The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )


4081: My Second Life - Priya Patil
Life happened, but I’m hopefully back now.

TITLE: My Second Life
PERPETRATOR: sunny1233
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art is a rainbow rose.
SUMMARY:”My life used to be completely normal, but then one day I died and was reborn into the world of Harry potter. This is a self-insert fic and there are currently no pairings.”
FULL NAME: Priya Patil
SPECIES: A triplet.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
POSSESSIONS: The family has a House Elf named Tia, whose “served the Patils for generations.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter is about her being a normal high school student who gets hit by a car. The second chapter is about how “I didn’t want to be a super genius. I had to develop at the same rate my sisters were developing. When they began to crawl, I crawled. When they babbled, I babbled, and when they took their first steps, I took mine.” Problem is, the development of an infant isn’t all mental, but is also physical. Then we get the line of, “I wasn’t a hero, but I did want to make a difference. What was the point of being in a fantasy world if I couldn’t be a main character…” Suethor, it doesn’t matter that you said, “not that I wanted to take Harry’s place or anything like that” or “I did want to do whatever I could to make the whole wizarding world a better place by changing the timeline.” You’re egotistical enough to think you’re important enough to be a main character simply because you were special enough to be reincarnated into the fantasy word. However, the wizarding world is just fine without you changing things. By year three, “Most of my plans are centered around the Hogwarts Years. There isn’t very much I could do to change the wizarding world until then…” Except, suddenly the Sue is a music genius, and she and the real twins are learning to play the violin. She manages to get sorted into Slytherin because it “will help you on your way to greatness!” More ego here? Not good. She finds Pansy – whose eleven – chatting about Dragon hide skirts being just a fad annoying. We then get her painful whining about how she knows so much about the world, yet has mixed feelings on everything, and it reads like a fans personal opinion rather than anything of substance. By chapter seven, “Between classes, there was one constant thought on my mind, and that was Sirius Black. I was trying to think of ways to get him out of Azkaban sooner.” Because she’s that special, and a self-insert is there so you can change things and be the hero. (No, it’s not. It’s for your own story. You don’t even need to be a fan who fell into fandom either for a self-insert.) Chapter eight is the incident with the brooms from year one, and at the end “It’s funny how even though I changed things, the outcome ended up being the same. That probably won’t stay true for long because of the butterfly effect.” Wait. What did she even change? Adding a line from Pansy aimed at the OC is not a change by said OC. Chapter nine then goes on about how “Growing up in this life, I wasn’t able to hide all my extra knowledge, although I hid it well. Parvati and Padma grew up challenging themselves to learn more to try and catch up with me.” Suddenly, Hermione and Parvati are randomly friends because of this change. (Say what? By this logic all three should be in Ravenclaw!) There is no troll incident because of this. This is minor, and might happen, but a week later Sirius is escaping.
ORIGIN: The Sue dies because she got hit by a car, and when she is reincarnated has the advantage of knowing her entire past life.
SPECIAL ABILITIES:”Thankfully, my second birth wasn’t traumatizing.” Upon being born, she not only knows that she has two siblings, but that her parents were “of Indian descent”. Despite not being a super genius, she is at the age of three asking for a violin. Suddenly, all three are musical geniuses! Instead of sorting her into Hufflepuff, the writer sorted her into Slytherin, which I for some reason don’t see the family liking.

NOTES: One of the reviews says, “It’s different that you had your OC being a Patil triplet.” I kind of facepalmed, as making your OC the canon relation of a canon sibling that hasn’t been done before really isn’t different, as this is going on in every fandom. By this, I mean fans being look out on canon relations which haven’t been done before just to try and make their character unique. It’s not these things though that make a character unique, and is only part of who the character is. She speaks Hindi and Gujarati. Apprently learning Latin will help her with magic.

