The Potter Sue of the Day

Featuring your Mary-Sues, one fic at a time!

[sticky post]Rule of Thumb
Pancake!
pottersues

Since Pottersues is getting a lot of new minions I decided it was time to draw up the basic rules for this journal that have pretty much gone unsaid among the minions. I'll also note here that there have been four Pottersues so far since the journal was started.

Rules for Pottersues ReadersCollapse )

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4419: Krait Book 15e Chanting up a storm against le roi soleil
Pancake!
pottersues
The very last story on my Just In list is gone, and the story on the list before that is a very nice read. Thus I'm going to start up the link of the day with a story which may be a bit rough around the edges, but definitely a rather nice week.

It's time now to move onto Tropes Sue Week. I asked for a bit of help finding stories while I worked on other weeks, and so we already have four stories for Tropes Sue Week. I knew Tropes Sue Week would last longer then a few weeks before I started receiving stories, but one story I received made me decide to go ahead and do the Thirty Sue Pileup trope. I originally believed it would be hard to find a story for said trope, so originally said trope wasn't on the list.

I"ve already featured a couple parts to this series.Collapse )

4418: Krait Book 03 The Endless Riddle - Krait, Lucius, Prime Minsiter Charlotte, and more
Pancake!
pottersues
The very last story on my Just In list is gone, and the story on the list before that is a very nice read. Thus I'm going to start up the link of the day with a story which may be a bit rough around the edges, but definitely a rather nice week.

It's time now to move onto Tropes Sue Week. I asked for a bit of help finding stories while I worked on other weeks, and so we already have four stories for Tropes Sue Week. I knew Tropes Sue Week would last longer then a few weeks before I started receiving stories, but one story I received made me decide to go ahead and do the Thirty Sue Pileup trope. I originally believed it would be hard to find a story for said trope, so originally said trope wasn't on the list.

I"ve already featured a couple parts to this series as I"ve already noted.Collapse )

4417: Book of Krait 02 Surfeit of Malfoys - Krait and company
Pancake!
pottersues
The very last story on my Just In list is gone, and the story on the list before that is a very nice read. Thus I'm going to start up the link of the day with a story which may be a bit rough around the edges, but definitely a rather nice week.

It's time now to move onto Tropes Sue Week. I asked for a bit of help finding stories while I worked on other weeks, and so we already have four stories for Tropes Sue Week. I knew Tropes Sue Week would last longer then a few weeks before I started receiving stories, but one story I received made me decide to go ahead and do the Thirty Sue Pileup trope. I originally believed it would be hard to find a story for said trope, so originally said trope wasn't on the list.

I"ve already featured a couple parts to this series.Collapse )

4416: The Betrayer - Voldemort
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.
- link of the day
- Flashback Sue


TITLE: The Betrayer
PERPETRATOR: rynthewin
SUE-O-METER: TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer's avatar seems to be a black and white picture of themselves.
SUMMARY:From the inside of the story... ”Summary: Tom Riddle does not understand love or friendship—the expensive psychologists his dentist parents paid for could attest to that. However, he had been taught things he could understand: loyalty, paying people back for their aid, and helping people who can help you. So when Harry Potter is killed in the Dark Lady's revival, Tom prepares a plan to save Harry so that he can defeat her once and for all as per the prophecy. However, Ron's grief-fueled mess up of the plan led them back unprepared to the school days of Hermione Granger. […] However, plans that Tom and Ron had not been aware of has left Harry alive and in Dumbledore's care. Harry goes back into the past to bring his best friends back, However… [...]"Over her school years. Miss Granger learned to tell people what they wanted to hear," said Dumbledore, "and she was very passionate about her campaign. That was what made her rise to power so insidious. She could convince people that they were saving themselves, their families, their lives, and liberating them from the Statute of Secrecy. She truly saw Muggles as tyrants, and she was good at convincing others of the same. And for those that didn't care or disagreed, well, she offered them power, recognition of their talents, or outlets for their cruelty…"”
FULL NAME: Voldemort
SPECIES: a canon character out of time, and in more ways then one
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: For some reason the writer decided to change when Voldemort was born, and so he shows up when Harry got transported to the graveyard despite the fact he's supposed to be at the graveyard albiet an older self. Scratch that... instead of the Dark Lord we have the Dark Lady.
ORIGIN: “AN: After working on this on and off since 2013 and it being my April 2014 Camp Nano novel, I finally am starting to post it! I just woke up today and rapid fire managed to work out some plot kinks, so here we go! You can find the old April summary and campnanowrimo / campers / rynthewin / novels/ the-betrayer.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I didn't know Voldemort was a time traveler. On top of the writer forgetting the canon rules of time travel, there is no reason given for Voldemort's change, and way to much is snagged from the original. The plot? We start off at the final task for the Tri-Wizard tournament. The changes are Tom being there, Harry seemingly not coming back, and someone named the Dark Lady replacing Tom. The Dark Lady part is far from original, nor is it explained like Voldemort's existence was in the books. What really stood out to me was the fact Voldemort's parents in this are both dentists like Hermione's. I don't know if his parents are the same as Hermione's. My head honestly hurts to much tonight to dig any further.

