %)
12 were part angel (00.5 %)
1 was an albino (00.04 %)
4 were part unicorn (00.1 %)
2 were centuars (00.09 %)
25 were immortal (1.1 %)
10 were catgirls (00.4 %)
19 were mermaids (00.8 %)
29 had wings (1.3 %)
15 were part demon/devil (00.6 %)
7 were Mages (00.3 %)
5 were goddesses of something (00.2 %)
5 were nymphs (00.2 %)
1 was a Natural (00.04 %)
14 were Elementals (00.6 %)
17 were fairies (00.7 %)
1 was a marionette (00.04 %)
3 were both dead and alive (00.1 %)
2 were ghosts (00.09 %)
3 were sorceresses (00.1 %)
1 was a haven (00.04 %)
1 was a materializer (00.04 %)
2 were part dementor (00.09 %)
1 was an ancient (00.04 %)
1 was a siren (00.04 %)
1 was part inferi (00.04 %)
1 was an Ethrall (00.04 %)
1 was a shinigami (00.04 %)
1 was part dragon (00.04 %)
1 was a firen (00.04 %)
3 were part fallen (00.1 %)
1 was an unnamed magical being (00.04 %)
1 was a Cloccanos (00.04 %)
1 was a Shinobi (00.04 %)
1 was a Magid (00.04 %)
1 was a Kastrian (00.04 %)

10 were Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossovers (00.4 %)
1 was a Star Trek crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Survivor crossover (00.04 %)
4 were Labyrinth crossovers (00.1 %)
33 were Anime crossovers (1.5 %)
2 were Lost crossovers (00.09 %)
1 was a D&D crossover (00.04 %)
2 were Gilmore Girls crossovers (00.09 %)
4 were Charmed crossovers (00.1 %)
1 was a Bye Bye Birdie crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a RENT crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Beauty and the Beast crossover (00.04 %)
2 were OC crossovers (00.09 %)
3 were Pirates of the Carribbean crossovers (00.1 %)
1 was a Da Vinci Code crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Lion King crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a CSI crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Spirited Away crossover (00.04 %)
1 was an Underworld crossover (00.04 %)
2 were Final Fantsay crossovers (00.09 %)
6 were Lord of the Rings crossovers (00.2 %)
1 was a Last Unicorn crossover (00.04 %)
3 were Sailor Moon crossovers (00.1 %)
1 was a Pride and Prejudice crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Eragorn crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Hannah Montana crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Devil Wears Prada crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Transformers crossover (00.04 %)
11 were Twilight crossovers (00.5 %)
1 was a Star Wars crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Supernatural crossover (00.04 %)
2 were Avalon Web of Magic crossovers (00.09 %)
1 was a XMen crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Maximum Ride crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a My Chemical Romance crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Sound of Music crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Pendragon crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Tamora Pierce crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Danny Phantom crossover (00.04 %)
2 were Little Mermaid crossovers (00.04 %)
1 was a Winx Club crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Vin Diesel crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Percy Jackson and the Olympians crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Warriors crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Battlestar Galactica crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Pete Wentz/Fall Out Boy crossover (00.04 %)
1 was a Jonas Brothers crossover (00.04 %)



If you want to find some of these Sues, I suggest checking the "tags" listed on the front page of the journal. If you can't see it listed there, I suggest trying previous stat posts, ljkseek.com or google.com. Do an advanced search (so you are only searching this journal) and hopefully you will find what you are looking for. If you can't find it, leave a comment and I'm sure someone will find it for you.

Golden Bubotubers to be announced shortly!