These reincarnation fics… sample is from the second chapter.Collapse )

4081: The Other Potter - Haley Potter
- The link of the day is An 11-year-old boy killed himself after his girlfriend faked her death. She’s now facing charges.. I hate bringing up this link of the day, but it involves an issue we see in fandom a lot – people faking their suicides. This time though, another child committed suicide. The comments call the girl twisted, but from my experience in fandom kids do this to seek attention not realizing what they’re doing isn’t okay. Hence why I’m bringing it up. While many of the commenters are saying the girl should have known better, experience in fandom tells me otherwise. They really do see the prank as harmless, or other times they see it as a way to get back at someone whose hurt their feelings.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: The Other Potter: Part One, and The Other Potter: Part Two -

COVER/BANNER ART: I’m not sure what their avatar is supposed to be. Anyone care to explain?
SUMMARY:”-What happens if James and Lily Potter gave birth to twins? Meet Haley, the unknown Potter. - Haley thought about this. "What are you saying? That we're twins or something?" "That's exactly what I'm saying." Harry said with a smile on his face.” And, ”What happens if James and Lily Potter gave birth to twins? Meet Haley Potter, the unknown twin. The wizarding world only knew about Harry. Now everyone will get to know The Other Potter. Continues from The Other Potter: Part One
FULL NAME: Haley Potter
SPECIES: Harry’s twin.
HAIR: I didn’t pay attention.
EYES: See above.
MARKINGS: See above.
POSSESSIONS: Nothing that really stands out.
CONNECTION TO CANON: She’s Harry’s twin. Instead of going to the Durlsey’s she is left at a church and bounced around to multiple different foster homes and orphanages. She meets Dumbledore in chapter one. Chapter two has her meet the twins and explain what stitches and a cast are. (Second face palm moment as I read through this.) She comforts Hermione during the troll incident.
ORIGIN: This the writer’s first Harry Potter story. “The reason Albus Dumbledore split them up was because he didn’t want Voldemort or anyone else to know Lily had twins. Only the members of the Mauraders knew. He didn’t want other’s to know because he suspected Voldemort would eventually come back to life.” (Face palms due to the fact this is all irrelevant but also poor logic.) She still has the same last name, and is going to the same school! Chapter three, she’s late to potions, and flying lessons comes up. Pretty much the entire thing follows the original plot, but the writer does put her own perspective on things. That’s what gets a story which is normaly Toxic an Awful rating.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She’s a typical Harry Potter twin with a typical to explanation as to why she isn’t raised with the Dursley family. She’s of course in Slytherin. Nobody is wondering if she is related to Harry. She’s romancing Fred and Cedric.

NOTES: While the plot is very close to the original, I wouldn’t call this one plagiarism. In fact, one of the positive things about this piece is the fact there isn’t any, as most times we get an almost direct knock off of the original. But…. It’s still your typical twin sue.

Here’s where I admit that I really hate stories where the writer adds a new sibling for Harry. I’m not talking about the well written stories that add a new sibling, but the ones which

Woobie Sue time!Collapse )

4080: Breathing Underwater - Aurora Lily Lupin Black
- The link of the day is When is a Mary Sue an Anti Sue.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Breathing Underwater
COVER/BANNER ART: Her avatar is a picture
SUMMARY:”Aurora Lily Lupin Black is the only daughter of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. She spent her first two years of schooling at Beauxbatons, but now with one father on the run from Aurors, and the other teaching- she starts her third year at Hogwarts and quickly befriends the trio. Then she starts having feelings for the Potions Master. An eventual Severus/Aurora romance.”
FULL NAME: Aurora Lily Lupin Black
SPECIES: mpreg baby
CONNECTION TO CANON: Chapter one, she’s dropped into the plot and adds nothing except her sugary sweet personality and perfect relationship with her Papa Lupin. She instantly becomes good friends with the Fat Lady by the end. She instantly volunteers for Buckbeak in chapter two. Again, she adds nothing to the plot except being her special Sue self.
ORIGIN: I’d suspect the writer was on the young side, but they say on their profile, “I have a wonderful dog named Aggie, and an even more amazing husband named Steven. I am a bitchy sarcastic adrenaline junkie, I don’t agree that both parents are necessary for a happy and healthy child. I cuss worse than sailors.” So, instead perhaps the writer is obsessed with kink? Is it okay though to romanticize unhealthy relationships? I’m talking about the student/teacher relationship, not the slash one, but then you have your typical slash trope that two gays can’t be happy unless they have a baby. Or is this one of those writers who lied about being married to make themselves seem older? I honestly don’t know.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She’s apparently born from an mpreg. Add to this, Lupin is absolutely fine with having a child at this point in time despite the fact he is worried about passing on his lycanthropy. She’s also to eventually date Severus despite the fact Severus is in love with Lily, and it is a teacher/student relationship.