NOTES: A lot of that information in the summary could have been cut so it could fit into the summary box.

I never imagined a writer would be able to turn Voldemort into a Parasite Sue.Collapse )

4415: Left - Harry
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.

Another story on the list ended up deleted, and the writer decided to leave their account blank after deleting their story.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] boy</a>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Don't forget about <a href="http://pottersues.livejournal.com/946301.html">Tropes Sue Week</a> either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on <a href="http://pottersues.livejournal.com/964378.html">this</a>.

Another story on the list ended up deleted, and the writer decided to leave their account blank after deleting their story.

<a href=”https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11345640/1/Not-A-Golden-Boy”Not A Golden Boy</a> by <a href=”https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4894364/kystan”kystan</a> reviews
What if Harry's 'Golden Gryffindor' personality was fake, hiding a secret darkness, and the person he least suspected realized it? ...And that person told Voldemort? Dark!Harry.

<b>TITLE: </b> <a href="https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11345621/1/Left
">Left</a>
<b>PERPETRATOR: </b> <a href="https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2300612/ITeraPrince
">ITreaPrince</a>
<b>SUE-O-METER:</b> <img src="http://www.ainself.net/sues/1of3.gif" width="57" height="22" border="0" alt="AWFUL"> (awful)
<b>COVER/BANNER ART:</b> Their avatar is of a pointy mountain or really tall castle in the background at night under the fullmoon covered in either smoke or clouds. In the foreground is a fire breathing dragon, and inbetween seems to be another, but it may also be an odd shape in the clouds.
<b>SUMMARY:</b><i>”The only thing I have left is what's left of me”</i>
<b>FULL NAME:</b> Harry
<b>HAIR:</b> n/a
<b>EYES:</b> n/a
<b>MARKINGS:</b> n/a
<b>POSSESSIONS:</b> Harry has a ring with the words “merry Christmas Harry I love you, love Hermione.” (I'm not sure one can actually fit that on a ring.)
<b>CONNECTION TO CANON:</b> Harry and Hermione are meant to be, so there is no need to develop them as a pairing. Instead we're pretty much told “Months went by, the both of them exchanging glances between classes. Taking time off for each other in broom closets or the library. They stood together through through everything, forever and ever as they thought.” That's the only build up we have for this pairing. If mooning over each other with dreamy eyes in such an out of character manner doesn't count as a Mary Sue moment for you, we get this. The writer takes the part where Sirius dies and has Hermione die to. Her death means “a burst of energy sent shockwaves from Harry that frightened all the Death eaters into retreating. Mad eye and Remus quickly came to him to calm him down before the building would collapse. It was then that they decided hat he needed to be trained, to make good use of his newly empowered magical core.” There is a brief mentioning of him turning into a hermit in the woods where Harry plays with a ring Hermione gave him.
<b>ORIGIN:</b> The writer has notes on their profile regarding Summer 2015 for them. “Hey, i'm happy to say that it's summer time so I have time to write some more. I just don't know which stories to continue, right now i'm just gonna post random stories that came into mind.”
<b>SPECIAL ABILITIES:</b> “[Remus and Harry] both entered the car and flew off to their destination.”

<b>NOTES:</b> I didn't think the story wouldn't have any meat because the summary is rather bland, but I was curious as to what the summary meant. The writer can't be bothered to indicate the pairings in brackets, not could they be bothered to note that the main genre was romance, so hands down I wasn't expecting a Harry Hermione story. We ended up something par the usual of course for this pairing. I want to say something more, but I'm holding my toungue.


<lj-cut text="There's no such thing as 'magic cores' in Harry Potter, so please stop trying to use it as an indicator of how powerful a character is.">
<b>SAMPLE:</b>
<i>
"Ms. Weasley tells me that you've been having nightmares. Do you want to talk about it?" Remus shifted his attention from the sky to Harry; he spoke briefly in summaries of the nightmares. They were usually of the recent events that transpired, it left Harry traumatized and at a weakened state. They were supposed to do so many things he thought, so many things together that would have changed them both. He wasn't sure who it was first, if it was him or her who took the leap of faith. They knew in that moment that nothing could tear them apart.

Months went by, the both of them exchanging glances between classes. Taking time off for each other in broom closets or the library. They stood together through everything, forever and ever as they thought. He remembered vividly the battle broke out and they were in trouble.

Laughter and screams filled the room as spells flew every which way. Harry stood firm in the center until a combustion charm threw him off balance. He landed hard against the rocky surface, he instantly heard her call out his name. He recovered himself, somehow she made her way next to him; casting spells together side by side. Her hand intertwined with his, in the midst of the chaos Harry spotted his godfather fighting Lucius Malfoy alone. He watched in horror as Fenrir Greyback apparated in aid of Lucius; Sirius was quickly overwhelmed and then soon hit with the killing curse. Harry froze at the sight of Sirius fleeing into the veil.

His legs grew weak, he fell on one knee his eyes filling with pain. At first he didn't notice but then she lifted him up at hugged him. Confused at first as to why she would do such a thing that was until a green spark hit her back. Her body went limp in his arms, his entire being collapsed at that point. His forehead pressed against hers as he sobbed against her, his hands caressing her bushy hair that he loved so much "No, no, no… Hermione… no, no, ah!" a burst of magical energy sent shockwaves from Harry that frightened all the Death eaters into retreating. Mad eye and Remus quickly came to him to calm him down before the building would collapse. It was then that they decided that he needed to be trained, to make good use of his newly empowered magical core.

4414: Within the Shadows - Rose Weasley
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.


TITLE: Within the Shadows
PERPETRATOR: trenzqlore
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover is a picture of Scorpius and Rose getting ready to snog in the Hogwarts hawlasy.
SUMMARY:”All was well... until it wasn't. When a seemingly harmless story unleashes an ancient dark force, Rose is faced with the most difficult task in her seven years of Hogwarts. But what happens when her enemy, Scorpius Malfoy, is the only one who can offer her help?”
FULL NAME: Rose Weasley
SPECIES: I'm going to call her a book keeper.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: She has a special book.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Rose and her family are at the Quidditch World Cup. The Montrose Magpies are playing the Hollyhead Harpies. Rose heads to the stadium and gets separated from her family. There “sitting in front of a tent adorned in colorful trinkets was an old lady with bulging eyebrow and snaggle teeth.” “She pushed herself off the ground and stood just a few inches shorter than Rose. If it wasn't for her hunched back, Rose was certain they would be the same height.” Malfoy and Zabini show up. She eventually meets up with Albus again, and gets her bet payed up. They also sneak into the stadium afterwords to play Quiditch in the World Quiditch stadium.
ORIGIN: Rose finds an ominous book. To be exact she's give the book by someone she feels nervous around.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: They get to go to the World Cup because “it wasn't everyday the Quidditch World Cup came to town.” It's not everyday that the final teams for the Quidditch World Cup aren't the international teams. They're able to easily sneak into the World Quiditch stadium despite the fact the dismantling of said stadium would already be taking place. Rose is supposed to be Head Girl next year, but for some reason they're still treating their siblings as if they are little kids. “Albus looked horrified as their little siblings lit up like a Christmas tree.”