NOTES: Intervention time on this one, and not because we should lend a helping hand when the writer is new and doing a face palm story like this for what seems like their first story, but because this is the first review the writer got.

“What the fuck is this shit? Are you retarded or something? You have zero talent, you're an attention seeking fucktard. Begging for reviews. You are a fucking asshole. Now FUCK OFF and do something useful like take an overdose.”

I don’t think the writer knows you can moderate guest reviews. What makes matters worse is this writer is not begging for reviews. She simply says on her profile that “reviews make me update faster!!” This said, I do find it a bit odd that someone who’s old enough to be married would write a Sue this bad, as most are familiar enough with fandom to avoid this type of Sue. However, the writer also notes that they only recently got into fanfic “a few years ago”, or at least this site.

Wow, that’s old school.Collapse )

4079: Fight for Love - Athena
- The link of the day is Mary Sue and Anti-Sue, and are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Fight for love
COVER/BANNER ART:It’s a picture of the Sue and Sirius., but if so, I wouldn’t call her hair “blond with dark brown mixed”.
SUMMARY:” Athena is a 19-year-old who is to marry a 38-year-old man, by the name Sirius Orion Black. With the threat looming over harry and them it couldn't happen at a worse time. Regardless who can't fall for the mysterious and sexy Sirius Black? Of course many will try and separate them. Others will use one against the other. Question is, will it all end in good terms?”
SPECIES: Arranged Maryage Sue
HAIR: “Her hair was just below her shoulders, blond with dark brown mixed.”
EYES: “What guaght his attention the most were her eyes. They were a lighter grayer than his, and if not mistaken some blue mixed in.”
MARKINGS: “she stood no taller than to his shoulders, she was not big nor skinny, curves in all the right places. … He had to admit, she was very attractive.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: We get a “I’m so special” from the Sue, but “woe is me, ‘cause I got this surprised arrange marriage going on” despite the fact I doubt Sirius would be fine with it. She arrives at his beautiful place, and he’s fine and dandy with marrying a girl half his age who he doesn’t even know. It’s because “We are practically married. I would like to get to know her, before I make my choice.” Sure, Sirius would do that. They of course instantly fall in love, because even though their marriage is arrange, the whole thing is perfect because they’re “soul mates”, or that’s the vibes I get, and it’s only two chapters in!
ORIGIN: The writer wants us to believe that her Mary Sue managed to find herself in an arranged marriage with Sirius Black for their newborn infant despite the fact Sirius was at the time nineteen, but had also cut ties with his family. The fact he went to Azkaban is completely forgotten as well, but Sirius isn’t creeped out by the situation at all, let alone chewing out the father for his stupidity.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Today was the day my freedom ended.” She’s also pure, “three days ago, father ordered me to look my best for Saturday. Said I was to meet my fiancé. Now that was a shocker, I have never even had a boyfriend before. Friends? Yes, as long as they were all females. That I didn’t really mind much. If father knew about Harry, Ron, and the twins, he would have a fit. As for kissing? I don’t think twice counts, and no I have not had sex.

NOTES: Really?
This said, I suspect the writer’s first language isn’t English, but Spanish.

Yes, because this is how arranged marriages work.Collapse )

4078: Draught of Chronos - LorDawn
- The link of the day is Why Mary-sue haters exist, and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Draught of Chronos
SUMMARY:”Due to an unexpected turn of events, Severus Snape was de-aged and was forced to hide as a student at Hogwarts with the dark lord rising and the teenage hormones acting up what will happen?”
FULL NAME: Severus Snape
SPECIES: de-aged canon character
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
POSSESSIONS: We have a time traveling spell despite the fact this kind of spell is heavily regulated. Apparently House Elves are divided into houses as well. He also has a map similar to the Marauders map that appears in chapter two, so he knows where Harry is.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Snape gets fed up in life, tries to go back in time, but messes up the potion despite being as good at potions as he is. An explosion occurs, messing up the spell, and Dumbledore sends him off to bed. Suddenly Snape wakes up to find himself de-aged. He also gets resorted into Gryffindor. Nobody really suspects anything regarding the new student who shows up, or the missing teacher. There’s no real plot, but Dolores Umbridge is lurking around, and yet she didn’t react as fast as she should.
ORIGIN: Snape decides to go back in time and change the past because he got fed up with Neville Longbottom’s potions exploding in his face.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Snape messed up a potion. Let me repeat. Snape messed up a potion, and that is why this is happening. Snape is acting like a pentalant teenager despite being old enough to be the father of a teen.

NOTES: De-aging stories are cute, but only some are believable.

Thank you for making Snape OoC.Collapse )

4077: The Dhampir - Harry Potter and Severus Snape
- The link of the day is Mary Sue Chart, and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful. Do you agree with their decision?
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: The Dhampir
PERPETRATOR: hanhonnoria
SUMMARY:” asexual HP/SS creature fic. Harry's obsession with Malfoy leads him to a dangerous discovery about Snape that will forever change his life. Not OOC. Snape might be the professor, but his beast gives him no choice but to submit to Harry. Powerful Harry! canon through 5th year.”
FULL NAME: Harry and Snape
SPECIES: Harry is bit, Snape is a Dhampir
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON:Harry follows Malfoy. He finds Snape. Snape bites him. Snape feels remorse. They romantically bond over Snape’s remorse, or that is at least where the story is heading. It’s not yet gotten past the first chapter, but it’s already that bad.
ORIGIN: The writer honestly thinks the characters won’t be OoC despite the fact they’re writing a story where a creatures powerful traits suddenly overshadow the canon traits.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: To quote the fic, “the cessation of Snape’s howls and scratcings woke Harry many hours later. He watched Snape sink to the ground against the wall opposite with tears in his eyes and realized what a private moment it must be.”

NOTES: Sorry, but how does making Snape a Dhampir explain his OoC behavior? A character who is normally emotionless becoming emotionless can not be explained away by said change. Period. The idea that the writer might think that this is OoC for the characters though isn’t surprising when one considers the fact one of their other stories pulls the “sex heals rape trauma” card, which in turn has a sequel.

You say the character’s not OoC, but then point out in your own story that they are indeed OoC.Collapse )