NOTES: The first chapter has 2,898 words including the title. The first 1,173 words not including the title is about the World Cup they're going to, and this honestly add nothing to the story. I'm left wondering why Rose would take the book as easily as she did, and she easily dives into the story. I'm also bothered by the fact Rose calls Scorpius by his first name, but called Albus by his last name in this chapter. On top of this the plot is forced, and something is off about the characterization when it comes to how the younger siblings are treated as they should also be in their later years at Hogwarts as well.

Choosing the rating for this one is not an easy matter. The way the plot is laid out would get the piece a bad rating. The problem with how Rose uses other peoples names would be a bad rating. The way they treat the siblings though is an awful rating as is how the book is introduced. Normally though this kind of story would end up with a toxic rating if there were a lot more chapters to go by, and the way the plot was laid out wasn't set up in such a dull manner, and would thus likely end up with an awful rating instead. I'm also a little worried that the old lady is future Rose. I finally decided on the awful rating.

P.S. Scorpius is not an enemy. A better word would be a rival.

The anti-climatic nature of this story makes me cringe.Collapse )

4413: Fate Changes, The World Changes - Harry Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.

TITLE: Fate Changes, The World Changes
PERPETRATOR: Fezzes Are Red
SUE-O-METER: TOXIC (toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: Their avatar is a red fez
SUMMARY:Harry Potter has grown sick of being unloved and abused in his childhood 'home'. He finally decided to run away one night. While living on the streets of London, he figures out about everything and teaches himself to use very powerful Wandless Magic. Eventually, he meets Albus Dumbledore and joins Hogwarts. Powerful!Grey!Runaway!Harry Manipulative!Dumbledore Better summary inside.”
FULL NAME: Harry Potter
SPECIES: He's a runaway.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: “He was still bleeding, but no broken bones or bruised ribs.”
POSSESSIONS: “He sighed and looked for his backpack he had stolen from Dudley a while back. […] He had taken precaustions and put a blanket and clothes in it. When he escaped later that night he put some water-bottles, fruit, and dry food in it.” After half way through the second chapter we get this. “


His clothes by now were ratty and smelly, but they were all he had, so he didn't chuck them out.


CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter starts off late at night as six year old Harry runs away, and then flashes back to when “he had been slapped again, kicked and punched until he saw no more.” We then move onto the second chapter where the writer tries to show of Harry's super survival skills. He keeps changing places every three days. Eventually this seven year old “had been digging through rubbish bins, looking for something remotely edible when he was suddenly surrounded by a gang of fierce looking teenagers.” He bolts, and his accidental magic goes off and he accidently Apparetes. (Oh... and he's a cry baby despite having been on the street as long as he has. (Really?)
ORIGIN: We have another poor abused Harry story. Nobody notices the fact he's running away despite the fact “Harry had almost barreled over a few people while he was running.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “He had been planning this day for a while- he was running away.” What he packs is enough for him to survive on. (Not.) There is some more from the second chapter. “He had started primary school when he was with the Dursleys, so he held on to what he knew and took more from old newspapers and books he found hiding. He taught himself better speech than he had, and he learned math all on his own. He allowed himself approximately 30 minutes a day to read or do math. After all, even on the streets, school was important.” We also have this. “He made his fingers nimble and, over time, could steal a purse right out from someone's nose and they'd be in the next town before they noticed. He knew stealing was wrong, he didn't want to do it, either, but he had no choice.” And this... “At the age of seven, Harry knew every rule and loophole, he could find his way out of any situation.” And this... “Harry James Potter, now seven years old, thought that he could get himself out of anything. “Harry was a wizard. The thing he had just done was Apparation. He shouldn't have been able to, but he did. He knew about the Ministry of Magic. He knew about Hogwarts. […] He knew that Albus Dumbledore and something called The Order of the Phoenix were searching for him. […] Harry James Potter wouldn't let them catch him.” (He shouldn't know any of this!)

NOTES: I guess I'll start off by saying the writer has an interesting things to say on their profile. They're “dating a terrible boyfriend but I love him anyway”, they're “going into 8th year” (so we've got a young Suethor), the like “studying the rules and looking for loopholes” and they claim “I'm training myself to be the biggest revel I can be without getting caught”. I'll move onto the fact wandless magic isn't something Harry can easily teach himself.