4076: The Etoileige - Nathalie "Ally" Turner
- The link of the day is Litmus Test illustration , and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful..
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: The Etoileige
PERPETRATOR: BurningWhiteStar
SUMMARY:”To the normal eye Ally Turner is your average girl but beneath everything she's someone special. So what happens when she leaves her previous school to start Hogwarts in the sixth year along with the Marauders? First fanfic! Please r&r!”
FULL NAME: Nathalie “Ally” Turner (She cringes when her full name is used.)
SPECIES: Shes living with Sienna and Max Beauvard, whose mother is Sarah.
HAIR: “… with mid length chocolate brown hair…”
EYES: “Her golden eyes, in turn worried him.” More specifically, “the continuous changing of colour, reflected her emotions. The Shimmering golden colour they had occupied earlier reflected the worry she had felt at starting a new school. The chocolate brown that now filled her eyes showed that she felt comfortable with the current arrangement. This changing eye colour was a very rare trait, not fully understood by a lot of people.” Actually, not only are hazel colored eyes actually quite common, most people don’t notice that this eye color changes unless they know the person. Even outside of hazel eyes, eye color can change based on mood, typically by darkening or lightening in coloring. The problem with Mary Sue eyes is that the rules regarding eyes aren’t followed, or they’re portrayed as being more special then they are.
MARKINGS: “At 5”5 she was relatively short…” Actually, that’s average height for a girl her age. “She looked like your average girl. However ti was her eyes that gave her away.” We also find out that “However she was not 16 going on 17, she was in fact 14 going on 15.” Why? “One of the special traits of an Etoileige was their mental development. They were gifted with intellect. Ally had the mental intelligence of a 16 year old, and when meeting with Dumbledore and her previous headmistress, it was decided that she would be moved up two years to help her.” And yet Hermione was not, says a lot. At least her hair doesn’t change color as well. Oh wait, that’s actually a canon ability… so why do we need this partial remix of an existing ability?
POSSESSIONS: An intellect that allows her to skip grades at Hogwarts of all places. “You see, as an Etoileige there were certain foods I needed to eat. To be able to keep up my strength, and I had to eat yellow and orange coloured foods, mainly oranges and lemons. Professor Dumbledore was extremely understanding and told me that I needn’t worry about obtaining these foods, and they would be available for me at all three meals of the day.”
CONNECTION TO CANON:In the first chapter we find out she is special and has an angst ridden past where she and her parents had been in a car accident three years ago. She’s getting a fresh start, but a fresh start after three years is honestly odd, particularly with the problems going on during the time frame. Chapter two has her see the entirety of Hogwarts. The third switches to first person, and her waking up to a panic attack at not knowing where she is. Her ability to learn is played up again. She’s then OCD about the time. Then suddenly Lily’s finding the need to save Ally from the Marauders when Black prevents her from falling. “I knew all about Ally, about her life before she came here, about the Etoileige in her, and also about her age. I felt as if it was my duty to protect her, it was almost as if she was fast becoming my little sister.” I bet you can guess what happens in chapter seven with a title like “cushion wars”.
ORIGIN: This is the writer’s first and only fic, which she updated well into 2015 despite the fact she was called out for having a Mary Sue in 2008. That’s seven years. This is supposed to be a story where Sirius B. is paired up with the OC, but in chapter four I got the strange vibe that Ally has a thing for Lily. Was this just me?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She wasn’t allowed to pack her own trunk despite being sixteen. She’s supposed to be new, but she met Lily when she visited the school a year ago. “Ally was an Etoilege which meant that she was ‘a star’. The Etoiliege people were extremely uncommon, and found few and far between. Noone quite knew how they came about, but they knew that they existed. They were so named due ot their ability to glow. When they were extremely happy and content, a glow would emit from their body, visibly shining. Ally just happened to be one of those blessed few with this amazing gift. Not only this but Ally was an amazing exception to the Etoileige race. She was the only known one that had the amazing ability to change her eye colour dependent on emotion. It had never been seen before.” Actually, if nobody knows when an Etoiliege will be born, it isn’t a race. Orange juice never appeared at Hogwarts before she came!

NOTES: Instead of telling us that your Sue is special, show us. And don’t make her special in a manner which isn’t believable. By the third chapter the Sue comes across as OCD with time and her food obsessions, and it also feels like the special traits are all in her head. That’s not what I think, though, the writer intended. At least until Lily starts turning into big sis at the end of chapter three.

It should be noted here, that making the canon characters OoC isn’t the only thing that makes a character a Mary Sue, nor does having flaws make a character not a Mary Sue. The character herself isn’t bad, but the special traits weren’t needed. The OCDness could have also been played up more.

Oh woe is me!Collapse )

4075: Unrequited Wrong - Delilah Emma Lovett
- The link of the day is How Not to Mary Sue , and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful. This said, I don’t agree with the pic. Can you guess why?
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Unrequited Wrong
COVER/BANNER ART:The writer’s avatar is the Slytherin crest on what looks like an envelope close up.
SUMMARY:” The story of Delilah Emma Lovett and how everything had always been wrong and would always go wrong. Marriage-law, it's been done, but not like this. Rated M for language, violence and adult themes. Set in OoTP. Please Read and Review.”
FULL NAME: Delilah Emma Lovett
HAIR: “I have straight hair that I keep down just past my shoulders, but won't allow it to grow any longer cause I do not have the patience to deal with it. Naturally my hair is jet black, but because I do not wish to look like a certain potions master, I dye it with a six-month solution a lilac color.”
EYES: “As for my eyes, see once more the reference to the Head of Slytherin.”
MARKINGS: “If you care about my physical appearance, I can describe myself as long. You see I got long arms, fingers, legs and neck. Although I'm pretty short, standing at only five feet and four inches. Some people think I'm tiny, cause I also happen to be very thin. I really have no boobs to speak of and I don't have hips, I have hip bones. I got teeny, tiny wrists which are snappable and have no physical strength to speak of. My face, I suppose its ok, but no one would ever refer to it as beautiful and if they do, it's a bold faced lie.”
POSSESSIONS: “What else? Ah yes, I started to... collect (some would say steal), large silver rings, for when one of the kids picked a fight with me, I'd have something to inflict damage with as my string-bean arms cannot put any strength behind a punch. That is why most of the time you will find that I wear a ring on almost every single finger of both hands. At first I only fought to defend myself, but I started to like it. However, I still only do it in self-defense. This includes verbal arguments.”
CONNECTION TO CANON: We’re supposed to like this character? She whines about the way she looks, and talks about the fact she enjoys beating people up. She says it’s people who pick on her, but she also says she’s got only one person who can stand her. The first chapter is about introducing this obnoxious Sue. In second chapter, she is forced to marry Snape instantly despite the fact they don’t love each other. There is no explanation as to why the law is enacted either. The plot is also non-existent.
ORIGIN: “Anyway, if you wish to hear about my life at home, well I'm pretty sure my father was a wizard as he is currently in Azkaban and has been since before I was born. My mother, she put me up for adoption as soon as my umbilical cord was cut and I grew up in a muggle orphanage. Due to the fact it was a poor orphanage, I suppose I grew up as an urchin.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “I suppose I have a colorful language and have a tendency to be temperamental and shout and become violent. I suppose the reason I only have one friend is because Monica Roberts is the only person that can stand me. I suppose its because she's got her own colorful tongue and is just as crazy as I am. Actually she's crazier.” She’s an insomniac to the point she awakes with bruises. She’s also “messy and forgetful”. Sounds like the writer piled on a ton of flaws without making them real flaws.

NOTES: I guess six to seven years ago having an OC instead of a canon character as part of the marriage law scenario is different. Really though, this story is just like all the other marriage law scenarios we see – a way to force the characters together, as there is no real reason for the law. The fact it is an OC actually makes things worse, as we’re supposed to believe any of the canon characters would fall in love with this character, as she’s a complete ass.

Good grief…Collapse )

4074: Harry's Destiny - Florianna fastasa serinity
- The link of the day is a pic , and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful..
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.

TITLE: Harry’s Destiny
PERPETRATOR: Belle Destinee
COVER/BANNER ART: Their avatar is from some Anime, but I don’t recognize which.
SUMMARY:” after the hogwarts battle, but this time an AU with voldemort redeemed by love (and the real evil is thanatos, voldemort's evil twin)... and now harry is now dumbledore's heir and ginny is his maid. Has original character, but NOT A MARY SUE so please read! OC x Harry, OC x Draco, OC x Thanatos, one sided ginny x harry.”
FULL NAME: Florianna fastasa serinity
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON:The castle now has guards, and Flora is there to be a maid. Harry instantly falls in love with her. Next chapter, he asks her to marry him. But then there is something going on between Hermione and Voldemort. In the forth chapter, Harry becomes a prince.
ORIGIN: It’s a trollfic.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Ginny is now evil, and called “ginny blackheart”.


A rather obvious troll, this one.Collapse )


Log in