Werewolves are waiting?Collapse )

4412: Can't take the Song out of the Soul - See Entry
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.

TITLE: Can't take the Song out of the Soul
PERPETRATOR: JessieRoad
SUE-O-METER: (troll)
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”She was that girl, the one that no one really noticed… but that was the point, the plan. She wanted a normal upbringing, and her talent made that seemingly impossible. She aims to go by unnoticed, but when she draws the wrong type of attention from Sirius Black, all she wants is to be forgotten. She tries desperately to hide her secret. But can a singer really stop singing?” Here though is the longer summary from inside the story. “: She was that girl, the one that no one really noticed… but that was the point, the plan. She wanted a normal upbringing, and her talent made that seemingly impossible. When she grows tired of her fame following her back to school in France at Beauxbatons Aphrodite decides with help of her manager that it is best that she travels to Scotland to give it a shot. She arrives at Hogwarts as a transfer student in her seventh year. She aims to go by unnoticed, but when she draws the wrong type of attention from Sirius Black, all she wants is to be forgotten. Unable to hold back her ferocious personality lashes out at Black intriguing him and making him want to know more about her and annoy her. She tries desperately to hide her secret. But can a singer really stop singing. Chelsea better not sing in the shower any time soon.”
FULL NAME: Aphrodite Chelsea Capulet Rawkes and company
SPECIES: Classic Sue
HAIR: See markings...
EYES: See markings...
MARKINGS: Aphrodite looks like Maiara Walsh, Nym Maestro – Berenice Marlohe, Lilly – Meryem Uzerli, Merlene – Jade Thompson, Dorcas – Kaniehtiio Horn, Sirius – Jesus Neyra, James – Aaron Johnson, Remus – Ben Schnetzer, Peter – Josh Bolt, Severus - Tom Sturridg
POSSESSIONS: “((AN: the outfits for both Nym and Aphrodite can be found on my polyvore username JessiRoad, under their names; this is also where any further outfits will be posted for this and other fics.))”
CONNECTION TO CANON: None. She's this random new girl who shows up and starts awing the Maurader cast with one of them instantly falling in love with her.
ORIGIN: See summary.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sirius falls in love with her and drops the line, “love, if you are ever interested in making some magic together, just let me know, my wand is at the ready, when you are.”

NOTES: I almost gave the writer a toxic writer, but in their author's note they write “I do Own my Beautiful Aphrodite/ Chelsea as well as the plot line, some OC's, and some awesomely mediocre son lyrcs, so Swiper NO Swipy.” I simply don't want to believe the writer is this vain regarding their own characters.

Long time since we"ve had a Classic SueCollapse )

4411: Home is Where the Heat Is - Harry James Potter
Pancake!
pottersues
Don't forget about Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week. I'm also looking for some feedback on this.

TITLE: Home is Where the Heart Is
PERPETRATOR: thosetooweaktoseeit
SUE-O-METER: AWFUL (awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: Their avatar is a picture of the coliseum with a quote from Voldemort splashed over the close up. The picture is also in a yellow hue.
SUMMARY:”Harry had always been a bit twisted, a bit cold, cruel. But buried deep down is a good, kind-hearted boy who desperately wants a home. Faced with a dangerous choice: to be a better wizard or a better man, will Harry embrace his darker nature or fight for the good inside? He isn't quite so sure of his decision, when the looming darkness offered the thing he always wanted. A home.”
FULL NAME: Harry James Potter
SPECIES: wizard brat
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: For some reason Petunia is introducing someone from the school, and Voldemort is alive.
ORIGIN: “Young Harry Potter ended up a little differently from how it was expected. The world is about to be turned upside down.” There is no reason why Harry Potter turned out differently then he did in the books. There is also a difference between how the reader expects the character to be, and how other character expect the character to be.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Harry is a brat for no good reason other then the writer wanting them to be a brat.

NOTES: The writer calls this a Darkish Harry, and I expect the story will go in that direction. Scrath that. I expected we had another Dark!Harry Gary Stu without them telling me.

And he"s acting this way because?Collapse )

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